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Posted by Suvine at Monday, October 01, 2007 9:53 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
I talked to someone in Washington DC who agrees with me that global warming threat, is a " scam"" and he will send me all these studies and reports, proving it. I am waiting for them to read so I can understand. He declared to me, " I am 100% sure Global Warming has nothing to do with people!" I like when people are 100% sure, it really impresses me. I feel that way too. I have attentive deference to people who can think for themselves.
"Science needs skeptics"
There may be a general warming, ice caps are melting, but that has nothing to do with littering or our cars. Warming also shows up only over land, not water. A volcano that erupted last year put out more carbon that all the cars ever have.
In fact, MOST scientists, do not believe humans contribute at all to any warming trend. It's not just me who thinks this.It's MOST SCIENTISTS!!! There is so much against it. But most of all, it's because I am the one who decidess what is truth. Because everybody else believes soemthing, is not proof enough for me. That is herd mentality.
Remember the fear of nuclear fallout in the 80's ? We were so scared that there was going to be a nuclear winter? Well it would take hundreds and hundreds on bombs, thousands, for that to happen. And everybody was on the edge of their seats looking for who is going to protect us. It's always something new, to be scared out of our minds.
Or the sky is falling of y2k?
Or the sky is falling of y2k?
Most people also agree extreme weather events like Hurricane Katrina or Los Angeles's heatwaves cannot be directly blamed on global warming
It is good to be 100% sure about things, based on your own deduction and understanding, rather than just trusting what people say, all they are doing is imitating others. Always ask questions. Seek facts and listen to who is saying it always. Sure there are bogus scientists. Always have been. Liberals.. phooey!
Now, in
Washington, they are proposing a carbon TAX, if you waste or give it off.
Now, in
Washington, they are proposing a carbon TAX, if you waste or give it off.
Tons of people online feel the same way, as me..
The global warming scam
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4066189.stm)
Global warming is indeed a scam, perpetrated by scientists with vested interests, but in need of crash courses in Geology, Logic and the Philosophy of Science.
Global warming is indeed a scam, perpetrated by scientists with vested interests, but in need of crash courses in Geology, Logic and the Philosophy of Science.
It provides the media with a new scare story, which has been picked up by the focus groups and turned into the new religion, offering us hell if we don't all change our ways. However, believing in anthropogenic global warming is not enough, but that is all it can offer.
The author, Dr Martin Keeley, is Visiting Professor in Petroleum Geology, at University College London, UK.
As Professor Philip Stott wrote in the Wall Street Journal on April 2 2001:
'"Global warming" was invented in 1988, when it replaced two earlier myths of an imminent plunge into another Ice Age and the threat of a nuclear winter. The new myth was seen to encapsulate a whole range of other myths and attitudes that had developed in the 1960s and 1970s, including "limits to growth," sustainability, neo-Malthusian fears of a population time bomb, pollution, anticorporate anti-Americanism, and an Al Gore-like analysis of human greed disturbing the ecological harmony and balance of the earth.
...
Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. There is no such evidence. The whole thing is a global scam. There is no firm evidence that warming is happening; even if it is, it is most likely to have natural, not man-made causes; carbon dioxide, supposedly the culprit, makes up such a tiny fraction of the atmosphere that even if it were to quadruple, the effect on climate would be negligible; and just about every one of the eco-doomster stories that curdle our blood every five minutes is either speculative, ahistorical or scientifically illiterate.
"A modest amount of global warming, should it occur, would be beneficial to the natural world and to human civilization. Temperatures during the Medieval Warm Period (roughly 800 to 1200 AD), which allowed the Vikings to settle presently inhospitable Greenland, were higher than even the worst-case scenario reported by the IPCC. The period from about 5000-3000 BC, known as the “climatic optimum,” was even warmer and marked “a time when mankind began to build its first civilizations,” observe James Plummer and Frances B. Smith in a study for Consumer Alert.
“There is good reason to believe that a warmer climate would have a similar effect on the health and welfare of our own far more advanced and adaptable civilization today.”
" Are the ices growing or melting? The simple answer is that there exist studies that point to both directions, perhaps indicating that scientists know relatively little about global climate. But what counts to most ordinary people is what media is reporting, and media is often highlighting the most alarming studies and seldom report of studies that go against the notion that human activity leads to global warming. To put it simply, the news is filtered through an environmentalist view of the world.
.. Global climate is an important issue to debate, but it is sad that what is communicated often has a clear shifting towards the worst-case scenarios and the doomsday theories. There is no reason to scare people by giving them only one side of the argument. "
There are things that we agree on, patterns, CLIMATE CHANGE IS NORMAL...the Swiss Alps have crushed villages before, the 40's drought, Thames was frozen once, potato famines, Rivers dry up all the time.
Carbon dioxide may cause the heat to rise by 2 degrees in 10 years, but is that our fault? I don't think so, at all, I am sure of it.
It's like the Bermuda triangle scare, when actually in proportion, there are many, many other places planes go down more often in.
It makes me feel lonely, when MY people, raw vegans and fruitarians are all unquestioning followers of all this.
Sure, clean up after yourself and stop polluting, but relax,
"Man "has always made it, and we will make it
/
In other news, I am now a BRUNETTE. It's a complete bouleversement, it's a new me. I was on the precipice of hysteria, sitting in my chair.
I went to Dadeland Mall.
