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jan 6-10
1:oopm
-Watermelon juice
- a small jug of coconut mylk made from a press
3:00 watermelon juice
5:00 Pineapple juice with some wheatgrass in it
8:00pm
Cubed Avocado and cherry tomatoes salad dish
Cubed Red Bell Pepper and Cherry Tomatoes dish
All night snack: Organic Bing Cherries
/
I had a day that was all about less instead of the usual MORE.
I went to the beach and slept, on my face, waking up to lifeguards whistle.
I had that nappy groggy feeling and felt the warm wind. It is tourist season .
I was laying there in the warm sun, just cuddling dreams and feeling safe sand at peace.
Time elapsed, it sure did. There was no stress and nothing to do.Just enjoying myself.
I turned over on my back and tried to sleep again.
I went to the water which was ice cold when I had to pee. There was seaweed floating
and I found a real sponge to bring home and scrub with. There was a sandbar children
were playing on, women were lying sunning. I was
listening in on some people’s conversations. they talk about their flights and what they
ware going to do, on cell phones and such.. I hear tourists whisper about the topless girls.
Some mutant cooked food Seagulls, all fat and looking like chickens on sticks,
saw me chewing on the coconut milk meat that didn’t get strained, and they walked
right up to me, They saw my mouth was moving so they all
honed it.
I imagined them as aliens and for a minute they looked really freaky and cool.
I spit some out at them but I don’t think they liked them. They like hot dogs and chips.
I had on a pink bikini with this 65 $ light white and pastel print dress I got on the
beach once before. Ralph Lauren foot sandals.
I felt like I was asleep all day. There are some street bums on South beach. this one lady I always see, '
her bottom eyelids are always red and swollen, open to reveal red flesh, and she has long hair and sits
there on
the street and smokes or sleeps. YUKKY.
The next block this other bum lady wears a wig, crocs and is obviously on the drink or something.
She begs for money and some guys stop and give it to her. I always see both of them, for years.
I looked at some necklaces on Espagnola way. I am not going to buy myself jewelry anymore.
It’s just not special when you buy things for yourself.
I went into a bookstore and paged thru some books. This one of this guys journal, every day
its like a different collage and it all looks so cool. I used to know girls who did stuff like that in
High school. Stick things in notebooks and draw and write poems all over it for each day. Stickers,
magazine cut outs, doodles and designs.
Some guy told me they were shooting a video this week on the beach and he wants to put me in it.
I have heard that one before, a few times, actually. I stood there sleeping.
I was in a very nice place today, far away from everything and where I want to be emotionally.
I surprise myself sometimes. I really do.
I didn’t have any makeup on and did not shower but I still felt beautiful. It was a weird day.
I did not even put in my contact lenses. AH ! What a great day, wind on my eyes, comfort
and no strain. Sometimes
it is good to be where it is comfortable to be, just for one day. I will take a hot bath soon
with some candles and essential oils.
Leaving home was quite a project. My landlord is always outside, always, and when he sees me
he startes talking to me and won’t shut up. Talks on, blocking my path, about Tuscany and how
he wants to buy a place there and fix it up or about India or traveling, or even about chocolate
from Jamaica he has had..and I have to look interested. So I had to sneak out and hope he didn’t
see me. I always have to do that, or else he stops me and asks questions..he gets close too
and I just want to run away.
I read Vanity Fair and wondering now if I should go get some movies.
/
I got a package in the mail from Dad. A whole bunch of stuff, I could not possibly go thru it all.
But one thing he got me is this cool hemp backpack that has a tiny Buffalo with hemp leaf on it
for BUFFALO HEMP TRADERS, and its so nice. I am from Buffalo, NY. Also, he got me a tote bag
with a photograph he took of the CHIHULY exhibit in Miami and it is special because I HAVE BEEN
TO THAT EXHIBIT and I loved it so much.
He likes to send me photos already magnetized and laminated for my fridge. This time it’s him with
my uncle, grandma, aunt and cousins. So I have to look at everyone when I go to the fridge. I think
about my cousins, one is pretty fat and into cars, the other, Nikki is handsome and always with his
girlfriend. He got me more stuff too, like all this art stuff, jewelry , a wallet, a hemp scarf, buttons,
candles, makeup, Burt Bees face creams I don’t use.
For Christmas I sent him a package from the Louvre post office in Paris. I forget, like Napoleon stickers,
Versailles pen and Vive la France painting notebooks, Mona Lisa stuff..
Speaking of face stuff. I have not put soap on my face for like 6 months now. I wash with water and a towel.
If I have makeup on that won’t come off I use coconut oil. I have the smoothest face too, it is a thousand times
cleaner than it was when I was scrubbing it with expensive face soaps, and alcohol toning it with all these
chemicals. I look back to all these photos, even those taken last summer, and my skin was so bad compared
to now. It was so bad. And even then it was way way better than then before! I stopped soap on my face,
as an experiment and it really is true.
I have to wash my hair and condtion though. It’s totally high maintenance hair.
/
I made a Banana, Persimmon, whole peeled Tangerine and Mango smoothie. MMM
The leftovers I mixed with flax seeds and dehydrated for my pet rats. They like the cookies I make for them.
