e as Brunette. And that Barbie pink lipstick they have in all the Mac makeup posters at Macy's now. It's pink. I hate flash and I look sad. I took this with self timer, way better than holding it in mirror, anyways this is what I look like right at this moment. That avocado fell from my tree in the backyard. That is my couch, Palm tree Couch.

                       




I feel a little bad today. I want to feel better. I do. I get so upset easily over things that mean allot to me. I need to accept reality. If I don't like something I need to accept that that is the way it is, and just accept it, I can't change it, it's just the way it is.

I am really down. Anyways, we are going out in two hours, and I hope to accept reality. I know what I did, was wrong, to act that way, I was like a crying baby in 5 minutes. I feel so much pain. I am attracted to death. I feel there is no hope, and I am lost. am so dramatic, I know But then I feel so much love for this person, I just want to be redeemed in their eyes.

I think in a thousand years, we will finally know what is good for us. What feeds us. But, for real. I think now, humanity, ( humanity does not exist there is only "human being") is engulfed and buried inside many harmful ways. Self destructive if you ask me. One day all will be good. It has to get really bad before getting good, so people explore and examine, what does not work, and what is killing them.



//


I look so white in that photo.

I just came back from the most magical night ever. It was so much fun. I danced to all sorts of music. I had fun, I let loose. There was glamor and fascination.

My date went to this bathroom and this skinny model looking Indian girl came up to me, and told me my breasts are awesome, she actually felt them, on the dance floor. I grabbed her hands and she started dirty dancing with me.

I can't get her out of my head, she did some voodoo on me. I put my hands on her face and I saw her eyes.  We held each other and I hallucinated, I felt this energy, this presence of death, like a luciferian beauty. Unlike any girl I have seen in Miami.
 
It was all in her eyes. Her face had powder on it, Her long hair was like a hood. She was so sexy, I almost thought she was a tranny, but no, she was not..she was the real deal.  She was a convincing demon lord of seduction, in beauty alone, that is the gold all people want more than anything, BEAUTY..She was a half horse woman, she was unearthly.  She stared at me and then put on the mojo voodoo spell. I felt her eyes glow. What was she doing? Demon eyes, devil eyes, not human, at all.

I felt bad, I learned she wanted me to dance with her boyfriend. I then realized, she was looking for a girl for her boyfriend, he wanted to just watch her with another woman, or something weird. As soon as I found out, I ignored her.  She tapped me on the shoulder, I talked to someone else.

But while I did hold her face in my hands, I felt something evil, something deadly, undead. It was a flash from the other side. I caressed her arms, like softly. It was quite nice to touch a soft feminine woman. They are so great. I can't feel anything but love when I touch a woman, there is nothing raunchy there, only tender.

She was model skinny. And she had extensions possibly, very long hair, it was perfumed with grave dirt. Her eyes were lined black. Her legs were thin and she raised up her dress to her underwear, so I could see them. I had to look away, fast, She was totally hot for me. Wow. It was as though I was seeing another world, her true devil ice cold nature.

Something ghastly and inconceivable, that lasts for a few minutes haunts me. Do you think maybe she was on ecstasy and I picked up on it, I tuned in to an infernal energy?

There was a salad bar at the club so I ate all this fruit like watermelon and strawberries.

My date is wonderful. I feel shock, pain, love, joy, everything intense around him. We talked alot. I got to see his true nature as well. I care for him deeply. I need to just accept all things, as a kind of test. How can I expect others to accept all of me, if I cannot accept all of anybody?  I accept. I swallow the pill. I take the truth.

Reality is awesome. Now my reality is, I am here alone. I miss my date, but I cannot hold on to ghosts. I need a life. I need a life of positive work, only work will save me, only work will be me..

 ALot of girls were talking to my date. He had his hair slicked back, and a really nice shirt. He was the best looking guy there, and there were alot. I mean there were young buff guys, but they act like idiots. He has charisma and charm, dressed awesome.



10/07


I spent the day with my mom, we were going to WALK FOR THE ANIMALS at the Wild Oats in South Beach, 4 miles. I read that there was going to be donated food from Wild Oats and music, and I thought it would be fun.

When I got there I found it was 15 dollars and there was no free food and a bunch of hippies setting up for that kind of music. Not my scene one bit.

I do not like hippies. At all. I tried getting along, never works.

I am so pissed with the hippie Raw Spirit scene so far. Noone has any money and everyone seems transient. I could not make plans with anyone going, to split a room or meet up. Things are just day to day with them.

What the WALK FOR ANIMALS meant by "donated food" from Wild Oats, is that we have to buy the donated food from Wild Oats and they will donate my money to animal charity. It sounded to me, like it was free fruits ( that is what the paper said) for those who pay to walk a few blocks.

The people around waiting did not look in the least bit interesting. I sensed flatness and insipidity. I could not do it. I felt I didn't belong there. I felt really out of place, like these are not my people.

Cool car:

These are not real chickens.

I was wearing white jogging pants, sneaks and a flowy silky shirt.

I ran into my old coworker, as she happened to be shopping, and also someone I have been emailing.

Neither are animal enthusiasts, but out of the blue they were there at the same moment I was at, exactly at the same time. And I never go to this
Wild Oats. What coincidences.!

