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dec5-11 paris
I doodled this, In this drawing there is a lampost from the Pont de Neuf, in Paris and an upside down Eiffel tower, cherries, a cat with a hammer, moon and star, lips, tapeworm and hearts. It all means something. I wonder what. It’s doodling from the unconscious
My pets
I booked my Hotel In Paris. It’s by the Pont Neuf, downtown, 2 minutes from the Louvre. next to Notre Dame etc..
I bought my flight. In two days I will be on a long plane ride to the center of my heart. There I will ask the right questions, and get answers.
I will be risible and be happy hearted.
I went shopping today. I got:
4 asian pears, bag of tangerines, rainier cherries, quarter watermelon, 6 apricots
Good song..” Fun for me” by MOLOKO
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dec6
You walked right up to me and by me, looking at me peculiarly, I thought, its such a bummer that animals are all scared of us!
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I am in Paris;This keyboard is totally different; Nothing is where it is supposed to be!
This city is so precious; so special;My breath is taken away;
I am so happy to be here;
IT IS WARM; yes§§! It is warm and rainy; and there is such a great energy here;
all the shops have the best stuff; I have to stop and stare at window displays and when men walk by;
I am at my hotel around the corner from the LOUVRE;
Everywhere you walk in for directions is an art gallery or a museum: OH and the art exhibits going on; holy croissant!
I am so happy; I wish someone could see how beautiful this is with me: I am alone in the city of light;
really; this is a very unique place untouched by america; the best of everything and a little backwards;
I see fur coats and lots of leather, foie gras;;
I am so in heaven; this will be a very special trip for me::this is beauty; I am gonna run wild and not think about anything;
So far I ate avocado, tangerines; dates
a fruitarian penpal mailed me from arizona; thirty pounds as a gift; he had my po box from lending me some books; how nice: all I did was go on a board and ask if anyone could lend me some books; the dates are the best ever; they are like real fruit, not dried:
The Eiffel tower looms over gray cold Paris;
I wanna do a Davinci code tour§
I wanna hang out at the louvre and talk to mary magdalene;s sarcophagus under the pyramid; the chalice and the sword, lol i love that movie!
i wxanna see the catacombs but; i want to go with a friend; that is way too special to not share it:
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DEC 9 pARIS
I went to a church yesterday for a few hours; It is in My neighbor hood, which is the best in Paris; I sat there and looked up; it was all stone; buttresses and cold;
I walked around in it for a long time; it was haunting; I felt history, looking at gol dpaint that was there written in 1500 and wondering how it is still there
on the walls which were black you could see faintly underneath paintings and the black door of a confessional used to be red velvet; ancient and awesome
are people still the same§
I walked the TULIERIES and rue de rivoli and saw so much grandeur of a past that had wealth beyone wealth, that kind of money does not exist today; that kind of detail; nowhere
Paris is romance; it is love, every corner every block has art , human art
I have found I am attracted to the best of it
I was out the door at 615 and walked thru dark paris; it was a little scary::it was all black; I found where the Bastille used to be, found ,art markets getting ready and saw movie halls
There are so many unique to Paris things here; I saw blueberry water; carrot oil; and cool stuff;
smells fill the streets
ancient churches on every block;
I saw Victor Hugo*s house and statues; museums of picasso; writers; art; everything you can think of; louis 13 park; I saw where royalty lived;;I saw beauty in all the windows; no chain stores here
I saw many people from all over
I lay in bed; last night; it is a room for 3 people and I am alone on this tiny bed, like a cot and everything is an antique, anyways I got the best sleep; ate an avocado with my fingers; watched some french tv
I ate figs, cherries, grapes; avocado had tea in my hotel room;
it is so beautiful; I am gonna spend the rest of the day;*
Oh In my neighborhood <I have the best fruit markets, the fruit is incredible, avocados from israel; mangos I never seen before, grapes that are real looking and blue purple with seeds; cherries; oh I saw zucchini that are in ball shapes!