Sometimes I put in green powders for them and a little salt.
I put the smoothie on a plate and gave it to them also. One of them went up to it and then
started lapping it up, it was funny. The other one from below, jumped on the walls on the
cage and made its way to the top, almost flying like a flying monkey. They can even climb the ceiling. T
he other one got some old crackers I refilled for them. She had one in its mouth and both of them,
at the same time, started running on the wheel . I was impressed. I think rats are very smart.
Last night I made marinated MACHE for them with oil and braggs. All gone today. They love greens.
They will eat it until they are full.
I do not know how to handle them or train them.
You can train them to come to you by name and to walk on hind legs. Also how to make your
home rat proof! .. huh? You can let them out of the cage?
He says the proper way and words to use when introducing them to your friends…also how to
show them how smart they are. Little tests and projects.
I wonder if I should get it downloaded to my sony reader?
Maybe after I am done reading Vanity Fair. Its a long book . 1500 pages,
that is amazing, such intimate detail of victorian upper class London..it’s funny too, and gloomy a bit gothy.
Sunday afternoon is a good time to play with them. I cleaned their mansion.
I put big balls of newspaper in the bottom, they play in that for hours and roll around in it.
I know some of you are like, big deal, they are RATS! But no. They are not just rats. They are people
trapped in rat’s body.
I wonder if their teeth are yellow because of the pellet crap shit they have been eating.
I put my rats on raw diet and we’ll see if the teeth start looking whiter.
Anyways my rats are originally bred for show,
I have the albino pink eyes. They are show rats. Like Persian or Siamese cats. They are the fanciest.
I am trying to adopt two white Doves, “Socrates and Plato”,
that have been abandoned but I have not heard back
from the animal shelter after submitting my application..
Trust me, I would have cats or dogs,but my landlord!…
I heard him freaking out over some girl having cats.
They meow because they are kittens and were really loud, I think she had to put them outside
because cats come to her door every night for food.
I see a black cat always waiting for me and I am so superstitious about crossing paths.
Anyways, today is about cleaning and hanging out at home. Maybe I will go out later, if I did,
it would be to test my new camera lense. This thing is a joke. Almost 2 grand and it’s so\
long that they tripod hook
is on the middle of the lense itself. I am going to have to put it in a backpack and how
I am going to sneak it into places,
museums etc is beyond me. Maybe it is good for spying on people far away.
I want to take photos of people. That seems boring, but in a way ts to record people of our times.
Not everyone is hot, but I am simply recording life as it is.
/
I also ate some watermelon chunks
/
jan 7
I
took this with my new lense, in the other room, because it’s super zoom lense. I was in another room!
Not bad huh! I still do not know how to work my camera, can you believe it, it’s on auto so
I had to brighten it a bit on photoshop.
jan 7
I lie in my bed, all warm. I reach for you and you are there next to me. All is safe and I am ok.
I walked to the store, it was raining and I took my umbrella with Vincent Van gogh’s lilies on them.
I walked the streets, and breathed. It was so nice to breathe. It was, like it satisfied me.
The air was cool and it is just getting dark. I felt really good.
Moments like that I love. The are usually outside, and I feel like a love from within, it fills me so deep
and I want to just make love to the thoughts, dreams and visions that I see. Total tranquility.
I feel I can touch you, I feel I can reach out and there you are in my hands and in my heart.
I was having a Mary-Kate Olsen day, meaning I want to wear clothes that feel like pajamas.
I was thinking of going shopping just for that look. Throwing out all my old dresses with rough
edges and uncomfortable starchy shirts. I don’t need anything that feels uncomfortable or high maintenance.
But I do want quality.
Today when I woke up, I had F.S. Orange Juice.
Later I juiced an entire Pineapple with a little sage.
Later, I did not know what to do with the coconut half, I got yesterday, so I made a little coconut mylk,
added 3 cacao beans, in my vitamix, and strained it.
Finally I got two watermelon halves and scooped one out into a blender with ice and it made a lot.
SO I guess I am juice fasting today.
A little withdrawn, silent, watching French films in my bed and Oliver Twist.
I want to dance with you, take you in my arms and just move , move until the music stops and we are laughing.
I experience life, I feel so much, and see so much beauty. I am completely satisfied with you, I need nothing more.
I have not worn makeup in days and now that I have some on, I look in the mirror and vaguely recognize me.
I really am amazing and classy. I am wearing a grey and white silk dress that goes to the floor.
I have sprayed rose water all over me. Just the touch of my hands. I am one with the best.
I am. I feel like I am where everyone can’t be. People never ever get to this level of satisfaction.
I feel clean and radiant. I do. I feel I am on a different path, I feel very secure and very happy.
I could be this happy for a long time.
I wore this dress once before.
You know I never learned to drive, nor want to , ever? I possibly can’t drive or own my own car.
I hate responsibility like that.
jan 9
AVOCADOS, GRAPES, CHERRY TOMATOES and a little raw corn
The corn I bought originally was for my pet food I was making. I needed to try it because
I had a memory of corn..last minute craving.