This guy I know online looked at me with fear and bewilderment. He said,

" I had no idea how beautiful you are!, Oh my, your photos do not do you any justice..!" he paced around, looking at me, and blushing, and when his back was turned I split!! I get uncomfortable sometimes.

At the club last night someone I spoke with told me, " You are so special, you are one in a million, you have no idea what a unique person you are. It's not often I meet someone like you, very special, I want you to know that". It was nice, wish I felt I deserved it.

I know what I have to do to deserve feeling like that, is to do the right thing.

Do the right thing for beauty, do the right thing for self esteem.

Another person I met started yahooing acting weird, in a paroxysm, going " OMG! Oh my GOD!", calling me "Supermodel", and going on about how hot I am, One of a kind he said.  I wish I felt it.

I hear it, but it don't enter. How can it when it comes from outside? What matters is my self esteem of myself.

And what is that? My self esteem says I have lost everything I love, based on bad choices. I have tremendous amount of work and if I succeed I will have earned heaven and what I want.

Like if people who rave about me, knew what it was like to be me on a daily basis, my pain, and heartaches, my loves and failures...they would or might prefer death

Maybe being fruitarian, oh I know this, makes me feel it more acutely.

I feel and have no pain threshold. Sometimes I bask in pain, well, the reality of a situation I do not like, for example.. ( so dramatic, I know I am ! )

Anyways, I go to places I didn't in my worst puberty, with clarity and such sensitive nerves, I feel..I feel! I can sit there and feel all that is the most evil and hard , I can feel the pain of truth, the pain of reality.

You know what is the most painful and the most pleasurable? Truth. Hits you with its realism. We as people, avoid truth, especially if it's one we don't like.

Like what is on Michael Clayton's movie Poster..it says, "the truth can be adjusted" Well, you can try, and even believe in your adjustments as right, but reality is so powerful! You do not want to separate yourself from reality. Trust me on this.
Reality is there, no matter what you do or say, and you need a relationship to it, that is real and in the moment. It is the only thing, period. Reality.
Fight it, deny it, and make stuff up, see what happens, live in words made up of nothing. You will be so unhappy when you find your life in hell and you have separated yourself from all that you love. And you lost what you loved.

So, back to what I was saying, then someone freaks out how beautiful I am, and then I am left with, " So? what good does that do me, if I do not deserve what I so badly want....yet."

I guess, I like the part that others think I am "Thumbs Up". I think it came too late in life. I wanted my 4th grade crush to feel that way. I want my love to feel that way. I just didn't deserve it back then or now, yet. I missed out, I lost.

Life was never meant to lose in anything, we were born to all be winners of everything, we are supposed to have what we all what effortlessly. We are that out of tune with ourselves and what is right and wrong. I mean it is completely natural for us to be 100% happy all the time.

But who, do I want, to think that I am beautiful? The one I want to redeem myself to.

I want to earn love and acceptance from the impossible. Because I can earn anything. I want the impossible to love and accept me. Despite what I have been through in my life, and bad decisions I have made.

I will be honest. I need support and I need to be honest and I need to be truthful and I need to come clean.

It is not easy doing the right thing especially when for many years I did wrong. It is always there to turn to as a choice.

I choose right, but it is harder to keep on doing it long term, in the face of challenges, loneliness and bad or non existent self esteem, but rather a lack of any self thought.

 I need to earn this.

I feel how great it feels, I know the inner happiness I can attain..

My dreams, if I do the right thing, nothing is out of reach, and there is only one thing I want. I want it.

But I have to earn it, and I have so much work ahead. I cannot give up. I have to keep on, my focus. I don't want to go through life without true aims.

Back to me MOM.
We decided we would go somewhere else, sorry animals. My mom was not into it, by far. She thought the Breast Cancer walk, millions seemed to be attending, would be more fun.

 Still looking for a cure, ( besides the only one- our immune system!) are they? Days of our lives. Could I really be inhabiting a planet where I feel the masses are just totally dumb? Totally!! I am 100% sure of this.

I am into animal rights, not for the animals, themselves per see,  but for the exploitation of humans, hired to kill them for a living, and the death and disease consuming them brings to all people. It's like the bacteria on the meat will bore through to your brain, and people still do not care.

((let's live in a bubble and be sure to sanitize everything)))

It's flesh eating that is making us angry, warring people filled with disease and loss. Cannibalism of our planet. Death mongering. Sure go ahead eat meat, but it will harm you in the long run, and short run as well. If you are so used to it, you cannot tell, what the difference is, I feel so bad, people miss out on feeling real energy and experiencing top life, top health.

I am pro human, so if we are starving, or in the middle of famine, eat meat, eat each other, whatever it takes, but we are not in a famine at all.

I took her to eat, at Juice and Java on Washington Ave. 

I bought and introduced her to Quinoa, as a rice replacement. She loved it, they were sprouted and were steamed.

I bought her some black beans along with it. I also bought her tuna fish salad, with carrots processed in and vegenaise. This is her last "to go" in the meat department, she does not consider it meat.

She is one of those people ( raw foodists as well, with what is raw and not) that seem to make little truth adjustments as to what is meat or not.

She considers fish, vegetarian, and so does the majority of people, right? "So I can get away with tuna and STILL call myself a vegetarian".

