I accidentally deleted 5 days of journal entries, I am so pissed. I am, so pissed. I am trying hard to get it back, if not I placed those photos from that entry on here. I called website techs and they said it would cost 150 dollars, I said yes, then I found out they can't do it. I am so sad. SAD, I lost so much thought!



The watertower at Coral Gables. I put this on Night setting and stood there trying not to move while the shutter was open forever. It's beautiful water tower in a very quiet neighborhood.







Here I am, Barefeet at night walking the golf course to the water tower. The grass was wet and I felt really good. 

What is this strange fruit?
Bread fruit? It's everywhere now.








the entry I deleted had these pics on it






Choban salad



I am so bummed out ! I lost 5 days of diary


Free market Capitalism + Constitutionally Limited Government = Best Moral & economical Ideal realistic society.

My friend sent me Ann Coulter's book
 so far, her ends is Making liberals cry. That's what I gathered from her introduction. Then what? SO you make liberals cry? What does that do for you?

She is very witty. I dislike liberals as well, who doesn't?

She writes:
"God gave us the earth, we have dominion over the plants, animals and trees. God said,"Earth is yours, take it, Rape it, It is yours"

Strong statment. I agree, Earth is ours, but I disagree with her when she says there is something higher than humans. There is no god. You are asking me to believe in something, based on faith alone? Something I cannot prove? How irrational is that!? The greatest of human lies. "God is perfect and we are not, He is superior we are inferior", bullshit. Bullshit! Speak for yourselves! You may "wish" you were inferior but I know we aren't, I know we are the highest beings on earth. That is reality, I can see this and know this. Until proven otherwise, I go on seeing the real world. Don't tell me otherwise. Facts reality and rationality. Science. Are we still in the dark ages?

I do not believe in anything I can't check myself.

 

Anyways. I will read more her book and comment on it. We are alike yet very different. I like her, her goal is to piss off liberals. She creates controversy. Wish she had a better goal, but it's a fun thing to do. I am entertained. She is kind of low in her jokes, crass and base. She hates Michael Moore, like I do, too, bastard! Fun with Ann tonight

I am not done write more later.



I went to on google cache and found parts of the entries I deleted here:

 saw the movie Bridget Jones. I am going to watch it again. It is so funny. She has such a great life for being so dumpy and depressed. Even fat geeky people have wonderful things happen to them. That basically was the movie's theme. I love her innocence though. I feel almost sorry for her. I love her because I feel so sorry for her.

I realized today, that I need to guard my reputation. I mean, Suvine is not my name and I could delete this blog anytime, but I have to be sure to have the right ideas about things, about me. Right Ideas about me. Plus I have to be a little more consistent and true to myself. Alot of my decisions are made for the eyes of others and I feel I can cheat anytime by myself. I need to be true to myself, I need that relationship to myself. I need to sit and say what is what in life. What is good and what is bad.

 I have to go over my blog and make sure I did not write anything stupid or anything well, really not proper. I have my days. I have to be like this all the time. I want to life to benefit me and don't want the wrong ideas to be read about me. I want to be a new person, meaning I have to do new things.

It took me a long time to come to this place. A long place, long roads, I have made myself who I am. Someone I never was, should have been. I have great teachers. Wonderful people.

Remeber
I said that countries are successful or not, based on what ideas they hold, well I think people are the same as well.  Successful people just hold better ideas. There are ideas out there that I need to have. For one I have to do an inventory of all my thoughts. I say stupid things to myself sometimes and need to kind of check in where I got that and trash it.

It's like this: what if you want to be beautiful so you obsess about starving. That may be the wrong idea. You have to have the idea of beauty and what it is.

I have so many random thoughts. Alot of my ideas conflict with others. Then what happens, I rationalize, and I feel. And sometimes the two want separate things.

Today I had a buckwheat sprout and chopped tomato salad. It's not fruitarian. I just wanted to try it because I was reading SURVIVAL IN THE 21ST CENTURY and got turned on to sprouts. It was an idea I had to ingest. Some green craving. I had a little raw dressing on it. I had watermelon the rest of the day. My belly feels really full. I wanted to see if I could feel anything. If I was missing out on any green energy. As an experiment. I feel a little different. It has been a month since I had greens, when I wrapped my avocado salad in romaine leave in Costa Rica one night because I didn't have a plate in my hotel room and I got xrayed that day. I thought the greens would help me get rid of poisoning.

