and the tropical fish ate our durian leftovers:


Look Durian and Guava bite








A lighthouse

Raw food stuff
John's Raw Tabouli



Mini Raw Crispy tostadas




Lion's fridge contents, its all veggies and fruit, no such thing as produce container



John's raw middle eastern plate, portobella kebobs, macadamia hummus, raw tabouli, raw falafel etc



Rawies



nut butters



Vomitstars serving raw vegan ice cream



I used to email this lady about Iceland, where she is from check out:

http://www.rawreform.com/

may 23
love in hell
2 nights ago I decided I didnt belong to anyone, I want to be a woman of "Independent means" etc

and I had a speech for Lion that we are just gonna be friends nothing more.

Ok

but I was so inspired and want to do it, I still do.

15 minutes after I saw him he embraced me, with eye smiles.

I was wearing a short skin tight mini dress light blue with high heels, my hair was curled and I had lotsa vegan makeup on.

Told me he is getting a place in a building across the street from Bayside Miami and will have the place August. Good.

Sat on a mahoghany barstool behind me massaging me telling me he was going to give me an hour long spa treatment with caked on stuff and bath of neem leaves...and how good I will feel.

He made me feel so good and so comforted.

He had watermelon and cantaloupe cut for me.

I brought him a bag of Sapotes. We ate one that was ripe, it was so sweet.

We were gonna go on Collins and look at all the dresses in the stores starting at 5th. Nicole Miller dresses on display made me crazy...also the Polo juice bar I like.

Then we somehow lied face to face on bed..I casually mentioned amongst caresses the friend thing, if we could just be platonic..

the answer was a firm NO. He wants to relate everything good and pleasurable to me.

Then a while later after some massages and head carresses later he pulled a double Whammy. He caught me off guard, turned me into a numb zombie:

He asked me if I wanted Kids, I tried to hide my utter fright and shock and nodded my head in blindness

He said he knew it..and told me he wanted kids since he was 27. He said alot of things including he wants them to be born at home and inside..
Talked..
and we talked for hours, so long..about children and trust and homeschool etc. He has amazing ideas.

I think he likes me and has plans for me. Mentioning good space and getting along.

I agree with him 100% on everything.

He is like my hero,..have not I been calling that to me forever and now it's here so real that it just IS.

He keeps saying, " ...THAT is why WE are TOGETHER..!", playingly..

so are we..?

but I belong to noone! !!!

I know he is 37 years old and he knows my age and he knows where I was born and I know he has some Indian in him. I know what he ate when he was a child, how many fillings he had taken out, how he was born himself with a midwife

and we talked so intimately face to face, I saw his blue eyes glowing on me like lights... blue like sky psychic lights.

I Heard things, like in dreams, I heard whispers, I heard wild whispers in my ears..heard feelings.

He says sometimes weird stuff to me like, " I know you will do anything for me"..
and before he has said, " You'll do it because I say so and you want to please me....!"

I am so amused but quizzled. Rude!

We went at 10:40 to Wild Oats and he got apples to make me Pineapple and Apple juice. He squeezed and it was so good, the euphoria so nice. He made me as many glasses as I wanted.

Slept a bit while he made a hot spicy salad, so hot....he likes the tumeric curry garlic cayenne habanero with greens, no salt no oil, no metal

..laying there in a beautiful bed with music playing romantic jazz, woke up.

It was so nice. He whispered to me in my ear that he wants me to stay positive and he wants nothing weird. I have no idea what he was referring to, maybe something in his past..I am sure.
I still belong to noone and am a woman of independent means.

I walked in his walk in closet, I counted alot of this brand: ( I am nosy...)

http://www.custo-barcelona-shop.com/catalog/index.asp?cid=10001

and also a ton of Banana Republic.

I woke up and he was on his laptop working

I threw the sheets in the wash.

I showered and blew dried my hair and curled it for work.

He told me he'd tell me later why curling irons are so bad.

He drove me to work with a new convertible rental,

He is going to buy a Mini Cooper, He is always checking them out when we see them.

He spoke, with the top down, the whole ride to work, about how the best thing in life for him is to make money but what to do with all that money ?

And then he talked about his old business ( he had one along time ago ice cream business ahaha ) and more detail on his clothing label he wants and the logos, and the colors..etc etc etc..

At work I got him
2 lbs Sunflower sprouts,
garlic,
curry,
fennel,
dill,
arugula ( all cut by me from garden),
dandelion and wild wakame seaweed bags.
I gave him discount.


