ORANGE JUICE FAST , day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4 breakdown // Day 1 Juice fast ( breakdown)/ 8/14


Day one Orange juice Fast

That means all I eat is Orange juice fresh squeezed

Day one, of my Orange Juice Fast and the Driver at work brings me these two bags of mamoncillos. Delicious fruit, rare indeed. They are in the fridge at work. I left them. I cannot eat them. I am fasting.

Yesterday I went all day to a Water park, Rapids, in West Palm Beach. I went on, by myself, the scariest ride there. It had an enormous funnel and drop, and noone believed I was gonna do it, I did it. I did it because I was scared of it, and therefore it symbolizes everything I am scared of. You know what? There was another ride , in a dark tunnel, very violent, that was scarier. So you see, my scariest fears, are really...nothing!

I lay in the sun and read my book. I went into a pool of waves. I watched fat people. The only pretty people were the skinny people. And children, most children were overweight though.

I went with my coworker and my mom. My Coworker told my mom, " El Doctor tiene confianza en tu hija" My mom wanted more , and I tried to change the subject. She told my mom, how she knew the Doctor preferred me to everyone who wants to fill the job of his personal assistant. And she told me the girls who wanted it too. I am not worried in the least. I don't really care if I am his assistant or not. I will succeed no matter what, whatever I do. My life is for me, I want to be a writer, real bad. I want me to be my personal assistant, I am powerful. I do succeed in anything I do now. Life is achievement of desires, and that is what I do.

Then later, last night, My friend E, The lawyer at the DA's office in Miami. We are great friends now. He took me and my mom out to see BOURNE IDENTITY movie, oh it was surprisingly AWESOME. He brought a coworker, C,  another Lawyer, I guess. His friend was very handsome and had a workout body. He was sweet to me, and got my mom popcorn. Won me over. It was fun. We all laughed and spoke throughout the whole movie. I leaned on E and made fun of all the previews. They ate popcorn, I ate grapes.

Today at work, the boss's wife looked so good. She is like a classic beauty at times, with long, sleek natural hair She wears real pearls and chokers. Designer, brand new clothes, every day. From far away, she is amazing, up close, you can see she has work, but far away looks awesome. She has beautiful fake breasts she shows off to everyone, and it's so refreshing to see them. It's like, " Breast are ok to show off? They are!!" She has very expensive jewelry, But not impressive to me, because I know who got them. I told her tonight, " I want you to wear that outfit when I TAKE YOUR PORTRAIT".

Today I VOLUNTEERED, to put up all the new paintings, and boy did I have a fight. Everybody wanted this painting in their office, and one girl wanted two, and they disagreed with my placement choices, but I am in charge, and I had it my way! I did, I stood up for me.
 I do need to order some more artwork for the bathrooms, the Boss's wife's office, and one hallway.

I went with the Boss's brother and we drilled and twisted wires to hang all the artwork. I got bloody fingers, but I know now how to hang paintings. It was my idea to do it ourselves. They were gonna pay someone to do it, and I offered. It was 20 plus huge paintings. I had to twist screwy things in the back and run wire, then drill through walls. Then measuring, then everyone suggesting this or that and wanting to get involved. A little pain.

Today, also, I planned the design of sexy beach party flyers, for our one year anniversary company party on South Beach.
 I also planned, researched the fruit baskets to all the VIP Doctors who refer to us the most, and to the Companies as well.

I think wine baskets is a bad idea. We want to promote health.
I also created a new Memorandum to all the employees, that the fasting patients, after their procedure, will get a choice of turkey or ham sandwich after it is over, and Motts juice box. Then they will be nicer. When people fast they get cranky and no shows happen. So, I got my first order in two days, and guess who volunteered to make the sandwiches? ME! See what I do for customer service? I will be making meat sandwiches for old people. We want to be like X company who is huge, and they have the best customer service.

I saw a Breast MRI today. How cool, you can see from below and from on top, and you see all the ducts and veins, and I saw a lesion, my friend pointed out to me. A lesion is just something inside the breast that is wrong. It is like a pocket. Pus filled possibly. Like a big boil inside that rots and hardens. I was looking at someone's flattened nipples and boobs.

Ohh Orange juice fasts are fun! I can do a million things a minute with pleasure.



I think that Juice fasting is re training your mind. Already I am thinking of food. I am. I don't really like food to begin with. My mom gave me a ride and we talked. She gets so sick after eating things like ice cream and cheese, and is disgusted physically by fried foods. Cooked food is addicting, because it doesn't give back, or make you beautiful. It is like smoking, it feels good, but it doesn't actually do anything for you. Cooked food is like a drug, you crave and then you eat, and you feel disgusted. You do it so much that nothing happens. But it's a slow death. You starve yourself to be thin and you eat to forget and you eat not to think.

I told my mom many things, I am so against her leaving the country with her boy boyfriend. I told her Love is a disease, and when  you love anyone outside yourself, it is a mental illness. Maybe I was extreme, but I do believe that. I can admire other's greatness, who doesn't admire and look up to heroes? Who doesn't want what successful people have?  Who doesn;t want the quality of greatness they see in others?