I dont think as people we make bad decisions. There is always a good reason in whatever we do. Let's say I don't want to do x, x is evil. Then one day comes along a good idea, and x happens to me kind of alongside it. Well, I want to make GOOD choices, and it looks like one, but x is there. So, x looks good, when I clearly and rationally said it was evil once before, but the circumstances change, does that mean the evil changes to good? Based on the ideas?

I do not think so. But now I know, I have never made a bad decision. Looking back I have, but at those crucial moments of choice, there was always a good reason to choose what I did, a "good" reason.

Those are tough calls.

It's like the Buckwheat salad thing. I want to be a fruitarian, but today, after reading that book, I felt I don't have to limit myself if I feel something is GOOD to try. I felt it was the right choice, and still do. I wanted sprouts.Now I am going to see what happens, if I feel better, smarter, better, nicer, less intolerant. We'll see.

So far. I feel ok. Maybe a little calmer, a little content. My pee smelled funny. I do not think sprouts are bad. I just like the lightness of the fruitarian diet.

It's like meat eating. If you lived in Communist Soviet Russia and spent a lifetime starving on moldy millet day in day out, the thought of a big steak, would be GOOD to you, if you did not know any better. It would be GOOD. But here in the USA where everybody is dying from disease, and factory animals are all crippled and diseased, the IDEAS become different. I just want the best ideas. I want to live by them and be them.

From now on I am going to protect my reputation. I am going to be very impersonal and only talk about that which benefits or furthers me. When I meet people I will be guarded about what I say.

I went to Oktoberfest today. Boring, I must have gone early. German holiday. Those are my roots. My people. where I come from. I am half German. I was not impressed by my people. A lot of potato salad, beer, pretzels and funny hats with feathers. Those costumes are what they wore a looong time ago. It's funny.

I took this. The drummer looked really bored. There were mostly families dancing.



I watced a movie tonight. PERFECT STRANGER. It's funny how all businessmen have this stereotype in the movies of being sleazy, greedy and criminal. If you are a successful business man, you have plenty of things to worry about than trying to sleep with your employees, or committing murder, please!!! 

This movie I saw, with Halle Berry, made rich and powerful men, look really bad, when its exactly those men who are the ones with the right values. It's those powerful men, who exemplify the highest of all human virtues. Wealth is the highest virtue. In shows that you have the right values. Those powerful men, have EVERYTHING GOOD, and it came from the right ideas. They are the highest of all of us.

It's a modern myth successful businessmen are bad, and if they are bad, or turn bad, they will never be successul, or will lose it all, if already, it's the law of nature. Sure, people sell out all the time. On themselves.

But they are the last ones that commit murders, like in all the movies, I hate to break it to you guys, but all murders going on are usually by the poorest low class hoods. Not by men of thought. Murders are done by the poorest of our people. The ones who can't spell. The ones who sell drugs. Those are our criminals.

This movie was called Perfect Stranger, and it showed the most powerful man as a real sleazebag, manipulative, with no loyalty to a wife, and no qualms, no conscience, and yet he was so powerful and everybody loved and feared him..

He would not be successful if he were like that, ok? It is a total conflict in reality. He would not have made if anywhere with those values inside of him. More like working minumum wage somewhere. Remember how these high class people think. They were raised with good values and good repuations. To create a business you have to have many of the best qualities, let alone to run an enromous corporation.

Plus if businessman turned bad, for once, he would be caught in a minute. He would have no reputation and he would not be Mr. Powerful anymore fast.

Alot of powerful men try it once, or twice, either cheating businesses, lying , stealing money, and get caught in public quick. You don't become powerful by being a sexually immoral person. It is just unnatural. It catches up you. You get busted. And it ruins you. Or it will destroy everything you worked for. Look at JFK. Bill Clinton.

It's not that they were just Caught, but that they actually did it. You will always be caught doing bad, and always be caught for doing good. It's called crime and punishment. Raed the book. Hide it or not, its all over your face, what you choose in your mind, where noone else is.