I saw all the hairstylists there. I thought of Pam Anderson, in her book, "Star"
ow she was working two jobs, so she could save money, so she could go to cosmetology school, so she could make "real money" burning hair. It was a very dull book. I thought of
those girls, making real money burning hair. Along with techno music. I watched these girls who had weird hair, Jet black and blonde strings on the edges, bangs and Posh Spice haircuts. I thought of their lives. My hairdresser had loads of black eyeliner on and I read my book the whole time. She was very nice and scratched my head in the sink.
I am not your average fruitarian. That is a melancholy musing. I mean, I am 100% fruit eater, but I am different than all the fruitarians I know of. I get my hair chemically done, I love cutting edge music. I get waxed, tweezed, cosmetic dental work and breast augmentation. I shave my legs, " to hide my monkey nature".
I like production and industry. I like to stay in expensive hotels.
I don't buy Global Warming, its punishing production and the wealthy, blaming techinology, directed at the rich of course, unfairly.
I may, even think one world government is ok, if it's laissez faire capitalist. That is what the trend now seems to be headed, one currency with the AMERO intorducing itself in a few years. Yes, eventually we'll have that, it'll be called the United nations, but will have alot more power then, due to this global fear of people caused catastrophe
I do not think " Absolute Power Corrupts ( or however it goes)". It's anti mind, anti man, that statement.
That saying is for people who are weak, and cannot handle any power themselves, so they cater to the brainless mob of people, instead of towards themselves. Doing what the mob wants or demands, that is not power, that is slavery. ( looting Nazi Germany, for example) Individual rights and individual freedom is true power.
I fit in no group. I question everything. I think business men are true heroes. I don't like mystical hippies. I am a feminist, yet I STILL believe man is superior. I think man is the greatest, the highest. The best. Anything that makes man inferior, I have incarnate hate for. Liberals, for example, or Religion.
Noone exists like me in the entire world. hmm.
Back to the hair salon. I watched E entertainment at mom's.
I watched ROCK OF LOVE on VH1
. It was the last episode. Brett Michaels chooses the girl with pink hair after he asked a trick question. The last two he asked, " Could I have both of you as my girlfriend?" and the stripper said "Yes", and the pink punk haired girl said, " No, I could never share someone I love". ..and he chose her! And the stripper gave him the look of death... and he begged her not to leave that way. (she had his name tattooed on the back of her neck too, she swore and cried later and called him an asshole, along with incendiary opinions.) So beauty pink hair wins, she was the cutest anyways.
I read Barbara Branden's bio of Ayn Rand.
SO GREAT. I really think she is amazing, amazing woman. What a life.
It will wash out in a month, the haircolor, I got, but it's beautiful, my natural color. I also had my eyebrows done, they still need to grow out though, I am never doing them myself again. Waxing is, really uncomfortable. And the tweezing...
To eat
Watermelon and sugarcane juice today. Definitely not hungry..since the potluck.
Watermelon and sugarcane juice today. Definitely not hungry..since the potluck.
I actually cooked for my mom, it has been a really long time, 2003, since I went to a stove. I cooked, I made her Vegan Creamy potatoes, from Peta starter kit
and gave her all these vegetarian stickers and recipe books.
She has been going Vegetarian finally After years of me bitching. She loves it. For years, I have been giving her top declamatory treatment over what she eats, I hate meat, when she eats it, its disgusting and vile. Now her atrophied view, that meat is necessary, is almost completely gone. Thanks to me.
As long as her fridge has Veg food she will eat it so I am preparing her meals when ever I come over. All I have is those PETA books
to choose from. I got a huge package in the mail to leaflet at the Oktoberfest in Miami.
It was really hard because I can't taste the food, I am making for her, not even a little. So I have to hope I put enough of this or that in.
and gave her all these vegetarian stickers and recipe books.
She has been going Vegetarian finally
After years of me bitching. She loves it. For years, I have been giving her top declamatory treatment over what she eats, I hate meat, when she eats it, its disgusting and vile. Now her atrophied view, that meat is necessary, is almost completely gone. Thanks to me.As long as her fridge has Veg food she will eat it so I am preparing her meals when ever I come over. All I have is those PETA books
to choose from. I got a huge package in the mail to leaflet at the Oktoberfest in Miami.
It was really hard because I can't taste the food, I am making for her, not even a little. So I have to hope I put enough of this or that in.
I need exercise. I might join a gym.
You need to get priorities straight, you need to either work, or write. You need to learn and understand things, you need to come to conclusions on what is wrong or right to you. Get a job, be the girl you want to be, figure out if your relationship, to man will make you happy. And be that woman or be that man. Are your values mediocre? Prove it, decide and think and judge, decide and live by it.
10/2
Me as Brunette, I look weird, I tried to do it with self timer but the flash washes me out. So I took it in the mirror. You can tell where I have foundation on and where I don't. it's like a fake color of skin.
Do you like? It is very brown.
My skin looks weird, it does, it is shiny and smooth. I think it's that Dead Sea Salt scrub I bought for 30 bucks at the mall.
I am modeling with my buddy. My Nikon D70. That's the new reversible Victoria's secret bra in all the store windows, it's a size too big and small, at the same time, for me, I am 32dd it is 34d. So it's loose, and does not cover all the way, but like a half moon covers me. I have to go to sleep with a bra on for a few more weeks. Behind me is a cheap tv. My hdtv 32 inch is in the living room and I never use it. I like my cheap tv, it's my bed tv. My bed is across from it, I have Eiffel tower sheets and pillows and books. I am watching CANE, my favorite show on tv. That is my dresser in the back. I have these funky lights but I cut them out. That is my tattoo. it's a bunch of grapes, I got done at the famous tattoo place, Miami Ink for $350- What you don't see is the makeup and clothes, papers everywhere.