That is how these people think! Think for yourselves, people. Think hard.

She loved it so much she asked for the recipe. I got her a cappuccino and also steamed veggies. See how nice I am. I got her a cappuccino. I told her I was a hypocrite, but I like making people happy. I am not a Nazi.

I got this, and I should have never eaten it, I was not hungry and it was a lot of food.                                            


It looks like nothing, but my stomach is so different then most people. I have not been hungry in weeks, I had to force it. I felt as full as if I would have eaten a big noisome cooked food meal.

See my body is used to fruit. Anyone who tries fruitarian ism see how hard it is! Until you do it, until your body gets used to it, feels impossible. But then when you adjust, you feel totally full all the time.

Also my tongue got burned from the pineapple. My mom's does that too, pineapple burns my mouth.

We walked on Lincoln Road, I got a guarapo. Alot of fruit stands. I like these juice ones
                                 
 

              Lots of people out

 

Later on I was hungry and we went to Doraku Sushi on Lincoln Road, I got these Kanisus. I was hungry for taste really.

Cucumber and Avocado Kanisu

               

 



I also took her out to see a movie, Heartbreak Kid, oh she loved it. I hope I made her happy.

It was really funny, about being in love , while you are stuck with the wrong person.

What most people do not know, is the one you love, usually turns out to be the wrong person soon enough.

It is not the other person's fault, it is mostly yours and what you earn in love.

Love needs to be worked for, earned, not given out for nothing. expected for free like life's free gifts. No, love is not free, it is always earned. You need to be the type of person to deserve it.

You actually are in love with values, never just the person.

I am tired and going to rest, I am going to start doing what I say I am going to do. What am I going to do, is do my resume tomorrow, write for 4 hours, apply for jobs and go jogging.

I can attain all that I want on this planet, not by "the Secret" just wishing for crap, but by actually taking action. Doing what is right always, and doing what is hard in the short term. The Secret is good for people who have no dreams to begin with. At least give them something to want first, right?


My mom told me this story at dinner and I have to share it, she is a therapist, a counselor in charge of a huge section of the Prison were everybody goes through on their way to their final prison. Where they get their Psyche evaluations.

Today she saw a hermaphrodite who came to her. He, or she, is mostly female. At birth the doctor sewed up her vagina. As a teenager, she started menstruation, while living as a male. Anyways. She became very sick and they had to reopen the vagina.

 This thing...collected his own semen, and got himself pregnant. Doctors saw him and this is recorded. It cannot be proved someone else, did not get him pregnant, but how is proof of that possible anyways, unless he videotaped himself impregnating himself with his own cum. He tells my mom he did. we have to take people at their word I guess.

Ok, anyways, this woman has to take pills otherwise, his breasts will grow large.  He is in need of this, my mother has to get it for him. So it is mostly a woman, entering in a man's prison,  a very dangerous situation. A pretty blonde man, with a vagina, in jail..( think hard on this)  My mom told me, he would be of extreme interest to those murderous scum in prison.

So my mom listened to this man beg her, please send me to woman's jail. I say yes, he is definitely a woman, if he can give birth and menstruate. He also has a penis. Hmm, what to do?

Did I just skim over the part of him impregnating himself without comment..? Ok, This, is very, what most Doctors would say , impossible, but we know the crap comes out of Doctor's mouths, ( 8 food groups) so anything is possible. I think this is a very disturbed man. He may just belong there. I do not want him around me, for sure. But unless you are willing to help him, what do you do?

What if he gets pregnant, in man jail? It will be a freak show.



10/08

I stayed in all day looking and applying for jobs online at Miami Herald classifieds and stuff like that. I applied to alot of places and wrote alot of cover letters.

I am listening to My Bloody Valentine. I love them, it reminds me of a time where things are different and adults are kids. In Boston Adults are kids. You can go to this college city and everywhere you go there is music and parties and happy adults dressed up like in MTV videos. Here in Miami, it is very settle down kind of place.  South Beach is for partiers but its not really a happy place. . Those are just my thoughts. I don't really feel happy when I hang out in a club on south beach. I feel people are trying to prey on me. I lived in both cities. Boston is way more fun, and class is everything there. Brains matter there, like looks matter here. Low class people in Boston are dumb. Low class people here are butt ugly. I feel Boston is a very special place. Along with NYC.

I feel a little better today, like I have a purpose. I do. SO many times in my life I have had a purpose but have given up on it thinking I cannot get it, I am doomed, I am meant to be without it. I am cursed, my life =sucks, when actually, I never really tried working hard at it, or gave up and MADE THE WRONG CHOICE.

 I know what I want. I do. I could have had it, but I made bad choices and lost it. I could have had everything.


The only thing that keeps me from getting what I want is the wrong choices. Yes, I think life is that easy. Is it really that black and white?

I make bad choices saying, "It's ok, Only I know, I am a liar, noone else knows that, so I am fine.." or " Only I know, that I chose something I consider wrong, noone else knows, so its ok"  Only I knowing, is all that matters and that creates the kind of reality that I will get. I have to choose right all the time, and always have that little police in the back of my mind.

