I went to Sephora and got a makeover and then I went out to see LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. I actually read that book in college and it all came back to me. Its about a guy waiting 70 years to be with his true love, waiting til her husband dies, meanwhile sleeping and chronicling each lover he had in between. I think he was up to 800. Very depressing, but inspiring. Love is an expression of high values. She married a doctor like her dad wanted and their lives were a little disconnected, and there  was infidelity. Meanwhile everyone was dying of cholera.

I went with a really handsome young lawyer, blonde and connected with a super big Jewish family in Miami, The ——'s

It was ok, depressing. Makes me rememeber the torture of loving someone, felt like, in my youth. Torture and agony.
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Two characters from that movie are in my sitcom CANE, on cbs.

I was a little saddened. I think love for others is a disease.  The best we can be is friends.

Drank juices all day, up til then and had watermelon and some tomato salad.

I dyed my hair dark again. Me tonight in Dadeland village condo: 


Shadow/highlight and dodge tool to lighten my silhouette.

I went shopping. I bought lots of urban decay makeup.

Things are so different now. I am on a higher level and able to be with better people and have more exquisite times. I have found myself. I have, I am right here and I never want to leave again. I am all that there is, All love I feel, is for me, bettering of me, and the best of life given to me, by me.

I am the greatest, and all I want is to impress myself and give myself the world. I want to eat right and alwasay feel good. I am doing the right things lately. I need to be better and also and make better choices, those choices I make always start in the mond, so I have to think of what I want always and never what I do not want.

I walked around Nordstroms. Nothing in there I liked except a $1,300 Missoni scarf. When I shop for myself, to impress myself, everything looks not good enough. When I shop (to impress) for others, I can wear anything once.

I love fruit, I do. I ate leaves of my mom's lettuce today. It looked so fluffy. If I ever eat greens, the rare times I do, I want to just nibble on a leaf or two. No salads or dressings, definitely no oil or salt. You become one with the food you eat, it is absorbed by every cell in your body, the food you eat, it is absorbed in you like water mixes with water. Food is Mood. Food is brain thought. make it the best.



11/18

There is this guy who sells fruitarianfitness.com ( I think) something weight lifting and eating fruit. He wrote on raw food board,  that Fruitarianism , all that it means is a strict raw vegan. I never thought of it that way.
I mean, like last night I ate a few lettuce leaves...(so rare) or I will eat coconut ( a nut) and sugarcane ( a grass) juice, never nuts though.


I am not sure. I think fruitarianism means predominantly fruit, but for me it means all fruit. We all make mistakes. Can any fruitarian be perfect all the time>

Its a high standard to live up to.

I mean, there are carnivores who eat fruits, there are scavengers who eat fruits, there are raw vegans who eat fruits, and there are vegetarians who eat fruit and vegans who eat fruit and so on and so on, but fruitarians, we have one choice? Yes. Predominantly, its a very pure lifestyle. I eat to stay young feeling, this joy, this lightness and clarity in all thoughts, emotions and drives.

I envy those who do it well, they are such great people, and they are the only message boards where everyone loves each other and noone fights. I get on these objectivist boards and there is like warring going on among family. Here I am putting in my two cents so clearly lest anyone think I am attacking them. Fruitarian boards I get so many comments that are so happy and joyous and I never worry about that..

But I do notice, alot of fruitarians, are a little flighty, and its dangerous to start "wishing" worships like god or the supernatural religions, ( including global warming is our fault) because then you become a real freak, who can only live on a beach communing with "god",  or other imaginary friends, or talking to mother earth, the environment, anyone else, except you, here in reality.. 

We are the highest beings, and its important to remain sane. Fruitarian diets will make your mind follow your thoughts as high or low,  so try to have rational real ones. Here on earth, with humans, is your life, do not sacrifice this life for any other. What you see , is is all you get, period. Called reality and its perfect.

Anyways, I eat fruit because I like it. Not because I think you are bad if you don't. I feel healthier, and alive and things happen to me that never did before. It's so strange that diet has anythinhg to do with my ideal life I have always dreamed of being, now a reality..

SO do we need greens? No, we do not. but one thing I know for sure is Food is Mood.