All the best women flock to wealthy men, They want what he worked for, but they will never have it, through parasitism. In fact, they will never have the virtues needed to attain it, through gifts or alimony. It's a lose lose situation, white slavery. In  return, a guy gets a hot girl to show off. When he is disgusted by her privately.

I am done with those kind of men. They are beneath me.

 To Love someone other than yourself, is a waste of life. SO many brilliant and promising lives, wasted by marriage and home life. Minds gone down the drain.

Mediocrity.

But to meet someone great as you, that would be a miracle. But it would be appreciation, not love.

MBH used to tell me, to be middle of the road, average, in everything, "everything in moderation", in everything, and that is the secret to success. That is the biggest bullshit ever, besides religion. To be just like everybody else? I wish I would have known what I know now, to tell him, that is an evil thought.

It;s funny, everything he is, I despise. When I hold myself up to greatness, it's like I have new eyes.

I have nothing to do with him. He has nothing to do with me. It's finally perfect. I like it. His only value to me, was if I wanna show off a good looking guy as my love interest. Basically looking good. We would flatter the hell out of each other. He would tell me how hot I was, and I would tell him how hot he was, but that is where it ended for me. But the reason I would want that, is because I didn't see the real charm and power in myself, like I do now, I can far outshine any "boyfriend" now.


I would love to find someone on my mental level, the search for greatness, to be physical with, but I waste my time enough with other people, listening to their really bad ideas, and hearing their sad broken dreams . My life should be aimed at my work. Not a man as my goal. But as something nice that comes along with it.

 What I need to do, is be alone, and write. Write write write, for hours each day. I need to not stop. I already started my story. I have great characters. Awesome backgrounds. I am starting a short story first then publishing it, in a magazine, just to see what happens. I will not do this pro bono, though, so it has to be really good. I want to be a writer, and nothing else, I want to just be a machine. I want nothing else to matter, but my writing. I want to throw myself into being like the stars I have read about all my life. Greater. Those stars, Balzac, Tolstoy, Rand, Dostoevski, Dumas, Flaubert, Nin, Lawrence, Chevhov, Collette, hundreds others, and all the "characters" I have read bios on.

I believe reading is like choosing  philosophy, and there is bad philososphy, bad reading. I used to love French Naturalism and as a result I became a pretty sad woman. I became that philosophy, that there are no heroes or real passions, in life, but rather dullness, sin and guilt. I refuse that now.

 I accept and want to create literature about people becoming great and overcoming all problems. To be high. real problems and real conflicts and good choices, vs bad.

I am tanned, and my hair is blonde, even my eyebrows are blond. I wore a push up bra today and a silky shirt. I wore 5 in heels and pants. I have my 32 oz of Orange Juice on my desk.

The artwork, at work, I have set up so all of it is eye level to me. I have 20plus paintings set up that way. What I didn't realize is that they act as mirrors. So wherever I go, I see my blonde hair and what I am wearing. But it is a mirror that flatters. It's funny.

The Doctor and I seemed very distant today, after our dinner and drinks the other night with his wife. I am more focused on me. He was pretty drunk that night. People transform on liquor, they become something else.

I am still thinking about reality and what is here in front of me. Writing, it's an art. It's an art to recreate reality on paper. It really is. Like painting. Painting is an attempt to recreate reality. There is bad art and good art.

There is bad literature and good. Literature that is a description of reality, not as naturalism, but as things should be to us, that inspires us, is the best literature I think. Ideals, human greatness and power, are stories I want to read. People overcoming obstacles. Giants. People becoming GREATNESS>...


Juice fasting, I forgot how it was. It is very very unique. Here I am at a very busy work, handsome boss and miles of people who need my help. I sat there, FEELING. And there are so many feelings I feel. Juice fasting leaves you naked to your emotions.

The agony I feel, of not being important. I act all prideful, when in reality I am nothing YET. I have alot of work to do before I have made something really big of myself.
My work, my writing, should be the only focus in my life. I work this job because I need to find faith in my mind. Nothing else should matter, not all the luxury I live around and want to maintain. Only work. I need to write non stop, I need to. I want to be that kind of great writer. I am going to do it.
So when to quit?

Also, I feel, I feel things, juice fasting. I feel, almost, like I am a useless toy again. I am not taken seriously. And until I make something really big of myself, I will be looked at as just as just another brilliant office girl. I am and will be powerful. I want it all. I want everything, and I want to earn it myself. I am not joking. I promise myself this. With everything I stake on it. I am going for it.

I will live a different kind of life. I will. I will live for myself and my work. That's all. There is nothing else.
I have to go back to work. I came home from my break. I no longer am who I thought I was.

Being just a pretty girl, its totally useless. I need to be phenomenal in my mind. I need to attain and work harder than I ever imagined. I need to sweat over manuscripts. I need to have myself as a boss. I need to.

Every night at 8 pm I am going to author events at Books and Books. Not like I look up to everyday authors who publish and are never heard from again, but I want to ask them questions about their work, just out of curiosity. I want to meet published authors. It's my latest hobby.