I ate watermelon juice all day. That's it. It's so good. It's all I want. I do want OJ, but I don;t have oranges.
I have some ginger I can blend with it. I have tomatoes in the fridge, and aloe, but not much you can do with those.

Sometimes I look back on my life. I do, I look back, back to Buffalo. I see things differently. I was a bloated chunky girl, punk rock haircuts, hero worshiper, and I made alot of bad choices. Oh, I did. I had no idea what was right and wrong. To me, running away to be with my boyfriend was GOOD. For example. It was painful, alot of adolescence. That girl, will never run up to me and catch me, I have to accept her, rather than fear her. Those are my roots, I come from sadness and impotence. I come from being really scared of reality, to a lot better, lover of reality.

Reality/ There is nothing like it. I am so in love with it. I don't think anyone sees how important it is, We live so much in our minds, when we are here in exactly where we are supposed to be.
It is like this thing, it is living independent outside of us. It is like lovers, yin and yang, it's me and reality, there it is, true love, forever until I die I will be right next to, skin to skin, with reality. Why avoid it, why lie to it?

The Smiths came on the radio. I remember the first time I heard the Smiths. I was in my backyard, after buying it at the record store, by this blonde guy who had a crush on me, I was in high school. That was a big deal to me, a real man liking me, I rejected him of course. He was an "adult!" EWW .
 
I was in my backyard, and I lay in the grass listening with headphones and I thought, THIS GUY,  ( Morrissey) he knows exactly how I feel. I would sing with my brain with such an empty echo inside. I was impotent. Alot of high school and college was impotent. Meaning I did nothing. I closed my eyes and waited til it was over. I woke up only to pull the covers over my head. I feel really bad when I see myself. I was constipated and totally clogged up. I was never happy, I always felt ugly.

Let's see, I ate rice a roni, ramens, bagels and cream cheese, cigarettes, cheap brownies, dollar cheeseburgers, cream of mushroom soup, and split pea soup. School lunches were better, like lasagna and pasta, pizzas and chocolate cake. I don't know if is any better.

I mean I went to school with pretty girls, the prettiest and richest, but they were pretty on the surface, inside they were flawed, and made bad choices as well. The prettiest girls I knew all had problems, cried alot, had insecurities. I mean, these girls I went to school with had everything, and they still, they still looked in dark places. I have seen stars, in my eyes, turn to dark unspeakable acts. Whispered about in the library.
 
My body started changing, it leaked, dripped, boobs hurt real bad, and I got hairy. My mom chased me thru the house, laughing, to look at my new pubic hair and I ran and hid in a closet and when she opened the door, I was crying. 

I had pimples. Now pimples, have got to be the most horrifying thing to look at and try to get rid of. It was like human waste, I felt diseased. Puberty sucked. Over plucking eyebrows, cutting bangs wrong, bloody knees from shaving, blood stains on the backs of skirts, during class,  tampons forgotten on toilet seats, boys reaching down shirts, where did it end???

I envy all those raw vegan kids who grow up so beautiful and they escape all that was so normal for me. Raw vegan kids are the most beautiful and they really have something, in their minds, when they look around, and can actually see and think clearly. I am so impressed.

I got my period today. I don't need to wear anything. One day. Thank god. I used to have 7 day heavy periods. I used to smell. Soaked tampons in a few hours. Soaked brown pads. Never again. And no I do not have amenorrhea. Menstruation is a disease. Disease is always to protect us. Only us and our pets, zoo animals get periods. In the wild it don't exist.

How do I know this for 100% sure? Well I read studies,  look at photos, and read books.I know fruitarian women who do not get periods always get pregnant and have pain free births. They post on websites and write books. Also studies of wild animals, they do not menstruate, only our pets and zoo animals. I think, it could be they are made to eat cooked processed food. I think. I mean what else could it be?

I love you, I do I love you in a place where there are no such thing as bad mistakes or wrong choices.
In a world where everything is right, I love you and you are my home, and everything is going to be alright, with you, with me.
/


In order to get what you want you need to work and make the right choices. Always, not just in other's eyes but in my own.


Two Smith's videos, the second one has a vegetarian message, it is meant to make you cry. But you have to watch the entire thing. It's so meaningful.

//


Oh my god, this fruitarian boy I am in love with, keep in mind he never ate anything but fruit and mother's milk. He looks so beautiful. His momma Anne has not eaten anything but fruit for I think 25 years, I forgot. She is heavenly too for her age. I can't stand it. He is so awesome I want to adopt him for a summer. She does massages in Australia.

 He is eating Chocolate sapote.


Oh On flickr Bryan Pope took this photo, on flickr.com  I wanna buy it and use it.








Look what I found online about how pasteurization does not really kill all the germs:

Here's something we found online that was drawn up for a Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors concerning outbreaks from pasteurized milk:

1997, 28 persons ill from Salmonella in California, ALL FROM PASTEURIZED MILK.

1996, 46 persons ill from Campylobacter and Salmonella in California.

1994, 105 persons ill from E. coli and Listeria in California

March of 1985 19,660 confirmed cases of Salmonella typhimurium illness FROM CONSUMING PROPERLY PASTEURIZED MILK. Over 200,000 people ill from Salmonella typhimurium in PASTEURIZED MILK

1985, 142 cases and 47 deaths traced to PASTEURIZED Mexican-style cheese contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes. Listeria monocytogenes SURVIVES PASTEURIZATION!