I am who I am.

/

love green
Went to see Lion's new place.

Its downtown Miami in this place called the Loft.

It is so big and the walls are all glass overlooking the city lights..

You can roller skate or bike inside the place it is so big.

And the balcony outside starts at one end of building and you can walk outside and turn a corner and walk to the other.

We went to his place in South Beach and he gave me a neem treatment.
He put me in the shower and covered me with this green paste, ground up neem leaves with water.
It was really nice.

I binged earlier on a pack of organic Nori sheets with tahini dressing. After two months of being fruitarian, that kind of shock was dramatic. I had to lie in bed.

Its all about me when I come over, he is so willing to please
Tommorow we are going on another daytrip. I wonder where.

I still want to be a woman of independent means. I am. Smoothies I have had:

Papaya, Passion fruit, dates, green grapes, haas avocaods, bananas and I got Persimmons for later.

yesterday gone by
Strange weekend indeed. Long.

I got picked up in Jeep commander by Lion. We went to South Beach. Talked for hours. Watermelon slices, papaya, Nes fruit and avocados..

I watched him take a collard leaf, sprinkle nuts on it and jerk sauce and eat it like a taco...a few times.

I wanted to just be friends with him again.
He took me to the beach, took me Bal Harbor
shopping for whatever I wanted.

Copious tropical fruit and then some. I no longer ask, I just eat everything.

He was so nice.

Yesterday I was not allowed to talk about health or food. All day. He was strict about it. It was hard. He does get crabby sometimes. We talked very little. H gets really weird, , "What do you mean, we are not allowed to talk about food or health, you are the one who always talks about food!"

I helped him hang paintings in his new loft . Huge bamboo we propped into the high ceilings. I lay on this furniture and listened to him talk about things..and watched him work out.

Has a little temper. He tries to make me jealous. He watches me very carefully. My reactions to things.


I am reading


about how white people invade countries.

I lay on his balcony.

Watched the soaked jasmine petals stew in the sun in glass bowl.

If I looked down I got scared at heights.

I nibbled on some Wild Wakame. Salt.

We went to North Miami beach, had sugarcane Mango smoothies. Nes fruit.
Lion played soccer with a little rasta boy toddler behind the juice bar for like an hour.

In the car he would put his hands on the back of my head and massage.

I have photos I will post soon.

He gave me a velvet bag with beautiful earrings and a necklace inside. It was ok.

We slept on South Beach, I in Betsey Johnson nightgown.

We went to Nikki beach next morning and the cleanup guys let us hack down coconuts. I threw one up to get the other ones down and dropped it and broke it and I grabbed it. Lion told me to rub the coconut water in my face, it felt good.

He would cut them in half scoop out the flesh and make it into a bowl of coconut flesh and make me a coconut spoon.


Swam in the morning ocean where the waves are quiet and the fish appear in schools. I swam, praying to my new goddess ISHTAR.




//

love under wires

Lion kept asking me to come over, ..almost every day. I said no. I asked him yesterday if he would see a movie with me jun 9 and he writes back:

"""you bet
but if im in toronto by then, I will send you a plane ticket to come up and see it"""""

That's cool, I wrote back thanking him. I would love to go to Toronto. He said he'll give me the schedule.

I miss mbh I like MBh

weleda
Lychees are in season!!!!!


I got a package from Alsace, France, Oh my! From My admirer Laurent

.

It's nice a fuschia and green canvas bag purse and wallet filled, I mean filled with expensive bottles and boxes of WELEDA



all organic and vegan makeup.

In France I saw Weleda everywhere in all the health stores.

When I was in Paris he sent me Orchids



to my room, I never met him.

Lion NEEDS to get married... he asked me what I thought of his needing to get married , because he is Canadian.   He needs citizenship.

Yes, he hates america, doesn't want to be an american, but he loves money and he needs the connections here and to be able to move back and forth freely. SO he needs to marry.
I smirked the whole time. It wasn't a propostition, yet it was strange.

He asked me how long have I wanted children and he would want children immediately.

In Ocean Drive Magazine

I saw a model on one of the pages
with a drop dead gorgeous babydoll Custo dress. He said he'd get it for me. We went to Bal harbor. They hadn't opened all the boxes yet and the size they had was too big.

I got one skin tight and short..lime green, smells nice and the material is so awesome, the cut is cool..oh it is to die for...Oh my, Never in my life..never have I had a dress so beautiful..green, material, cut fit, smell..oh my. It's off the runway so I don't have an online photo of it.