Not very fruitarian but nobody is perfect.
Raw Corn I do not like, I decided, it’s too starchy like a potato. For my tastebuds at least.
Next time, I will leave it for my pets. Everything else was so juicy..and delish. Grapes and savory fruit?
It worked for me.
I will make the same dish ,but without the corn, tomorrow and mix it all up yummy.
I do not usually eat my meals in stereo but I have lately. I like one fruit at a time usually.
~
I spent the night on South beach.
I woke up last night and saw the moon on the ocean. I was on beach, 14th floor facing it.
I went out on the deck. I saw the cabanas at the Delano and I heard music thru the wind,
and it went on all night. The ocean was black and the moon white. It was a moment. Darkness,
all black. Me without my contact lenses. In the dark. I went back to sleep. The wind blowing in.
My fingers around my white blanket..drifting..in peace..first class..
I woke up again, that black hole of deadnight, I feel like something great was talking to me, something
chimerical calling me. It was intensely vivid like being in a real dream. Me alone with a very alive black
night calling me , telling me I was on the verge of something incredible, not in words but it a psychic vision
. A vision of that glass door open with the moon all along the ocean. You could see the reflection in the ocean
a million times brighter than the moon itself was. ROAR! and the waves and the wind calling me..and me awake
alone staring at it.
Today I got some clothes and some ballet style shoes at the mall, that I saw everywhere in Paris.
I got a floor length bohemian dress, another one Miami Beach sexy style..I also bought a pink dress
that is short and skin tight, bra a must. And I also got a new bra, my bra size increased to a c.
Is that amazing? I am 32 c. My whole life I was a b or thought I was, maybe. I discovered this
recently as my friends all roll their eyes.
I saw a gorgeous bracelet , oh, made out of coconut shell, but I remembered my new rule and put it back.
I rushed to make a ballet class on my bike, and I got lost in the Gables on the University of Miami side.
I had to stop and look, gape at homes that looked like they were made for movie stars. Color of Coral,
basketball hoops, grand staircases on the outside..Me looking backwards as they went by.
Then I got found and lost again and wound up on a golf course, whizzing by old men in golf carts
and more mansion backyardsides looking out at me. Birds and colorful flowers erupting
all around me and the sunset..Riding over cute bridges , streams, moguls and thru palms.
I found and snuck thru a fence.
When I got home , I had just enough time to still make it, but I got distracted gossiping on the phone with
someone. Missed class.
I rejected a guy today. I thought we were just going to be friends…and I am going to permanently sunder
this, it’s for the best. How dare he ask me what kind of lovers had I had? It’s Nohb
I am in bed watching DATE MOVIE and V is for Vendetta about totalitarian future London. Totally a version o
f 1984 but with a hero. Bombs are germs. ( I don’t believe in that) Movie night by myself. sigh..Parliament and Big ben get
blown up in it , with fireworks, just like I saw at New year’s when I was there.
Days, weeks , months go by so easily, so quickly, with no effort or strain. I am remember once, life was so
hard and things were difficult. I have memories of my younger years of feeling very uneasy.
Feeling as if life were sometimes
torturous. I cannot even relate now. It’s so far away..
I am so lucky. I found it.
/
I feel sorry for my old life, I wish I could go back in time to were I was sitting somewhere
feeling morbid and I would give myself a flower, a rare rose and I would whisper in my ear, that I love you .
You are so beautiful.
You are so young and alive, why bother with this life, throw it away, forever..eat fruit be cute.
/
I stay alone alot, unless I am traveling or seeing beauty like the beach or the woods.\
I think I will go and photograph Fairchild Tropical Gardens tommorow .
But I do like to love and make love I really do, I am passionate about it.
I am passionate about being in love, for ever and ever and before I was born.
To be naked and with a man who wants me, who is uxorious , and man enough .
One who is always there, mocking me by changing his face. I know who he is, he is mine.
The one I want, that is you, the one I am in love with, the one I want to chase down every day \
of my life until I am dead and since I was born, you. You have haunted me with your games and
hide and seek. I love you completely. I am yours, you know it.
But I have you, I do, alone and at peace and in perfect love and understanding. I do,
we are together and locked in embrace and in bed.
/
I took this today, at the Fairchild Tropical gardens.
My dates came in from Yuma, AZ!!
30 lbs of the frest and juiciest medjool dates.
I woke up and had some Grapes. Had squeezed Orange Juice a few hours later and then I had an avocado at Fairchild Gardens, outside a lily pond. I just made an florida Avocado, Banana and Date smoothie.
I spent a few hours there, at Fairchild in a sort of dead zone, not in that pejorative sense but like I was away from my life..in a zone where my old life was dead and I could enjoy myself.. no worry, no time, nothing.. but me in a beautiful garden.. walking fondly in the sun, thru flowers, tropical fruit trees, and oh, the palms..they were so pretty. I saw a Cacao tree and Durian tree too.
This is where I went today, I wanted to get two fruit posters one was subtropical fruit and the other tropical. I think I will make one myself though. I am going to go here tomorrow again too. Maybe stay all night.
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