We watched Keeping up with the Kardashians.

All I had today was OJ and Watermelon juice. Juice fasting. Was a little cranky at work. Only when people were cranky at me first though. I also slept 12 hours, that gets me cranky too. I love it, but the next day lasts forever and drags and people get on my nerves with their own caffeinated induced stress, always drama, I ignore peacefully..Office Space stuff.

Tomorrow we have our Christmas Work Party at Morton's Steakouse. I may have to order something like a fruit salad or chopped tomatoes and cucumbers. I am never good with juice fasting. Only as experiments.
I am doing fine today, on juice. Feels ok. I feel good. I am going to dress up for xmas party tomorrow and take photos . It's half day of work, my boss said noone works on that day, and its a wasted day. I will work.


We are exchanging gifts at work, I got 25$ gift certificate at Nordstroms. My fave store. I wish I GOT A GC there. Maybe I will luck out and get my own gift.


12/12

I have the perfect solution to stress and work related problem. It is a very fine solution. Here it is: Take my time, do one thing at a time and do it right. No rushing, no doing many things at once. Simply go at my pace and enjoy the work I do. I make zero mistakes and I enjoy my day. I handle and focus on one thing. Carry a notepad around and write things down when being told what to do. Do not try to remember everything, but slow down and take notes. Be efficient. DO things right and enjoy the work I do.

Also working on one thing at a time makes my focus and attention clear. I can remember things better.

Watermelon juice all day so far, 2 qts. At work. Everyone is dressed up, well, way better than usual. I am wearing a silk dress. Noone is in the usual dishabille. A fruit on sticks arrangement came, things like gift baskets and fruit baskets come in the mail for the lawyers. Christmas cards are on everyone's desks. I listen for footsteps and I hear sometimes lawyers fighting with their assistants. SOme of them fight and the girl keeps on egging and it never stops. About who screwed up and who got stuff wrong. Mostly there is calm.

My sister left this morning via Fort Lauderdale. Goodbye Princess.


dec 13



Fruit thing we got

Look at this post on persimmons.

http://rawdorable.blogspot.com/2007/12/persimmons.html

Last night was nice. Roark Lawyer came over and well, hanging out on a weeknight is not really that fun. We watched

Kid Nation. He hinted we are a couple. He said, I have been thinking about US all week. I noticed, it was nice to hear him say those things.  He is perfect accessory to me. It is so nice to be with someone like me. He earns his good luck. So do I.

We were affectionate. Lots of hugs. Curled up in bed. Nice. I deserve it.

He loved the lasagna I made. He really raved about it.  I sent it home with him. He loves basil too which I put leaves on top of.

He is getting me out of my lease and he contacted a real estate friend to help me find a better apartment. I have

yet to talk to her.

He is doing so well, the owner of the x—-x was in his Office the other day and a friend he went to Law School with

he found out is in one of the top firm in the country.

My lunch at Morton's was, interesting. My boss at the head of table, talking so much, half in French, and I had to listen and make sure he didn't drink too much or eat more than he is supposed to. Remember, I pledged I would protect him, no matter what.He asked for Cabernet wine and and when he tasted it, he complained " This is not a Cabernet Sauvignon! This is a Pinot Noir! " So he must know his wines. I told him to stop eating mashed potatoes a few times.

 He has 14 carat cufflinks and the lawyer to my other side had cufflinks that looked like coins. Legal Secretary who is quitting soon, sat in front of me, staring at me whenever I talked to him. SHe is so jealous.

 I mentioned I needed a pair of cufflinks for a shirt I have, and this morning, he brought me two silver ones! He said gravely, " You know what this means? This means that you can never work for anyone else but me, ...You can never leave me" I laughed. He was serious too.  

All the other lawyers, at dinner, talked about how great their assistants are and what kind of hidden talents they have. Darn right. We do all the paperwork. One is a proffessional Middle Eastern dancer.. I asked Roark Lawyer who totally agreed, very important relationship. Everything depends on how tight the Office is.

