2nd day in paris

ahahahah only here  you see this stuff


If you could see where I am now
I am in 16th arrondissement
I am like in a fantasy
the balcony opens up to a street
that is like the oldest street in the world
so classic
and there are chandeliers and rugs
and wallpaper and louis 14 furntiure
all gold plated
and all remodeled
wait til i post photos
Close to the champs elysees

I walked there
saw the arch de triomphe
and I got to see how to use the metropolitan,
which every stop is like Art nouveaued
I saw the hugest stores ever.
the windows are as big as walls

i went to les paradise of fruits
I took so many photos I will post here
i have a little time to write
the bathrooms are so small
i am so happy I trust
I love
I do
I think I am satisfied for now
i really really am in my french fantasy
I will go see Jim morrisons grave and also see the Bastide where heads rolled

French tv
oh my  last night I watched on french mtv a massive attack video with a striptease of a transexual
you could se ethe pussy and everything and then I flipped channels and saw gay erotica
and then a documentary on fetishes with a lady hung from chains getting candlewax dripped on her
and then I settle for South Park dubbed in german
help!

I am going out tonight
to les paradise of fruits again
I will go to pousse pousee, the live food leader here plus that other place Odji

I love everything and am so thankful
I may move here next summer instead of the winter
it really is too cold for me
I think my ears hurt because of the cold

It is beautiful
People here dress all cool
the streets are old
the food is bizarre gourmet
I can see alot of things in me
I can learn
i can create
I can be
I am not afraid
I always have you
I alwasy have life
I am good
whatever I do
is good

I am surprised
I really am
I have found what I came here for
I have it
I will
keep it in my memeory forver ..
that there really is you and you are here

wherever I go I am with you
and you make my life paradise
you are fantasy and I love you
I love you
I do
I love you forever

I am a good girl
and good lucky things happen to me

third day in paris


I am close to saint Martin where Amelie was filmed

everystreet every block is so ancient miles and miles of lions coming out of walls with angels and statues
kids are like dressed in gowns and old men dress like tigers


its funny french girls are so mousy like look at me i look like a pixie, I am cute like a mouse;

but the guys meanwhile are so beautiful





its is like being with the most beautiful men in the subways it is too unreal chemical overload for me
I am looking at youth at life at beaitful faces and brown thick hair and blushed cheeks and hazel eyes and red lips

I could not sleep jet lag you know so I walked around the universities and found a bar, le daube violine or something there was a photo of leonardo di caprio on wall in there drunk; these guys are not gay but their girlfriends raised hell when they spoke to me but didnt mind them kissing each other
there were so many people and they were all listening to the shins and college radio like I like
in fact the prettiest girls I saw in France so far were from California

What they hell is this, there were also fondue places

Notre Dame

the streets are so pretty



third day again later

I went to a vegetarian restaurant on the quai, the river and nursed a carrot ginger orange juice and a strawberry kiwi and also had a carafe of mint tea for like two hours


I know the Metro really really well
I love all the stops and I love the flat escalators that sometimes go up little mountains

Tommorow I am going to Montmatre where all the cool famous dead artists were
I am just hanging out

Pousse pousse and Odji are closed for the weekend
I am fasting anyways

I feel good
I feel alive
Everything is glowing bright

I am just about used to all the flirting
I heard some guy just fifteen min ago call ma a chat and ooohs and ahhs
There are lovers everwhere
holding hands
drinking
teas coffees
everyone wears dark black clothes and the style for girls is chic
meaning everything from polka dots to pig tails to funky tights and boots and hair cut all weird
not sexy to me but cute and like almost lesbian fairy

the cars are really small Really small
if you walk into a restaurant you are like
OH MY
art deco curtains stained glass
and noone has ever heard of take out
i paid for a cup like you get at the water cooler of hot water
and the food is so strange
but really authentic greasy and oily

I walk and I see people smoking everywhere and it is really hard to breathe
my god every guy I speak to has hypnotic beautiful striking colored eyes and slicked hair and cashmere and the student guys wear
VELVET blazers::yes believe it
crazy§§

I love it here
I do
I love it so much
I could live here in a dream

Everything really is better quality
oh
I noticed some dog poop
it is because dogs have nowjere to poop and people leave it there
there is no grass; no dog park
all cement