I went to a book reading tonight. I did not enjoy it. He was like Hank Moody. Writers who drink, he drank wine while speaking, then he went and talk about drugs and sex, fucking, and all these low sentiments, that type, turns me off. He is pandering his self respect. He asked someone, to tell me, to stop by and say hi, while he was book signing. I left. I like real heroes with values.
I had watermelon, and Orange juice today. Not hungry, I didn't even think of food. Maybe tomorrow I make a big fruit dish or recipe. On Kveta's board all the fruitatrians write what they eat, and its hardly nothing. Watermelon, grapes, hardly hungry. I am hardly hungry, all I need is raw fruit sugar for my brain...and I weighed myself. 112 today. So I actually gain weight sometimes.
I rode a bike a little bit. I want to join a gym. I may, but it's like 65 dollars a month. That means I gotta go.
I am going to lie in bed a bit. I left my book at the hair salon yesterday. I miss it. I do.
I pledge allegiance to reality, always.
/
Mango Tango Salad
You need to get priorities straight, you need to either work, or write. You need to learn and understand things, you need to come to conclusions on what is wrong or right to you. Get a job, be the girl you want to be, figure out if your relationship, to man will make you happy. And be that woman or be that man. Are your values mediocre? Prove it, decide and think and judge, decide and live by it.
10/2
Me as Brunette, I look weird, I tried to do it with self timer but the flash washes me out. So I took it in the mirror. You can tell where I have foundation on and where I don't. it's like a fake color of skin.
Do you like? It is very brown.
My skin looks weird, it does, it is shiny and smooth. I think it's that Dead Sea Salt scrub I bought for 30 bucks at the mall.
I am modeling with my buddy. My Nikon D70. That's the new reversible Victoria's secret bra in all the store windows, it's a size too big and small, at the same time, for me, I am 32dd it is 34d. So it's loose, and does not cover all the way, but like a half moon covers me. I have to go to sleep with a bra on for a few more weeks. Behind me is a cheap tv. My hdtv 32 inch is in the living room and I never use it. I like my cheap tv, it's my bed tv. My bed is across from it, I have Eiffel tower sheets and pillows and books. I am watching CANE, my favorite show on tv. That is my dresser in the back. I have these funky lights but I cut them out. That is my tattoo. it's a bunch of grapes, I got done at the famous tattoo place, Miami Ink for $350- What you don't see is the makeup and clothes, papers everywhere.
I went to a book reading tonight. I did not enjoy it. He was like Hank Moody. Writers who drink, he drank wine while speaking, then he went and talk about drugs and sex, fucking, and all these low sentiments, that type, turns me off. He is pandering his self respect. He asked someone, to tell me, to stop by and say hi, while he was book signing. I left. I like real heroes with values.
I had watermelon, and Orange juice today. Not hungry, I didn't even think of food. Maybe tomorrow I make a big fruit dish or recipe. On Kveta's board all the fruitatrians write what they eat, and its hardly nothing. Watermelon, grapes, hardly hungry. I am hardly hungry, all I need is raw fruit sugar for my brain...and I weighed myself. 112 today. So I actually gain weight sometimes.
I rode a bike a little bit. I want to join a gym. I may, but it's like 65 dollars a month. That means I gotta go.
I am going to lie in bed a bit. I left my book at the hair salon yesterday. I miss it. I do.
I pledge allegiance to reality, always.
/
Mango Tango Salad
You can try this salad with peaches and raspberries; nectarines and strawberries; and papayas and blackberries.
2 mangoes, peeled cubed
½ cup blueberries
2 mint leaves, minced (optional)
2 tbsp orange juice, fresh squeezed
To make this salad, follow these steps:
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl.
2. Stir lightly enjoy.
½ cup blueberries
2 mint leaves, minced (optional)
2 tbsp orange juice, fresh squeezed
To make this salad, follow these steps:
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl.
2. Stir lightly enjoy.
Cucumber soup
1 avocado
1 cucumber
2 tablespoons dill weed
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cucumber
2 tablespoons dill weed
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
Blend all ingredients in a blender or Vita-Mix until smooth and creamy.
THE TEN O'CLOCK NEWS
Sorry guys there is already a cure for breast cancer: our immune system. I am watching the news. Breast Cancer walks for a cure, fashion shows to raise money for a cure, balls, charities for a cure, and everyone is hoping, wishing, and they will be, for the next... forever...for a cure, we just can't seem to MAKE UP..The only cure, guys, for cancer, is our immune system, and what feeds our immune system? RAW PLANT FOODS
That is a very cogent statement.
A great movie on that was the movie EATING. We eat ourself into disease. We do this in a way that our bodies create the disease to protect us from the toxic food we cannot digest, but wear instead. Every disease is one thing= TOXEMIA.
That is a very cogent statement.
A great movie on that was the movie EATING. We eat ourself into disease. We do this in a way that our bodies create the disease to protect us from the toxic food we cannot digest, but wear instead. Every disease is one thing= TOXEMIA.
10/3
I was going to go to German Unity day party
at the Biltmore Hotel, right on and down my street like 5-7 blocks away from me now.
Someone at Whole Foods walked up to me, showed me a card that he is Classical~ of Miami and working the event, and with coaxing eloquence, invited me.
I love fancy events. I have definitely been to events there, when my parents were Cellar Club Members. My mom used to bring back cards of Consuls and international important people. I have been there, just a big party and dinner. I have a nice dress I was going to look pretty nice in.