8/8

Today my friend asked me to sit with a patient. I asked her why, she had gloves on and was covering up a plate with a napkin. I asked, " what is that?" and she lifted it up to show me long thin flesh pieces and blood. I was impressed. It was just samples taken from someone's mass/tumor inside deep the breast. I went and sat with the patient. I small talked, she was weak. My stomach was turning, but it was exciting.


I have all these stacks of paperwork and so many, every single day are breast mass, tumor, cancer, masectomy, lesions and disgusting things wrong with the body. The human body is diseased and the living are only half alive. If they know what I know. Man, it would be heaven on earth.


I felt good today. I did, yesterday the OJ fast was hard, but today I was beautiful, and I felt it. I know what I want.
I do. I know what I want, and the thing is how do I get it? What is stopping me? Imaginary nothing are stopping me.  I want, its a secret. I can't tell anybody.


Fasting makes me realize how much things bother me. Like my job. I am working for people who are absolutely talented and loaded. I told you I admire that, and want that for myself, but I cannot have that working for anyone else but me. Even if I am loaded and still working for someone else, it is all for nothing, my life is all for nothing. I need to work for me and be my own boss. I need to work hard, very hard , and never stop, just be a machine. And use my brain to think. I cannot love anyone but myself until I have succeeded, and I must dedicate my life to my work. I want this more than anything.

There are intense feelings of beauty joy and hate on fasting. I go through so many moods. I lay in the bathtub tonight feeling all that was wrong in my life. What is wrong for me, that everyday I do, and I don't even think about it. I go to work, a job, that on the outside is rewarding, but on the inside..I cannot stand to be the one not in charge of my brain. I ask myself, where did my brain go? My brain went to furthering someone else's work, all day. Literally all day.

I have everything I need to do it now. To work and live for myself, to be a writer, to create new ways of being. I have everything. I know I want to live for myself.

Thing is, at work, I am an overworker, yet that is to hide the fact that I really don't like how I feel, and am, and what I am,  there, nor my position, nor the way I see myself at someone else's business. I see greatness and it shames me.. It is not me. I am not an assistant, nor an office girl, I am a creator. I am poweful.

 

Fasting makes this acute, all of this. Like I see where I am unhappy because I am really unhappy, in areas. And I see where I am happy, because I am really happy, in areas. I know what I want. I want things, I want and I want things. But only I will get them for me. Because of me, and my work. Nothing else.


Everything else that is given to me, I will never appreciate. I do not like handouts, paychecks, charity, or that comfort of not thinking, so many people have. The luxury of mediocrity. Wasting away at your job and then wasting away in front of the tv and wasting away at dinner.

Humans are indeed capable, and very powerful. What I want is probably the biggest thing of my entire life. I realize, I have never trusted myself growing up. Ever, I was a survivor, trying to survive and wasting my brain on braindead things.

I am no longer a survivor. I have  mission, to use my brain as a tool.

Also, who am I trying so hard to impress, in everything that I do? I don't think it is my unconscious dad, because we love each other.

And why do I do free things for people? I do, I spoil people, everyone I know, because I want to make them happy. Why? No I don't want them to be happy, I want to impress them. Maybe I want to impress myself?

WHat Kind of relationship do I have with myself? I obviously have not trusted in me. I pay for that. What kind of life is led, like that?


I feel all this now, and a part of me wants to stop fasting and eat anything. Just because it hurts to see this. This is me.

 
I am losing my brain, day after day, to someone else, for pennies I will never value.


Also, I do know that in my mind, I borrow other people's ideas. As I fast, I can distinctly feel ahead of time, when I want to do that, and I stop myself. I want to create everything I think anew.


I know what to do, I know what I want. I know I can only have what I want, by doing what I want. Make sense?

Day 4 Breakdown

Yesterday, at 8pm, I saw Daniel Silva, in a suit, with a briefcase, at Books and Books. The place was packed and a lot of excited fans, had one of his various books in their hands, all anticipating meeting him. You can get his book at any Costo. He is a writer. Number 2 on New York Times bestseller list at the moment. 10 books, he wrote, all successes, in espionage, and he just signed a movie deal. He wants Daniel Day Lewis to play Gabriel, the star  of his books. That is a success to me.
 Do you know how happy I was to see him speak? Of course, my aims are the same. I want to be a classic hundreds of years from now.

He says at the Tate Museum in London, at an art restoration lecture, the lady quoted from his book, without knowing he was there! can you imagine? He said when he went on a tour of the Vatican ( he has an evil vatican character in his books) They were suspicious why he knew the place so well. He told them who he was, and they were surprised because he wrote such bad things about them.
He lives in Georgetown in a two story townhouse. He is well dressed and handsome, look, http://www.danielsilvabooks.com/

 He wakes up and goes to an office to type. Neat. I guess an office is cool because you are just there to work. He says writers do most of their work in their sleep so the early hours the first 30 minutes to 2 hours are the best times. He writes and drinks coffee until 11am. Then he does exercise, he says that exercise is crucial for writers. Then later, he goes in carpool lane and does kid/wife stuff , then comes home, eats,then goes in the basement and writes more into the evening. He says his kids all run on the ceiling and make noise and he quoted Ernest Hemingway saying something about his dad yelling that he is trying to get some work done.