I don't buy the minerals theory, we need minerals to exist, so we need certain foods for certain things, like eyesight or who knows, drug pushers tell you this, and they sell the bottle. Our body makes what it needs, it needs life force not death force..

I can see if you do not eat any greens and just eat meat, trying to take herb pills, but anything in pills is not going to help you longer than the effect of the pill in your system. If its not food, its poison.

 But I do know eating greens, leaf by leaf, has a calming effect, where fruit has an alive joyous effect. Yes, I know everything about my own body and my own choices.

Today to eat so far ( it is noon) Grapes

I went to the Mall last night and it was so packed, I really enjoyed walking amongst throngs of people. The only real beautiful people are teengage girls. they have nice skin and great bodies. Adults are overweight and have faces falling off. Life what a tragedy. Beauty what a tragedy to lose your looks over food addictions.

ANyways, I am happy, and everything else is boring, all that interests me is how to make my life better.


This speech is so educational, Its not about money but doing work you love. Money is an effect, never a cause. Never feel greedy or guilty, for your own desires or goals, the truest virtue is doing good for yourself and those who you value, only.

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Atlas shrugged, is the best book in my entire life, that I have read, I read it 3 1/2 times do far and it's amazing. Amazing. it is a big giant book, but do not let it intimidate you, it will be the last book you want to ever read.



Anthem is great too

watch this, the message, is the "I", the ego, being the absolute and highest, in all things.
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t



My BMI is 19.5 I do not know what that means. I am underweight by two lbs? According to who and compared to who else? What is healthy? I am healthy. Healthy looking or how do you know what is healthy? Says who?Compared to models or normal women? Hmm
I think it means nothing.


My ph strips test I do everyday says I am the most alkaline, when I feel the best, but some websites say that is healthy and others say it isn't, it's too alkaline, and I need more chicken or cream of potato peeling soup with a can of cream of mushroom soup mixed in, labeling this is one of the top "healing" foods. Hmm. So maybe that does not mean anything to me. Maybe it is whatever we make it mean.


//

My friend was on Cnn, it was so cool, he was on a show, about how this school is threatening jail time if parent's do not vaccinate. What evil people would poison children and claim power like that, power to send parents to jail? That is too much, what happened to freedom? Sounds like Soviet Russia. They showed parents saying that letter crossed the line. It did, more vaccines are coming and are they going to be mandated? My friend is attorney who denounces vaccines, represents many groups against them, and 100% believes in that they are evil, he knows so many facts and stories. He told me one new thing tonight, that Amish kids never get autism, not even once, and they do not get vaccinated.
 
What about CONSENT INFORMED... CONSENT??? Are schools bullying people, He also said that there should be a charter of schools that open up, anti vaccine ones, in a private setting, in a free society, that would be great business!!




11/19

My boss talked to the girl who gives me a hard time and today she was the nicest girl I have ever met. She treated me with respect and I watched her talk to clients in Spanish about cases and I followed her around. She trained me properly. She answered my questions. She laughed with me, and I laughed back only because I am so shocked

YOU
do not sacrifice, your best workers, to your least.  Just like you do not donate money to handicapped children, if you do that, at all, without first, donating money to gifted brilliant children! I spoke to my boss about this earlier, glad I did.

He wanted the most important and experience girl there, leaving in a month, instead of training me, to work with Myspace girl, move me out and move her in, to see exactly how bad of a job, they suspect her of doing, to catch her goofing off. 
They know she is a problem.
 
I told him, No, bad idea, I know how she works, Don't you know? How can you stand not knowing? I need to be trained, Pay attention to me, not her. Otherwise you will be as best as your worst worker. Let's move ahead, not stop. Its what I told him. They wanted me to take her place, for a week,  so they could keep and eye, see how bad she works? I am glad I talked to him, that would have been a disaster for me, I have to be learning as much as I can from the girl who has been there forever, that I am replacing.
.

 Meanwhile I am putting out fires, real fires, these cases need attention or else they go in default, or we get fined for wasting court time, I do cases, complaints, motion for defaults, demands et.. and I love it, I do not need her, I am not even mad, that she looks on Myspace three hours at a time. She does not exist for me. I am on the other end of the office. I lied about how late she comes in everyday too, once. I cover for her to the bosses.