So this guy, that gave me an invite, calls me up all worried and distrait. He told me he would be representing the Classical ~ Society of Miami and that the Consul of ~ would be there and please dress nice. I told him. I said, " I have very nice dresses".
Then, in a tone of voice, really condescending, he goes, " I don't care if you have hundreds of dresses! ( Can you believe this?) THIS is not.. a discotheque!!" ( he said this, implying as if I go to discotheques, and what is a discotheque anyways, are we in Paris??)
.."I need you, please, The ~ of~ will be there, I will be representing the ~ of Miami!!! I need you to dress REALLY CONSERVATIVELY!!"
( the tone of voice, he annunciated every syllable, it was as if I didn't know better, or didn't know anything, at all)
He then, then said, ' I need to know, WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU G-O-I-N-G to wear???" and then he waited for me to tell him what I was going to wear.
I was going to go to German Unity day party
at the Biltmore Hotel, right on and down my street like 5-7 blocks away from me now.
Someone at Whole Foods walked up to me, showed me a card that he is Classical~ of Miami and working the event, and with coaxing eloquence, invited me.
I love fancy events. I have definitely been to events there, when my parents were Cellar Club Members. My mom used to bring back cards of Consuls and international important people. I have been there, just a big party and dinner. I have a nice dress I was going to look pretty nice in.
So this guy, that gave me an invite, calls me up all worried and distrait. He told me he would be representing the Classical ~ Society of Miami and that the Consul of ~ would be there and please dress nice. I told him. I said, " I have very nice dresses".
Then, in a tone of voice, really condescending, he goes, " I don't care if you have hundreds of dresses! ( Can you believe this?) THIS is not.. a discotheque!!" ( he said this, implying as if I go to discotheques, and what is a discotheque anyways, are we in Paris??)
.."I need you, please, The ~ of~ will be there, I will be representing the ~ of Miami!!! I need you to dress REALLY CONSERVATIVELY!!"
( the tone of voice, he annunciated every syllable, it was as if I didn't know better, or didn't know anything, at all)
He then, then said, ' I need to know, WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU G-O-I-N-G to wear???" and then he waited for me to tell him what I was going to wear.
I was shocked! I had a split second to decide what to say. I told him I do not want to go, thanks and I hung up on him.
I guess I felt, like, conservative to me, means, dressed in collared shirts up to my neck, like a secretary's polyester suit and that this is Miami, I would look really geeky that way... I mean, I had a designer dress that lookas great.
Then I thought, this guy, with his Beethoven tie,
should really be lucky I would go anywhere with him, really. He should NOT treat me, with a commanding attitude, like he knows better than me on how I should dress, and I am his property, he needs to approve.
I felt a wicked ingratitude. He invited me, to have a good time.
I have class, I have good taste, what was he saying? It really hurt my feelings.
I guess it hurt more his tone of voice and attitude, like I was supposed to fit into his little mold, just to go to a party.
A party, he invited me to with such giddy pleasure, to then call me the day of, with such invidious mention and vehemence of manner.
He invited me to a party where old old women dress up like they are 20, in low cut gowns, sometimes, and diamonds. He is just WORKING the event. I just wanted to go to a nice party to have fun and learn about my roots.. I guess I expected a welcoming host.
I guess I felt, like, conservative to me, means, dressed in collared shirts up to my neck, like a secretary's polyester suit and that this is Miami, I would look really geeky that way... I mean, I had a designer dress that lookas great.
Then I thought, this guy, with his Beethoven tie,
should really be lucky I would go anywhere with him, really. He should NOT treat me, with a commanding attitude, like he knows better than me on how I should dress, and I am his property, he needs to approve.
I felt a wicked ingratitude. He invited me, to have a good time.
I have class, I have good taste, what was he saying? It really hurt my feelings.
I guess it hurt more his tone of voice and attitude, like I was supposed to fit into his little mold, just to go to a party.
A party, he invited me to with such giddy pleasure, to then call me the day of, with such invidious mention and vehemence of manner.
He invited me to a party where old old women dress up like they are 20, in low cut gowns, sometimes, and diamonds. He is just WORKING the event. I just wanted to go to a nice party to have fun and learn about my roots.. I guess I expected a welcoming host.
I turned off my phone. Man that sucks.
I thought about it. Should I have said, "Ok, this is my outift I am wearing"? , "I am wearing this", and maybe MODEL it for him before we go, to get his approbation?" Then just imagine how I would have felt and how he would have begun to treat me? I think I did right, I hung up on him. I have a lot of pride to be #2 in my life.
I like being alone, more than ever. But at least, I have been trying to be social and go out.
I thought about it. Should I have said, "Ok, this is my outift I am wearing"? , "I am wearing this", and maybe MODEL it for him before we go, to get his approbation?" Then just imagine how I would have felt and how he would have begun to treat me? I think I did right, I hung up on him. I have a lot of pride to be #2 in my life.
I like being alone, more than ever. But at least, I have been trying to be social and go out.
I woke up this morning 112 lbs. I am going to draw a bath, with manufactured melancholy, and just lie in it and stare at the ceiling. I applied for some jobs. I may cry. It's not the first time I feel alienated by people. Am I too sensitive?
My mom was a very submissive wife, she would have done what he wanted. Maybe if I loved this man, I would have let him treat me like that , but I don't. Plus submission feels, it feels like I have to redeem myself in others eyes and it is very painful. I can't think like this anymore. I need to love only myself.
I need to keep trying. Keep going out, keep trying.