1985, 1500 persons ill from Salmonella infection

August of 1984 approximately 200 persons became ill with a Salmonella typhimurium from CONSUMING PASTEURIZED MILK

November of 1984, another outbreak of Salmonella typhimurium illness from CONSUMING PASTEURIZED MILK

1983, over 49 persons with Listeria illness have been associated with the consumption of PASTEURIZED MILK in Massachusetts.

1993, 28 persons ill from Salmonella infection

1982, 172 persons ill (100 hospitalized) from a three Southern state area from PASTEURIZED MILK.

1982, over 17,000 persons became ill with Yersinia enterocolitica from PASTEURIZED MILK bottled in Memphis, Tennessee.

I had no idea pasteurized milk was that unpasteurized, I would never touch anything pasteurized, are you kidding, not even juice!

I spent 5 hours on a phone. I spent 5 hours on a cell phone with J, In London.

My friend J is the only person I feel is 100% irreproachable.  His ideas are always correct. I have never had to show him the truth about anything, he knows the truth instinctively. Like me. It's like an ambrosial essence of thought.

People who know me, know that I have ideas, and I try to find the right ones, I find these out by thinking for myself, I reason, and prove they are right to others. I get a lot of criticism that I am too hard on people, but it is because I want them to see the mistakes they are making. I am hard on people as well, because I care for them, and don't just back down to be agreeable.

It's not people I am hard on, but their ideas, and philosophy of life. I won't give up, back down, until I have explained my side in a way they see I know for sure what I am talking about, and that I am right. Please understand, being right, is a good thing. Too many of us go through life not being sure of anything. I am not like that. I trust my mind 100%

My friend J, who called me from London, HAS all the best ideas.  He is like a counselor and guide. I never get flustered even once!! Usually people disappoint me. I never disagree with anything, he says, how shocking is that. If I am mistaken,m he corrects me, and vice versa and we know, in the moment what is truth.

His ideas, are mine. My ideas, become his. Everything he says I adore, I mean, he is so brilliant, in my eyes, top notch. He is the ideal person. If I had always made the right decision in life, I would be where he is. He is what happens when you do the right things.

He is good, he works hard, works hard 100% on the time. He tells me it is the hardest thing in the world to do what is right all the time.

We discussed, for most of the 5 hours, the germ theory. His big case now, in London, is proving vaccines are useless and actually seriously dangerous, in court.

I came to the conclusion that the germ theory ( western medicine is based on) is evil and anti man because:

-it states that we are not responsible for disease ( kind of like the socialist's beliefs of irresponsibility)
-it says our bodies cannot heal our disease, we need pills and doctor's, outside sources
-it is totally irrational, unproven and they have never found a cure for anything, because there is only one cure, our immune system. Plus it's ridiculous.

We talked about AIDS, and bird flus, and avian flus, and I read to him studies on line, proving the germ theory wrong, even hundreds of years ago.

Pages and pages of things written about how Pasteur was just a chemist and plagiarized Bechamp and many other Doctors, and he lied about medical findings. Pasteur killed the King of Greece by a vaccine. Thousands and hundreds have died from his work and tests on human subjects alone. In fact, Pasteur actually invented diseases. We read undeniable PROOF that vaccines kill people and give them diseases. On his deathbed, he recanted his theory. He was a fraud. Self promoter.

We read alot online, and laughed and discussed. I came to some breakthroughs. I realized, J was the best and highest person in my mental life. His ideas are the highest, and so are my ideas. we are both objectivists, he a libertarian. Mentally, I have never met anyone so close to my own brain.

I told him how bad I had wanted a phase Contrast microscope to prove all this myself, for many years..to actually hold in your hands the proof that this medical world has gone mad. There are tons of books with photos and studies, cases proving it, but it's one thing to know for sure.

It's not the germs, it's the terrain. It's not the germs, but the soil..it's your body. Disease is created by YOU.
We talked about photographs proving that blood cells turn into bacteria, and germs, yeasts. That is a real thing that blows our western ideas away, called pleomorphism..meaning germs are created internally. We talked about Africa,  about low immune system people, we talked about all these cases we read to each other online.

He told me all these stories of people he has read about dying from vaccines. It's his job, he is a public interest lawyer, but not just anyone, a big one for big changes. He is fighting large companies, enormous long standing ideas. He lives in Georgetown with a Harvard graduate lawyer he let stay one year and she lived there ever since.

He invited me skiing with AnnCoulter and Matt Drudgefor her birthday.   How nice is that. oooo Big bad Republicans! I am intimidated, but he thinks I asm absolutely wonderful. He said her new  book just came out



//

You know what PISSES me off?

I see raw food websites giving info that is so amazing, then they RUIN IT by putting in this in,

DISCLAIMER: Je——er is not a medically trained physician and does not diagnose, prescribe for or treat any disease, nor does she dispense medical advice. My mission is to empower you with information so you can apply it according to your own free choice. Ant———en is not affiliated with any physician or health practitioner.

  (She is saying she has no right to be telling the truth, because she is not a doctor.
 
She is setting herself up to say, " I am mistaken, in case you get hurt doing what I do, it's your fault"..