I do agree that upper class non working men are like that, sleazy and greedy but they don't work. They just live on trust funds. Upper class men do not work for a living. I can't say they are the bad guys since they are living on the good of their grandparents ...but those men are not who I am defending. They are the real culprits.

But the number one of all the men who are the most sleaziest and the most criminal is deifinitley the low poor class. For sure, but for some reason, that doesnt look good on tv. People don't want to look at reality. People want to go after the rich men because they have what they want and can't earn themselves.

I do want to change my ideas. I do. I want a better idea to engulf me, about life and how I live it, and who and what I want to be, and what I love.

 

The richest men on the planet are the good guys, Trust me on this, do not listen to the hippies fearmongering. I think people make successful people "bad", simply because they feel they have what they can't when in reality, it's all available to you. We live in that system, where you yourself could be all powerful if you work hard at it.

And if you can't do it, you just are not working hard enough. Make work your life. Contruct your manual to life, and make it, live by it. Make your own constitiution. Be good. Be productive and have dreams.

BLURRY photo today I like being brunette. I never want to dye it again. Natural is so beautiful. It is. I like it. Blonde is cool if you are from Iceland. But I am not from Iceland. Unfortunately my dad's side washes out in my mom's genes.



Me today. My mom takes blurry photos, she lost her eyesight after getting a prescription from a Doctor, who later told her a side effect is possible blindness. She needs glasses and did not have them. She cannot take good photos. I mostly took photos of her all day. This is me after we ate. I watched her eat a salad at Giardino's. We were walking from there to her car.


Alot of girls were dressed up in football colors. It was a fun day. It was beautiful day. I came to a lot of fabulous realizations. I really need to write my novel. That is what I want to do, make a living out of writing important stories with really powerful heroes and messages.


That book, Survival of the 21st Century is a trippy book. Of course I do not believe in most of it. I am sorry. Just because he is my people, does not make him right. ALot of holes. For example. He has charts of irridology and then has an eye with areas of the body it coincides with. Ok, How did he or anyone else come up with that? Is there a string that goes from that part of the iris to the liver? Sounds to me, someone just made it up. If not, please explain how you know this?

I like the fruitarian children pictures. I would scan them but I am too lazy here. I love this radio station on my blog. I also added Perezhilton.com I love him, he is so mean. Check it out on my sidebar.

Anyways he has a lot of photos of people 142 and 162 years old and one lady that is like 113 who only drinks a little holy water everyday. A Breatharian.
Right. Ok. Sure, Mr Iridolgy.
He says there is a man who is 300 years old and he has a photo of some old guy is his garden, grouchy because he wants to get back to work. Victor, you amuse me, would not want to be in a irrational world like yours, where anything goes and reality is not that important.

But I like it. It has Peter Max on the cover, this 60's artist, vegan.

He writes really irrationally, so much I can't even read most of it. And the Jesus with the lamb drawing . Oh. Why can't people be original? The recipes are pure Ann Wigmore rip offs. I have her recipe book. They are the same recipes.

I like how the only oil used is coconut oil. I like how kelp is used instead of salt. I like how it is real raw food recipes. Green soups made of sprouts. 
 

Raw stuff.

I am not too sure about all the sprouted grains. Maybe if we were birds, or totally in a famine, I would consider growing wheat or rye sprouts to eat.

They show a photo of the author Victor Kulvinskas cooked, then fruitarian, then sproutarian, then raw foodist. He looks awesome. As cooked he looked really bad, he had wrinkles and pock marked skin. Then raw he had long hair and his face looked 20 years younger.

There is a chapter is the book called, " Haircuts are bad for your health" (these silly funny hippies!) I know as a child I resisted, it, I hated it, the barber shop. He says that instinctively we know it is wrong or some amusing stuff like that. It's bad for us, he says.

Then he has a  chapter on Physiognamy, which I have decided is crap. It's like a chart of facial wrinkles , like your palm reading lines, but on the face.  So your smile lines being heavy mean you have duodenum problems. Ok Hippie freaks. HIPPIE STUFF < STAY OFF THE LSD>

I do like the letters to him, hippies back then were some serious freaks. Letters from people that have healed themselves from taking 500 hits of acid. Letters of fruitarian mothers giving birth in the ocean. Nice to read. I hate hatha Yoga. I hate reading or looking at photos of people swallowing rags so they can pull it out scrubbing their throats, or through nostrils out the mouth. I hate that. Don't show it to me.