I raised my hand so many times to ask him for writing advice but alot of people raised their hands asking stupid questions, about his character's love lives and if they have an accent in their books.

He said he knew he wanted to write very early on, and ate up Jack London, Sidney Sheldon books. His character Gabriel is jewish. He says in his latest book, Gabriel has a love interest and he has a British accent.

 He travels the world and meets millionaires who show off for him stuff for his books and have big dinners. He is friends with art restorers, who show him priceless secrets of the most valuable art, he puts in his books. Secrets like Caravaggio's painting, where you can see his hand print in different layers, but only under certain lighting conditions.
 
He also knows concentration camp victims.

He says all the stuff he writes about, touchy political subjects, he knows about by living in DC where everyone is talking about what is going on in the world, everywhere.

I quit my job, yes, I did it. I told everyone I want to be a writer and left. I did not tell the Doctor. I made sure I brought everything home with me from work yesterday. I need to be strong. The temptation is there to escape thinking. Food, videos, slip ups, fantasy. I need to rest a day and just read because I ate all this food and felt warm and happy inside. I broke my fast, but want to restart it, tomorrow.

My writing schedule has to be get up and write until I sleep. For sure. It is so exciting knowing that I will be dependant on my brain, for all the luxuries and money, I am used to earning second hand. Makes me want to work harder and think more. I mean, that is why it is called work, because I have to figure out how to make it on my own. And I can. From nothing. I mean, I have money. I do, I am ok for a long time. My bank account never moves and I have alot of money.

I read a quote that says, religion is the root of all human lying and the cause of all suffering. It makes sense. kids are taught lies and corrupted so early on. Plus, as for the suffering part, religion teaches us so much anti mind stuff, that we as individuals alone, are not good, we are bad alone, we need others to be good, and that we need to think for the masses and good for all. That is true evil thought, I agree. Hmmp. To think about.

Oh my god, someone just came and knocked on my door. Yikes. I ignored them. I don't look good, I have been sitting around unshowered. They are banging. It could be my friend from work. I looked out my peep hole but couldn't tell.


Ok, My notes for my book I have to keep separate from this diary. Because these notes will be valuable to me, and this blog is free.

SO definitely kept separate, to be published later.

Hey isn't this supposed to be a Fruitarian Blog anyways???

Maybe I will have another website for stories, real stories, not the stream of consciousness dreams I have everywhere.

 

 
My book is going to be really great. I have created a female character in it. Complimenting her is a guy with a brown suit that is tailored and the best designer in London. He is clean, handsome good looking. He is the perfect male. Both of them have jobs where they work for themselves and their own brain Every hero in the story is self made. The bad people are the dependants, and the leeches. The leeches try to bring these people down. In fact, they make it their revenge. Everything that is wrong in life I want to show, along with what is truly good. And the good truly is working for your self.  The evil are the people who refuse to think.  True there are good followers, there are good workers, but they are not the heroes of ours society. There is no other way. It has to be the kind of book that is instantly loved. The characters have to measure up to real heroes overcoming obstacles. 

The length has to be long and simply beautiful, an epic, spanning over ten years.  The story has to make me cry and make me want to be like the characters. Those characters have to be my personal idols.
 
My  book  is going to be a success. All books I write, have to be.  My writings will be read every year, with avid supporters.  I know what it takes.  I promise this, and that is why I cannot do anything but write, I cannot work any other job or have any other interest, even fall in love, my work is my love. I want to create a unique philosophy, building it stronger, tailored to what I LIVE BY and making better that which I accept, that is already written. I am going to write non stop, be a writing machine. New ideas I will create. The necessity to be more powerful of a writer than all the writers out there, drives me.  I have wanted to be a writer since I was a teenager, but I put it on the backburner because I thought I had to survive. I did not know I could survive on my own thought, which is the purpose of life. How will I do this? Well, that is why is is called work, and I am going to work for myself. I am going to be my own boss. Otherwise, why live? Why?
 
I want my books to always be a classic long after I am dead and I am going to start now. I want my books to be my love. I will create all this enormous success with my mind.  My mind has to be sharp and clear. Not only that, but I have to be very prolific in everything I do and plan out every scene and what purpose will it have, what will it show? What will be said? Add the important parts as if happening now. The non important scenes I will be descriptive still and if I mention the past I do it in a way that is very hidden. I will never speak my own words or judgements, in the book. I will only do this by SHOWING what good and bad does. Is there in between good and bad? Yes, I will show the bad in this too.

Who is to say I am not the most demanding boss around? How do I know? How do I know when this boss will be the only thing that will give me whatever it is I want in life, to be of the highest value?