So, at Morton's, big steakhouse, I had a raw salad/tomatoes and a plate of raspberries. You should have seen the food every one ate, Crispy Shrimp as big as a hand, Prime rib, Fancy salads with anchoives on them,  bottles of wine, salmon, plates of giant asparagus and mashed potatoes, dessert was so pretty. Tarts and cakes and melted sugar. It was a set menu but you could choose.



Myspace girl on left

They had real famous art and lithographs on the wall. My boss knew exactly which artists but called the one piece "trite". I had earl grey tea.  I had lawyers saying, " Waiter, you forgot her food!" and pointing at me. It was a little embarrassing. Legal secretary stared at me, asking me, if salad tastes good. Go think about your own food.

We played a game, we all brought gifts. This was a chinese game where when it was your turn, you could pick what someone else got as a gift or pick a new one. I got a PF CHANG gift certificate but someone wanted it, so I got a bottle of Amaretto, and I didn't understand the game, so I kept it. iTS OK, Neither gifts I could really use.

When I got home I just had

watermelon juice and OJ all this morning so far.

Trolley in Coral Gables




I love myself. I love you. You are everything to me, and you are worshipped as mother, daughter, girl and old woman. Love, care, and everything nice. You love to think and you know exactly what is reality and going on. I see, you know. What are you, all this, all of it, is for you and you alone. There is noone else. All love is for me, all gifts are for me, all actions are to benefit me, some are chances, other actions I do directly for myself.

I broke my fast with a date. I chewed it and it tasted so good. But they have been in my fridge over a few months. I wonder if they are still raw. Probably not, like any other dried fruit. I want raw life force food. That is what sustains me, life force.

My boss is leaving for Italy tomorrow and I got his xmas present. A book , Williams and Sonoma FLORENCE, Italy cookbook, foods of FLORENCE and I also got a cd that goes with it.

I watched Survivor China. I love the blonde girl. She is so awesome. I hope she wins. I would be so happy.
She is so awesome. I hope she wins.
 
Click COURTNEY
I would be so happy.
I love it when they eat raw bird fetus, in competition, easily,because they are so hungry. They went to the Great wall of China in a prize. Nice.

I love Nature. I do. But I like man made stuff more, I mean, cities. I know the Great Wall is Man Made but its in the middle of nowhere.



12/14

Today I am going to have a nice day at work, I am going to do all my work right and enjoy myself. I am going to take things nice and easy. I am going to get a lot done. I am going to focus on work and learing new things. I also am going to juice fast today. Watermelons on the menu. Yummy. I have apples to , but its too much work to juice right now.

Roark Lawyer mentioned he wants to pick me up and look for apartments with me. He is looking as well, but he likes those big lofts in big buildings. I like Coral Gables. I have to call back his real estate friend. I say the end of January I will move.

Myspace girl and I get along . I put up with, " XX made me change the address on all the forms, watch it, I will let the phone ring and ring I wish he would fire me" , " Did you hear anything about the Christmas bonus, it better be $800-", "I am quitting after we get the Xmas bonus", "I am not working on Xmas eve. I got to cook, I am Cuban!", " I got a job offer that pays me more than here, so I am going to get my xmas bonus, then give him an ultimatum, pay me more, or find someone else!" She always has a probelm with someone, trashes everyone. Gossips about everyone. Sometimes its fun to hear, but I do not want to get sucked in.

My office mate is always overwhelmed, sighs heavily, says, " Oh My god!" Alot. Mumbles to herself there is so much to do. Loses patience when I ask a question. Apologizes and says, " You need to think.." Well, duh, I am thinking, why do think I am asking questions! Asks me why I do not drink bottled juices. Asks me what I eat for breakfast. She orders the havana chop from Chick n Grill and gossips in the kitchen. She has a big belly. Is married, many kids, and always complains that I can go home and sleep and her day just begins when she leaves, she is soccer mom, and every morning she has to drive all over Miami before coming to work. I do not feel bad for her. Her husband calls alot and won't stop bugging her sometimes.