Whatever I wanted to buy he got me too..we looked for things like books I want and durian..

200 dollars he spent on Fruits.




Jakfruit too. Juicyfruit gum was made from it and it was very erotic to eat it, all sticky and gummy..and white gooey.

I had sugarcane and cacao so I was a little cracked out later. I asked him for money for my hair appt and he was grumpy.

He gets grumpy and yells at me sometimes, if I drop things I painted two paintings in his loft place..



He wanted one of Lion's eyes from his computer. That's him, Just kidding..can you imagine if Lion really was a lion? He loves that painting that took me two seconds to make and hung it up on some bamboo and wants me to paint another animal's eyes that the lion would eat so they look at each other.



He wants to set me up with my own business.

I feel strange. MBH sent me a morbid email. Harsh, but what did I expect. I love him so, but I am not doing anything on his terms anymore.

I lost my 200 dollar bikini. It may be in my bag at home though. I am really upset about it. I am. It was beautiful, I will get another one. Oh, you should see me in it. I go topless at the beaches here though. I even go swimming topless and all the girls around me when they see me they go topless too..

I watched lion eat florida coconut flesh mixed with avocado and jakfruit and HOT burning hot jamaican jerk sauce. He eats all this fruit with me too..everything he eats with me.

He is such a neat freak. Everythign is spotless and if I mess anything up I have to clean it ..he looms over me sometimes if I drop something and yells at me that he hates picking up after people. I am like I am sorry.

He gets sad sometimes and complains that he always has a frown on his face and ghe doesnt want to be like that and then he brings up morbid past failures and its bad. I want to protect him so I listen but he gets weird.

He told me he thought about a girl for a whole year and she wound up marrying some guy. I don't want to hear that.

I made him a salad once with Parsley, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, Curry, Cayenne alot of it, raw potatoes, red cabbage, lemon juice and soaked wakame.

He is a shopoholic. I watch him buy so much. He likes shoe stores, he LOVES leather shoes which I can't stand and he goes, feels this, and I shirk and he goes, " Oh I forgot you don't like leather" I go, " it's dead animal skin"

He buysbuysbuys all this really expensive furniture all wood and all these decorations and strange light fixtures.

he got this tshirt for 85 dollars

We went to Coral gables..hung out watched the sun set. I was cracked out because of the cacao and cried a little...at the beauty of things.

I cried a day before too over my dog Diva, I cried so hard in the shower too. The Rottweiller in my backyard was stolen too.

Lion fumbled alot.
He told me about failed relationships, and it was not what I cared for hearing..he is really sensitive. He is very insecure sometimes, he is moody and morbid and can be mean. Biting. but I am all smiles.


My painting



I can't stop thinking about MBH. I can't. All weekeend.

This weekend started
Lion picked me up

Once he looked at me and I felt his radiant blue eyes into me, and then I saw the shock of it on him, they widened, focused but it was beautiful because when he looks into my eyes we connect. I told him that.. "Why do you want to get all serious with me? and ""CONNECT? "" he mocks.. His eyes are so pretty and his gaze so intense, his hair is so soft and blonde from the sun.
There is this current in his conversations that he has been so used in the past and wasted so much money on people who use him

I wore a diane von furstenberg gorgeous dress it is so hot and is skin tight aroud waist and bust and fans out a little , the print is what makes it, and shoes I got from Fly rabbit on Lincoln road. My hair was done two days ago in the salon in miracle mile gables so it's all blowdried, curled and blondish and i am wearing my new organic vegan makeup and lavender oil..


He took me to PEARL art store to get my canvas for my painting tonight.

I came out of the store and what I saw I couldn't believe.

Lion was in the backseat with his sunglasses on, Looking weird...there was a cleaver in his hands, I look inside, he is hacking the durian ON HIS BRAND NEW SEATS, and spitting out the seeds on the floor!!!!! His hands are covered in Durian and he is swallowing whole chunks and there are three Durians on the floor.

I reached for my camera, this was unbelievable, I wanted to take a photo so I could show MBH ( because MBH wouldn't let me touch a Durian in his car and if I ate one I had to wash my hands before I got in etc..and look at this guy he practically smears his car with it)
I left it at home, to go to cvs to get a disposable, but with this heat.. only a few steps outdoors is possible..

I am like LION what are you doing!!!! It was every where and he was cutting the Durain right on the seat.