/
I spent the day in bed. I felt so depressed, but it felt strange, not like a bad thing. I felt I was coming to terms with reality. There are things I do not face, avoid. There are things that torture me, that under positivity I forget about it daily life.
I have made awful choices in my past. I feel I need to redeem myself. Even the relationship with my father, I have never redeemed myself in his eyes, yet. Even that, repeats itself, in realtionships. I feel I am so sorry to some people, people I have loved, for making hurtful choices. For not thinking, for degrading myself. I have wounds that go for years, and they need to be fixed somehow. Over time they either disappear or reappear anew in new mistakes.
I would like to say I am sorry, and I would like to feel, the consequences and feel the pain, my choices have given me. My choices have spiritually killed me at times. I figured, it was just me who knows, and what I think of myself does not matter. But my esteem of myself is all that matters!
I need to work to redeem myself, if only to myself. I feel I need to suffer, to atone. I just feel it. Sounds masochistic, but this guilt is very skin deep. I want it to go away, I want to be free. I want to be free from all my bad choices and consequences. I am ready to admit I fucked up. How do I atone?
Truth is, I feel there is something "wrong" with me sometimes. I am unloveable. I know this is because of my actions. I have been a hermit lately, I have withdrawn. Even on dates, I seem unhappy. SO what is it I have to deal with, a lifetime of bad choices?
A few years of doing the right thing, doesn't erase what I have done before. I have been self destructive, I used to smoke cigarettes, hurt people I love, oh the list goes on. 5- 10 years, will I be completely free spiritually?
Or do I have to atone. I feel I am a monster, like today. This beethoven guy just put me in a bad mood. I see my life before me. I hate most of it. I love the fruitarian part. I just want to feel beautiful, but I can't when i look in the mirror. I know why I feel this. I feel I need to do the right thing always and forever.
The right things do reward you with happiness. Being good, and being good to myself. Being beautiful. Dealing with reality, in a kind way, even when it hurts. My job only on earth, is to deal with reality.
My self esteem attracts the same level of self esteem from others. I need to get some, but I need to deal with the large BUCKET in the way. It's like housecleaning.
I need to earn self respect.
I just ate watermelon.
I see all this, is a reflection of how I see myself. I need to deal with it, and will, accepting the dark side. It's ok, I will make my life better
AM I responsible to reality?
My mom was a very submissive wife, she would have done what he wanted. Maybe if I loved this man, I would have let him treat me like that , but I don't. Plus submission feels, it feels like I have to redeem myself in others eyes and it is very painful. I can't think like this anymore. I need to love only myself.
I need to keep trying. Keep going out, keep trying.
/
I spent the day in bed. I felt so depressed, but it felt strange, not like a bad thing. I felt I was coming to terms with reality. There are things I do not face, avoid. There are things that torture me, that under positivity I forget about it daily life.
I have made awful choices in my past. I feel I need to redeem myself. Even the relationship with my father, I have never redeemed myself in his eyes, yet. Even that, repeats itself, in realtionships. I feel I am so sorry to some people, people I have loved, for making hurtful choices. For not thinking, for degrading myself. I have wounds that go for years, and they need to be fixed somehow. Over time they either disappear or reappear anew in new mistakes.
I would like to say I am sorry, and I would like to feel, the consequences and feel the pain, my choices have given me. My choices have spiritually killed me at times. I figured, it was just me who knows, and what I think of myself does not matter. But my esteem of myself is all that matters!
I need to work to redeem myself, if only to myself. I feel I need to suffer, to atone. I just feel it. Sounds masochistic, but this guilt is very skin deep. I want it to go away, I want to be free. I want to be free from all my bad choices and consequences. I am ready to admit I fucked up. How do I atone?
Truth is, I feel there is something "wrong" with me sometimes. I am unloveable. I know this is because of my actions. I have been a hermit lately, I have withdrawn. Even on dates, I seem unhappy. SO what is it I have to deal with, a lifetime of bad choices?
A few years of doing the right thing, doesn't erase what I have done before. I have been self destructive, I used to smoke cigarettes, hurt people I love, oh the list goes on. 5- 10 years, will I be completely free spiritually?
Or do I have to atone. I feel I am a monster, like today. This beethoven guy just put me in a bad mood. I see my life before me. I hate most of it. I love the fruitarian part. I just want to feel beautiful, but I can't when i look in the mirror. I know why I feel this. I feel I need to do the right thing always and forever.
The right things do reward you with happiness. Being good, and being good to myself. Being beautiful. Dealing with reality, in a kind way, even when it hurts. My job only on earth, is to deal with reality.
My self esteem attracts the same level of self esteem from others. I need to get some, but I need to deal with the large BUCKET in the way. It's like housecleaning.
I need to earn self respect.
I just ate watermelon.
I see all this, is a reflection of how I see myself. I need to deal with it, and will, accepting the dark side. It's ok, I will make my life better
AM I responsible to reality?
What is the reputation I have acquired in and of myself?
I need to behave in accordance to what I see and know is right.
I need to behave in accordance to what I see and know is right.
I need to act on what I see and know. I know what I have done wrong. I need to make amends. No more avoidance of consciousness.
I need to live consciously. My feelings are not a guide to find truth. I need to have active mind, have joyous moments. I need to be inside of reality, be in love with it.
I want to face all the damage I have done to myself over years, maybe into childhood. bad decisions I made, as child, adult and lover.
I feel better now I do. I missed Gossip Girl tonight, How could I? have to catch up.
