I Had an Accident last night
My breakfast, fruit in orange juice raisin sauce



tons of ripe avo, banana, plums, dates and mango smoothies.

I feel in heaven with food

~yesterday:

Bike accident on pavement
yesterday
scrapes and bones blood

Flipped over bike

landed on wrist
.. arm I still cannot move
looks like white sausage
hurts
cried all night, couldn't rest the pain

bruises on my legs, scabby scrapes

I called work to help me..did everything for me..

i am in pain now, but i come to work because i would rather be here then alone.

I am not deprssesd anymore.
This accident shifted something in me

I now want to be happy.

When I am sad..
bad things happen,
when I am happy ..
lucky things happen.

I was so dramatic! at the accident, I lay there in pain because I couldn't move anything..and to myself, I just wanted to lay there like dead..In fact, i put my head down istead of getting up like I was dead..

Then before that, I realized a secret about how to be happy by loving and living goodness in your head and decided I would be happy.



Iam going to write to you beautifully, you will be so proud.

I am like a magnet to what I put out

..so now at work...happy, with you..my arm is too swollen! it looks bad, I need to put in sling, but it may be too piainnful..

drinking ice, water, blueberries, banana, mango, ripe haas avocado and large honey dates. in pain, but haapy, with you, so proud..

I did good to come to this decision..

good things are for you..
alll mygood deeds and successes...for you to make you proud

reading Jane Eyre, one of the best books ever in history

//

hugs
and hands within hands,
locked breathing
into one another
//

a paramedic came to farm,
wrapped me up pinned,
iced and sling around my neck..

said i have to keep the hand up by my neck, its tied to my neck

"you better get that xrayed"

my boss is saying Oh my god, its swelled so much.
safety pinning me

I like being the patient.


N doing up my hair..

//

everything is good today
i am so happy
to have slept in your arms
all night hugging me
hot sweaty
love embrace shadows
smell of vanilla
pearl rich white clothing
april 20
hello the rain falls on you
This morning~



My arm is healing! It is, I am impressed, swollen, itchy still but I can move my arm and no bruises! They cleared.

I rode a bus today and the chirpy bus driver , after seeing my arm, said to me.. when I get on his 6 am bus everyday, to just to put a quarter in and he'll give me a transfer to ride home free later, every day, dont forget!
I was shocked but that's fine with me.

Last night I wound up downtown walking around aimlessly, in pain but I didn't want to be alone. I walked so much my white rain galoshes hurt my feet.

Cars stopping , checking me out..young teenage boys going crazy. Standing at a street corner people tried to start conversations with me...even on the bus I had few creepers.

This morning smoothies: peeled blood orange, 2 ripe avocados, bananas, plums..

and it's fresh Durian today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need help with laundry.

I love Myspace..I get all these invites from french rock bands to check out and its cool.

This one french band , Alister, has a song called, "Miami" and the way they pronouce it ," AAAA- MMMEEE-A'-MEEEE", is funny but cool.

I am happier, I am so graeful, I feel better. I am just me. I like it. There is an unopened world of me to be and feel.

I am importantly luxurious and decadently lovecious.

///

Untitled, we gave our hearts to each other and our dreams both lighted up and became real as silk..there we are..in heaven..
serrated and wide, I eat you
I lick up your heart and gnaw at your liver

//

I am dreaming dreaming of Paris and London and just relaxing in the best places, disappeared, escaped from my life.
You then estretching your limbs like cat through my finers and over my hands, your touch warm, your grip tight and smells like linen..hands warm like jeans and white candle.

like liquid you pernetrate my brain fluids that are blue..you feed it like fruit..like love passed on from outside in.

////

Today was a salmagundi of good feelings, I have been very nice to people and I have worked hard. I ate Durian, one was bad..and I threw out the bad.

I want to walk on the beach and just swim in waters, I want to have my hair done again so its beautiful.
I would like to smell fruit and vanilla..I would love to lie in bed and just touch skin and breath.

I am in love, endeared and endured and enlightened and enlit-ened..awakened and gentle caresses of only the best and most.

I need expeditious action. I need to clean my room, do my laundry. I don't know how. I am handicapped with my accident. I need to kiss.

april 21

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
Wanting nothing

Happy in my shell, I have everything, I am protected. I have love. I have loyalty..

I am free to roam the world. I want to find the perfect life. I do.

Smoothies and I want more..all fruit, creamy avo and sweet dates, bananas, mango, plum, orange..

Today I will have fruit juices too..I like Passion fruit -blood orange..and also pomegranate.

I am ready for a beautiful amazing relationship.

Cannot wait to go on my Carnival cruise. I dealt with Passport info yesterday.

I deserve it. Everything is now mine. The universe is my dream I lay in.

Listening to Alain Souchon, french singer.

Picking my nails, working, drinking smoothie, entering computer orders and dealing with accounts, kitchen girls, label machines..other employees, phones..and just being here doing errands...with one arm.

You love me, I am gold to you.

I am gold to my heart and you are gold to me.

Like gold rays, like gold heaven, floating and full of light and warm heated love.

Inspired by perfection, a perfect outlet for all my drives, ambitions and goals.

I am safe all throughout my life, I am safe and happy and in love.

Kisses, like in a big balloon,
Love like candy warm and sweet.

Emotions safe and protected, I am happy, I have it all, I have you, I live for you.

I do everything for you. I am yours.

//

Purple smoothie with blueberrues,avo, nanas , dates and ice and trinity water

///


PLEASURE: Tracy fileted sun warm aloes onto my injured wrist and arm and bandaged it up ..