I am happy I am all I do is shut my eyes and I see you
and I feel good
I feel safe
and everything that happens to me I am thankful for

March 5
I am in Montmatre now,
this computer has no usb so I cant show pics yet
the buildings are so freakin cool
There is alot of nouveau art deco style stuff and stairways and balconies filled with flowers and vines
Iron grill on every window ledge
It is so cool

It is sunny out and like spring
I went to Notre Dame again and walked by the seine looking at old books and old posters and art of paris for sale
little eiffel tower keychains

I went to a little store and had a tea to warm up and had I think a juice called Vitamine with cool tropical stuff.
I walked and saw boats and I saw a little park with these bushes landscapes and carved into points like triangles



Everything is really artsy here and alot of colors
purples reds and oranges and paintings everywhere
Red flowered wallpaper on everything
I am happy
I am I am looking fo ryou today

I am going to find you anyway I can I am going to go beyond what I know and maybe wait
but I will think of you
March 5

Montmartre
I love Montmartre
it is my heaven

The Latin Q is nice and pristine,
but it is nothing like this!!

this is so freaking arty cool and sooo boheme..so hip
so artsy
you could like sketch on any corner of the buildings and flowers and art
and it would be like a good drawing

Veggie place and juice bar hunting


This was Veggie place next to Yoga and Tibet store
The streets are like blocks and blocks
that never ever end of just GEMS

There is another veggie place I cannot find

I am so happy

I made friends with a super cute young blonde
ice princess london english accent speaking girl
who everybody listens to when she speaks

She talks about american men and how they are so polite alot
(please!)



What is this it is cool berries..all these stores have fresh fresh looking in season stuff
no Winn Dixie or Publix looking produce.









I have decided to move to a hotel here in Caulaincourt;;
my god
it is so much better
and way way cheaper::
it is like so awesome

Why do I keep thinking of Henry Miller??

I may channel old artists and writers tonight in my dreams

Every street is so freaking old antique and awesome and the people dress like cartoons and kids are dressed in art. Like Balloons.

Guys are hot but not as hot as Latin Quarter..more..dark haired and dryer skin

I cannot take photos of everything
it is too much COOL
TOO much!!

Yes Overload!

There is so much to see here I could never describe it all!!
I had no idea
it may be way way too cool for me

I am very impressed
I am
I love my vacation
I do
it is very very special

I was going to go to Green Garden restuarnt but I prefer around here for now just walking
There is one on Rue Principale 20 I have to check out for juices

It is amazing

There is no bad Paris

I have looked and seen only amazing every street is old
every street is beautiful

Just at the end of the block I saw an apartment with angels carved into it

Oh I saw Moulin on top of the hill
it is cool a big WINDMILL and it is old
so old and the streets have steps and are so tiny and the cars are tiny
and the sirens on ambulances make weird noises

The ambulance emergency guys were hanging out weraing orange and smoking cigarrettes

Thank you
this is the best vacation ever

I love you
I am so grateful


I love you and I am going to see you somewhere but definitely here tonight
I am going to see life and I am going to see light
I am

I have to figure out where I am going tonight
I want to go out
but not to a bar or stupid club but the best ever

I asked in paris what The best nightclub was and they said Von Douche
Von DOUCHE?

Douche means shower in french

but I want to see the best and most beautiful and richest people
and what they look like
I do
I didnt come here for less than that

That way I can see and compare my healthy life to theirs..

curious I am

//

Oh my god I am so colorful right now
I am like the hottest colors ever
I am glowing
after walking around in this neighborhood I speak :Martien:

I am like in a dream land



I love you
I do
I came to escape and all I do is write on internet
If you were here which you are, in my heart,
I would make out with you all day long

this is definietly the city of PD!!!