I am like, "LION ARE YOU OK?"
"OF COURSE NOT!" he yells, how weird. its that stuff I bet, he eats hot stuff and dulse.

"I can do what I want because its my car."

Now I told you how anal he is about germs and cleanliness but this was like strange, and I called him on all the times (very friendly) he yelled at me for making messes, and he's like "Its my car i can do what i want" type of answer.

Anyways, i got him napkins and he went to the bathroom. Something is not right, I feel.

Later he keeps telling me "I am almost 40 years old.. i am almost 40 years old, I am not getting any younger,"what does that mean? But I get no answer, So it means nothing.

On the drive to South beach he tells me now he has to go swim or else he wont feel right so I am like OK.

I go to the ocean and meditate

( On MBH kissing me with love, I told you I am haunted, my mind, my heart wants that beautiful man to kiss me  and I want to just fall in a trance) and I am in ECSTASY and the wind is blowing..so pretty,

then 20 min later I see him red eyed coming out of the water, up to the pastel lifeguard tower I am on.

I want to be his friend. that's it, nothing else.

I feel his pain being a fruitarian it is like in waves thru my body, I know what he feels and it sucks,

.

Later his eyes radiated, he was friendly.

We walked around Lincoln road which was packed, it was hard to walk, there were so many well dressed people and kids and puppies and music.

I had my arm in his arm and he said, " we are not being very platonic are we?"

I said " sure we are" and he mumbles that he has to find sex somewhere else. He can say all the jerky things he likes, I am not listening to anything he says/
he asked if that bothered me , I said No. he said IT SHOULD.

He went into a Pottery barn and was looking at stools and a salsa song came on and right in the store he said he will teach me how to dance.

I locked eyes with his for directions, but all I needed was a push in my back or hand in a direction and I went and we were dancing it was so much fun, twirling and stuff...then back to his eyes, both of us lost in music and each others arms and hands locked and moving. nice and romantic, his eyes into mine, looking down at me, a happy smile on his lips, concentartion in his eyes, he is a good dancer.

Drove to the loft downtown where he cut me a Durian. He has 100 lbs of it. Crazy huh?

He also has 50 florida coconuts on top of all his kitchen stuff.

I watched him eat a bowl of soaked wild wakame ( the large leaves, as big as kombu and super salty I got him from Glasers) with Florida coconut strips , a Habanero peppers just sitting in it and curry and cayenne, lemon juice and that's it I think.

I was going to paint my painting but sleep hit me like a rock in myhead, I was pooped, dizzy, had to lie down.

He said when he is hungry and he sees food he wants it like he looks at me and wants you know what.

He said he's sleep on the couch but he lay in bed with me to talk.
I lay on his chest and caressed his chest his arms and his hair with my fingers. I scratched his arms softly in the dark while he talked for a long time on random babbling things. I don't listen anymore.

mosquitos were everywhere and he doesn't have a fan so we got bit thru the open window

Morning I took a shower and he came in bringing me towls and asked if he could watch. I took a long time soaping up and shaving and washing my hair and he rinsed me off

I feel way better I like spending time just talking and doing stuff radiating love rather than wasting it.

he said again, " I am almost 40" so I asked him, " Why do you say that to me, what does that mean? Are you saying you want to settle down"
"no!"
I am like oookkkk...

" I have wanted that for 10 years and why hasn't it happened yet, why am I so far behind?"

he is being curt and cold,

I ask him what am I supposed to do about it, why is he telling me this? it was weird..

and then when we were in his parking lot before I asked ,

I went to work the farmer's market

I stopped at Fresh market it's beautiful and got cherries and fresh squeezed OJ.

He picked me up Saturday after texting me.

he drove me to Key biscayne and we walked with our feet in the water..beautiful. I drank mango juice squeezed, sugar high, everything was perfect..we saw the sunset.

I painted my painting above later at his place..listening to music blasting..I love the girl from Ipanema



There was so much affection.

Hugging and just being next to each other., .slowdancing and laughing..

He ruined a moment or two.

"I want to ask you... when our time is up to just let me go..you know, don't email me or call..you know?" he said, out of nowhere, I was just chilling out

I was livid. This man, I have put up with says this to me?

Why would you say that LION?

" I am single because I am mean"
" I like to hurt girls , it's what I do, I make girls cry" etc etc
"I don't even have friends.." etc and all these stories of him being a jerk.

he is such a strange seed!!!

It was incredible.