I weighed 110 this morning and ph level is blue black. I was 118 last weekend after eating olives. Olives have salt and salt makes me bloat with water trying to protect itself against it. Plus it made me raging hungry later. I ate alot. Now I am back to normal. I freaked. My mom did too. Its not the fat, its the uncomfort. I feel always like I have to lie down, when I am bloated.

I bought apples, watermelon and other stuff. I LOVE tangerines and I LOVE blood oranges.


My life is important. It is more valuable than anything. I cannot think of anything better than me.

Today my boss took me in his room. I am leaving and legal sec. #1 left for the day because she can't handle work, and she left all the Discovery stuff for me to do. Anyways, he is leaving for two weeks. He had so many piles of files, as tall as me, and each one he read to me what is expected, what is waiting on, what I need to create or send out, and the status of each. I thought  the unthinkable. You see, I already have two bins of Demand Letters and a pile for the other lawyer. Stacks of Vd's and releases I need to hunt people down to sign. I have a to do box that is full, all with sticky notes on them. I thought the unthinkable. that maybe I am overwhelmed, and noone knows it yet. I played it cool, telling my boss how easy could it be, everything will be taken care of, etc. While he is gone in Europe 2 weeks, I have to call him twice and read off all messages and to do list. I had clients coming in all day wanting checks. I had to make them coffee.

Not only that but I just got home and I got this email from my boss. I get about 10 emails a day like this, I can't keep up with them. I have 5 more unopened in my email. He sends alot to the whole team, but this was for me:

XX:  I just got the XX/XX check 1475SF—-6:00PM

1) Have XX deposit it Monday.  The deposit slip is made out and the
check has been stamped/endorsed.
2)X's $1500 check is dated 12/20/07.  When you call him to come in to
sign the release MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THE CHECK IS DATED THE 20th.
3) Send my notarized atty release and XXX's notarized release back to
AXXX.
4) Do a VD and send him a copy.  GXX can sign it.
5)As you can see, the atty checks have also been cut. Keep GXX' check
in the file until I return.
6) The file is in the front of the disbursement rack and EVERYTHING I HAVE
MENTIONED HERE IS IN THE FILE.
7) Keep the deposit receipt for me in the red folder with the other
deposit receipt(s) like the one for the operating acct on the 20th.
8)Put all copies—-releases, VD, etc. in the file and RETURN IT TO THE
DISBURSEMENT RACK FOR MY RETURN.

He talks to me like this too, and I have to pretend I totally got it all down, and take a lot of notes. I pour over them and do things one at a time. I can't ask leg. Sec #1 too many questions, she is overwhelmed with so little.

 All she does is call people, complain, and go home.  Today she worked 3 hours, and me 9. Most days she comes in for 4 hours and sighs alot. I am there for 9 and never you see me complaining. I hate when I am working and she treats me like her slave. " Look up this for me, calculate this for me, real quick, find file numbers for me..agghhh do you own work! Then she has all this work to show for, for the boss and me none, because I have been doing it all for her.

I look like I am a slowpoke doing her stuff. I tell him though. I say she gives me all her work and I did this and that, and he is happy, GOOD GOOD YOU NEED TO LEARN EVERYTHING.

I feel my brain working really really hard. I have to remember things and if he calls me and I am not on top of one single thing, he gets disappointed and I get a lecture, on how I need to make his needs need to come before mine. That is what he requires of me, and he will not treat me like a baby, because I am capable, and on and on..

Myspace girl came in nosy nosy asking me how much my Xmas bonus was. I said I couldn't say and right away she thinks it is more than hers. I told her not to worry about such things, that or boss does not rate or favor on seniority, no good business does, but rather on the skill and talent of each worker. She let out all these complaints and told me how little the file clerk got. She told me how much she got and checked my eyes. WHy does she care? She admitted that already the boss has favored me more financially pay wise, etc, and that she has been here first and blah blah, I was so sick of it, and then my boss came in to talk to me, beaming bird eyes into me. Asking what we were doing, and she lied so bad, saying I was showing her how to add up demands, as if he doesn't know what her job is!