Basically admitting, she has no idea she is doing the right thing, at all.

As if only Doctors knew truth, She is ADMITTING THIS by that statement!!!  I can't understand why you would put a disclaimer stating that just because I AM NOT A TRAINED PHYSICIAN don't listen to me, but do of your own will and your own "free choice" because by listeing to me, you are doing something unkown and freaky and possibly DANGEROUS) How can she not know FOR SURE, what she is doing is the right thing?




Some photos from last month a friend took of me. 
 
                                                                              
                                I like my hair brunette

Alan Greenspan was on tv , I was so excited. His new book is out and he has been saying alot of things for a while now because he is interviewed so much. I think he is cool. He is the Head of the Federal Reserve. Retired, now. Libertarian FED HEAD, and Ayn Rand Acolyte.

The Federal Reserve. They make all our money. Our US dollars. He is Great. I know all about him. He was in "the Collective" with Ayn Rand. That was her inner circle. He was one of her WORSHIPPERS, like I am.

Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,”a glorification of the right of individuals to live entirely for their own interest, influenced Alan Greenspan and others.

Anyways he is all for globalization, and I was almost talked into it. It would be great, the standard of living everywhere would get better and it would level the playing field.

I do see how Cafta as well would benefit because I was in Costa Rica and the guys there told me they can't wait, it would be so good. At first I thought it would be bad, open market? Are you kidding me? That would ne awesome!

That is good, but not "political" globalization. My friend, says the Leftists would want that. I see bad things if they try to get power in that.  Man, ehhhh.


Impressive quote from important man:
“I know from talking to a lot of Fortune 500 C.E.O.’s that ‘Atlas Shrugged’ has had a significant effect on their business decisions, even if they don’t agree with all of Ayn Rand’s ideas,” said John A. Allison, the chief executive of BB&T, one of the largest banks in the United States.


Review of Alan Greenspan's memoir, The Age of Turbulence.
Better [...] is his depiction of his first encounter with Ayn Rand, the objectivist philosopher and ponderous novelist whose fervor for capitalism as the purest expression of human behavior, appealed strongly to the 26-year-old self-described ``math freak.'' Rand, on the other hand, dubbed this new addition to her inner circle ''the undertaker'' and dared the ultra-logical young man to prove his own existence, which Greenspan was either unable or unwilling to immediately do.
Such a comedian!
(He stayed in touch with Rand for the rest of her life. She was present when he was sworn in as chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers in 1974; Greenspan attended her funeral in 1982.)





Here I am at Merrick Park . It's a side view of one I posted before. I read books here somedays.

I watched CANE tonight, by myself. On cbs. It was fun to watch. I think I know what is going to happen already, Mr. Vega will save the day, the oldest son will learn the truth about the other bad family, the younger son will do business with ecstasy dealers and get in over his head. Mr. Vega will save the day. He will be respected. The wife will start getting paranoid. 

 I drank Guarapo, alot like a quart, and all I can drink watermelon juice. Not hungry. I weighed myself 100 in morning 112 at night.

I was reading Edmond Bordeaux Szekely. Popular with raw foodists, this guy is. He has a book on ESSENE raw food, but he includes all sorts of weird stuff I would not consider like eggs, wheat flour, goat cheese

-Serve ground peanuts with radishes honey and wholemeal bread... ( not very appealing to me, and you?)
-Cut a cucumber and soak in oil for 6 hours ( yuk) Then serve with sour milk and bread..
-Beat some eggs with lemon juice and serve with oat flakes and bread (He is serious guys)
-Mix some ground peanuts with parsley, garnish with tomatoes.
-Grind some peanuts and mix with whole wheat flour, add sour milk, tomato and onion juice, parsley and some honey. ( EWWWWW)
-Chop up radishes, carrots and potatoes, mix this with wet wheat flakes, ground peanuts, onion juice and honey. Press into shape. ( ewww)

I don't know, do those sound appealing to you?

So you see, just cause someone wrote a book does not make them authorities at all, about raw foods, think for yourselves.



10/10

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If a company  loses integrity, has lost its reputation or messes up, there is someone around the corner to steal the business, that is better. It makes things better for all of us. There is a market for truth. And also trust, in what they are selling, is indeed what they say it is. 

/

I wrote parts of my novel today. It is so easy, I don't know why I had a hard time, it's so easy for me to write, It's like it just comes out of me, I have a lot of experience in  reading books. I think Literature is my first real deep love. I acted out all the stories I have ever read. Time to write heroic ones. Of attaining the highest things, and accomplishing the best.

I want to do what has been never done in literature. I have good teachers, I do. But I want to do what is new. I want to even create a new style. I may not do this right away, but I mean it when I say I am a writer. I need to organize ideas. I need to write nonstop. I do. I already do sometimes with this blog, but I want to find out what are the right ideas about my values I write about and then show them. I think more than love and beauty, I find doing the right thing. It is harder than I thought. It's better than I thought as well. I think I have the gem of my life here.
The purpose of my life.

To eat today Watermelon juice. I might get squash and make a soup, blended with other raw sstuff I made butternut squash soup before remember? I might try a pasta spirooli thingy.

I know what I want. I know what I have to do, no shortcuts, it's the long route. I have all the toolsI need to do this the right way.