IT feels so good to have it on my skin!!

..and it dries up like my skin eats it when I take it off later..

She was giving me caveats about how Aloe stains, and turns purple on clothes.

I have alot of stained shirts..from mostly opening up coconuts in the past. Hammering screwdrivers in etc..

I just throw my clothes in washer and hope for best.

//

I would like to eat purely and 100% good thoughts come with that..

I want to be happy, I want to eat purely, just healthy and pure. I need a garden of confidence.

//

I need to be totally complete with my life..and its many gifts..beautiful, the gifts they just come only when focused on the absolute best there is and divine, at that..clean, sexy, real, rich, and inner purity at the drive..

Like the phoenix must burn before it can be beautiful..everything has to burn. I want to shed off my life, Shed my life. Live again, be free real magic, loved, connected, part of a family.
/

safe from all harm

Lion , my new friend
I saw him later at Tracy's raw food class.
He gave me his card. What a very very decent person!

Said he lives right on South Beach and to give him a call when I come down. I need friends like him because I feel it would be nice.



Universe made me this last night, the fruit dip was Truly raw Cashew Butter mixed with Berries, I mostly ate just the organic fruit



She wants me to put a book together of all my raw food photos. I have thousands. I want to get a better camera and I will get one this year, I want a Nikon d 70 with Lens.

Universe gave me ride home from the class and we discussed her moving back in with her boyfriend and his Russian girlfriend he just broke up with.

The Russian girlfriend has nowhere to go so the three will be living together. WOW. I hope it works out.

She told me her and her Boyfriend met at a full moon drum circle on South Beach, and in one month moved in together and three months later were engaged and then they lived for 4 years together...problems with communication and alchohol abuse and then he fell for this Russian girl, told Universe and she cried and she moved out (and I remember she was devastated..she lost so much weight)
..3 months later he is like "What did I lose?,what did I do?", and now wants her back in his place while the Russian is still living with him..

..and she is moving in, why..? ~because of his magnetism!

I have seen them and they are very much in love. He dresses all South Beach with trendy sunglasses that look like mirrors...and white shirts and shiny jeans. Very Metrosexual.

Ok I am gossiping.
I think it is so interesting.

My wrist kills.

I bought Aveda hair product samples..they work...Rosemary Mint..mmm smells nice.

Someone said they found a black Chihuahua and returned it to an Animal Shelter so I called and left message..I am so nervous.

I am drinking smoothie with Blueberries, raspberries, bananas, honey dates, avocado..filled to the top of vitamix. YUM YUM

When I start having money, Oniomania creeps up on me where I start daydreaming of shopping. I want to shop for plane tickets around the world sometimes and dream about it. London next for sure.

I want to be beautiful. I want to be the most beautiful girl in the world.

///
Ok I am a prolific diarist, I always have been.

I want to feel good and be a bettter person and think better of myself. I need to be my own hero. I need to root for me. I need to tell myself and Know That I am way better enough. The Best even maybe. I need to be my own fan.
I need to just think of the most bestest possible outcome everytime and believe and KNOW that its real.
..and not only that, but its always has been.
I want to be the heroine in every movie of my life.
I want to be for myself.

love forgiven the day has come
Martina Navratilovna gave my boss box seats and here Tracy took this photo


pleasant
loveful hopeful mindful Prayers for a rain that begins in secrets and ends in tears of love and joy. a memory a time, an act we put on.

I want so bad to feel your caress, to feel your hands around my neck. To laugh into your white shirt and be lifted up on your back.

I want to live in your library and eat your words.

And die in your universe that I have created.

I want the seedlings of our conversations to spill from my hands.

april 26
A few are a little rebarbative today.

I am truly happy. I am TRULY happy.

I only care about me.

I feel secure and safe. I feel I have real friends.

Tracy gave me a taste test of two mangos, Haitian and regular organic.

I mean, I know the two, just side by side I never taste tested.

The Haitian was REAL sweet and "mango tasting", the other, a little tangy/sour.

I made a smoothie: Two haitians and Medjools and ice/water.

I read HIGH BEINGS, "What Dolphins want you to know.."
Visionary.

I am so happy.. I can feel things.

This came out today, I signed the petition too :

http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/Prefs.asp?video=testing123_p2

I can't wait to go to South beach and swim. I want to. I want to just baste in the life giving sun. I want to do nothing. Just lay there and evaporate.

I love getting a Fruit salad at Le Sandwichier across from Club Deuce and also Mango, Papaya and pineapple smoothie with fresh OJ.
Then walking to the ocean, past the greens and palm trees.

I really want to have a relationship with some of those towers. They are so grand and artistic.


I love walking in the waters up to my ankles and just see the horizon, the boats, the paragliders, really wealthy foreign travelers from all over the globe.

I love more than anything just being happy and content, being perfect..having everything be magic and come together.

Beautiful romantic nights. I want them forever. Always.


Loss found
a dream in the park garden
running around wealth.

Carressing a Castle,an estate..in glass, vines and gold trim.

So much around. Coin. Gold.

Lazy breakfasts on the garden, shooting sticks.



Commercially caught again in time

broken happy and bleeding white

Days grey in my room
carressing my shoulders
timing waking
eating the whole foods
brushing my mind with love
unknown even to me\

I laughed across the library,
my dress slithered behind me
across the carpet.

I smiled my red lipsticked smile
and you gazed into ebony eyes.

I am locked in my gown,
untattered and unfettered
for you to block the wall
in my aura.

I no longer am a parvenu, I never was..






me on south beach


me in boston


drawing

rolls with pate