I am friendly with her now. I came in and saw, on her desk, sausage stuffed shells she made last night. She eats while working too, because signing out you lose that half hour of money. She also had mashed sweet potato with marshmallows and butter and sugar. Poor girl, so young, and so fat.

So now I have alliances with two girls now. Instead of battling, I just want to work alone and do good work. but I am new, and there is such thing as office politics, I need to master. I need to win, and I will, then everyone can leave me alone to succeed and be the best.

I had fun at work, it went by so fast. I wore a new suit, it was really nice. Pastel and soft fabric with heels and skirt. I was very busy.

SOmeday I want to write the entire pleadings myself.

I have a new computer.

To eat: Oranges, sugarcane juice, watermelon

I also got a massage at 7 pm. This is my massage guy, Swedish from
Sweden. He is my " King of pain". I have seen him 6 times. He charges 75 an hour. I lay there feeling all my nerves on sticks.  I love massages, real painful ones, ones that make you scream with oohs.

I have to get up in 4 hours to work goodnight sweet journal.


November 21

Had a beautiful night last night. I watched Cane on cbs in my beautiful bed.

I ate 4 orange juices, watermelon, dates dipped in tahini and I had some persimmons that were ripe. Today I have 4 OJ's squeezed in the fridge. Last night I had juiced apples with a chard leaf.

Work yesterday was fun. I did a lot of paperwork. I sent out demand letters and sent out motions for default. I have a new computer. I called about photos and doctor appointments, asking if the provider is in contact with their clients to go to IME's. I spoke spanish, and watched the new girl do everything and be really nice to me.

I read this today in the NEW INTELLECTUAL. I can't say the author's name because it is trademarked now.

"INDEPENDENCE IS THE RECOGNITION OF THE FACT THAT YOURS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF JUDGEMENT AND NOTHING CAN HELP YOU ESCAPE IT. THAT NO SUBSTITUTE CAN DO YOUR THINKING, AS NO PINCHHITTER CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE..THAT THE VILEST FORM OF SELF ABASEMENT AND SELF DESTRUCTION IS  THE SUBORDINATION OF YOUR MIND TO THE MIND OF ANOTHER, THE ACCEPTANCE OF AN AUTHORITY OVER YOUR BRAIN, THE ACCEPTANCE OF HIS ASSERTIONS AS FACTS, HIS SAY SO AS TRUTH, HIS EDICTS AS MIDDLEMAN BETWEEN YOUR CONSCIOUSNBESS AND HIS EXISTENCE"

How cool is that? I am not sure I get every sentence, I do not know what a pinch hitter is, but most of it is. My mind is everything and all. My mind is the only truth.

I am such a great person, I really am talented and everything I do , I impress myself. Because in actuality everything I do, is for myself. Everything has one goal in mind, My impression, my end, my mind, my heart, my body..it's all to me, everything I do is for me. I impress myself, I shop to impress myself, and make stuff for me, and I really have a high standard that way. I believe in perfection.

I can do everything and anything, my mind is a powerhouse.

My life is so great and filled with gold. I have it all. I did it all, all for  me, all by myself.



My massage therapist after he massaged me for an hour at the University. He is so funny, we were laughing so loud.I had to laugh, the pain was unbearable. He is super brutal on those pressure points that make you want to pass out


Today was interesting.


I went to work and just me an myspace girl were there all day, until 3pm. I walked into the kitchen and saw a huge box of donuts, shiny, chocolatey and sprinkly. It said, " America runs on Dunkin!" on the side. I told Myspace girl there were donuts in the Office. I figured fat people loved them , but she didnt eat any. I was confused.

She comes in my door, " I could be home sleeping!" " What the Hell,( my boss) asked me to make a list and what the fuck! I don't have time to make a list!" " Tell Hialeah bitch to get her ass in her and do her work, she left all is work out and I have to finish it, and she left her Myspace up, on my computer, I don't want to get blamed for that!" she bitched all day like this. I just smiled. Offered her donuts again.