I let him have it, I was so mean. a lot of truth came out.

" How do you know you're not going to be the one obsessed with me and I have to ignore you ?
How do you know that I am not waiting for something better and will leave you next week if I feel like it?
How do you know I am not in love with someone else?
.. All I have given you is attention you admittingly and obviously haven't gotten,( based on his confession he was in love with a girl for a year and now she is happily married to someone else, someone who is way poorer than him too)
why must you get revenge on all your exes with me...
you are bitter and broken and wounded
and its not my fault!"

He was very sad. and I was the bad guy.

He freaked out and started freaking out. Everything, how he has been used, About his career: He said if his partners right now backed out he would have nothing and on and on and "I am faliure" " I have to go back to Canada" and I comforted him.

THEN when the mood shifted, ( I think he is bipolar) he was talking of marriage and kids and would I have a family with him? he asked and when I said yes he glowed and all these storeis of how bad he wants children and on and on. And we talked for hours on it. I could see the want...
I never had sex with him though, no more..just friends..close ones.

Things were beautfiul again later,

I fell asleep on this long couch by the balcony, the whole skies were white, all of downtown was covered in white rain and clouds..I had this beautiful blanket. I woke up and he was lying next to me.

I fell back alseep while he was eating durian.

I felt his happiness and his joy radiate thru and he was happy, we laughed and I could see him smile.

He made me a conditioner out of juiced orange peels and combed it thu my hair after my shower. It was so, well nice to have him care for my hair like that and he was gentle and thorough.

It feels really nice to be like this ...we really are good friends.

We ate watermelon, papaya, avos, guavas, oranges and oj and white grapes.

I watched him eat sprouts and greens with hot cayenne and lemon juice and wakame.

We discussed salt in all forms. I am not eating salt even celtic anymore, especially after the article in this month's living nutrtion we both looked at. And I get really really sick eating the raw deli food at the raw farmer's market. Even fruit like cucumber and tomato marinated or the other stuff like avo salads..too salty!!!
I overeat, get thirsty feel bad for a day.

Me and him, we are so graduated from all the other raw foodists,beyond, pure natural hygiene almost... me as fruitarian and he is so strict, he only likes making food for himself and he uses no oils, nothing manmade, and no metal and only drinking water to wash with.

He taught me how to drive his convertible yesterday..I was awesome, Car fever starting, I want one.
He wasn't mad at me or anything..just talked too fast and I was confused alot and made mistakes.
We went to key Biscayne in a parking lot..I drove good!

He told me to do CRAZY things like drive at 30 and slam the brakes to the floor screeching etc..so I know what it feels like to stop instead of turning and flipping car over when I see an accident for example..also turning hand over hand at 90 degrees fast.

OH I cannot stop dreaming about MBH with such passion. I want him more than anything..this whole weekend, i saw him everywhere and i was thinking of our times in costa rica, all his gifts, us in key biscayne, jimbos, museums. gardens and in love ..in az together etc.. I got these visions and it went thru my heart



Coconut Avocado and Jakfruit mixed


This was on my computer in folder..looks yummy



Today I ate smoothies with two packages blueberries, banana and dates. A bag of organic green grapes that were sweet.

I got a lb of fresh lychees brought from farmer today LYCHEES ARE LIKE EATING SWEET EYEBALLS

My ph strip pee test said I was 8.0- the most alkaline, I don't even eat greens. That means I am amazing

Love unwinds down
and she blows
ten times the power
of your circular motion.

It razes and blows
into the ears
a soft word or two
of love and of heaven.

Love eats itself ,
of you,
it embalms the dreams

The dreams of such prettiness
and laziness
that evaporates before my eyes,
that wallow
in years of gratitude
and happy forgetfullness,
dreams and love

You and the curtains
that swept my mice away.

//

I love you, you are my dream, you are so perfect and so beautiful, I want you, I want you and I will have you.
love undone again
Please I wantthis so bad, I can'ttell you I wish this were mine now and I could start photographing miami its nikon d200:

http://www.bestpricecameras.com/557578-362469-1-Nikon-D200-Package-#1-(28-80mm-f35-56)-Plus-More.html

Omg MBH wrote me today. So nice. I am so happy. I am. What a relief.

I got this card from France from Laurent,
 
" a
Kiss from Paris"


I have the film to develop. I will post here.

I wore a few outfits, nice tight dresses.

I refused to put on sleezy stuff, the photographer had a trunk of hoochie wear.. I just wanted personal portraits. From me to me. I was very distant, withdrawn and smiled very little but I felt attention.