He pulled me in his office all day, worried about leaving. I calmed him down. He thanked me for my gift. I felt stupid for spending money on him.


He had a basket of muffins and I opened them up and put them in the kitchen. I pondered cooked food, I cannot eat cooked food, I admit it tastes good, short term, but long term it is poison you need to detox. I can never eat it again. I mean, sure I can, but I would retreat into a dead zone. I know the relationship to reality I now have. I feel think see everything so clearly. Crystal. I remember the fog of cooked food. Death becomes death.

I asked my mom for a 32 F push up bra for xmas. Good luck finding it. I need one my 32dd ( 32e) bras, I hang half out of.

I hate giving gifts, I gave my boss his gift, and I realize it was a mistake. He hasnt been that great to me, I honestly was competing with legal sec. #1 who gave him a Lacoste Sweater her first year working for him. They are like over 150$ no way. Never. Noone deserves that price of a gift, but me. My mom wants a 400$ Coach purse, Oy Vey. Watch me get it for her too, like a sucker. How do I get out of that?

All I had was OJ today. Many cups and also 2 qts of qatermelon juice. I nibbled on some sunflower sprouts.

Roark Lawyer is calling me from XXX's  boat, a client of his, super famous. I do not get celebrity excited, because noone is as great as me. Nobody.

I argued alot on my comments section down below.

People! I just dont get WHO would respect a religion, that says "Knowledge is evil", and not even question it. Saying Knowledge is evil, is evil. Its everything wrong about ourselves. That IS crazy talk. Religion is the devil. It's like that story " The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson.

http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/lotry.html

 Go read it, it is short and see how dumb people are.

 Lol. I am pro man. PRO KNOWLEDGE...Pro reality. I have a relationship to reality. It is soooo awesome. I know the law of cause and effect. I know that I am an entity and I create action. Actions do not create actions, only entities do.

Knowledge must be based in reality. Not in la la land. That is " I wish " stuff.

 
12/15


"It is thus necessary that the individual should finally come to realize that his own ego is of no importance in comparison with the existence of his nation; that the position of the individual ego is conditioned
solely by the interests of the nation as a whole ... that above all the unity of a nation's spirit and will are worth far more than the freedom of the spirit and will of an individual...."

"This state of mind, which subordinates the interests of the ego to the conservation of the community, is really the first premise for every truly human culture.... The basic attitude from which such activity arises, we call-to distinguish it from egoism and selfishness-idealism. By this we understand only the individual's capacity to make sacrifices for the community, for his fellow men."

———-ADOLF HITLER said all this.
 
Makes you think.?

 Why should Germany be any different than the USA? Most of us here believe blindly what we are taught, trusting blindly , because our ancestors/mothers/others did or do it. The herd mindset, if everyone else does it, I have to do it. Think it. Feel it, believe anything! Some suave politician comes up and throws you a movie or moving speech and people just believe anything. Even if its made up or goes against their judgement or all of science and reason. Like altrusim, that is man's evil. Negates the self. Makes you a zombie serving others, the state the government, etc.."society, or OTHERS" Here Hitler says it is good, and we must all erase ourselves for HIM.

Sounds a lot like "serving the planet" or "doing your part in Global Warming" meaning we do not matter but our earth does. Our Earth has more rights than you. You have money and you have a big factory and we will tax you greatly! People are causing the ice caps on Mars to melt as well as Earths! Technology is evil. People are evil and we are litterbugs! all that crazy talk.