Public display of affection that is

My heart is sooo moved
I am so inspired
I knew my life would change forever
this trip I am no longer me
I am no longer suvine
but I am now MS LOVE LOVE

man you really need to keep warm
I have to get tea, green tea or my cacao which I mix in hot water and honey

that doesn't make me a bad raw foodist
I am fasting anyways

I couldn't find a juice and I was dying so I got all this strange stuff
there is fresh stuff produce everywhere on every street and the greens are I think mache and lambs quarters and greens I never ever seen before and even greens like spinach and baby greens LOOK different
greenere darker

so I boguth some and have been chewing on it like snuff
I am sure my teeth are green and I spit it out in a bag

hey I am fasting! Noone sees me
I did that with a grapefruit too

I guess I will go get hot tea or hot cocoa and throw in cacao

My god free internet here
I will be here all night
let me just thank you
You are everything The world
you are everything and the world to me
I mean it
I feel your presensce
I do
I feel you are here with me and this is our trip I am here to meet my soul

I need to go to church and pray I missed Notre Dame mass again. maybe I will find daily mass in some trippy church here on these winding streets in Montmrtre

I have so much energy

I am like a wild woman
my hair is so cool I am tanned
I brougth the hottest dresses I havent even worn yet
and
oh I threw out my shoes

I walked around in them, and they made the backs of my ankle bleed and blister

I torture my feet whwerever I go and I never ever learn
I am Passionate about high heels

but Paris with its chic style means you could wear a hot dress and Nikes

and EVERYBODY loves my nikes here
I never even noticed I had them

 see this everywhere

sprouting seeds


love
From the internet this photo, I found it after I saw the real thing, from behind, under circumstances

Please !
a photo is nothing nothing compared to this place!



I just wrote about the apex of my trip and it got deleted

I experienced a life changing event

I asked the doorguy for a local catholic church to go to he goes Oh Sacre Coeur! and gave me directions.

So I walk along these winding streets climbing higher and higher.
No idea. I am looking for this tiny church to pray or maybe see mass.Every corner I go around I am looking for it.

I turn back and turn back again I cannot find it. I ask people and they point
and I see this LOOK in their eyes,
Like OOOOh It;s over this way!

so I walk and I cannot tell you the experience of walking thru old paris and seeing in the corner of my eyes like this enormous white dome and thinking nothing of it..

then it hit me,
That cannot be it NO!!!!

NoNONONO

Over the city by the seeting sun I see an enormous god like DOME

I come thru the back way and when I turn the corner I see what lookis like the Vatican
These horse statues in front of it were like bigger than god

It took me a while to get over it

and I see peopel going up the steps

Mass is starting!!

I walk in

and I feel heaving
I was heaving insdie with emotions

it is like emotion emotion emotion
thoughts thoughts
pain pain pain
hurt hurt
love love pain

sorrow pain more pain
an dthe organ was singing
the art was making me dizzy
the angels
the paintings
the beauty
the place was weaving a spell on me


I cracked I did

I never crack like this I cracked like I was crazy

the organ
the choir
The mass
the insence

the art on the ceiling
I feel shaking
candle lit
dark

I felt exposed my whole soul to the world
a failure
a failure...

and then I sit down shut my eyes

I found a close seat on pews
I shut my eyes I knew what was coming

and I felt pain like I never felt
so acute
I cried
my crying got more intense
I covered my face

after a few minutes
my face was disfigured
I was crying hardcore
and snot was all over it I didnt care

I staretd crying like I was an insane person

but very silently

I felt..
I dont know
I cannot explian
I was overwhelmed it was dark and so beautifu;l and I heard the priests words echoing in the walls

the beautiful church so enormous

I cried so much and I started to be loud because \I could not bretahe
I cried like I was dead
I am dead I am nothing




well I mean I deciphered later that I search for love ,in other men, when I cant get the love I need from anyone..

but whatever power I was picking up , in there, it WAS what I was looking for all my life and I felt completed, and it was actually the most painful revelation!
it
filled my heart my soul and it was so painful to feel true love and true beauty
and I never ever in my whole life felt that

I t was completeion on a spiritual level

I mean I am sure others love me but it isnt the love I need at all.
really!!

Plus I am fasting

I had to leave without communion. I am not ready
I walked out, and at night, on the steps of sacre cour I saw the whole city of old paris ( it is on the biggest hill) lit up

unbelivebale

so the apex of my trip

I walk down at night thru cobblestone winding streets
people everywhere
I come to a large windmill named La Gallete
so beautiful

here from the internet is a Van gogh of it and there are many paintings of it


I walk thru dog shit in old Paris
I see the entire city lit up before me below me
words cannot explain

That church is what I have eben looking fo rall my life
that expereince
the noblest best

I did not feel any thing liek that in Notre Dame



wow

am I totally crazy


and he is way cooler than anything else

so I come back and I tell the doormen why the fuck didnt you tell me about sacred couer
and he is like
oh my god
Iwalk past it every day it is unbelievable

I had an exorcism
I did
I feel my soul is lighter
and I feel I am a new person

and maybe god is the only one who even knows me

I dont care

i dont I t is my business and I am telling the world in this diary which is my only friend right now
(at this moment in time of course, I have so many)
but I am totally alone in paris for two weeks..I think

but that is ok because now I know who I am writing to
I am writing to a power bigger than me
I know who I have been looking for
I know
I know

and that makes me happy
I dont have to look for love in other people!

