>
Xmas, 26th, 27th, 28 , 29, 30, 31st ( NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS) /Jan 1,2,3, 5
Dec 25th
NEW YEARS next
NEW YEARS:
The Meaning of New Year's Resolutions
By Alex Epstein (Chicago Sun-Times and Vancouver Sun, December 30, 2006)
Every New Year's Eve millions of Americans make New Year's resolutions. Whether the resolution is to get out of debt, to spend more time with loved ones, or to quit smoking, these resolutions have one thing in common: they are goals to make our lives better.
Unfortunately, this ritual commitment to self-improvement is widely viewed as something of a joke—in part because New Year's resolutions go so notoriously unmet. After years of watching others—or themselves—excitedly commit to a new goal, only to abandon the quest by March, many come to conclude that New Year's resolutions are an exercise in futility that should not be taken seriously. "The silly season is upon us," writes a columnist for the Washington Post, "when people feel compelled to remake themselves with new year's resolutions."
But such a cynical attitude is false and self-destructive. Making New Year’s resolutions does not have to be futile—and to make them is not silly; done seriously, it is an act of profound moral significance that embodies the essence of a life well-lived.
Consider what we do when we make a New Year's resolution: we look at where we are in some area of life, think about where we want to be, and then set ourselves a goal to get there. We are tired of feeling chubby and lethargic, say, and want the improved appearance and greater energy level that comes with greater fitness. So we resolve to take up a fun athletic activity—like tennis or a martial art—and plan to do it three times a week.
Is this a laughable act of self-delusion? Hardly. If it were, then how would anyone ever achieve anything in life? In fact, to make a New Year's resolution is to recognize the undeniable reality that successful goal-pursuit is possible—the reality that everyone at one time or another has set and achieved long-range goals, and profited from doing so. Indeed, not only is it possible to achieve long-range goals, it is necessary for success in life. To make a New Year's resolution is also to recognize the undeniable reality that rewarding careers and romances do not just happen automatically—that to get what we want in our lives, we must consciously choose and achieve the right goals. We must be goal-directed.
Unfortunately, a goal-directed orientation is missing to a large extent in too many lives. It is all too easy to live life passively, acting without carefully deciding what one is doing with one's life and why. How many people do you know who are in the career they fell into out of school, even if it is not very satisfying—or who have children at a certain age because that's what is expected, even if it's not what they really want—or who spend endless hours of "free time" in front of the TV, since that's the most readily available form of relaxation—or who follow a life routine that they never really chose and don't truly enjoy, but which has the force of habit?
Too often, the goal-directedness embodied by New Year's resolutions is the exception in lives ruled by passively accepted forces—unexamined routine, short-range desires, or alleged duties. It is the passive approach to happiness that makes so many resolutions peter out, lost in the shuffle of life or abandoned due to lost motivation. More broadly than its impact on New Year's resolutions, the passive approach to happiness is the reason that so many go through life without ever getting—or even knowing—what they really want.
It is a sad irony that those who write off New Year's resolutions because so many fail reinforces the passive approach to life that causes so many resolutions—and so many other dreams—to fail. The solution to failed New Year's resolutions is not to abandon the practice, but to supplement it with a broader resolution—a commitment to a goal-directed life.
This New Year's, resolve to think about how to make your life better, not just once a year, but every day. Resolve to set goals, not just in one or two aspects of life, but in every important aspect and in your life as a whole. Resolve to pursue the goals that will make you successful and happy, not as the exception in a life of passivity, but as the rule that becomes second-nature.
If you do this, you will be resolving to do the most important thing of all: to take your happiness seriously
//
I really need to eat right and make all the right decisions. Everything ties in to everything else. When I choose wrong in work, relationship and family are affected, when I choose right in any area of my life, it's all affected. It's all choice. I have to do the right thing in every area. I have to be good in every area, meaning do what I plan on doing, long term and short term.
How do I remind myself, well, I make those decisions when it counts. When I want to make a wrong choice, or I want something bad, those are the moments that will make my future. I have to choose better in every area of my life but there is one immediate thing I need to do and that is what I put into my body. It sounds crazy to those who read this, but if I have a little of something bad, I get very sick.
