My apple swan


I lay here in bed wondering what I am going to eat today. I have to buy Julienned Apple and Celery root salad, because I am not around a grocery store at the moment,and there is a restaurant close by, with that on the menu.

I feel I have come from depths I never have explored. I feel security from myself.

I feel happy. I am coming to terms with things. Almost like letting go and holding on to something else dearly, and feeling a little release..but only because it is replaced by a new idea, like dating ideas..

Dating a better way.

I need to feel loved.
In my dreams I am. I have everything in my mind.

“Follow your bliss”. My dad sent me that bumper sticker and I have it on my computer.

If I did that I would ignore my life. That sounds good.
 Walk away into happiness.
Leave my life behind , leave it to ashes.

Could I really live a life unlike my own? Are all my values and hopes, are they what make me happy?

Have they?

I want just to be happy. I only care about that.

I have so much to be grateful for that I already have. I am intelligent. Beautiful. I am so much. I am way more than that too, because I cannot see it.

I long for the summers. I do, I long for summer . I like long walks in parks overflowing with flowers and dreams made real.

I am so grateful.

I long for hearts melting on my skin. I long for embrace and true trust and happiness.

I WANT TO BE AN INTRINSICAL PART OF life.

I want to be held at hearts length.

 There is everything right with with me.

We all want to be loved.

I am young and have so much I want. So much to give,

I am wearing a gown, it fits my body tightly, empire cut and feels silky.

It ties with gold rope around my neck.

I want so bad to hot tub, but I forgot to bring a swimsuit.

The Prince and Camilla are in the USA.

I love the Royal Family. I do, very much.

WOw that is a dream. Unfinished business.

I feel goodness beaming thru me and I need to let it be and loosed the grip on the vein of it, let the blood of pure joy flow.

I am listening to Marianne by Nouvelle Vague, makes me cry.

 I am so grateful now that all I have to do is feel good and let the earth move under

I am so grateful now that all I have to do is what is good and that will lead me to all my dreams . Trust in that is good, trust in feeling good will lead to feeling good more.

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I went to the grocery store, I bought everything. Everything fruit and some Whole Foods guacamole to dip my red pepper in.
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Words create our world, whether we like or not.

I do everything I say I am going to do.But just words alone without feeling behind it are not moving enough.

I live in a world with out vision, I am blind sometimes with only feelings to guide me and senses.

I ate some avocado with yellow peppers. I put a little sprouts on top but I wound up not eating them.

I am glad, I am, I realize that I have all that I want in my mind. I do. It’s beautiful. I also am grateful for things I have in reality.

I do. I have alot of goals and visions. I feel happy and I am loved.

I am in a better mood today. I have a lot of love energy.

Where am I going? Where is the joy of youth and the pleasure of love?

Where am I going to wind up, in beautiful eyes looking back at me? What boats am I going to sail on, in what countries? Tanned, white pants and barefeet in the sun..

What arms have I, that are warm and waiting for your touch, waiting for your heat to warm my cold lips?

I want to go to your country and disappear on that island of hopes and laughter.

I want to jump in your mind, and see what it is like to wrap myself in soft, pink flesh that tastes like candy sprinkles.

So today it is sunny and there is snow on the ground. I am in Philly. I want to take the Landmark Forum again. I just really loved 4 days of really getting my brian turned out on the floor and see all these words disappear from meanings.

There is something in it, if I can isolate it, something from the original course of the 1970’s..its extreme… I like that..it is not easy to fall apart in the mind, easy like the Landmark course makes it.

I would like to do that , disappear , take a real vacation, from my mind, and be in that nothingness..

I want to stop being a gadabout and be happy with the space.

I want to be in that space like the womb or death..

All I want to be is inside the space where you are at, all I want to see is things with you. I want to be yours.

What was the meaning to life again? Was it nothing?

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This latest thing of mine I am loving, Medjool dates and soft avocado chopped and mixed together.. on some anti-fruitarian sites those two things are the BAD stuff, they say, the hard stuff, we are addicted to..lol. Fat and sugar..People ask me all the times how many avocados a day is safe to eat.. Please , go eat a cheeseburger!

I am very happy today, tonight. I feel really good. I feel amazing. I believe in wonderful things. I love myself. I never have had a more perfect moment than today..ever.

I swear, it is not DWolfe stuff, but literally a miracle has happened in my mind. I have found a key inside my brain.

I am so thankful to this universe. Thank you.

I am going back to School. Yes, I am. I am so excited. I can barely wait. I want to go soon.

It is the happiest day of my life.

I know I will succeed, I have so much talent that needs to be focused..

I want graphic arts, art, art, art..photogrpahy. And am going to a nice school too.

It is in my reach. I am going to learn how to create. I am going to learn how to do this I enjoy, and master them. it has been what I always loved, the arts.

This will conflate everything so I may be the person, I want to be, for the best.


Chihuly exhibit




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