Well, if I am worried about surviving, when idiots survive, then I better work harder, I better think more. I better start the only way I can be, fully self dependant. This is not about surviving, this is about accomplishing all life’s goals in one shot. Having it all by my own work.
I would like very much to dedicate myself to my work. I would like to do the right thing. Inside me I know the right thing is creating a very  powerful story, one of the most powerful and inspiring books of all time. Even more powerful than Ayn Rand. I can rework what she has written. I know I want stories of overcoming evil, and I want to show the good and show the bad, but the real good and bad as I see it.
My characters are drop dead perfect to me.


Anyways, I hope to have a nice day. I miss my work already. I really love it there. I love the people. I will miss them, but I am way more important, especially if I want the success, I want for me.


//

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Robert Smith was the very first Ideal man in my life. Before him, nothing entertained my eyes more than looking at his posters on my wall. Me and three other 5th graders would spend hours discussing him at lunchtime at school. We would write Robert Smith on our fingernails. I painted huge paintings of him. Funny how times go by and we forget our teenage passions.







8/13



I cannot tell you how good I feel after typing 5 hours straight. I am on a break now, maybe  I should go jogging, but I have my period, and fasting, so I am going to stay at home. Can you tell I am on Daniel Silva’s writing schedule? It’s all I know now.
 
 All I want to talk about is my book, but I cannot do that here in my blog, that info is very valuable to me. OH, I just found out the answer to what drives the hero of my story. I can’t believe it , it is soooooo great.  Oh oho oh.
I am going over my Lawyer friend’s house tonight, to watch a new Showtime show starring David Duchovny, who I love, about ..a writer who sells out, called “ Californication”.  I also want to watch the FIRM, if he has it. My whole life is my book now. Everything I do is for that.
SO I am fasting again. I want to purify myself. I do, I am sick of eating stuff like Guacamole, the salt kills me. I want to be a real fruitarian like people I know who eat mono meals, so little and are satisfied and always feel angelic. The emotional armor melting away, I love feeling intense , sensitive and light.
Faichild Tropical Gardens called me this morning, out of the blue. They want me to work with children. It’s what I have been waiting for.  It's these gardens where they grow all sorts of tropical plants and fruit from around the world, and it's very expensive to walk around in, and they have tea and they have festivals. The Chihuly glass exhibit was there. The mango festival I went to was there. I will do little kid tours and assist in projects.  Yeah. This weekend is some sort of thing where get we used to beign there, like orientation. I am a writer, and need long hours at my laptop, but I will go there as little time as possible. This is not work for me, it is relax time in nature.

I know in my book a very important scene will take place there. I already took notes for a background…the butterfly garden especially, hey, that is here on my blog, a photo of it, In fact, this writing is on top of it .

I saw on my scanner, a logo, that is exactly like the logo my last ( recent) work had. Same exact design! Wow, plagiarism. 

Alot of what AYn Rand says about writing is true, anything you have, in you, that is bad,  will come out in your characters, as  flaws, so I really have to be a better thinker and a better person and discipline myself with what Is right for me. Otherwise, how can I write about heroes? Overcoming obstacles? Oh I am going to have amazing things happen in my book. I need to be and think those kinds of amazing things. For myself and for my own mind.

I am in my pajamas , it is noon, how exciting!! How wonderful to work by your own mind, I could not believe what came out of me. I am like furious ideas. I sit down at my desk, not knowing anything and I have a pile , a pile of papers at the end of 5 hours. It's all interesting too. OOOH My chracters are parts of me as well, battling, and working out. I need to find my zenith, and my demons to fight each other. The good side of me, always needs to win.


I broke my fast again. I really suck at this. I know I want to fast for a week, to clean myself out. I know my brain operates way highest it has ever.

Try again. Try harder. Until I succeed.


I cannot consider myself good if I act as my own destroyer, -Ayn Rand quote. She says we need a moral code of what is evil and good for us, meaning what is good for the individual, always. We need to live by this code. Hmm My code good and evil I have to make a list.

She also says that our happiness has to be the final end.

Also that the short range must not contradict the long range, good idea. To act out of this is immoral.
 
I liked when she wrote that to allow nothing between you and the world. The worship of something above you, like God, is an escape, a switch of responsibility to permit you anything. I couldn't agree more. With me it's men, in place of God (I never REALLY believed in God. Always wishful thinking. I knew inside there is no such thing, even when I was going to church every day.)

I admit I have been a hero worshipper in my life. I have woshipped great men and it's source of great disappointment because only I can make myself happy. I should never betray myself. That which I like in others is only that which I want to earn for myself. There really should be nothing in front of me and the world.

I should live for me, I should not even accept something as unreal as mankind. There is just man. There is only I. When you think of we, there will always be disaster.

Ayn says that the altruistic saying, " DO unto others, as we would want to be treated" implies we must give to charity because we want some, in return, or to sacrifice because we want others to sacrifice for us.  But that is not normal state of existence. Men do not love their neighbors. Men of good will, will never be found because Good is never defined. The same with the GOOD OF ALL. There is no such thing, according to whom?

She says in society all great improvements were the result of man working alone, never society progressing.

She also says, (I love this) that the placing of anyone's happiness above one's own, is evil.

She is one smart lady. I have never met anyone like her in life, brilliant. I am so grateful she was born. No wonder there is a cult of Ayn Rand. To this day, her books sell hundreds of thousands a year. Maybe more. And she wrote them in the 30's.