I have been naked all day. in bed all day, my new office. I like writing in bed, I like waking up at 2 pm hhaha. My god. I am turning into a vampire. I am happy. I am happy all alone. But no, I need to start working and get at least my first draft out so I can show friends.



10/12

Told ya so

Vicente Fox admits that he and George W. Bush have ’agreed’ on common currency, North American Union WEBWIRE – Wednesday, October 10, 2007 Los Angeles, CA (Oct. 10, 2007) — Speaking on the Larry King show, former Mexican President Vicente Fox confirmed every assertion made by Jerome Corsi in his new book, NY Times bestseller "The Late Great U.S.A: The Coming Merger with Mexico and Canada" (WND Books, ISBNs 0-9790451-4-2, $25.95, July 20... more >>

Article

http://www.webwire.com/ViewPressRel.asp?aId=49877




Looking forward to spending your first "Amero"?

Already all the raw foodists are blaming Bush. This has nothing to do with him, it's the way of the world. MUCH bigger than Bush.

I do not have my reasons yet, but the reasons I have heard, from both sides, my own mind is leaning towards accepting it. I think it will be better. Make things alot cheaper. Bring on the competition , things that made our country so great in the first place. I do have reservations. But those are there regardless. They are what will  the leftists do, those evil bastards...I really need to think about this. Then I will know for sure if it is right or wrong. Good or evil..

Already I am getting emails from hysterical hippies who do not know what is going on, but just passing on hysteria. It's funny. I have heard all this stuff for years, and nothing they do makes any difference. Get used to change, It's the way of the world.  And when it happens you guys will forget about it and then start worrying about global warming "caused by people".

You guys sitting in your chairs, have no idea. When I go to potlucks or hippie fests, that's all people talk about is how much they SAVED, for the planet, and one guy measured it in numbers. Everybody clapped. That is what the world is doing. It's such politcial crap. At least religion is dead. I can't imagine when countries pushed that on people, in order to pillage other countries. In the name of god, global warming, freedom, to fight terrorists, its all the same.

CAPITALISM in not just about having "capital" and making money, it is about living for yourself, not for others. It's about being free to do so. Your own happiness is the goal. Not for your neighbors or for your state or government. It's our right as men.   

It's a system that protects the rights of MAN, not men. 

 It could be any thing one wants to be. There is a market, there is demand, there is doing the best job out of everbody else. It is based on indvidual's rights. You know LIFE LIBERTY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS?

It's about IDEAS, countries are just ideas. Some are poverty stricken and others wealthy..why? I wonder? hmm could it be, IDEAS??!! That is it. If you have the right ideas you will prosper, that's all it is. Simple.
 
And if you have a dictator or a communist ideas, minds are stifled. The result is stagnation, poverty and death. Simple. Creative midns only flourish under freedom. Period.

It is capitalism that enabled us to rise to great prosperity. The rest of the world, isn't. There are some really bad ideas out there.

Now mind you, things change. All the time, it is essential. For success you have to go with it. You have to adapt. Stop being hysterical and look at reality. The unknown is what is good. Not bad. As long as we have the right ideas we will be fine.

Socialism is evil ( "free healthcare for everyone, 5,000 for each baby" ) That says we have to live for others, for our brothers and sisters, the community and basically be a slave. Is that what you want, so our minds can dull? There is no compromise, a little evil makes it evil.

Capitalism is good.

simple. There you go

Otherwise we are on the way to having nothing and having no rights, but that for the greater good, or the state.



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I am very sad, what's new? I need my hunger slaked. I am learning where I have been maladroit . I have chosen sin over love. When one realizes what I gave up, and for what. I gave up on LOVE, for that? Love is the only thing in this universe. Mine at least. I question why, love and beauty are what drives me in everything. Is there something else that is more important? Like my happiness?

I feel I am outside looking in at something. At me, where I could be, maybe where I will be. It's not here yet.

 When it comes to love I am so complex and complicated. I do not want to be. I want simplicity and I want to think and see myself as GOOD.

.. I want it. Simple as that. 

 I am not afraid, as long as I choose right from wrong, I have so much on my side. I am redoubtable. I am me. There is nothing else, but the best me I am, sitting here, re awakened. So much power.

You know I know I have not been working ( writing) hard enough because my ideas are muddy. I want to get to the bottom of why I want things and why I need things and if those are the best things to want. And why. I want to be a woman of reason. I don't just want to repeat what I hear..in circles, or what is socially acceptable. What is noble to want, and what will glorify me? What will give me true happiness, if that is my only goal.

Reality. reality, What is going on with me, and am I making progress? There is so much I have doffed, in the guilt department I am so glad of. I feel, rebirth. But I FEEL it. It is definitely
 
I feel a surge of pathos for this character in a book I am reading. I am reading. It is 3 am and I cannot sleep. I am a good person. I am right.



Look, Dita for Peta!!!


Learn More at PETA.org



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I had watermelon and Oj all day. Not hungry yet. No appetite, I used to eat once an hour. Now hardly anything. Just not hungry. Maybe its a juice fast.