I love my long underwear pants beneath muy pants; makes me comfortable and not cold
It is warm here in december
Everything is and looks parisian;
I want to see the movie ERAGON;
People dress the best here; the best, even average people look eccentric; and cool; by our standards at home:
Everything is grand exquisite, the best;;stylish, fashionable and old
I still cannot use this keyboard; its not qwerty but azertyµ there is no question mark, this is hard to type
I would like to hang in the cool places too, downtown is all rich people;;which I like but I want artist meccas too
I want to see versaille and I want to see mansions;
I have these huge hickeyes on my nipples from my friend in miami; they look awful: lol oh I have decided I am not shaving here in paris; everything is sooo natural here; I hate shaving anyways; I have done it every day since I was seventeen; I am talking about down there;; I will do my arm pits; of course!
I got my period too; how nice
I wish a friend and I lived here in Paris in the summers; I wish we have a nice condo we rent in Les Vosges, Vosages I think; it is a grand area and famous marquis lived there
I am so happy and I found myself; I did, it is I that I found, my life; my soul ; I pinpointed it and I am getting to know who I am; its an energy; ME, inside or around me; my life force; I talk to it; this is where imagination comes in; I write to it; I write to my life force me; and ask questions; and tell it how I feel and what I want
I want the best of the best of course
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LOUVRE
Oh my god I had a panic attack at the Louvre.
First of all, the planets most expensive stuff, priceless is there. It has the possesions of pharoahs and kings and queens from the beginning of time
I was there six hours and only saw a little of one section. I was freaking out because I paid for two exhibitions I didn’t see so I rushed there.
The Louvre is like a million eight stories mansions stacked next to each other; They say its 4 etages but there are floors between them and unerground; There is even a medieval castle in there;
I was freaking out, lost and angry, why is it so big!
circumcision child mutilations religion does
Every room and every floor had paintings on ceilings, doors that were priceless, floors, tiles, marble stairs;
PRICELESS stuff and I was hanging out with the world,s most expensive stuff,
Sorry about the typos I can;t make sense of this european keyboard
I did not get to see all of one exbition and I paid for two besides the museum;
One was William Hogarth. He is amazing. He does series in a story of ink and piantings each; The ink is the same as the painting but inverted.
My fave is A HARLOT’S PROGRESS and here is the first one
I won’t tell you how it ends, another is about a bad marriage and here is one pic
I was furious because I have problems walking , I did it all day there and every painting had three people in front and a line behind them and that was part of a bigger line etc;
I then decided I would come back every day,
The photos I took are THOUSAND TIMES better than the last time I was there; I have a better camera§
Oh the stuff I saw: oh;oh brain orgasm; The most expensive cups, jewelry, furniture, every day things; the most expenive pillows :egyptian headrests:; the most expensive statues, art;;;
I did not even come close to the section Mona L ; is in!
I ate some LYCHEES and some figs
WHEN I AM DONE WITH THAT LOUVRE PLACE IN AND OUT I AM SEEING VERSAILLES !ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
orgasmmmmmmmmm that is the shit
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DEC 10
The second day of the LOUVRE and I still have not seen shit and have to go back again!