I did lots of work. SInce I was the only one there I blasted classical music on my internet. It was quiet in the building.

I had Oj 4 times and then guacamole and pico de gallo.

In my building there are three world famous law firms. One is Hunton and Williams, they represent Phillip and Morris. There is  Hogan and Hartson, they have like 3,000 lawyers and Baker and Mackenzie also. It is a very expensive building.

My boss went to law school at Rutger's and undergrad at Penn State. His brother, a lawyer too,  is  on "house counsel" for JP Morgan. House counsel means you only work as lawyer for one company, kind of like Michael Clayton.

Today my boss had me come in his room. He told me he wishes he could bring me to the mediation Monday. To show how serious he is, bringing assistants. But I cannot because there is too much work to be done in the office. He said it is POMP AND SHOW. He told me, ( this is why I admire him, he does everything the right way) that he does it up for these mediations and has the adjusters running to settle cases after seeing how serious he is with his posters and diagrams and assistants. He always gives 100% in these things because it intimidates. He had posters and drawings.

To show me, he brought me in his office and practicd his speech, he was going to give on Monday. He had blow up signs and photos of spinal cords. He began by telling me who his client was, a man who had kids, a family, his own business. A real good man. Then he explained how he was sitting in traffic. How a car hit him so hard his chair, a chair made to protect people, broke in half ( when I asked him which way it broke, he told me I was supposed to be quiet)

Then he gave me an anatomy lesson. I learned the names of each of the bones in the vertabrae, what was in between them, and what they were for, and what happened to his client. He read the emergency report, and doctor's reports. What happened was, whiplash and the bones crush the nerves. He said his patient cannot turn his neck, and his hands are numb, and there is pain and herniated stuff. I was convinced. He had proof and reports. I mean, a broken car seat?

Then he began explaining , with some kind of formula, with the age expectancy, the days for the rest of his life, in pain, times the work he misses times hours this and days that and then split it in half and then in half again,  and it adds up to 2 million dollars.

Very convincing, for sure this guy was really messed up, but 2 million dollars? Wow, he had it all figured out, but that part, I say, he has to explain it more. I am not good with math, or seconds in the minute, in the hours, of his pain for the rest of his life, times loss at work per minute, per second..etc..

The insurance wouldn't pay anything, like only a few thousand, anyways, his coverage is only for $100,000 so I am sure they can give him that AT LEAST by god. We will see Monday. His presentation was over 30 minutes. I helped him carry his poster signs to his shiny maroon car. I liked the part when he said, " THE CAR SEAT BROKE IN HALF!!" he did it with such drama.

He spoke French to me. He said he hates where the public is. He is a francophile, even drinks wine with meals. He looked at me and told me, "I hope you do not burn out, I hope you don't after several months. I admit, it is really interesting, law is". He seems to think I will burn out and turn into Myspace girl.



He is leaving for London for a few weeks. He has a painting of the Royal Horseguards on his wall, in a foggy crowd of people. He was impressed I knew that.

He told me when he is gone he needs someone with brains, motioning to me, to represent him, when he is gone, to take care of is stuff when he is gone. I take his phone messages word for word even when they are long. He has some real estate cases too, I noticed.
 

He laughs when someone mentions the Myspace girl, telling a lie or making mistakes, or shakes his head when the actress makes such big mistakes. She filed the file to his mediation monday in the wrong file and it was just by accident we found it. After looking for hours and calling all the girls who call in sick almost every week. 

I correct many mistakes by them, but never tell them, or on them,  so I go on daily, keep correcting the mistakes. Who am I to tell them they do it wrong, I am the new girl. . The problem is not with the girls but with management. There is none. It's like private school, there is no discipline or management but ourselves. 

 I look at the lawyers for the brains right now, I take orders from them only. If I took it from the other girls I would be doing their  work and carrying their backpacks, learning it all wrong.  But I have been nicer, I have. I reach out and am nice to them. They do work, but at their own slow pace, a few hours a day of work,  and are never watched or monitored. The myspace girl looks so sad, she always says she wishes she had another job, this job sucks, such and such told her to work, what the fuck? All this as I walk past her room for a few minutes. each time. poor girl, suffering so at her desk. The agony of working and doing such a poor job. I would hate life too. It's like I can guess what she will say before she says it. Next monday I will say hi, and she will say, " I can't stand to work here, I want another job. I hate it here , they asked me to do  -;s job, I aint doing -'s job unless they better pay me her salary!"..watch!


