I am happyfor all the people, I just took the Landmark advanced course, with. I mean, every face I see, I know in such a unique, and special way.

I cannot tell you, how Landmark education, has affected me. It is the happiest, I have ever been in my life, in those courses. Happiest and saddest. Literally, you are changed in the present, doing really the hardest things you could.

I could see real people, the heroes inside, the powerful people, that noone has ever unleashed in themselves. People really are, what their past said was not possible. It was so heavenly and magical.

Besides feelings, I want to test the material, physical world, out there. I want proof that this transformation, is not just inside but on my outside. It is what I am calling. I want miracles.

I literally saw myself inside things , my past never said was possible. I was free from me. I was in them.

I also talk to people, for practice, inside my possibility I invent.

Everybody talks to each other as possibilities, so everyone brings that to everyone, and we all are so in love with each other.

WHO I AM IS Their POSSIBILITY OF HAPPINESS, AND THE ACT I AM GIVING UP IS,
" LEAVE ME ALONE"

Awesome.

I feel powerful.
 I do. I feel it. I know feelings are not me, but I can't explain the freedom of my soul , my real soul, it's alive and I am another person.

The nakedness and joy, the energy and the world where everything is possible. It's all amazing.

The last step in it, is the Self expression and Leadership program. I signed up. We do over 3 months projects.

The Landmark forum was about you, the Advanced Course  is about others, and the SELP  is THE WORLD.

And, there is the "I", meaning, ME, in individual, relationship, family, group, community, organization and the world,

Through selp, I can have tools, to REALLY BE, and work with the World.
I am so excited. I can do anything. Now I need to train the world to see me, and listen to me in my possibility and not my act. Retrain my world.

I am the clearing for so much, but today, HAPPINESS, can you just feel it, off me??

I feel like this today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iuOOt2qFJU



Whenever, I had said, " I was Happy", I didn't mean, it, because THIS is what it is to be happy. Really. I am so grateful. Grateful for seeing, the most power in people. Seeing beauty. Love, healing.

P R OM I S E

I will always care for all people. I learned that today too. Healing and love for people.

My coach told us a story. She made a promise, she would never, ever make anyone WRONG, ever again, even herself. It inspired me. It really worked with her, I could see it.

PROMISE !

I will never make anyone wrong, ever again, even myself.


I was wishing, that I could see heroes, remember, I wrote about that? Well I saw sparks.
All the acts, all the sincerity ( still not real), all the fears, etc, all stripped away, whatever was old gone, for seconds, for hours, and people just bloomed, in front of me. 

I was someone, noone would recognize, on stage, sucking all the inspiration and energy and totally acting on, giving back, whatever it was, powerful and beautiful, that came to mind and expressing that. I couldn't believe how I was being.

I called my dad, sister, Joshua, and I want to take it on, that we can all have Thanksgiving together, even with my mom, dad and relatives. I want a dream family. I do.

I went back in time thru painful experiences to find what my command, in the face of failing, was to life, and to me, and it was always, " LEAVE ME ALONE, GO AWAY" and I cried when I realized, that this runs my life and I REALLY WIND UP BEING ALONE, inside this act, I have done. And probably will always do this til I die, unless I CHOOSE, Possibility or my act.

So I went thru all these failures in my childhood, and some of them popped up in my mind, and I had to follow whatever came up, so I learned about failures, I never knew were failures, until I went back, and I realized, that I sold out as a child too. 

And another thing, that came up, while, I was expecting other things, to. I was brought back to elementary school. I went on a school trip, to Boston, and my dad refused to give me money. Now, my classmates had millionaires as parents. This was unacceptable, so I stole money, 100 dollars. That was a big failure for me. The entire trip was spent in a sort of FRAUD.  I was seeing things, I never saw before, even then. I knew it was ungiven money, and I stole it. I failed. I dreaded coming back home, it was a place of real failure and sadness.
These issues always appeared in later life.
SO, I called him and asked him to forgive me. I can't tell you, how that felt, the weight off me, I never, ever would have known, that that was having an effect on my life daily..I fixed it. It is gone.


/

When I got home, I found Marilyn Manson's new cd "Eat me Drink me", on my doorstep. I am ok, with gifts given like that.

I just ate tomatoes, strawberries, oranges, sugarcane juice etc etc.

/


May 7

I spent the day writing. That's all I did. I wrote a story. I like writing. I wish I could do it all night. It feels so good to write.

I am listening to Marilyn Manson's new Cd, " Eat me, drink me", it's lovely. I can tell Manson fans will be torn about it, its so different, so much passion. I love it. It's so awesome, it's not as metally. I love it.

I feel so good. I rode my bike. Everything makes sense, as far as other people go. I am free, as long as I choose freedom.

My mom is registered this weekend. It's so incredible for me, I am bringing this, to my family. The best game anyone could ever play...and you just might win.

Today, all I ate, was mamey/date smoothies, bananas, watermelon juice, and salsa, mixed with cucumber and avocado. I had a little sprouts.

I am on my bed with a short pastel dress, barefeet and with my Swiss watch. I have a bowl, and a spoon on my bed, empty. It was my avocado, cucumber and salsa mixed up.  I have on my cherry ring. My hair is dyed brown. I love my life. I love it. I love it. I love it.

Who I am, is the possibility, of happiness, and the act, I am letting go, is " I don't like you!"

may 8



I just had a night to die for. To die for. I feel, like I have raised myself from the dead. I am so happy. I feel like I really completed something. I feel so much energy and love. I feel, aghh it's so awesome!
I feel so in tune with something great. Beauty, love, passion, friendship, power, respect, happiness..

I am my possiblity tonight.
 
I am going jogging again. I have enrolled two people in their transformation. I discovered, so much I missed the first time I took the Landmark advanced course.

All I ate today was Banana and Date smoothies, Watermelon juice, Dates and a Mango...

I am going to go where I want. I am somewhere totally amazing. I feel like god, in a way, I am God. I create life.

I have some homework today, drawing my dream house, for example in perspective, floor plan, and with roof off, and a roof.

I have a dream house, in my heart I am living in, inside the future, looking back at me.


Today, I like this song, AUTUMN SWEATER:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=114322532


May 10



Awesome Fruitarian Dish I had tonight on South beach, Carambola salad, ( Star fruit)

"People are resources, not obstacles". That is what someone said, yesterday, it was beautiful.

Also, I got in the mail, this surprise package, covered with beautiful fruit people drawings. It was from Anne Osbourne, the fruitarian lady with fruitarian children, in Australia.
It was a book, called,
"FOR YOUR OWN GOOD- THE ROOTS OF VIOLENCE IN CHILDBEARING"

I ate tomato salsa, avocados, watermelon juice, Fruitarian salad.

I saw the Godfather, tonight on South Beach, at this gallery. It was long and dramatic.