I have it here everywhere
it is free
and I feel complete

and I ate grapes on the way home and then spat out the pulp fasting
geez I want a green juice
I want some vanilla love coconut mylk with spices

my god I want a hot kiss

I wish I could share my experience
it was life changing
I am still crying now
my face is wet

I don't know what to do
I am afraid I might have another freaky expereince

anyways I couldnt take communion, there was no way

it's like I faced death
it was so painful
so acute
so brutal
and I came out of it alive

alone in Dark Paris
I could walk for hours and the city still goes on forever

I still see little girls jump roping
I see people making crepes in doorways
I smell chocolat
I see old houses

this city is like 20 centuries old

bricks for streets
and the sky is many colors and there is wind

maybe I will go out and get a tea
maybe I will go somewhere

after that expereince
I know I cannot find it in mundane things

I could never even find this in someone else
why even look

but still
I know who I love in human form.
That will never go away
Mar
6

Raw vegan mecca in paris
Notre dame de Lorette Metro or St Georges
stop there is a cool little raw food place BIO
whatever they call it
place,
I waited ten minutes until it opened; it is the raw vegan place to be in Paris

The beautiful owner with flaming red hair met me

she is really into raw food
We spoke for over an hour
She would not let me take her photo now,
but after I go to Louvre
and come back she will be ready for me!

Did you heAr that, guys, the LOUVRE I am headed to next!



I look crappy hey I do not have plug converter yet so i cant use hairdryers etc

We talked about raw food in Paris

if I live here
I will volunteer/help out with with her and collaborate for sure,

she is struggling in Paris as strict raw food restaurant
I cannot tell you how I would love to help out if she lets me

Look French Raw books
The table qnd bookshelf were filled with raw food books I never even heard of with famous french raw gurus too!!
It is true



Look at theire crackers , she said she would order from me at Glaser Farms because french raw food suppliers are not that great


Sprouts of every kind



Her assistant french raw food girl who works for a raw food activist in paris too




I am sitting in cafe with free internet and keeping warm, now it is to Metro to Louvre which is eight euros,,to trip out on egyptian greek french italian etc art and see masterpieces, I am alone and it is very personal to me very

I love you all who read this and just know I am happy and safe and very very loving today I feel rejuvenated after my juices at pousse pôusee I wonder what dinner there is tonight the owner treated me to a carrot fennel apple juice she is beautiful

The Louvre
I went to the Louvre

I saw the Mona Lisa
Can you believe it?

I did!
I wasn't going to see the Mona Lisa,
I mean it is just the most famous painting ever,
but just a painting right?

I psyhically picked up this itch,
I mean it seems no big deal to see it
but once you are there
and looking
and you go looking and you ask

You start to get curious
and let me tell you when you finally realize
you are in the same room as she

ANTICIPATION and tremors

I was feeling that all over feeling tingling like I couldn't believe it]
and then I saw it
and my heart sank
and my stomach dropped
and my mouth twisted
and everybody just stared
and I admit I got a little teary and I saw this girl get teary and silent too
It was nice
Why is that painting so infused with mystery and power?

I liked it

I didn't want to leave


Well you could only take photos of certain things

I just got some ones of the open areas

I got to see the most beautiful and moving paintings
the most famous and beautiful in the world

My fave was the Napoleon room where his coronation painting was so enormous
they have his appartement there too

(they even have famous artists bathrooms too taken apart usually because the artists paint on the walls)

It really is the best of everything

Did I say God lives in Sacre Couer becaue I think he lives in that house

Pillars of marble gilt and rooms and hallways and escalators, so many

The Egyptian rooms were nice and so was the medieval castle room
with real medieval castle shipped in

Enormous sculptures and rooms of paintings,
all ones I have seen in books


The organic health food store chains all over paris
they have produce and earth friendly stuff