Raw food hippie love 70's style. Kulvinskas and love.  I read she wrote, that they are just friends and only meet in the kitchen everyday. They are that kind of partners.


I would love to see Ann Wigmore's personal photo album. She was from outer space. She had these werid clothes and her bangs were cut in an upside down V, and she was an old lady! How cool is that? I see her photos and I want to hug her. I wish she was still alive. She died in a fire.

Look at her with kitty. Happy grass eating kitty. I read all her experiments with cats.
 

Look at this one she is like the spaceship over her planet of grass



She is blessing the corn with raw food magic
 

I think I liked the raw foodists back then. I no like now. I wish I lived in the 60's . No I don't. I wish I lived the future.



yeah, hmm mmm.. I like my ideas, life is about ideas. I have the best ones now. Maybe those sprouts did do something.

/


This is my mom, she looks great because I push her to look good, and stay thin and I did her makeup today.
I made her sit in a chair and stop complaining I told her and did my thing.
 Also, I banned her from eating meat. (excluding her toooona ) She feels so much better. But now I have to fight the rice monster next.

I did her eyebrows with powder and upper lined her lids.  Shadowed brown her eyes. This is after she ate, her lipstick was better before. Her hair is so long now, thanks to me, I prohibited her from trimming it until I say so.

mom


/

Look Sawyer in Lost TV SHOW reading the Fountainhead click onthe pics

10/21

I am very sad today. Exhausted, and I want to take time off from writing this blog to writing my novel. I put alot of work in here I can do in my book. I need it to be all I do.



Today I went to outdoor party with mom, Books and Books 25 th anniversary party. They gave out free food, tons of it, big plates too, but nothing I could eat, like seared tuna, vegetable quesadillas, smoked chicken burritos, endless free champagne and wine. Beer, and stuff like corn salsa with guacamole and more fish. I just got some for my mom. All this cool gourmet stuff she likes.
They shut down the street and it was packed. This is the courtyard. Tikki torches and they had a photography show on the walls. It was cool.


There were many local original bands. I really liked this one band, and I got my mom a free cd. They also had salsa and brazilian music, jazz and rock. I left kind of early. Everyone was drunk.

Ghost me, I know I need a hair trim, but I want to grow my hair long first and then trim it. I want my hair as long as my sister's.  I have on these white earrings. I might get it trimmed when I get hired for work. That way it will fall beautifully and look new. The band is in the background, they were cool.


Me tonight in Vivienne Tam dress and mom, who is wearing my old clothes. 
She drank wine and ate ceviche. I drank water and was gonna dance, but noone was dancing and I didn't want to do it alone. I listened to this cool band sing great songs, like love songs and how wonderful you are, I love you type songs that really moved me.

I know, what is up with the blurry photos? I need to learn how to use my d70. I kind of like it.

I am putting together all my top gorgeous photos and making a photography website. Like a business on the side. I won't charge much, and my specialty will be fruit and maybe healthy food photos. I might as well make money, off my hobbies.  I can take photos. I just need to learn how to master my camera. Take time and do exercises.

I have work to do and I need to do it, I have only one job and I want to finish it.

 111 lbs today.

I am tired. I am exhausted. Here are some pics tonight. I find it hard to write tonight. I feel a huge weight on me. I want to be rewarded for good things I do. I must do it to myself. It's part of how I feel about myself. I want to love myself and accept myself the way I am. The way I want to be as well. But I can't get there unless I accept what I am.

I found this to be weird little glass bowl. It has fall inside of it. Living in Miami, I do not feel fall. It's like it's fall? Oh yeah, Fall, whatever that is. But up in Buffalo, we had beautiful leaves turn color. SO we knew what it was, to have Fall.



I am drinking ginger watermelon juice now.
 
I am cleaning up all my online stuff. I want to have a good reputation. I realize that its between myself and mirror, and I want my world to reflect a good me. I want to see myself as good. I am going through everything and deleting or making private things that are my business. I babble too much and say really bad things. I want to be kind and respectable. To myself. I want to feel differently about myself. I want to feel good because of the good things I do. The little choices, baby choices. I am genuine in this.