They say libertarians are around because of her. I have a liberatian friend. Libertarians believe in "freedom from other men". Is that cool? FREEDOM FROM OTHERS> wow.
What a great philosophy. The mob totally sucks and so do people who believe there is power in numbers and those who depend on others.


Her three cornerstones are: MAN IS AN END IN HIMSELF, No MAN EXISTS FOR THE SAKE OF ANOTHER, EACH EXISTS FOR HIS OWN HAPPINESS (TO BE ACHIEVED BY HIS OWN EFFORT).
Her chief virtues are self reverence ( the sense of the heroic in man), self sufficiency ( independence, integrity, the capacity for happiness which is self contained and self justifing), woship of the ideal ( define yours) then live by it work toward it, find your happiness in it and make your happiness be a response to man at HIS highest, not at his lowest.

Everything she writes is brilliant. I could fill my blog up with her stuff, but I won't. She sure has a capacity to think which is what I am learning for myself. It is probably the one thing I have avoided all my life. We live in a world where surviving on other people's thoughts is accepted, yet if everyone is doing it, who is doing the thinking?

8/14 Quotes on writing

Henry Miller wrote his first book, Clipped Wings, in 1922 while on a three week vacation from his day job at Western Union or Cosmodemonic Telegraph Company of North America as he calls it. Miller tells about writing his first novel in Tropic of Capricorn:

``I wrote it straight off, five, seven, sometimes eight thousand words a day. I thought that a man, to be a writer, must do at least five thousand words a day... I didn’t know a thing about writing. I was scared shitless... I suppose it was the worst book any man has ever written. It was a colossal tome and faulty from start to finish. But it was my first book and I was in love with it... Everybody I showed it to said it was terrible. I was urged to give up the idea of writing. I had to learn, as Balzac did, that one must write volumes before signing one’s own name. I had to learn, as I soon did, that one must give up everything and not do anything else but write, even if everybody in the world advises you against it, even if nobody believes in you. Perhaps one does it just because nobody believes; perhaps the real secret lies in making people believe.’’

I have read pretty much all his stuff when I was young, he writes alot in diary format about having sex with prositutes in Paris. Alot of really dark stuff alternating with genius philosophy. Anais Nin became his lover , she sunk so low because of him. But I agree 100% with what he says. If I do not make it with writing, I will starve to death, there is nothing else, everything else is slavery to someone else, which is death itself. I better get to work. I think I wrote 3,000 words so far today, The new Micrsoft Offcie counts all your words. I read online about how hard it is to be a writer , and all these publishing scams. I really don;t care about other people's failings. I just care about me and my work.

Oh that show Californication , I saw the previews, I still have to watch it, looks bad. it is about a sell out writer who becomes a cheap slut...and misses his wife. ughh.

 

As John Grisham pointed out, no one is more anonymous than a writer in a nation of people who don't read

Talent is nothing but long patience Flaubert said. He was a writer, A really awesome one. It's true.

I have always wanted to be a writer. When I was 17 I wrote my first book. I can see its faults now. All it was was just stream of conscousness nothing.

But Fruitarianism, now, gives me the talent and grasp, to learn how, to really be, a writer. It's like my brain can REACH out. I have brain power that fills up the space on my desk. I can feel my brain thinking in the air around me. I mean, I can really really THINK NOW. Big thoughts. Big plans, detailed chapters and outlines. All in my mind. All written words written for me. My struggle.

I actually went to college wanting to be a writer, but then I saw how EASY art classes were, and changed my mind. What a waste that was. I gave up like everybody else, to not think.. Writing is where my brain likes to be.

Before I was very limited, in brain capacity. Plus my addiction, to all sorts of poisons, cigarettes, coffee with 5 sugars, and cheap canned foods made life a daily war battle, I had to survive, not write. Survive a hell on earth. That was me growing up cooked food eater. There was always a dilemna and I just barely eked by. Writing was an escape at best, from the immediate moment. I was a drama queen.

Before, It was just me writing impressions, magazine writing, anything came out, stream of consciousness weird stuff, very detailed, naturalism. No plan nothing. Just threw up people and wrote about them. Now I know it takes a little planning and definite setting up of conflicts. There are climaxes and choices my characters need to make. Plus real day to day consequences of good and bad. I have to plan all this. I have to make heores and villains, and weak people and strong.

I really use people from my real life and base what disgusts me or inspires me in them. In My characters. All my characters, are me, battling. Yes, it's my life my epic. I need to be good in my own life to my own moral code. I have a very tough code. I need to follow it and never sink low again.

 

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
Cyril Connolly

If the doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I'd type a little faster.
Isaac Asimov

Quantity produces quality. If you only write a few things, you're doomed.
Ray Bradbury

Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
E. L. Doctorow

 

Easy reading is damned hard writing.
Anonymous

People on the outside think there's something magical about writing, that you go up in the attic at midnight and cast the bones and come down in the morning with a story, but it isn't like that. You sit in back of the typewriter and you work, and that's all there is to it.
Harlan Ellison

You can't say, I won't write today because that excuse will extend into several days, then several months, then… you are not a writer anymore, just someone who dreams about being a writer.
Dorothy C. Fontana
( This reminds me also of when I promise I will eat better, but just start tomorrow.)