I care for me and I care for my body. I really have to be a good police about that. I also want to take ballet classes again Maybe for now, just on Saturdays.
/
I do not want to be a smart know it all. But I want to be wise in a way that is very subdued.
I also want to live my life by my ideals regardless of who is in front of me. Meaning I may make excuses or take liberties I would never take if by myself. I want to choose right even around peer pressure. I want to stand by my ground, regardless of who I may lose.
How do I stay cool, reserved and happy even when pointing out the obvious to someone?
To eat
I had a smoothie with persimmons, bananas and dates,a few times. Also Grapes, cherries and tangerines. Some cucumbers. Apricots as well. I mostly eat smoothies lately. Its so good. Goes down so fast and quick. I got some avocados again for smoothies.
I liked these flowers I walked by . These buildings are really old by the beach.
When I am by myself I eat so well, but I know when I go out to eat with Roark Lawyer it will be hard. Plus I always think its ok to drink tea but that always leads to more tea and then more bad stuff leads from that. I guess I could order caffeine free tea with honey. I hate it when places do not have fresh squeezed OJ. I hate being a freak. I just want to fit in, why can't people make it easy for me and serve stuff like fresh squeezed juices and fruit salads that are not rotten.
I want the highest self esteem no matter what the circumstance. I think that is man' most-greatest quality.
At work I do not want to check emails or go online for any reason besides work.
A little goofing off always leads to more, and then I waste so much time and do not have anything to show for and have not learned anything. I dream of the day I can have that willpower.
I also need to exercise somehow. Ballet classes are great, but I can't take that everyday. After I get my new apartment for sure. I mean, I am all soft. I want to be really nice and tight. I don't have to exercise. I used to exercise voraciously as a raw vegan to look, good. Now I don't have to. I mean, to me, I look fine all the time. Maybe my butt is a little soft. But besides that I am ok. But I feel I should get some stretching and shape. Ballet is so good for that.
Walking barefoot on the beach you see this hotel
I watched "Ayn Rand, a Sense of life", documentary what a great biography, I actually cried several times, it takes a lot for me to cry. I am just so awed by her, ugly and all..I love her.. I know her life story, just it was nice to see footage and photographs. Very touching. I really love her, I do. I think she is awesome. I love Howard Roark, I love Dagny, I love love Hank Reardon, and John Galt, I need to reread again. She really lived those principles she writes of, the highest in man, the best in heroic man.
I will make New Year's resolution, to be followed in every second of every day, and if I make a mistake to pick up right away and get back on it, to never lose track of them, to know I know what is right for me and follow it to a tee, to stop talking about it, but rather just do it automatically without question or thought.
I need to take a long bath and start working on my novel again. I do want to see man as a hero, so long I lived with a philosophy that life will never happen to me. But this year, through my actions I realized life does not happen automatically to anyone and one must choose and do the right thing accordingly. If everyone did nothing they would be just how I used to be. And its not about courage or strength or this or will or that, all it takes is DOING> that is it, doing is all it takes. Knowing in your heart what is you purpose.
I downloaded, O I hate stealing I do, I should never do that again.. anyways I downloaded Christopher Hitchen's #1 bestseller 
" God is Not Great, how religion poisons everything.." pdf from Mininova.com/and Azureus. I then change it to text and upload it to my sony reader. Did you know I missed his book signing? How terrible, I would have loved to have gone to it and asked him many questions. He is touted as one of the greatest journalists of today, but hmmm we'll see if he gets my stamp of approval.
I also downloaded, the God Delusion, the Virus of faith, by Dawkins,
another bestseller, in the New Atheists category. Its amazing how dangerous religion is proved to be for our minds. Anything supernatural is, people argue well, "in moderation its ok", I disagree.. anything evil in moderation leads to more evil and is evil.. not gray ..but black. Too many people are just crazy about it. Talk nonsense. Silly rituals, prayers that do nothing. The irrational IS the EVIL of the world. I know this, to be true. Reality is good. Alternate pretend fantasies, NOT, very harmful. Evil.
watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5S38LpMgu0
99% of fruitarians believe in God and have their very own private self invented religions. Where God is this thing, this energy, man, that is higher than they are, and , and who knows, what that means or does!? Nothing ! Absolutely nothing. 