Little water spouts, leaking water.

Speaking of fall, I bought cranberries I am going to juice with pears. I read somewhere that it is acidic. It is true, cranberries are acidic, but that can be good, right? I am going to make juices.
I had 3 containers of fresh squeezed grape juice. It was very sweet. I like it.


The only thing on the entire planet that will make me happy is my work. Nothing or nobody else can ever make me happy. Just what I do. Only that can give me the only happiness, which is everything I want.  ANd the better I do work, the happier I will be. Nothing can take me away from what is so easy for me to do, when I actually sit down to do it.

I trust my mind, for sure. I do. For sure.

10-22

I have been going through my entire journaland taking out all that is bad, mean, judegmental or negative or makes me look bad.

Yes, I am halfway done and have been working all day.

I also did some flickr tagging.

I found these yummy pics taken with an old basic camera a few years ago




raw blended tomato zucchini soup I made in arizona, patagonia


Peace coconut cream porridge

Persimmons and pears


Figs

Fruit Salad coconut cream


Feijoas


I am going to put a pdf of my best photos and send them to Food Magazines and see if I can get any freelance work. When I have time. The pics above are with normal camera but I have a professional camera as well. I am not sure I took the one with the coconut porridge. But I love raw food and fruit.

Great idea.

I want my hobbies to pay.

I had watermelon and ginger juice all day and I made an avocado sauce with dill and poured it over tomatoes. That is it. ALot of watermelon. Tomorrow I will go shopping. I also need to do my eyebrows and maybe get a hair trim, but just a little bit.

Ok, from now on, if I am not working. 8-5 I need to write my novel! I need some kind of habit and some discipline. Only work will make me happy, nothing else.

I sometimes think a boyfriend would make me happy and cure all, but I find that when I had one I was not happy so its not other people its you and are you productive and worthy?  And its definitely not the other person, it's just me, and I need to put my energy into someting actually real and that will benefit me. How is your own self esteem, and do you do what makes you a living? or do you second handedly live off others ?

I love fruit, I trust fruit, I do. It has what I need.  Its the best fruit and food for us as humans. All food is toxic really because of the work our body does to get rid of it, but the less you eat the better you are, and longer you live. Fruit is the least toxic.

Its how they double test rats lives, is scientists cut the food intake in half. I know, food is yummy, it is, but I never felt good when I was pigging out and my life was not great.

Guiliani is talking on th tv how he cleaned up Times Square.
Hillary should not be President. I agree.

The thing I love about eating fruit is that I feel clean inside. I feel pure and happy. I do. The only thing that makes me happy is work, the work I do , for myself. FOr my life to figure out what is best.
I think work is the ticket to all happiness. How else are you going to find a purpose?



10/23

Today on Oprah there was a story of a girl who has stage 4 cancer of the liver.  There is no stage 5. She was beautiful. Pale and skinny and young. She videotaped her last days and they played clips of her crying and stuff. She showed her cancer, on Mris or something, and it was large black holes in her liver and lung, she was going to die, fast.  One day she did not like what the doctor told her and looked elsewehere, online, Then they show her on Oprah and she gained wieght and has blonde hair, GLOWING. Then they show video tape. She invited a guy over, a therapist, to her house and together they made a green juice with Kale celery, etc..and she talks about how wonderful it is to be together, all loopy, and later they together make, with good vibes, a big salad for lunch. Looks like raw food to me. Anyways she is all happy and stuff. back to Oprah. She told Oprah her cancer is now like a beauty mark on her liver. Oprah asked what was in her green juice!! Wow, finally truth comes out on what really causes cancer,on Oprah. I hope people get the connection for their own good.

I made cranberry and pear juice and ate watermelon all day. I wrote my novel most of the day. I read raw food books from the 70's and 80's too. Very cool.