I was looking at Green for Life. By Victoria Boutenko. Now some fruitarians eat raw greens, I just don't like them. They only taste good blended with fruit, or with salad dressing, salt and oil , which are not raw foods.
She sells books, so I can't agree wtih everything she says, but she says Monkeys eat just as much greens as fruit, or chimpanzees. As well as small percentage bugs. I know Jane Goodall found other male monkeys get together and kill for meat, but only socially, as a game. Ok
10/3
I was looking at Green for Life. By Victoria Boutenko. Now some fruitarians eat raw greens, I just don't like them. They only taste good blended with fruit, or with salad dressing, salt and oil , which are not raw foods.
She sells books, so I can't agree wtih everything she says, but she says Monkeys eat just as much greens as fruit, or chimpanzees. As well as small percentage bugs. I know Jane Goodall found other male monkeys get together and kill for meat, but only socially, as a game. Ok
10/3
A guy in Coral Gables today, GOT arrested, and charged, for whipping his child, YEAH!!!
WOW the day has finally come when parents are held accountable for spanking!!! YES Spanking is violence. Spanking is criminal. Spanking is not love. It's abuse and cruel. It creates neurosis in children, it creates violent behavior at school, anti social behavior.
I guess the boy had welts/ bruises. Um, everyone whose daddy whipped them, left bruises.
Anyways, good. I told, my dad, one day, it will be illegal to spank a child, when I was a child, and he spanked me for talking back. I used to threaten I would call the cops. I was very independent and willful. I would also say, " It doesn't hurt!" and laugh while being spanked. I would not let it hurt.
I think what he did was wrong and I remind him of it very often. He is a decent man, except for that. His daddy doing it to him, is not a good excuse to do it again. To put me through that. I feel a family should be a loving and safe place, where I am not controlled by fear.
Human rights include not to be hurt by another physically. It ruined our relationship, forever. I became hard and mean. I occasionally hurt animals as a result of that. I interpreted it as, " I am unlovable/wrong" So that is how I know punishing a kid is a crime. It takes innocence away, ruins the concept of family, instills evil, and brings on bad self esteem.
If parents feed their kids things food like the photo below, you should know, that you cannot trust them. If they say it is ok for babies, to get vaccinated with mercury and pig blood, then they should be held accountable. Kids should be able to sue their parents. Parents are bad. Mostly.
Watching Kid Nation I get so annoyed, I see such bad parents instilling false ideas their kids spout out as truth. Like the girl crying over the protein myth, how she needs her protein, or she is going to die, in tears she wailed. Or children, actually killing animals when not necessary. For a prize, they get to decide on, either, a microwave oven, or 40 warm pizzas. Both are dangerous to humans. And these are children!
No wonder brain eating amoebas kill children all of a sudden, when they swim in lakes. They have no immune system anymore.
Now that I brought it up, I did sue my parents at 15 or 16, I forget, mostly it was my counselor's doing. I remember all the nuns telling my mom, I would never get away with it. I wanted to be "emancipated" and I was. I had a lot of people, in court, vouching for me. I won. I think my dad was actually happy he was no longer responsible for me. Of course, I wish, we had a good relationship. But my point is, I think individual rights are what is proper and right.
Judge Judy says, " Unfortunately, people get awful parents sometimes" Mine were not bad, just so blind and dumb.
Once my dad would not let me get up from the dinner table because I would not eat liver. Is he for real, he wants me to eat that? Some animal's LIVER? It's a crime I tell you. It got cold and I sat there until bedtime. He totally lost that one. I wish I could sue for that. How dare he? I mean really, would you let someone treat you like that as an adult? Kids are little adults. You need to teach them how to be good adults.
One thing I do give him credit for, was when his dad had his 5th heart attack, he made us all eat healthier. Really heathier, too healthier too fast. It was the best thing he really did for all of us, and instilled in us, good eating. My mom used to sneak us sugary cereals when he was out of town on business.
/
I love this show, it's so good, and gorgeous actors and actresses, GOSSIP GIRL, it just started three weeks ago.
http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Tonight is SURVIVOR CHINA, yes.
I also watched David Letterman be really rude to Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koH0sDec2-k
He was really mean to Paris. He was. Sarah Silverman made fun of this when she was on. I saw it on tv.
I want to see this movie, I think it send out an important message.
I made my mother Black bean hummus so she would stop eating meat, it was all raw, except for beans, spices, oil and salt.
Photo
I feel bad for posting it here so I put a link to it. This is fruitarian journal, but fruitarians have relatives they want to stop eating meat, and don't want raw, yet. It is a vegan dish. I am such a good cook in anything.
It doesn't phase me making that food. My hands smell like cilantro, not a bad thing. At all.
All I ate today was watermelon. Fluctuated 110-113lbs today. I went out and bike rode. I got a new bra in the mail. I wonder if I will ever be hungry again. I didn't even want OJ. I am content. I think that is cool, food no longer is my main concern. I feel full, watermelon fruit sugar sure makes me happy. I put a little ginger in for a kick. If I lived on an island I would be all set. No wonder most fruitarians don't do squat. Its too easy. I don't need anything. Well, I kind of like having an apartment by myself and all my gadgets.
I had a beautiful morning, it was so gorgeous. It was. Paradise. I was so bummed last night to feel so good later on. I am amazing and I am the best. I am the best. I am talented. I am driven.
I need DANCE CLASS or maybe I should just go to Ponce and dance in those nightclubs for free, talking to noone? I do not like spanish music though. I want to go to a gym and take classes there. I might have something soon, I am working on it. I just want to move.