Knowing that there is something out there SUPERVISING you, geesh creeps me out..because its not true. You are not good enough crap and need to follow this NOTHING you are not good enough to understand. Just cause you say so, just cause you say you somehow, "KNOW". Doesnt make one piece of their lives better, probably makes it worse. Because this nothing is a figment of imagination and if your mind is unstable well who knows what can happen..Crazy talk. Belief in ghosts is very unhealthy, I know this personally. The darkest days of my life were when I went to church trying so hard to find something out there, craziness..it is, old ladies weeping and counting beads..it did so much harm, I like to have a stable sane mind. My life is mine to save..lol.
I have had many smoothies today, persimmons, bananas, avocado halves, lots of medjool dates and a sliver of ginger.
I ate a tomato sliced with a little parsley in between the slices.
I ate alot of smoothies today. That is all I eat. fruit smoothies. Bananas and avos are the cream, dates are the sweet, and persimmon and cherries I pit with a pitter are the tangy. I have some tangerines to peel and eat as well.
It's xmas and I am ignoring everyone. I just want to be alone and read the Fountainhead again, naked in bed. I do not want to talk to anybody.
My phone rings, in my living room, and I look to see if it's only Roark Lawyer. 
He just calls to say nice things and what am I doing and hugs. He wants to see me tomorrow after work. He wants to see Live Music. He wants me to meet his clients. I have to remain whole and complete around him. I want to preserve who I am entirely. I want to be me. I want to feel confident around him. I told him, " I want to make all the right choices around you" but mostly it is for me I need to do everything right for. Choose good.
I sense my best self. I have to be my best self, I can never lose integrity.
Noone else gets to talk to me today. Not this year. Just cause you are family doesn't mean you automatically get my attention. You have to deserve me, earn me. I am only going to kiss my ass, and my ass knows what is best. This is my one day vacation and I want to read the FOUNTAINHEAD. Nothing is more important today. I am in this amazing world.
I am mad at each of them for different reasons. They have let me down. Until they make me proud I don't have to hang out with them.
I got such awful presents, I should return them, LOL. I do not want to celebrate Xmas ever again. Its just for little kids who wants undeserved gifts. People give each other gifts because they have to. Nothing special . If I had kids I would buy them stuff every day, not just one day, and only if they did what I wanted.
I threw out all these cards. Why would people I see every day sit down and write cards that say nothing and mail it? RL is Jewish and also an atheist. It's no big deal xmas, anymore. It feels nice to be alone and no I am no longer alone. That RL is there if I want to send an IM to. I am a very private girl. I like my time alone. I do not like to go out except to a movie. I like being indoors. I love the tv. I love being on the beach and looking at the water. I like riding my bike around the gables and hearing the wind rustle through the trees.
My favorite all time favorite thing to do is lie in bed and read books. I love that so much. I could never give that up. It's always been a fantasy, of just a bed room with a beautiful bed, windows open curtains flowing, and me with my favorite book and flowy nightgown, and my smoothies..that is heaven on earth. Or a tv show, a good movie on, and lying in bed, bed is where happiness is. Sounds bad? I just am so relaxed and feel so beautiful and feminine.
I need to put my laptop in my bed so I can write too and alternate taking long naps and long hot baths. I should clean more. Now that my mom is not allowed near me, I need to be my own maid. My the money I will save cleaning and doing my own laundry. My bed has beautiful comforter on it with brown sheets. I love it. I love my mirror and I love my big desk. I love my closets full of raw food books. I do not buy raw food books anymore, they are all the same. I am not really into hippies anymore. But I do believe there should be a market for raw food and organic stuff with minerals in them.
I need to stop spending money carelessly. I do need an apartment, February I told this girl I want to move out on.
I had an antique cameo I put on my little pearl necklace.
I weighed 116 just now. I go up and down. 107 one day and 116 the next, just like that. Today I had a lot of smoothies with avocados and bananas and dates. It's mostly water weight. I AM SO excited about New Years resolution, I think I will start now. I am going to Hard Rock casino this entire weekend. It will be the perfect time to say, look, I am a raw foodist. No, I will say, I am a frugivore. No, I will say, fuck it, I will just say nothing and just always eat fruit. No big deal. Its what I want, Its what I am hungry for.