And somehow these people, they have superior knowledge and holy authority on what is good for the Earth, you don't of course, you are just inferior beings waiting for orders. They know what is good for the Earth, you don't, of course not! How could you? How could you know what is good for the environment?  Inferior being incapable of knowledge. You have to trust them. Trust in OTHERS. Against all your private judgement, you shut your eyes and follow the herd.

I am so glad we have proved Global warming is not people caused. Thank God, finally! Earth is for us to use, how else do we survive? You do not want to cut down trees? Then you do not own a house! make yours out of clay. You want to visit grandma in Pensylvania, then you need an airplane...or walk. You decide. You still have a choice. Bu ttechnology is the cause of all that is good in our world and keeps us free individuals.

I know what is right and good, and its not what anyone else tells me, but what I think for myself. I am capable and trust myself. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. The sky is not falling. I stand by this.


12/15
I thought that this year I am not giving gifts to anyone, excpet my boss, whom I already did. He gave me really large bonus check. Now I feel I owe him really hard work. It is undeserved.  Not only that, but I will not accept any gifts, except by real friends.. And if I go out to eat I will split the bill half half. I do not like when people pay the bill and I take it they do not like me paying the bill either. People makes tabs on each other, it should not be like that, we are individuals, not babies. I just want to spend money on myself because I do not want to owe anyone anything. I want to get myself things I want. I want to earn
my stuff. This is hard becasue I am soooo generous with gifts and doing stuff for others, Its selfish to give and I feel kind of over spread. I like making stuff and paying for dates. But I want to protect myself and not leave any holes in my soul.

So any gifts I give people I will paint their picture or something, do something free. My money is for me. I need plenty and I want a kick ass apartment and nice car. If I want to give gifts then I have
 to be creative.

That will say alot. I usually give my family members very expensive gifts. I do not want to accept any gift. They do not deserve it from me. Maybe just mom. I feel, this chasm between dad, sister and brother and I need to stop kissing their asses.

from ( http://www.incharacter.org/article.php?article=93)

Few authors inspire the kind of life-changing devotion, blind hatred, or contemptuous dismissal so frequently achieved by Ayn Rand, the founder of “Objectivism” and author of the novels Atlas
Shrugged, The Fountainhead, the non-fiction book The Virtue of Selfishness, and nine others.
Despite nearly
unanimous critical disdain, her books became best-sellers; the combined sales of her work continue
to top 500,000 copies every year – more than Philip Roth, way more than, say, Zora Neale Hurston.
Objectivism, as dramatized in Rand’s novels and meticulously set out in her non-fiction, glorifies
the self-reliant individual (as opposed to the collective), prizes rational thought, and dismisses
organized
religion of any sort. Politically, it bears some resemblance to libertarianism, though Rand herself
dismissed members of that party as “hippies of the right” who “substitute anarchism for reason.”
Next to her casket was a
 six-foot-tall floral arrangement in the shape of a dollar sign.

It’s easy enough to explain Rand’s appeal to those who adore capitalism, abhor government
intervention, and prize individual liberty above all.  In the 2003 movie Lost In Translation, Charlotte,
played by Scarlett Johansson, says that every girl goes through a “horse phase” and a
“photography phase, where, you know, you take dumb pictures of your feet.” For a certain kind of American girl, the
“Ayn Rand phase” is another rite of passage.



\
My street



This is across the street from where our new offices are in Alhambra Circle.









It is raining here in Coral Gables, And I am beautiful. Wearing a Medieval looking shirt and some
undies. just got back from South Beach. I am going to lie in bed and reread The Fountainhead
on my adobe reader.