To be a writer is to sit down at one's desk in the chill portion of every day, and to write; not waiting for the little jet of the blue flame of genius to start from the breastbone – just plain going at it, in pain and delight. To be a writer is to throw away a great deal, not to be satisfied, to type again, and then again, and once more, and over and over....
John Hersey

A writer never has a vacation. For a writer life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.
Eugene Ionesco ( I love this one it's so true for me, it's all engulfing)

Sometimes you have to go on when you don't feel like it, and sometimes you're doing good work, when it feels like all you're managing, is to shovel shit from a sitting position.
Stephen King

Writing is a fairly lonely business unless you invite people in to watch you do it, which is often distracting and then have to ask them to leave.
Marc Lawrence

 

( I need to try this) At night, when the objective world has slunk back into its cavern, and left dreamers to their own, there come inspirations and capabilities impossible at any less magical and quiet hour. No one knows whether or not he is a writer unless he has tried writing at night.
H. P. Lovecraft

The secret of becoming a writer is to write, write and keep on writing.
Ken MacLeod

We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to.
Somerset Maugham ( I agree or else don't eat. I do not want another job to support me This is my only job or I starve)

There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write. ( omg!! I so believe this "writer's block" is made up. You are not a writer if you cant write.)
Terry Pratchett

Writing energy is like anything else. The more you put in, the more you get out.
Richard Reeves

God sells us all things at the price of the labor.
Leonardo da Vinci
( Same as above quote)

I never want to see anyone, and I never want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to write.
P. G. Wodehouse ( I mean really, writing, is my dream job, since I was little, I can't say I ever have liked other people or working with them, for them. But I never had any faith I could think and support myself. I do now. I have no choice. I like myself. I really do enjoy my thoughts. My dad is the same way he goes to his office after all his employees have left for the day, he is brilliant too. He just wrote me to tell me he is climbing a mountian, by himself, today in Colorado.. I think that is what he said)

I got to thinking about the point in every freelancer's life where he has to decide whether he wants to A, have a social life, and do art in his spare time, or B, do art, and have a social life in his spare time. It has always seemed to me that if you have any hope of making a living as an artist – writer, musician, whatever – you absolutely must learn to tell people to leave you alone, and to mean it, and to eject them from your life if they don't respect that. This is necessary not because your job is more important than anyone else's – it isn't – but because a great many people will think of you as not having a job. 'Oh, how wonderful – you can work whenever you want to!' Well, yes, to a point, but generally 'whenever you want to' had better be most of the time, or else you won't have a roof over your head.
Poppy Z. Brite
( I have always loved Poppy, a goth writer, Anne rice style, and agree with her, it's write and write damn good or else don't eat)

 

Writing is its own reward.
Henry Miller ( What is my ends? I want to create something so wonderful. Oh I would just die. I want money too, alot of it)

In my experience, the best creative work is never done when one is unhappy.
Albert Einstein ( right meaning I need to fast or eat really well because I am happiest when lightest)

 

Writing, I explained, was mainly an attempt to out-argue one's past; to present events in such a light that battles lost in life were either won on paper or held to a draw.
Jules Feifer ( yes, I mention this too, I write to conquer my past and relive the way it was meant to be my life as well, as be better. If I could have any life and have any friends, my book would be that
)

 

A man who is a genius and doesn't know it, probably isn't.
Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
( I know I am, because I have the will, and I had a experience one night as a kid, where I was woken up, my window open and leaves blew across the floor, I felt a brain explosion, and I distinctly knew that I was gifted, and very special, that's all I was given something somehow...)

Writing is a lot easier if you have something to say
Sholem Asch ( I do have something to say, I have a moral code I want to show)

Always make sure you are right and then - go for it.
David Crockett

It's hard for me to believe that people who read very little - or not at all in some cases - should presume to write and expect people to like what they have written. Can I be blunt on this subject? If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time - or the tools - to write. Simple as that.
Stephen King (
Hmm interesting I used to read a book a day, I need to start that again)

My most important piece of advice to all you would-be writers: when you write, try to leave out all the parts readers skip.
Elmore Leonard ( yes, today in my story when I was working on character backgrounds, when they were in high school or college, I found myself a little stuck a little bored, because so much of it is from my own cooked food past, then I had the idea that I cannot make this, even a little depressing or boring for me, because it will bore readers, I have to find out why I am uninspired here and fix it, so I chose to relive the scenes which and make it the way I would have liked to have lived, if gone back to those years..uplifted me completely)

To produce a mighty book, you must choose a mighty theme.
Herman Melville ( oh yes, yes)

 

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt ( yes, sometimes I need to research stuff before moving on, then I say, no I can keep writing)

If you don't know it, don't write it.
Darrell Schweitzer
( I say, go out and learn it, then write it)

You are what you read.
Esko Valtaoja
( wow, this is true of my past, I have done everything writers have written about, I was a drama queen)

