Nov 7

I am sitting here, eating avocado halves. Enjoying myself.  In between bananas. Listening to
opera. I went to an opera three days ago called Aida and I am seeing one thursday called
 Madame Butterfly in the Kennedy Center. Wishing I had friend here with me so
I can be happy. sigh. I am thinking about going somewhere by myself like for  a
 vacation. Or with someone. Maybe I will go to India with my friend Lee. And just go off
 by myself and get lost.

I made these recipes from menu 2 of Shazzies recipes section:

http://www.detoxyourworld.com/acatalog/menu2.html

The candy floss tart was really tart.

This was green because I used honeydew instead of watermelon.

The zucchini spaghetti was really plain, After I tried It , I made another sauce by putting leftover tomatoes, garlic, date, lemon juice, basil and some salt in a blender and pouring over.

The Aloe pudding was good, I wished I had added more aloe though!

Today so far I had papaya smoothies with a few neem leaves in it.

ok I had a little cacao. the 87% cacao chocolate bars in Switzerland drove me back.

I was looking at my old blogs and looking at photos and stuff , I used to write alot, about everything. I would just go on and on.. and anything that happened to me I would write about.

Now so much happens to me and I do not write it.

Where am I now ? What are my goals?

Well, I would like to type correctly.

I would also like a romantic life. I would like to create a new me, a beautiful me. I would like to see me living better than I expect or know how.

I always loved inner beauty and innocence.I would like to dress better and have my hair done always.

Lately I have been thinking that I am not into me enough. I told a friend that and he said I am too into myself. I always buy gifts for people and care what others think of me.

Even when I shop for food I have to buy others stuff.
I know its a bad idea, but I feel I have to do it. Like today.

All the truly beautiful girls and guys I have ever met, are truly only in love with themselves.
Sometimes I think when you like someone you repel them. I do.

I should just love myself and live for myself.

I should only buy myself things. People do not appreciate what you buy them, I think.

When I was in DC all my friends brought me fruit bags and most of it rotted. If I buy myself something I always eat it.

Thing is, I want all these things, but I feel I need, I am not complete, that I want to be with someone always, fear of “alone”..

Maybe I should be my own lover and only think about what I want and my needs..and only shop for myself.

I feel inside maybe if I do that I will be alone, but maybe, that is the key to “feeling” popular, worshipped or belonging.

I admire people like that but at the same time I get a little annoyed by their separation. But its not them I love, its the way they are.

I get very jealous. And when I am not the center of someone’s attention, I decide well, They cannot be in my center of attention also..I am like that.

So what is my focus, me? Where is me? Where am I? Can I be into me? Is that possible? Can I speak to myself as if in a mirror.. can I see myself the way i am, honestly.

I read into things,I do, I read between the lines all the time.

Like right now, who am I writing to? Is it me? or is it someone I am into?
I think that person should be replaced with me. I think love is like giving all your money away..being generous and giving is a leak in the personality, like a tire with a hole in it.

I can love and enjoy myself immensely being just into me. And I can be generous being into me too.

Can we ever truly leave our brains, is it ourselves we are in love with when we chase dreams, Who are we looking for? Who do we love? I think its us, me.

I had a dinner date at Benihana, a new one opened up on MIRACLE Mile and my buddy talked to the sushi chef and told him about what I eat , raw vegan food, and he made me this which was nice.

Later I made Pineapple juice with a collard leaf thrown in.

Watching the movie ALL ABOUT EVE which is amazing..things I have never seen before, radiators, fur coats, everyone smoking in cigarette holders, breakfast in bed trays, face cream, etc

What does summertime say?
I heard it likes to draw pictures and smile
I have seen what a huge cloud of hope can do,
it can erase all time
so you forget nothing and everything
Kisses , like sadness, are to be laughed at.
They mean nothing but excretions of fluid.
What means anything is your breath. And to hear sounds..

What matters most is the abyss of dead time. The silence of your life. Creation is out of boredom and can be made a game of.

I ORDERED MATT AMSDEN"S THE BOX RAW FOOD


click here
http://www.flickr.com/photos/suvine/sets/72157594378177043/