This morning I went to this restaurant called BIG PINK in South Beach. Its the pink building
with the pink car in front:



I had a fresh squeezed OJ juiced there
AND A FRUIT SALAD>


SORRY MY CAPS LOCK GETS STUCK SOMETIMES< AND I WATCHED ROARK LAWYER EAT STEAK AND SCRAMBLED EGGS> HE HELD ME CLOSE AND HE TALKED ABOUT TEACHING ME POKER THIS WEEK AT MY PLACE THEN SPENDING NEXT WEEKEND IN A CASINO IN FORT LAUDERDALE> HE SAID HE
 WOULD TAKE ME TO THAT VEGAN RESTAURANT SUBLIME AND TO Frederick's so he could
get me the right bra size. Its a big problem. My bras break and I cannot find any my size.
No store carries 32f so we are going to try there. I just want that so bad, like I need a home.
 Bras are expensive, you can't find my size online for less than 70$

The night before we went to this place called OLIVER'S.  Two places down from lighted outdoor place.


I had a (raw) zucchini carpaccio. And tea. I listened to him talk about work, he is going to
teach me how to write pleadings up. I hope so. He will give me homework. I will remind him soon.
He had two
glasses of wine.

At his place we slept, he sweated so much, and was so hot, burning. He had two glasses of
wine at dinner, that's it. When we went out last weekend he drank alcohol and by the time
he walked to the car, his face was drippy with sweat. it is alcohol. So bad for you. I stared
at his cat who watched me.


He is obsessed with the new iphone. Not the cat.

He is so funny, he makes me laugh. Everything he says is meant to be laughed at and its so funny.
We both joke around. sarcasm, facetiousness and tongue in cheek.

I saw my lasagna baking pan,  from last wed. empty in the fridge. Damn, that was fast. I told him I would make him Chicken Marsala next. Why I make food like that, I do not know, it is selfish. I like doing a really good job and impressing people with my skill, cooking takes skill. Each recipe I have to practice first. So I actually make it twice. It's his birthday tomorrow, and I am sure he will get plenty of chocolate cake, his fave, so I will wait to make him Death by Chocolate cake next week. Or Williams and Sonoma carries that kind you cut into and hot chocolate lava comes out. I can't eat any of it, but it's fun to bake. He likes food alot. He used to be on a weight watcher commercial. He was a very fat child. He told me he used to drink soy sauce as a fat kid. I am sure I am not helping. At least he is taking me to vegan restaurant next weekend.

He says such nice things to me. I feel still I am self reliant and I like my world. I do. I need to be really careful and walk the line I have been walking as far as right choices in every instance and also making my life's pledge to me first. Nobody else matters but for my benefit.

He talked to his boss and he told him for his birthday he wants more work. I took him seriously. Maybe he was joking, but he is very into working. I see papers, books, all over his room.

He called his boss a douche. I understand. Some bosses are bipolar. He wore a collared shirt and jeans. He wears glasses. He has blue eyes and I cannot tell him how good he looks, or how nice his skin is, it's not me to pay compliments, makes me look too eager. I do not even call him. He has always called me first. I like my life, I like me. I like living as much as I can in my private world. Working and writing. I like being with me. I like being with him too, it's a treat, but it's not my life. I like everything to be decent. Remember, I come first, and what I want is more important. I want my life to be safe and clear. I want all my goals to comes true. I want to live in reality. i want to have a relationship to reality. I always want to communicate with it. I want to think and create a better world for me, a world I choose to live. Not life choosing me to live. We are not animals but man.

I have a choice in all I do or partake in. If anything is vulgar, I say so. I choose the highest for me. I want the highest virtues and make the best choices. I do not succumb to any low impulses. Never again. Why? cause I have a brain. I think and I am good. I choose good, good meaning what is best for me, what I think is good for me, not silly things I hunger for or little spur of the moment things, bu tthings I think long and hard about, what would benefit me the most. I write all this out and live my life lik ethat. I do not blank out and have life carry me, I choose and i choose to think about what it is I want. I also know life is here for me to have a relationship with. I have to work it and DO> Take actions, all the good ones, always, that way I am self proud and self loved. I am self confident. Being confident around others is super easy, so easy, anyone can do it..It is being SELF confident that takes work, confidence in myself. When noone is there looking but me.