/

On the news  today was Delta, the plane company. A girl got molested on the plane and she was traveling alone. Listen to this: "Seated next to her was a child molester who switched seats so that neither were in their assigned seats," the suit reads. "During the flight the passenger ... began to rub her face. The passenger ... told (the girl) his penis was itching and began rubbing his penis while rubbing her face."

Can you imagine, just the odds that you sit next to a molester? I mean, that means they are pretty much everywhere! I guess it happens alot, that is what the article says.

Why can't guys have sex with their own age, oh, never mind, most people look like flesh eating zombies. It's sad.



Look Gorilla Sandwiches
I saw this on a blog bananaislandgetaway

based on this, cool huh?

http://gorillasandwich.com/



I have alot of raw food books. A ton. Every one. Even one from 1919. Most of them are not good at all. But you know who is really great?

Ann Wigmore. I mean, she is great chef. she uses no salt ( kelp). No oil ( are you kidding me?) and just fresh flavors from the veggies, sprouts or fruits. Very impressive.
She is a purist. She is awesome. I am not into dried fruits, Sprouted beans, sprouts or wheatgrass, sorry. Makes me ill. Especially the kind they sell at Jamba Juice.

I am writing , working on my  story. I like it so far.

I am not writing this blog for me. I never ever go back and read what I wrote. I just write, I do not know for who I do this for. My passion is writing literature.

This is just the fruitarian blog, because I am doing it and I think it's important.

Anyways, I ate watermelon all day. That is it. For like a few weeks. I find it a little odd



Lately.. I feel

Like, I know what I want.

I know, I do not like what I do not like.

Sounds so simple but I think as people we do not know what those things are. We cover up things, avoid things, we question our desires, we put our own wants, on back burner, we sacrifice, become "agreeable" or just smile over things we don't like, inside.

I feel strange today.
I cried in public. As I was crying, sadly, it was one of those moments, all the leaves were crying with me. It looked beautiful. My emotions synched in to nature. Time stopped and I swallowed it. In the wind rustling. I inhaled tears and just the emotion of pain. What I was crying about meant everything to me. It was powerful. I really was inside of it. As an experience.

I felt, after it was over, that a life without sadness, that is no life. Sad moments, feel good.  It is when we really feel ourselves, when we really suffer for what we believe in. It proves how much we value things. Anyways...I think they make us feel good again. Sometime, later. Sadness is consequences. for our actions. I felt it like a knife.

If I have done everything right, I would have everything I want.
That may be as simple as the "tiny right choices", I make minute to minute.
Choices I didn't know I was making mean something. Like the choices that seem like they do not matter to anyone, but only me, or not even. Carelessness in thought matters in the long term, so think.

For example, laziness versus productivity if noone is around, but me, what do I choose?

My dream is to be 100% happy. I make it my world to figure that out, like a mathematician, gets to a solution. I have my own mind as my tool.

Anyways. I am so disapointed in people. My mom for example. How can she make such bad choices in love? How can she do that to ME? Does she know how she screws up my life doing that? It's such a bad reflection on me, her choices. Usually I can take her, but lately, I can't. I ignore all calls.

I can't hang out with friends who are idiots anymore. I can't overlook that anymore. I mean, its one thing to be mistaken, but an idiot is something else. They want to remain idiot..

I walked out on someone, I was talking to  last night, after he told me that the "USA is not the best country at world, look at France." I did, my mouth hit the floor and I just could not believe he said that. is he from MARS? I bet he got that from the documentary, "Sicko"..such misinformed evil people. I said, " I got to go" and left. It was like he cut off his own penis.

I am not sure my intolerance is a bad thing. I mean, it feels good, to know what I like and what I don't. It is just different, from the old me, who really didn't care what people thought or if maybe I am wrong all the time.

 Usually, ideas have no value. But I do know NOW, they are everything. I find, that more and more true.


I feel different now. I feel closer to my brain. I feel I am writing to me. That would be quite different. All I have is me, in this world, and I feel this pinpointedly. I feel pain today. I feel alot.


I am a writer and I want to discover ideas.  This is supposed to be a fruitarian blog anyways.

/


What happened to the miracle of YOU?

Of ME?

Of childhood?

Of perfection?





I know my future. I do. I see it. I see me as real cerebral.

I read some raw food books.  This one is from the 40's. You know how we have the protein myth now? Well back then it was ALBUMEN. That is what we needed. And there were other weird words.

I get so angry when I go in the bookstore and I read in a raw food book FOR EXAMPLE:

" Vitamin A is good for the skin" and then it goes to something else. First of all, how do you KNOW Vitamin A is good for the skin? How did you come up with that? Who found that out, and how exactly can they prove that?

Sounds to me they just pass on what others say without question.

Another one is "Live foods build SOEF's in the body" Ok, How do you know that? Did you see a SOEF, is there an instrument that measures this? Can we see how you know this? Do you have a photo of the Soef's building when live food is eaten? Can I see?

You really need to speak for yourself, in your own words, by experience, on what you know FOR SURE. You  need to give reasons for all your huge health claims.

Am I to believe that Vitamin A is good for the skin, JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO? Apparently that is what people do these days.



Ann Wigmore backs up everything she says and explains it, with reasons. I like that. Through tests where it is explained why she came to that conclusion. I need to be convinced to believe things. If I am left wondering, I don't really believe it.












eating alot of watremelon these days