Somebody earlier said that it was " really sad" I like material things.. That's a laugh! Sad?, "Is that how you see success ? the best of the best?"

I texted lion when I was on the beach. He was swimming by South Pointe.
I bought a halter tri pastel colorful mini dress on Washington in one of those south beach shops for club girls. I also had new high heel platforms, lime green sequined band, Very sexy.

Guys everywhere talked to me, introduced themselves and invited me to whatever, I was flattered but I don't have anything in common with any. In fact I was wearing no makeup, I look so different, like a little girl.

He picked me up and we were discussing this movie he wants me to watch , he doesn't watch tv doesnt want one, but he wants to watch this movie, so we went and he bought a tv as big as me. He is picking it up today.

We ate Durian.

Downtown was all about the Miami Heat basketball game, Buildings were lit up GO HEAT outside his balcony and there were spotlights like 6-7 shining everywhere. Parking lots full, people walking..its around corner from Miami Arena where we were. He has one of the highest floors.

He cut open some coconuts. I drank the ones from Nikki Beach trees.

I lay on his bed and slept. I woke up with him pinning my arms down hard trying to kiss me by force. He bit me a few times. I fought him, alot, I am not doing it. NO!

The next morning we talked for five hours. Children, marriage, living together.

He said he has had so many ops to get married and have kids, but when what he wants is there, he doesn't take it and regrets every time.

I told him, its like he is sterile.
Waiting and waiting for this perfect fantasy to show up...waiting forever, being alone, hurting women..etc..It's not what he wants but its what he chooses.

I heard stories of girls who were in love with him and who would have had a family with but he rejected them and made them cry. He told me this.

THEN he tells me I am perfect except that I am messy, ok mr Durian in car..he also says he wouldnt live with someone until he is married, and he's made that "same mistake before"

It was all tedious and heavy conversation.

So much blockage, resistance and just some neurosis. hard to take.


I told him we'll make good friends.

I am glad I am not having physical relationship with him. He mentioned he would get someone else..Jokingly I said, "to be as unfortunate as I am.." and he turned over and was silent for a long time..

but I am sure he cannot replace me, anyways..and he agreed.

We both could have anyone we wanted..there is something more we want being together..

I want friendship ...he wants a family....he wants to get "it right"..be like his grandparents.

He thinks I want a relationship..in exchange for love, honestly its not true, I just dont want it period with him.

If he offered me a relationship I would accept it though as fair.

maybe I just want him to love me sincerely before being with him..I don't know..maybe I don't.

I feel depressed now. I do. I feel sad.its suffocating...

I just want MBH. I just want love flowing freely and I want to hug him and smell his hair..

I want to be with someone who wants to have a beautiful time, all the time.

Lion wants to see me Saturday. We'll see. he has to mellow out.

I see more and more want and desire in mens eyes everywhere I go. I see things, feelings, lust, love in total strangers.

I want everything and I want to want what I have. I want whatever I like.


I don't know. All I know is the drama is real heavy.

I am who I am and will always be, and I want so much




Mbh wrote me such a beautiful note.

I am so happy.

Psychically I feel him in moments, like last night walking home from the movie, the air was hot and the wind was blowing and I heard him speak to me and I heard his love. Echoed and wide open . Brilliant.

Close and skin, eyes and heart voice. I am glad, I always know what is happening, my mind is like a magnet. I think and I get.

Sigh..I got some nice emails today as well.

Drinking avocado date and mango smoothies, eating sapodillas, blueberries.

I saw Inconvenient Truth last night, What a great film, so inspiring and terrifying. We are really headed for the end. Good to know. Enjoy the present. That is what it says, but I doubt it.

Poem////

Love is the ticket
from me to you.

It is I who speak,
and I tell you
I am hidden
I am inside your mind.

I hear everything
you say.
You can never forget me.
I will always be the one who loves you the most.
I break and I remember you.

You will never escape me,
I am death and am inescapable.

My love to you is pain,
but its not really,
it is my own pain I feel.
My own judgements..
not yours at all,
forgive me..
it is the way I am.

I remember all the good things.

And I heard so much of you
over the weekend.

Lost sad happy, joyous.

You are so beautiful.

Your life is reflected in me,

I sense your longing, and I am yours.

I want you, I love you. I am yours.

I need to be with you. I need to follow you always.

You drive me crazy and you are wonderful.
Do you miss me?