I took my mom out to THE MIST and BEE movie. I got her popcorn. My mom cleans my place so I had to either pay her or take her out. We had fun. Poor mom. I can't hang out with her all the time. She really needs a decent man to take her out sometimes. I mean, my grandma is 80 and my grandfather died, in a few years she is inseparable from this new guy, who is like 90 and all photos of them are hugging and holding hands. there is no excuse.


/

I had some mamey smoothies.

I am sure fruit is it for me, I do have doubts about minerals. Is commercial fruit great for that? I know Tim at the raw food market grows his fruit with ocean grown. I have to go with what I think, and I think maybe I have to go for a little wild stuff, maybe even greens or roots occasionally. I am not sure. I have been stuck on this for a long time. There is a contradiction here, I need to find my mistake in thinking. I need to. I have been fighting this for months. Months I have been sneaking greens, and then regretting it later. Why, what is the contradiction. DO we get food from minerals, or do we get food from life force? Is the mineral myth just that? All I know is I feel a little greens is alright thrown in, but it always lead to more later and then you get my 8 lb gain like last week, and definite bloat. Am I happier eating greens as well? I do not believe in moderation, I think a little wrong is totally wrong. I just am not sure what to do. I have been waiting to decide. Am I going to be a fruitarian, 100%? Or strict raw vegan? I have been in limbo for a while now. A real, Breakdown. I want things to be easy and I want my mind made up and be decided. I DO LOOOVE fruit, just the quality of fruit sucks. I get it at publix. Maybe I can re dedicate myself to fruitarianism and get the organic stuff. STRICTLY mono barehanded fruit but of course I will cut it up. I was looking at bowls of dragon fruit I mixed with strawberries and it looked so pretty. It's pretty hard to dedicate oneslf to fruit alone. But the energy one gets and the happiness, is incomparable. The peace, and the love..I do like it.

I also, have not told anyone at work, or Roark Lawyer has no idea. I find it very hard, to tell people. Impossible. I have been through it. Its not fun socially. I ate a salad at Morton's office lunch party and everyone bugged me. I heard most of them got sick ( ecoli) from eating the medium rare steak the next day. Called in sick. Lol.

I am beginning to think making cooked food for others is a total waste of time for me. It is. I know this, maybe I just do not want to- not do it.  I am good at it. Like engineering, cooking is, but I do not want to make it my life which it has been lately. When I cook meat, I blank out, all I see is someone else's
happiness, and I have decided that is not my purpose in life, to make others happy at my expense.

I do not want to spend the 60 years I have left to live ..making food. I have bigger plans I need to focus on. Focus meaning all my attention, constantly.

I just like people, some of them, who are good to me, andI want to make them happy, but I can only make myself happy.  I realize this. Serving others is always a dead end, in everything, it kills, makes emotional master and slave. Serving myself, well how do I do this? What work do I choose for myself? Writing, ideas. I have had a really hard time with writing, I have been writing stuff as it is, not what it should be, in the highest noblest most reverent emotional state of mine. I want to worship something greater than me, and that would be...me. The possibility.

Noone else. Just me. I have the best of everything going for me. Not in outward appearance, but inward. Yes, outward too, but that is not important. Looks don't win anyone awards...or self achievment. Unless you are Marilyn Monroe. She made that her everything, her looks. Nothing else mattered, until she started chasing men. Idiot. I do not want to be like that. I want to love myself. We all know that was her
 downfall. She made bad nutrition choices as well, ( liquor and pills are not food!)


This is great! I got this online from a comment by zenster on
click What a genius! I totally agree.

I feel the same way about everything it is so true. I am so glad to find it.

Boomers were one of the first generations to grow up completely
 immersed in liberal academia’s toxic brew of uncertainty and
nebulous definitions.

It is impossible to overstate how damaging to young minds modern academia’s school of nihilist “thought” truly is. Let’s examine its “tenets”:
(Try to recall how many times you told the following.)