I send you happiness, and love and thank goodness for me seeing the way and finding my higher self and knowing that what I want is my work and my passion, to be talented and have work to show for it, work that changes the world. Nothing can ever touch me when I make the right decisions, nothing can. Only what I earn, I get.
26th
I am finical when it comes to doing good work. I may make mistakes but my heart is in doing the best I can or know how. The amity in the office is nice when I ignore everybody. They are just blobs of bodies, I care not to think about. I am not giving away, benefactions of my time to anybody, pure charity of my time, to gossip, plain waste of time. No more. It's a choice. I am too valuable to myself.
My desk and my work are my sweet hermitage, for me. My place where I can be quiet and at peace. I love being there and doing what I am supposed to and that is legal work. So interesting. Lots of letters I have to write, saying nicely you better send money or else we are going to go ahead and take legal action, ahahah. and lots of cut and pasting forms.
I talk to other law firm's legal assistants on the phone and they are funny. Some of them say things that put me at ease. Some say, " Whatever!" and sigh, when I ask them if they know what file I am talking about. They sound bored. I laugh.
A clerk from the courts gave me a hard time over this order, and he didn't even know who did it! this morning, it turns out he called the wrong side of the case! ahahah...they can fix their mistakes, thank you!!
I drank OJ like crazy all day. I need to bring in fruits to work with me, otherwise when I get hungry , really hungry, over time I start craving stuff, like prepared guacamoles and stuff from restaurants, so I always need to eat. I like mono, bare handed eating fruit, but I also like smoothies better. Smoothies are my favorite. I have a Tribest travel blender, its no vitamix but it chopped up dates pretty well.
I wore a brown suit today, it had buttons on the outside of the sleeve that serve no purpose, reminds me of the Fountainhead where Howards buildings have nothing that has no use, that is useless. He said, if you have a car you wouldnt put a lion's head on the top or fruit baskets on the side would you, or something close to that..
tHE LESS i SLEEP THE EASIER THE DAY GOES BY AND THE EASIER MY DAY IS. tRUE. iT'S LIKE i AM SLEEPING ALL DAY LOL.
Then I go home curl up in bed with book or watch cbs. I watch cbs everynight. I do not have cable so I have few fave stations.
I am going to carry avocados with me in case I go out to eat. Maybe that is a bad idea. Maybe I should just say I am not hungry and order chammy or mint tea.
What is it I want. I want a world where the most heroic book exists. I want the superior woman who makes superior choices. I want the highest characters who have lived such perfect lives. I also want my life to be a great thing. Rags to riches, and overcoming the hardest of obstacles and the biggest of conflicts. I want extreme romance of the very best in me and what I see in the world.
Work, its all paperwork, it's like a battle and the courts hear everything that goes on, it's all a battlework of paper. It's all ideas. Approve, reject, accuse, defend, etc.
My desk looks out over the JW Marriot and when my mind wanders I sometimes see a naked guy closing the blinds or someone standing by the window and talking. The pool is down below and there are always fat old hairy people wading. I see construction everywhere and blue colored plastic wrap covers all the windows and balconies. Shiny cars and behind me in the ocean. I can't see it. I see far away into Miami and I see roads and trees, exotic buildings far in the distance.
I really have to be a police with myself, I usuallu know what I want, and I need to keep knowing and always stand by my decisions. No matter who is in front of me. There are many temptations. I need to live for me, I need to work for my dream. I need to learn what it is I want.
I want human greatness.
I am going to go to the bathroom and wash off my makeup and put some new stuff on and I am supposed to go out tonight. RL says he is now a vegan. We'll see how long that is, I do not think turkey counts as vegan, mister.
My coworker did what she always does, complains. She has SOOOOO much work to do, and she can't do it, she will call our clients and tell them noone here knows what they are doing and all this dios mio stuff in Spanish. What does she care, she is leaving? I asked her to explain a document to me, and she looks at me and asks, " Do you know, what we do here? Do you understand CONCEPTS?" She is really hard to work with and then she made me tell her what we do here and I felt like a big baby. It's true I do not know as much as her, and have to take it.