Who made up the sauerkraut, sprouts, greens, rejuvelac and fermented cheese stuff, fruits as the food groups? It seems like one brilliant person makes something up and everyone follows. It could be anything that causes the fad. Nowadays its celtic sea salt, not a food, agave, oil ( all oil is denatured except coconut oil) and pasteurized nuts, labeled as raw, against human rights, which is not raw anymore. Nobody seems to notice or say anything. Eat all the agave you want, sure it's raw, made from air, uh hmm.. soak fake RAW almonds, if you get them on the black market or from Europe. I know where to get some and I do not even eat them now, so there will always be MY PEOPLE whereever and whatever happens to freedom.

I looked online Buckwheat sprouts are toxic and causes problems. How did they make it, Ann Wigmore people, without getting sick? Juicing Buckwheat or eating in large amounts causes your skin to hurt and photosensitity. Even grazing animals get skin sores and burns from the sun. It happened to me, bephlebitis, ( sp?) I got, my eyes hurt so much, it was in the corners of my eye. pain and then a hive where I touched that hurt. After eating 1 lb buckwheat and 1/2 lb later.

Anyways, I still think greens like herbs and romaine are ok to eat. I see no harm in it. Just the key is how to eat them, one needs spices, salts and dressings to eat a head of kale. Those are what I cannot stand. We are chronically dehydrated enough without salt. In juices greens are good, like such. I will always be in my heart a secret closet raw vegan. I just prefer fruit. Except for the nuts and beans, Yuk. Fermented cheese, rejuvelac? barf!

I was reading Viktoras Kulvinskas and he said there was a liquidarian diet. Dick Gregory was on it for 30 months, that is almost 3 years just juices, and he ran the boston Marathon and is a famous athlete. Wow. One can eat anything.


Joe Alexander's book ,RAW FOODIST PROPAGANDA is alot of funny, yet wishy washy stuff. He is good at humor yet sucks for facts. He is middle of the road, has no real opinion on anything and just states what other raw foosists seem to be doing. Not my type of book. I like people who know for sure things.


Sick and Tired by Robert O young I was looking at. Very good book. I was looking at photos of red blood cells all night. Pleomorphism is actually recorded, neat. So are the effects of eating like I do, after years of processed chemical foods, except he adds greens included and nuts and sprouted grains.

Anyways I now am writing minimally and spending all my time on my novel. I made great progress tonight, It is the only thing that makes me happy. Ever.

I saw a little David Letterman and a little comedy on CBS. Tomorrow night is CANE oooh my favorite show. /What will happen to Mr. Vega, how will he slip out of this one. Murder is bad and one should never do it, but maybe the good he does will balance the bad and his values and respect will save him/ He did kill to save his family.

I went to whole foods today. Awesome. They had this big gallon container of green vibrance cherry flavored green powder juice to drink, like a sample,  I had some, it was thick the powder yet very sweet, and I started sneezing 10 minutes later. My mom knows me well enough to know when I eat something weird I get the sniffles, sneezes, snotfest 10 mins later. I had a lot of mucus I coughed up, to protect my insides. It went away 5 minutes later. Not that green powder is bad, I am just hyper sensitive to anything new.




10/24

I went jogging with my girlfriend K. It was interesting, I did 2-3 miles, around the Granada golf course, in about 30 minutes. We went to her house, she showed me her Uncle's collection of pornographic oriental carvings. Her house was so neat, her aunt cleans up, but her room was a mess. I saw beautiful wedding photos on the wall of a beautiful wedding 20 years ago. Good idea, post wedding photos on walls so you are always reminded of the love you have for one another. I say when women live with a man, their cleaning skills come out.We went to Jamba Juice and I got an Oj. I got a free Carrot and OJ, I gave it to her.
 

Last night and later I am eating tomato and cucumber salad. I had a watermelon juice.
I weighed 109lbs today, 106lbs yesterday.

On Kid Nation they had to choose between Fruits and veggies or kiddie dune buggies as their prize for the competition. They have not had any fruit and veggies, just biscuits. They pick Fruits and ceggies. Yay. Anyways, these kids win a GOLD STAR worth 20 thousand dollars, at the end of each show, based on popularity or how useful they are. These kids have no idea how little that is, and they say things like " I am sending my 6 brothers and sisters to college." Please. That will last one semester in college, for one person.