1. You can never know anything for sure.

2. There’s no right or wrong, just shades of grey.

3. Truth is subjective.

4. Logic is conditional.

5. There are no absolutes.

6. Life is without meaning.

All of the above—now commonly held—”tenets” engender belief in
a malevolent universe. They spawn pessimism, insecurity, cynicism
 and the ready dismissal of established norms. All of these behaviors
 are prerequisites for the subordination of less capable minds by those
 who seek to control them. Loosing an individual from the moorings
 of rational philosophy makes those cut adrift extremely vulnerable to programming of any sort. Cults and brainwashers are notorious
for using such methods in recruiting new members or inducing
political defections.

Let’s examine these modern “tenets” one by one:

You can never know anything for sure.

I’ve had people actually try to argue with me about how I can
 be so sure that the sun will rise tomorrow. My simple reply is that
such debate is irrelevant because if the sun does not rise, all life
 will end and further dispute serves no valid purpose.  A=A. Certain laws do hold with a degree of immutability whereby they can be accepted as absolute. The lack of surety bred up by this one supposition is amongst the most damaging of all to young minds.

There’s no right or wrong, just shades of grey.

Whenever confronted with this utter nonsense simply ask, “When is rape permissible?” There are certain things in this world that are wrong and to think otherwise is indicates an unwholesome degree of moral flexibility. It fosters an ability to tolerate the intolerable. This particular “tenet” serves as
a cornerstone of moral relativism and represents a core driver of
Multiculturalism’s refusal to condemn even the most hideous of
 traditions.

Truth is subjective.

There can be no better way of undermining an individual’s
personal convictions than by making truth circumstantial.
Welcome to the brave new world of “truthiness”. When a
 person’s moral compass is demagnetized its poles become
interchangeable and from thereon it’s all a downhill slide.
Once you leave the mountaintop of moral clarity all perspective
 is lost and certainty perishes swiftly thereafter.

Logic is conditional.

This is how you strip the mind’s gearbox and destroy any transmission of meaningful reality. Critical analysis is impossible without the
guideposts of logic. Once this guardian of intellect is slain any
barbarian can crash the
gates of reason. Constructive criticism and the assassination of
ideas suddenly become indistinguishable. Deform this vital toolset
 and there is no way to
repair the damage done by the preceding “tenets”.

There are no absolutes.

Tear out the moorings of mental discrimination and personal
judgment becomes impossible. Witness the recent pejorative
cast given to the word “discrimination”. Although wholly different
 in meaning, it is now demonized with the same negative connotations
attributed to the word “prejudice”. Little value is held in the ability to
discern between right and wrong. Especially so when the difference
 between right and wrong has already been denied. When people
cannot make up their own minds the time is ripe for someone else
 to do it for them.

Life is without meaning.

Here is the grand finale for those who seek to subvert humanity and civilization. Eliminate a sense of individual purpose in life and blind obedience
becomes—not just a welcome relief from crippling disorientation—
but an easy descent into conformity and total lack of free thought.
Communism sought to do this by alienating workers from their labor,
 product and compensation. Make a person’s work irrelevant to their
daily living and life rapidly becomes meaningless. Have the result of
 human labor bear no direct relation to personal survival and existence
 loses its importance. Reward individuals in ways that have little
connection to their efforts and soon they lose all contact with reality.

Authoritarian religions do this as well. They attempt to channel all human spirituality into a more narrow definition that serves only their own ends.
True liberation of the mind represents a least desirable outcome. Life’s
meaning can only be perceived within the limited confines of hidebound
doctrine and
not via an individual quest for uplift.

Now, combine all of these “tenets” together and you brew up an
 intellectual poison so toxic that there is little chance of escaping its
fatal effects. The antidotes of reason, logic and morality have all been
diluted into impotence and little more remains than being led to the slaughterhouse.




Grapes for breakfast and Oj.


This looks like an interesting book. I still need to get GOD IS NOT GREAT, how religion poisons everything by Hitchen's. I looked through it and it points out the obvious.

Here is a new one