My boss showed me photographs he took that morning of him and his kids swimming with dolphins. One rode on a dolphin's back and they kissed the laughing dolphins.  It looked so awesome. His kids are all grown up, and his wife very beautiful, in a younger Martha Stewart way.

The other mean lawyer is warming up to me, I am dependable with the work and have it back fast. He gives out 3 days of work, then next day 3 days more, but I finish it fast, same day, hours later. He corrects me, actually he never properly teaches me, I just learn as I go along. He expects I know everything. Somehow I figure it out. The mistakes I make are ones I never knew I made because noone told me, some girls know they are making mistakes and send it out anyways. Those are not mine.

I look at the girls from the other law firm and they are all so nice and all get along with each other. I wish I had those girls as coworkers. I watch them sitting and doing work and gabbing with each other.  They sit in cubicles outside my door. They stack paperwork on their cubicles and I see law books and sex abuse cases, criminal cases. I hear them on the phones with criminals. They are so good, they tell the clients over the phone advice about crazy exgirlfriends and how it was never their fault. Cake everyday and coffee and chick-n-grill bags. One will stop me and ask how I do my hair or makeup sometimes.

One girl is really pretty and blonde and from ukraine or someplace like that and dresses up really fancy, she sits by herself in office all day and we smile to each other. By the end of the day I am still prettier than her though. By end of the day she looks ragged. I feel we compete a little bit, but for what? I notice she tries to be one up on me, but she really can't. It's not that I want to compete at all, I just wonder why she feels she has to. Anyways, I ignore her lately.
 
All this stuff you hear about raw foodists and fruitarians not needing sleep is crazy. I was raw vegan for many years and always slept 8-12 hours. I love sleep, even now. I can get by on no sleep no problem, though. I have done that manyt times.


The boss came in my room, and he said he was going to pay me for Thanksgiving days off , even though I am still on probationary period, and even though he pays noone for holidays, no matter how long they have worked there. He said it is to thank me for working so hard and to reward me. He also mentioned to not tell the other girls this, because it is none of their business. But he did say he had to give the Myspace girl a paid holiday too, because he wanted to be fair, and if she found out, it would hurt her, he assumes we talk. But in the future, to not mention my pay or any bonuses I may get. I know why he did this, he knows I lied for her and thinks we are close. See what I get for lying? I am as bad as my worst.

I disagree. People are not equal and we should be rewarded on merit, not equality, because then we are as good as the worst. So she has me to thank for paid holiday. What about the other fatsos? They straight up told me, "No paid holidays." 


He really is a fair guy and he teaches me alot. He dresses Rhode Island preppy. No other lawyer would take the time to teach me about law. He does things right. Even all his paperwork has to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect, all forms and files, with holes in them, and  on right side, of folder, a certain kind of paper and on left another...meanwhile the other lawyers  say, " It doesn't matter" if the envelopes are handwritten out, or the date is not indented right...or there is a comma instead of a semi colon. It bothers him and we have to learn it right. We have to redo it, all of it. I like that.

My boss at Glaser Organic farms officewas like that, Tracy, but I learned so much from  that anal retentive perfectionist. It makes a difference when you see a typo or misspelling in business, its all about excellence and I want to be excellent. She would stand by me all day to watch how I answer phones and without fail she corrected me on every single one. It drove me crazy. I had to stop what I was doing to listen to her correct me. It was every single accent or tone had to be done right. She was like that with all Word docs too.


What I am thankful for: My chest has "dropped" a little, after surgery, and now I am a 32F. How could I be so lucky? My 32 dd(e) bras do not fit anymore, too small. The band is perfect so it is the cup. I have a very small band, being thin.