In At. Hosseivan (?) book he says in Oriental countries, their prisoners were fed only cooked meat, and they died in a month. Cats, in studies fed only cooked meat, die as well and their babies are born degenerated.  Interesting! We need Fruits and Veggies to survive, the lettuce in hamburgers keeps some people alive until they get cancer. Cats are true carnivores, they need raw meat as well as the intestines, filled of veggies, of the animals they eat. We are not carnivores, we do not have fangs and claws and hydrochloric acid in our stomach. We are fruigivores like chimpanzees. But some of us choose to be omnivore scavengers, eating whatever. Like Rats or Hyaenas. But is our body made for that? Cows can be made to feed on meat, they prefer it . I know this because back in the day when they had to feed cows and sheep, fish, when on ships sailing to other countries, they refused grass when on land. But their bodies are not made for it. So we can be trained to eat anything, but I think we should at least be close to nature and folllow it. Either that or just stop bitching about cancer and accept that you will get it . Or change. You are not a vcitim if you get cancer, you did it to yourself. 

I have been working12 hours on redoing my outline for my novel and I am half done. Half done with just the outline. My novel is the ends. It's the goal of my life.

Gossip Girl is on now. Two best friends who hate each other. A big all out Masquerade Ball with teenage bad girls. Pretty blondes and 14 year old troublemakers. Rich parents who make bad choices. Its based on a book. I want movies based on my novels. Oh, an ex girlfriend shows up to see her ex boyfriend who is in love with one of the stars. OOOh.

Yesterday on Cane it was a good episode, I knew the brother would come and save his butt.



////

I was reading some guy won a Nobel peace prize in 1914 for inner workings of the ear. In 1983 a test abroad a space shuttle blew it all to bits. Proved it wrong in one swoop. Even though it was believed for 3/4 of a century, hmm. To think about. One test to destroy a 70 year old belief.  Nobel Peace prizes do not mean anything. No prizes mean anything. If you were a true pioneer, it would be your work and not a prize that motivates you. Only those who need recognition, and some sort of second hand award. Those who need others to show they are better. But they should know inside they are better. The true prize is what you accomplished. You did what you said you were going to do.

Doing for yourself versus doing for others.
 
As women we are raised to take care of family and men. For nothing but gratification. From what or who I do not know.  Does that make our lives better, I guess if our husbands were heroes, true heroes. Like an investment, it could be a career, homemaking and caretaking.


//

 Stupid Raw Vegan Criminal!!!!!

READ

"""The FBI claims that Arrow is associated with the Earth Liberation Front, a group that has claimed responsibility for dozens of acts of destruction over the past few years.

Federal agents say he was involved in an arson attack that blew up three trucks at the Ross Island Gravel Company and an attack on seven vehicles at a Mount Hood timber company.

During his extradition hearing, Arrow asked that the Canadian government seek assurances that he would be provided a raw vegan diet while in custody in the United States. The appeal court said Oregon has advised that if Arrow is surrendered, he will be provided with vegan meals. ""

—excerpt from


http://www.kpic.com/news/local/10776756.html


(IDIOT LOSER I am so embarrassed for raw vegans everywhere)

//







-9999999999999999999


10/25


Today I wrote more and I set up more interviews. I paid bills. I drank Watermelon juice mostly and had cucumber and tomato salad. Later I had another. I had Orange juice I blended with a little Aloe in the fridge.

I weighed myself 110 and my ph test strip was black. Meaning the most alkaline. Good to know disease cannot exist in my body. I am going to try and sleep early.

I watched Survivor China ( AKA "friends who turn on each other") They had to eat stuff like 1000 year old egg and bird fetus with feathers, cold and in fetus position, or eel ( easy) etc.

I saw a little TMZ and I am staying up to watch South Park.

I have a new necklace on. I feel great. I do, I feel beautiful.


I bought a new bicycle from a lady who tried to sell me bikinis from Brazil and THEY WERE NICE. But I was good. I got a bike lock too. I keep it in my place behind my couch.

I feel really good, I have life force in me, I have love in me, I love the I. I was talking to mom and I said to her her biggest mistake was trusting others. She has been scammed so many times. There is not an exception, the only person to trust is yourself and if you do not know something , learn it.