I am doing the audio tour, every person in every painting is somebody, myth or scandal or real event, propoganda, etc
My mind is blown away, every painter, special,
Delacroix is cool; HUNG OUT WITH MONA but not enough; the paintings are so large and every painting has symbols the audio tour tells you and every painting has compositions and shapes;
They point out detail in the audio tour you would never see;
Rooms of busts of emperors all the way from 100 bc, Looking into their eyes and seeing them; feeling them in my brains, intense; Had no idea there were so many
Had no idea GREEK history was so rich, and interesting
Hearing about their lives and how the were executed;
Sculptures from every country, religious or religious , from Diana to Mary
The floors, the walls, the ceilings, Every room in the Louvre used to house princesses once or famous things too the audio tour tells you;
I want to know the Louvre inside and out and will not stop until I do; I have seen maybe a whisper;
all I had to eat were dates, cacao beans, avocados and persimmons
GUESS WHAT
Last night I go in my room and there is a stinky DURIAN, someone delivered it , a penpal from ALSACE, unfortunately I was too tired to see him; I am a diva these days huh?! So he had to go back to Alsace without seeing me
The hotel owner,s son knocked on my door and asked me out, I nearly slammed the door in his face; NOT INTERESTED I said shaking my head, in Paris you have to , be aggressive in NO otherwise they chase you;
THIS KEYBOARD MAKES ME look like a moron I cannot type on it, its european
Early before sunrise I walked across the SEINE and followed photographers with tri pods running everywhere, and they took me to amazing sights, wait til I post my photos, such grandeur that is god like
My place is in the center of it all; oh yeah it is
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dec 11
Today is rainy in Paris, I spent it at The Louvre. So Far fourteen hours in there. I just got thru the French Painters today. I did not finish the Italian. Pretty much did small sections thruout but there is so much more I have not seen yet.
I learned who all the saints looked like today, St. Sebastian is always with arrows and I know what each apostle looks like too. I did some churchy sections today. I saw all these shocking paintings, like one of Virgin Mary, a natural human one on her deathbed and Mary Magdalene holding a skull to a candle contemplating her past.
I know who Ester is. I know about the rapes of the Sabines. I know all about Emperor Trajan, in fact I walked by a statue and knew it was him.
I love this painting that got this artist into an art academy
http://www.depauw.edu/library/vrc/galleries/fall04/arth132/11/images/126_Chardin_Rayfish.jpg
I am very happy now. I am warm and indoors on internet cafe in my hotel. I ate an avocado and some cherries.
I had a good day.
I need human warmth and flesh. Not just here in Paris but in real life. I need to be with someone I love more than anything and hold him. I need to feel a man I love more than anything, his skin and his mouth. I want to feel his hot body under the sheets with the rain outside and the wool blanket I have in my closet here.
I need to be friends with my body.
A little sad today, Lonely.
I started talking to imaginary people, like my people back home. Just to see what is there and I was shocked.
I realized alot of my affections and intentions may not all be true. I realized that sometimes I play games with people, my goal is to win. But the thing is, I do not know I ever do or am doing this. Its like I am at strategy or games for fun.
I need to be aware of this and stop it, in its tracks, and be true , a real friend to people, with good intentions. I see where my karma gives me back what I put out.
I feel insecurity sometimes, with some people, and that is not a sign to bring out the lion but a sign to be humble and trust in the self.
Some relationships to me feel unreal, unnatural, and I fight it, when I need to let what is attracted to me be, rather than manipulate life, What I want should come natural to me, without any hard work at all? In fact everything should be comfortable.
I want to be on good terms with people.
I think that is what beauty is, the look of comfort, with self and in life.
If I see that, I will know that that is true beauty. Someone who is comfortable with every part of their life. And things come on their own.
I walked in a sea of people, looking for beauty, but even the beautiful were just like the ugly. Underneath. I saw ugly in everybody. I sighed, looked down at the floor, and disappeared in my audio tour headphones of the Louvre.
Art is seeking the beautiful, even the oil portraits of people are the IDEAL of them. The busts of old emperors were given naked chests full of muscle. Photoshopping is not new.
I am not in the habit of walking around with long flowing robes, with one breast hanging out and beautiful hair long to the floor like in paintings. Am I beautiful?
I stared at Japanese lolita girls, cute, but I could see they are like everyone else, noone is special. We are all alike, all frightened of the same things. Being ugly.
I think its ok to be ugly. That is why I liked William Hogarth exhibit so much, he draws the ugly Check out GIN LANE http://www.peterwestern.f9.co.uk/hogarth/hogarth48.jpg
I got a WEIRD fragrant melon, I never seen before and avocados and cherries. A mango, A kind I have never seen before too.
Every one speaks French to me, everyone. I used to blush and nod but now I just say I SPEAK ENGLISH and they speak in English to me.
I found me? I did. Now what to do with me?
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