Ballet I love, I do. I should go. I am afraid what my teacher might say, I missed half a year or something. He owes me a tshirt I ordered that said, Ballet Academy of Miami. I never wear tshirts anyways. You don't see ballet dancers with any boobs at all, all falt chested. I wonder.
You are going to take nice photos tonight, you are so graceful. There will be a winner. Get a job worthy of you as well soon.
10/03
I went to my mom's house, I made her vegan pasta salad with special pasta. I am quite the cook. I could not taste it and thank god. I cannot believe how unhealthy "vegan " food is. I made her this pasta, mixed with chopped veggies, and the sauce was, " Sugar, oil, ketchup, vinegar, salt, pepper blended up" I had her taste it before I mixed it in, and she loved it so much. Disgusting. But hey, if it helps her stay away from meat. I thought vegan food was healthy Click for my photo: Vegan Pasta Salad
Right now I am drinking sugar cane juice
Last night I had tomato and cucumber salad
All day I had watermelon juice
Last night I had tomato and cucumber salad
All day I had watermelon juice
Weighed myself, at night, 114. I have been really sedentary, in bed all day, watching E.
LOVE STORY
LOVE STORY
I saw this wedding of Katie Price ( Jordan)
and some boy band guy Peter Andre.
It was in a castle, and the boy band guy was in tears, he loves her so much... he was so in love with her, like a baby to his momma. This girl, is super famous in England, had maybe 38 F size breasts, she was so beautiful.
Oh my. I am in love. LOVE. I have no idea who she is, why do I like breasts so much? You should have seen her wedding dress. It was pink, and her man was crying and telling her how beautiful she was, and I was like WHAT? I was so entranced, all I wanted to do was look at them. When I saw them I felt nice and happy. I think I am going to put her on my desktop.
She really can't sing, but who cares.
More photos www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvhc5yEByRs
I had this intution, that she is not into her hubby that much. Not only that, but she has been raising this retarded african british kid on her own too, unless he is hers. In the wedding speech, the groom says that is why he fell in love with her. Her husband actually records and sells songs dedicated and sung and written for her.
For the first time, I felt I was maybe, really small. I read that women who get implants always get depressed they didn't get "BIG enough". I saw her and it crossed my mind, for the first time. But now, actually, I feel normal, and not 'TOO big", like I did when I first got them.
I actually went to the mall with mom in a spaghetti strap with push up bra. My mom refused to go, she said it was too much, everyone would stare. She laughed out of fear. I was scared of her reaction, is she a nun? I promised her it was just fear, in her head.
We went out and it was fine. I did not stop traffic, nor nobody looked rudely or nothing. I think I loosened up her fears. She dresses like a school teacher and she has 38dd. She saw that it is fine, to go out without covering it all up, even beautful. Nothing to be afraid of. Breasts are heavenly mom. I fit right in anyways, this is Miami. I tried on all these skimpy Miami style dresses for her and she just stared. I bought her a dress.
Anyways, I feel normal now. Before I felt like I had to hide. I don't.
I am sorry, the woman, Katie Price, or Jordan, is amazing, and E has a reality show now, of their divine life. She has an entire room for her clothes, and it is not big enough.
I saw on the News a cop pepper sprayed a teenage girl. Hahah that is funny. What wimps.
I want to see Darjeeling Unlimited and Michael Clayton.
Tonight I went to get a sugarcane juice. They were playing this cheezy spanish ballad. Some mother was singing to her little girl. It looked nice. I bet she wish she had a real man to sing it to. There are some rough looking people out there. I saw the ladies scoop up fried sticks made from processed meat and olives, breaded then fried.
They made the bag greasy. The woman saw I ordered sugarcane and ordered some for her little girl.
That was my day. I was supposed to go to a poetry reading but I chickened out. I am not very social these days. One of these days I am going to have a life filled with events and many important people to meet. I long for that, a place where I am safe, things are ok.
and some boy band guy Peter Andre.
It was in a castle, and the boy band guy was in tears, he loves her so much... he was so in love with her, like a baby to his momma. This girl, is super famous in England, had maybe 38 F size breasts, she was so beautiful.
Oh my. I am in love. LOVE. I have no idea who she is, why do I like breasts so much? You should have seen her wedding dress. It was pink, and her man was crying and telling her how beautiful she was, and I was like WHAT? I was so entranced, all I wanted to do was look at them. When I saw them I felt nice and happy. I think I am going to put her on my desktop.
She really can't sing, but who cares.
More photos www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvhc5yEByRs
I had this intution, that she is not into her hubby that much. Not only that, but she has been raising this retarded african british kid on her own too, unless he is hers. In the wedding speech, the groom says that is why he fell in love with her. Her husband actually records and sells songs dedicated and sung and written for her.
For the first time, I felt I was maybe, really small. I read that women who get implants always get depressed they didn't get "BIG enough". I saw her and it crossed my mind, for the first time. But now, actually, I feel normal, and not 'TOO big", like I did when I first got them.
I actually went to the mall with mom in a spaghetti strap with push up bra. My mom refused to go, she said it was too much, everyone would stare. She laughed out of fear. I was scared of her reaction, is she a nun? I promised her it was just fear, in her head.
We went out and it was fine. I did not stop traffic, nor nobody looked rudely or nothing. I think I loosened up her fears. She dresses like a school teacher and she has 38dd. She saw that it is fine, to go out without covering it all up, even beautful. Nothing to be afraid of. Breasts are heavenly mom. I fit right in anyways, this is Miami. I tried on all these skimpy Miami style dresses for her and she just stared. I bought her a dress.