Traps of beauty- keeping love to yourself, expecting to gain love from others without giving it to them first. Well what if someone thinks another person is disgusting? Do they still expect love from them, as in recieving, without giving. It is quite possible, but at the cost of being resented. Or your beauty is never noticed at all. When you shut off love for others, you are invisible.

Love as a value. You can love someone for money they earn, looks they have, and brains they use. You can love a beggar or a construction worker, anyone you consider lower than your values, as a form of charity. You have to choose because it may welcome unwanted attention. Or you might just have to act exclusive, unavailable in your love freely given. Is showing off a form of love, because it is attention given. Yes, it may be.

Cleanliness is a form of beauty. It shows the best side of you and makes any room seem expensive. Cleanliness in body, odor, teeth, hair and energy. My bad characters will live in filth and my good live clean. Also clutter is not a form of cleanliness.

What you wear. You can dress like a slob or you can have class.  True comfort is to be found in how one feels at one's best. Always dress as if you are going to be photographed and seen.

Hair care. Long hair is more beautiful on women. Keep it long and always use appropriate conditioner. Like if it's colored, use conditioner for colored hair. Always keep a style that is hip and in. Grow it out long.

If one has small breasts, empire always looks good, if one has large, a belt always must be worn. This is because larger breasts can make a person look fat, if the waist is not seen as tight. Plus if one wears a belt more, around the waist, one is more careful about eating and also of keeping it sucked in.

Find an ideal weight and stay on it. Monitor yourself everyday. Know what days you feel the best and takes notes on how you got there. Only diet when you are over that weight.

Make men fall in love with you? make women fall in love with you? What is that going to get you? Where are you going to go with that? I think the key here is you want beauty for self esteem. You want to love yourself, because maybe you spent a life hating yourself, and you need balance now.

You want self esteem. This means self love and self pride. It means living and doing better for oneself. How can I make myself better? Not only this, but the feeling of pride and accomplishment. What will make me proud? Whatever comes to mind, do that, stick to that.

Who and what would make you proud? Is it having a bestseller? Or is it being published and making a name for myself? That would make me proud. Actually accomplishing something. It feels like I can do this, I can work for this.

But what would really highly entertain me, is getting to and figuring out love and beauty, and having it, alot of it. That is my goal. That is my dream. Self esteem.

So self esteem as a way to feel good about oneself. Me. I, how do I feel beautiful. How do I be like my idols. Well, they do things, to get an effect. I would have to do those same things to get an effect. I mean, is makeup and hair and clothes, all you need to feel that way? It must not be a permanent thing then. But it is nice.

YOu need to clean everywhere you go. You need to be in a state of cleanliness.

Love is something you give, in order to live. Love is something you need to get rid of energy. What you love will come to you. What you worship will be yours. What you treat like a god, will be a part of you.

Love is something that will youth you. Giving love away, Feeling like you are drained from all your love energy, refreshes life and gives you a recharge.

 

I am thinking love is not as important as work. I mean, loving someone may make you good and pretty, but what happiness can it bring you. I think the only thing period that will make you happy is your work, your work and figuring out what your work is going to be. I should have one hobby, only one work and that should be my novel. I should only have that as a hobby that will make me money. Otherwise I am just wasting time and losing money. My livlihood needs to be that which I do all the time. The most important work I dio should be that whic makes me money.

Doing the wrong thing makes you feel guilty afterwards, Then you know it is a bad thing you did but not until later. It may feel like it was the right thing, but that is because you feel good from doing the right thing. So consequences are not felt in their lives until after they do the wrong thing.

So is love and beauty the only thing? No, the only thing is work.

/


My mom got violently ill and vomited and had diarreah, two days she was nauseous.  I know this was the culprit, why don't people listen to me? She ate this Seared Tuna the night before her body got sick. As you can see she has two plates because I stood in line for her to have two plates. Its my fault too.



Fish balls and Miami cuban meat hot pockets, I don't know what they call them but apparently you can eat them. I have seen it.







Where I get a Guarapo, squeezed for me. I saw cops there and they actually paid for their pastelitos. I was amazed. I thought cops got free food everywhere they went.





I lounge on these couches alot. I do. I like being caught in a rainstorm and reading novels here.





homeless cat
who stole my bike








my friend made this, i never ate it



but it looks interesting..