I watchd Kid Nation and Gossip Girl. Kids are nasty and dirty, fight alot and there is anarchy.  I love , I LOVE the willful little girl who won't take orders, the beauty queen, she is the best. On last nights episode, the kids decided they would punish her by not giving her the reward, if they won it, because she refuses to take orders when commanded, but will if treated nicely, she will. so the focus is on punishing her for not complying.  Anyways, when it came time to get the reward she gave the guy such doe eyes, looking all sad, and he caved in and let her have the reward. Yes!!

She is a republican. She is so tiny. I love her, she actually is charming, not like they show here. I love it when she cries, everyone just melts. She looks so helpless.

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Gossip Girl is getting, well, I wish they have better conflicts. It's the same two girls hating and then loving each other and the guys are just idiots obsessed with girls are booze
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I drove all
over Coral Gables today, even Coral Way but not 8th street. I did really well, kids playing in streets, cats in the road, joggers around the park. I have full control of the car, super easy. It is! I can drive and I practiced the stupid T thing in parking so I know I can pass the test.


From INTERNET

In his article, "Source of Perfect Nourishment: The Plant Kingdom" (1949) Geoffrey Hodson quotes the great Swedish naturalist often called the Father of Taxonomy, Karl von Linne' (Linnaeus) (1707-1778) who introduced binomial nomenclature - naming plants and animals according to their physical structure: "Man's structure, external and internal, compared with that of other animals shows that fruit and succulent vegetables constitute his natural food."

The poet Shelley, in his essay, "A Vindication of a Natural Diet," wrote:

"Comparative anatomy teaches us that man resembles the frugivorous animals in everything, the carnivorous in nothing...It is only by softening and disguising dead flesh by culinary preparation that it is rendered susceptible of mastication or digestion, and that the sight of its bloody juices and raw horror does not excite loathing and disgust...

"Man resembles no carnivorous animal. There is no exception, unless man be one, to the rule of herbivorous animals having cellulated colons. The orang-outang is the most anthropomorphous (manlike) of the ape tribe, all of whom are strictly frugivorous.

"There is no other species of animals which live on different foods in which this analogy exists...The structure of the human frame then, is that of one fitted to a pure fruit/vegetable diet in every essential particular."

Frugivorous (living on fruit) animals include mainly the anthropoid apes, humanitys immediate ancestors. The diet of these apes consists mostly of fruits and nuts. Their skin has millions of pores for sweating, and they also have molars to grind and chew their food, and all the teeth are of nearly the same height. The canines are a little projected canonical and blunt obviously not intended for seizing pre, but for the exertion of strength. The molars are broad-topped and furnished at the top with enamel folds to prevent waste cause by their side-to-side motion, but not pointed for chewing flesh. Their intestines are extremely convoluted and are twelve times the length of their body, for the slow digestion of fruits and vegetables.

Omnivorous (living on animal and plant food) animals, such as bears, have incisors that resemble those herbivorous animals and canines like those of the carnivorous animals. The molars are both pointed and broad-topped to serve a two-fold purpose. Observe the formation of the teeth in humans. We find that they do not resemble the teeth of the carnivorous animals, nor do they resemble the teeth of the herbivorous or omnivorous animals. They do resemble exactly those of the frugivorous animals.

Similarly, with frugivorous animals, we find that their senses always direct them to fruits of the trees and fields. In people of all races we find that their senses of smell,, sound and sight never lead them to slaughter animals. Any sensible person would be appalled but the conditions to which animals are subjected in factory farms. Wal into a veal factory where one can see the calves chained at the neck so tight that they can not turn to lick themselves. Slaughter houses are the assembly line of death where the animals are in complete terror. On the contrary, they can not even bear the site of such killing. The US Department of Agriculture reports that five billion, cattle, sheep, lambs, hogs, chickens, ducks, and turkeys are slaughtered annually in the USA. Slaughter houses are always removed far from
towns and often require strict ordinances forbidding the transportation of flesh. Can flesh be considered the natural food for human when both the eyes and the nose are so much against it (unless deceived by the flavors of spices, salt and sugar)? One scientist explains it this way: a cat will salivate with hungry desire at the smell of a piece of raw flesh but not at all at the smell of a fruit. On the other hand, how delightful do we find the fragrance of fruits, the very sight of which often makes our mouths water, and even in the absence of hunger we will eat fruit because it tastes so good