First, find out what your hero wants. Then just follow him.
Ray Bradbury

The best way to send information is to wrap it up in a person.
Robert Oppenheimer ( True have your characters do what you want to show)

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
Robert Frost ( I am sure i do not want to cry but be inspired)

The virtue of books is to be readable.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
( I agree, it goes with the other quote that easy reading is hard work)

Write what you want to read. The person you know best in this world is you. Listen to yourself. If you are excited by what you are writing, you have a much better chance of putting that excitement over to a reader.
Robin McKinley
( yes, I write for myself to entertain and totally impress and amaze)

Usually, when people get to the end of a chapter, they close the book and go to sleep. I deliberately write my books so when the reader gets to the end of a chapter, he or she must turn one more page. When people tell me I've kept them up all night, I feel like I've succeeded!
Sidney Sheldon
( good point to do this at the end of a chapter, leave some sort of suspense, great idea)

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein( right, the mob knows nothing... it's only single men working alone against everyone, who change the world, then the mob takes that over..
)

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
Elbert Hubbard

I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die.
Isaac Asimov
( hmm interesting good point, same as you don't write you don't eat)

You can't try to do things; you simply must do them.
Ray Bradbury

The only way to learn to write is to write.
Peggy Teeters

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby ( right AR says that when you have a group deciding, you will always get an average, medicore choice made)

 

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
Steve Martin

...star and co-writer of "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"

There are so many different kinds of writing and so many ways to work that the only rule is this: do what works. Almost everything has been tried and found to succeed for somebody. The methods, even the ideas of successful writers contradict each other in a most heartening way, and the only element I find common to all successful writers is persistence-an overwhelming determination to succeed.
Sophy Burnham

 

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Comments

  • Tuesday, August 07, 2007 9:21 AM Ally wrote:
    Suvine,
    Your journal is awesome to read. I have followed your posts as you have made changes in your life. You are my mentor. Question-why the OJ fast?
    Thanks,
    Ally
    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 08, 2007 9:34 AM Suvine wrote:
    Thank you. I like Juice fasts, I want to feel and I want to be emotionally naked.
    Reply to this
  • Thursday, August 09, 2007 12:47 AM Marjorie wrote:
    You ARE a writer. There is no "BECOMING" about it. Now what?

    LOL! Marjorie

    p.s. You are amazing.

    pps. All writers do "research." All writers need "material." Maybe that's why you hold on to this job. You instinctively know that there is something to learn, to explore, to observe here.
    Reply to this
  • Thursday, August 09, 2007 3:18 PM Suvine wrote:
    Thank you. I am so happy. You are amazing too, because you recognize it, and it's you, you see.
    Reply to this
  • Friday, August 10, 2007 12:38 PM Shahlah wrote:
    That is great, that the fast made things clear and you were able to do what you needed to for your life. You should celebrate.
    Reply to this
  • Friday, August 10, 2007 2:55 PM Leticia wrote:
    It's such a pleasure to read your journal. Thank you for sharing.
    Your life is a wonderful advendure.
    Reply to this
  • Friday, August 10, 2007 10:44 PM Suvine wrote:
    Life sure is, I want it to be the best
    Reply to this
  • Saturday, August 11, 2007 12:27 AM Claudia wrote:
    I CANNOT WAIT TO READ YOUR BOOK!!!!! Hurry, hurry!!!! How long is this going to take? I VOW to buy the hardcover edition! Love ya, Claudia
    Reply to this
  • Monday, August 13, 2007 12:23 PM Suvine wrote:
    Thank You Claudia Awesome
    Reply to this
  • Monday, August 13, 2007 10:42 PM Aloha John wrote:
    Aloha Suvine,
    I fell in love with your glowing face and your words changed my life. I am 1 month Fruitarian Boy John, and it is gooooood!
    It is not difficult at all. In the beginning, I was part time, and soon, my body resisted cooked foods. I would even prepare them, and after 2 bites, throw it out. After I ate cooked food, I felt sick and guilty. But when I had my fruit, I was alive and connected.
    I dare anyone to be hungry after a bowl of fresh peaches, grapes, bananas, Papaya, strawberry, and pineapple!
    I love you, I thank you! Aloha John

    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 15, 2007 1:32 PM Michael wrote:
    Hi Suvine:

    How did you like Patagonia, AZ? I live in Scottsdale. Work as an RN. What did you think of the Tree of Life's program? Considering switching my diet to Raw foods, fruits, etc.

    Mike
    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 15, 2007 10:10 PM Suvine wrote:
    It was a hard time for me, it is hard being around people so close and who are all eating superfoods and detoxing. I learned about raw foods and it is a successful course. There was a lot of bitching of why so and so always gets to make the desserts and why so and so is not always washing her hands and little fights everyday.  But other than that it was worth the money.
    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 15, 2007 10:19 PM Suvine wrote:
    Aw so sweet aloha, My dream home is in Hawaii. I am going to move there eventually. Miami is so awesome But I want to be in tropical mountains and eat fruit.
    Reply to this
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