I shut my brain. When I work its like I am sleeping, I am on auto pilot, I blank out, I love work, it puts me in an altered state where the world just flies by and I am no longer conscious of anything. My fingers type, my pencils write, I do alot of stuff here. The only thing I hate doing is talking in Spanish.
This client came here and I overheard him talking to Coworker, he just traveled the world with his wife, went to Vietnam, went to Shanghai, All over China and then I could no longer hear. He owns a clinic, but the way he was dressed you would think he is a male model.
I ate tangerines and had 8 glasses fresh squeezed oj , ALL FREE from downstairs. He told me how beautiful I was today, again. He tells me he thinks about me alot. It is kind of creepy, but I need my Oj. The deli guy won't let me pay. One of these days I am going to have to hurt him with the news, I do not find him in any way attractive. Nothing is for free. He will be mean, or I will feel guilty. I do not owe him anything, but yes, by maybe accepting I did do something. Getting free stuff by a loser is no big deal, I can afford to pay. Next time we are alone I will tell him, I want to pay. No really, let me.
The other lawyer gave me work to do today. It was easy stuff, but my printer died. He is Jewish, tall and has green eyes. He turned out to be a very nice person, to me, I always hear him screaming at his assistant. they fight all the time, scream at each other. He is soo mean to her and she is a bitch. She blames him and he blames her. I could go on, but its not that interesting. So I went into Myspace girls room and told her I needed to print from her printer, and she tells me I can't because her printer is low on ink. Fine! So I have to wait until tomorrow to do all this stuff. What a b—!
The old lady , who used to be bipolar, is turning into the nicest person here. She always calls me Vanilla and emails me and always talks like a little girl around me, and giggles.
There is a greek girl here named Aetna, who reminds me of all those Greek statues in the Louvre, except she is older and fatter. She is like the devoted assistant. She is very good, I can tell. She bakes cookies for everyone too.
There is a special typewriter set up out suide my door that they use to type checks. I saw a lawyer walking around with no shoes, just socks today.
Riding the elevators I see all the floors, the floor with Hunton and Williams, is the nicest, black marble and furniture in their hallways. There are always guys in suits everywhere.
Elevators are tricky. I try to leave a little earlier otherwise stuck on one that stops on every floor with loads of people. Old fat ladies, skinny old ladies with big glasses, hot little soviet secretaries and then the regular mush. The guys are all shapes and sizes, old bald, but all well dressed, nice shoes and nice shirts.
I went into my bosses room twice today to check his messages and then email them to him, he is in Europe, London now. I should ask for something while he is there. People call him with questions I can answer now. If someone wants to talk about something personal, I call and ask questions. It goes through me first. I get all sorts of good stories.
I was hot today, in suits I get sweaty sometimes. I am all covered up for work. I look really proffessional. I do need new shoes though. I should go to Nordstroms and spend my Gift Certificate there.
I know what I want to do in life. I do. I know that is my work and goal. I want the best for myself. I no longer want to be conscious of myself anymore, I want my work to be everything.
I went out with RL. We sat at Gordon Biersch. I did not order anything. Some hot water with lemon, side of pico de Gallo. I picked at tomatoes. It looked really bad on my part. He ate Chicken Marsala, it's Italian dish and a diet coke. We talked about alot. He asked me many questions. It's hard for me to talk about painful things. He told me about his relationships, 2 of his, and their names. I told him, when he asked me, that it wasn't important. It isn't. But then I felt bad, I should have left it at that, I told him how long my last one was and then I shut up. He commented it was a sore spot. I like to think of the future, not the past, it's so horrid to me mistakes of the past. I just want to forget my past and my present that bothers me, such as family. We held hands and kissed a lot. But it was nice comforting. A client came to meet us to pick up a check. He had to go see another client after dropping me off too. This client was a guy , he told me, he defended him once on a grand theft charge, and then he did research and found out this guy was a huge coke dealer, now he hates talking to him, and tried everything to cut it short. He dropped me off, had to go deal with another client, he just wanted to see me and changed the lives of three people just so he could have dinner with me.
