Here is me, I found these, today, from in the woods




This young, blonde guy, offered to carry my watermelons home, from the supermarket. He was from Paris. I thought, how strange, Paris. He is 24 years old. Alot, of our conversation was ungenuine and fake.  We were both hiding things. Anyways, he told me Americans have two personalities, real puritan and then real crazy.
He went to school in Malibu, and from there came to Miami.

I had a Green Papaya and Tomato salad at this Asian restaurant. Very good. It was a little spicy with chili.

I went to get my camera fixed. It was a setting, my iso was way off. I was reading, in my camera book, how to saturate colors, right on the camera itself, rather than on photoshop.

I feel life is a test. I am always given choices. I am, and life is a test, on "did I pick the right choice". I think life rewards right choices, and punishes bad choices. The bad choices are always the easiest. They should be the hardest and we should naturally gravitate towards what is right, but I think with all the evil, temptation, lust, greed, sloth etc, in the world our sensors are off.

I wrote the USDA. I don't really eat almonds, but I don't want to see raw almonds pasteurized.

Here is my letter:

To
Secretary Mike Johanns
United States Department of Agriculture
1400 Independence Ave SW
Whitten Building – Suite 200A
Washington, D.C. 20250

As a consumer of raw almonds, I am very concerned regarding the final rule (7 CFR Part 981, Docket No. FV06-981-1 FR) amending the almond marketing order to require that all almonds be "pasteurized."

I was not given a choice in this.

First of all, pasteurizing anything kills. Pasteurized milk, kills baby cows that are fed it. Pasturized orange juice is good for weeks, and human bodies reject it.
I make almond mylk out of spouted almonds. I am a raw foodist and  I avoid anything that used to make me sick, such as processed cooked foods. I gave up all dead foods, and I did this just to feel normal. Now you are taking away my almonds?

Please PLEASE, I know a TON of people upset over this. This is crazy, please help . Is this a country where I have to get foods underground?
 The stuff in our produce section breeds sickness in its lack of life force and vitamins.

Do you know what it is like to go in a grocery store and have it filled with food and nothing I can eat? I only eat pure raw foods. Do not take away my almonds please!!!

I wish I could give up on things and just pay attention to me, and my mind and my life. I do. I should just go away on vacation, but from my own self reproaches in my mind.

Someone sent his to me:

GMO's (Genetically Modified Organisms) are NOT marked in American grocery stores and super markets!

 the only way you can know what you are buying is to look at the little stickers on your produce -

if the sticker # starts with a number "4" it is conventionally grown - which means it is grown using pesticides, herbacides and in some cases even sewage sludge...

if the sticker# begins with the number "9" it is organically grown - that means it has all the vitamins and minerals nature intended and it is grown without toxic chemicals...

if the sticker # starts with the number "8" it is a GMO - beware!!! eating such experimental foods is gambling with your health! the consequences of ingesting GMO's have not yet been determined.

I want to treat myself right, I want to be nice to myself. I want to love myself and I know what I have done. I know I do not deserve love. I know this. I want to be a person who deserves it.
I want to eat only fruit. I know it is what I need. I know I can thrive on it. I know I can change into the me, I love. I thought today, that eating habits are reflective of your moods. I have been empty lately. I should instead, try to act, full of love. Without being insincere. I should give myself everything, I do want t give myself everything. I want to send out love and happiness, laughter and joy. Must I deserve it first? I want to deserve it. I want to be someone who deserves what I get. I want to deserve everything. That is what I want Everything.

april 25






I had an avocado with salsa, and later the onions in it, made my tummy sick , a little. And then a Mamey smoothie with dates.

I sat many hours in the park reading assignments. I forced myself to finish 8 chapters in two sittings. I was aware of guys watching me, guys in suits who hang out at Starbucks, but they were all too afraid of me. I had no desire to talk to anyone, but I did feel a little attractive, but it's all fake attractiveness. Insincere attractiveness. Noone is that good looking, when we are alone, with ourselves. Around other people we put on airs, fantasy.

Like I started to pretend, I was a real good woman, and I felt this glow come in my body, and I really was good and wonderful, and had and owned everything. I was really proud of myself and attracted attention. But like I said, it's just airs, fantasy. Everybody does it, we are not ourselves, but rather who we wish we were, when around others.
.
A few people called me.

I was thinking, you know, so bad I want to follow something, someone or what is right. I want to follow, and be told my purpose, and what to do. I want to be given direction from the all-everything source. I want to be one, with the good, and follow its orders, and directions. I want to do, what I am told, and follow, and do and be given purpose. And who am I to follow? Well, I used to follow gurus and loves, but I think,
 " God" , or the answer to all questions, is actually ME. Listen to that, and I get all the answers. Anything I need to know, listen to the silence that is my all powerful brain. When I need to know an answer, or when I am making a decision, or want to be told where to go, or need to listen to my judgement.. I should listen to my empty brain, meditate and listen to a language I cannot hear. Messages..in silence. I mean, who else is my leader, but myself? I want so bad to be given all the answers, and maybe I have it. But it's not in words, its invisible. I want the higher source, to program me, not society.
I swear, I am not stoned, but I really am looking for the source and the direction, my ultimate love. My ultimate path of perfection, where I get everything, I have always wanted. Where everything works, my way. I want to follow that path.