Anyways, I feel normal now. Before I felt like I had to hide. I don't.
I am sorry, the woman, Katie Price, or Jordan, is amazing, and E has a reality show now, of their divine life. She has an entire room for her clothes, and it is not big enough.
I saw on the News a cop pepper sprayed a teenage girl. Hahah that is funny. What wimps.
I want to see Darjeeling Unlimited and Michael Clayton.
Tonight I went to get a sugarcane juice. They were playing this cheezy spanish ballad. Some mother was singing to her little girl. It looked nice. I bet she wish she had a real man to sing it to. There are some rough looking people out there. I saw the ladies scoop up fried sticks made from processed meat and olives, breaded then fried.
They made the bag greasy. The woman saw I ordered sugarcane and ordered some for her little girl.
That was my day. I was supposed to go to a poetry reading but I chickened out. I am not very social these days. One of these days I am going to have a life filled with events and many important people to meet. I long for that, a place where I am safe, things are ok.
Hello Hello!
Thanks for the inspiration.
One more question. I have been looking for sugar cane juice and have not found out yet where to get it.
What do you think of Turbinado sugar? Can I mix that with water and drink it? Is that similar enough to what you drink? Or am I totally off the mark?
Wondering where I could get sugar cane juice. It sounds so heavenly.
Thanks,
MJ
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No, anything sugary, that is processed, will rot your teeth and mess with sugar levels. Only raw, it is fine. This has been proven I am not just making it up. it's better than white sugar but still an evil. really, I would date sugar if anything.
You get sugarcane juice in Miami. That's all I know.
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MJ. Turbinado sugar is NOTHING like guarapo or fresh raw cane juice.
This of it this way. Guarapo is the squeezed out juice of the sugar cane grass stalk. Just like wheat grass juice. Sugar cane is is just another type of tall grass. Guarapo is the juice that's inside that type of grass and squeezed out through a press.
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Hi, beautiful! Just wanted to say hello and let you know I am still reading and loving your blog! I, myself, am writing almost non-stop these days, so not much time to write you decently. Thanks for giving me a place to come for a "break"!
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Let's see a picture of your hair. I agree with you ~ there are a lot of issues that go public and are blown way out of proportion. I think we should be conservative and responsible in the things that we do that are seen as potentially harmful to the environment, but we should not be operating out of paranoid fear.
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I agree. My mom's brother works in a cane factory and he will never ever eat sugar. He tells my mom, you don't want to know what they put in it. But he steals the syrup before it is processed. He even said the organic sugar they sell to america, is not really organic, but half organic and half normal cane. Everybody knows this he says, and it's not right.
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Ok no problem, let me see your blog, what is it?
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Right
You are so smart, fear should not drive anyone to do right things
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Oh, I don't have a blog. I am a very private person. But I love your blog.
I am writing a novel, and I would love to share some of it with you. You would love it. I think. Maybe some day our paths will cross and I can show you, unless of course I am finished and published before then!
Thank you!
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I would love to read it, maybe you can rread mine too, come to miami some time and lets play on the beach
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My parents used to do the liver thing to me too!!! Yuck! What is wrong with people! It's funny, because when I was little, I was classed as a 'picky eater' who wouldn't eat her sausages, wouldn't eat her eggs etc. If they'd bought me up vegan or vegetarian, I would have eaten what they fed me! I ended up going veggie in junior school. Been vegan for years. My mum is now also vegetarian.
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I just want to say that guy who asked you to attend that event ~ what a piece of work! It's obvious that he has a problem with his self esteem, that's why he's a controlling, masochistic jerk. Oh well ~ it's his loss. You are too good and too lovely for him anyway. I hope you know that. Keep writing. I love your blog.
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Thank you, in my email today he sent me an invite to a classical music thing and cocktail party. I can't believe after that he would invite me, and he goes, "will you RSVP, please?"
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Its disgusting, we as beautiful children, being forced to ingest rotting, cooked , spiced up, bodies and corpses, as if we were flesh eating zombies.
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"But her book makes it clear that Katie and Jordan are the same person. Katie is not a modest lass knitting cardies who puts on the Jordan act simply to ensure a pay cheque. She does not shy away from appearing impatient and bossy. We get the gory details, from hair extensions to drunken club nights and sex in semi-public places. She’s honest, as superficial as Bridget Jones, but with an edge of self-awareness that middle-class heroines would never take on for fear of looking like a shrill fishwife. She wants Dwight Yorke to spend more time with their handicapped son but is sharp enough to acknowledge that her attitude and the child’s difficulties put him off. She needs an alpha male while reviling Peter Andre’s past, despairing of men that she wrapped so easily around her finger and admitting that she could only love an equal."
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/biography/article725233.ece
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My parents always tried to force me to eat disgusting animal flesh as well. But when I was 15, I went on a protest and refused to eat at all. My weight got really low. My parents got worried and stopped forcing me to eat things I didn't want (i.e. MEAT; things with a face). Isn't it pathetic that I had to go to such extremes just to get my point across???
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Oh that is so funny. Yes, Parents suck, they do, we are so much smarter than they are thank god.
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I like her, I want her to adopt me too.
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CG: Thank you.
And thanks Suvine.
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Regarding global warming-- you may want to check out Mars warming. Google "Mars warming", read the reports, and ask--how are we donig that to Mars?
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LOL really? Oh my god. Techonology and all the rich guys are so evil they are warming up mars too
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