He needs a logo, for a business, and asked me to give it a shot. I said I would. I can tell this would be easy. I didn't go take all those graphic design classes for nothing. I feel really safe and in the presence of someone who really wants better things in life, things that are not easy, but are the tougher choices to make. Ideals. Heroism, almost, I see it.
He mentioned knowing a car dealer, to get me a car, wait til I break it that I can't drive yet. I can, but I do not have my license, and am not talking to my mom, who was going to give me her car. I should always know, that the only person who is getting me anything, is me. But he made me feel good. I also said how beautiful these apartments are, really nice ones on the other side of Miracle Mile, and he said, we'll see about getting you one. He told me to let him deal with my landlord from now on. Very nice.
I feel very inspired to do great thing myself. I want to do great things. He is opening his own law firm, as well as be president of this famous sports allstar's business. I know its cause he is smart. I have seen him aquire unreasonable things. He values himself, and I see a mirror, because I value myself as well. I really work hard and need to work harder, I know what I WANT. I want a clean slate. I want success. I want to overcome the hardest obstacle in the world, and beat it.
I feel On the verge of something, some breakthru where I will have earned what it is I want so bad, a miracle that I do myself. I want what I want and nothing is going to stop me.
bananas avos persimmons and dates in my smoothies. I also got two packages of blueberries.
For eating only fruit I got quite a tummy
Dinner tonight was in one of these buidlings. That bus is supposed to say Downtown Miami, but I couldn't stand still enough.
Me abusing the burn tool on photoshop, makes anything you want really dark. 
My desk today, that box is just one of many filled up with stuff I got to write demand letters for.
27th
Being in a bad mood does not make one pretty. Its uglifying ans hould be avoided at all costs. I think there is a formula to being upset, something one can sit and
formulate, on why they are upset, something not being perfect, something out of whack.
All day I have a headache from the tension with coworkers. I see them give each other the finger when backs are
turned. It's not a friendly work team. Today my coworker asked me to help her. She, who every time I ask a question
puts me through hell. She wants me to help her.
All day I heard her sigh and complain that she has too
much work to do and she is too stressed out, and all day I hear her sigh and talk on the phone about how busy she is
and how she is never going to finish. I hear her talking to herself beside me, mumbling out loud about this case and
that and the oh my gods, and she tells clients that she is overwhelmed, and heavy sighs, a real downer.
I snapped today and we fought. I stood up for myself. I defended myself, clumsily, I may have said stupid things
that make no sense, but overall I told her sorry your life sucks, but I like work and I realy want to do a good job.
I am afraid of pissing you off, and every question I ask its the end of the world, and why humiliate me? Why make it
painful for me to work here? I want to enjoy myself here.
Now I have a headache and smell a little sweaty. I feel drained, oh she took off. She left long gone. She just can't
handle life. One painful thing she said, was" DO YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR HAND IN YOUR NEW JOB?" It hurt cause I look
up to her, she has done this 14 years. I want to learn from her, and actually I fought to be in the same room as her.
That saying, hurt me alot, because I felt my helplessness, she made fun of me. She did. I am new in this law Office, boss is away, and I am on my own. I
ask her questions, but I know now, I can't ask for anyone's hand, like a baby, especially if its so unwanted. I just am deathly afraid of making mistakes. This
is how it is. When she is gone I am going to celebrate. maybe this is part of breaking me in, I have to go through this... I asked Myspace girl, we have an alliance against
her, if there was anything we could do to make her leave quicker.
I also reposted Myspace girl's job wanted sign, she wants to get another job and I want her to too.
But If anything I should use my work against her, or anyone at work, I do FAR more work than she does, she just calls with people in her
Spanish, man I HATE her accent, it's extreme low class spanish at that, painful for me to hear. She even calls
clients MI HIJA affectionate term for MY DAUGHTER. Such low class. fat ass. Dry fat face, maybe she is in a bad mood because the hamburger and milk she ate three days ago is rotting inside her.
I like hanging out with RL because he tells me he hates her too. Just cause he is on my side!
Ok the real question here for today is
HOW DO I HANDLE THIS IN THE FUTURE?
or better?
"HOW TO HANDLE COWORKERS"
They are invisible, what only matters in my work. If they give me work, it is nonetheless work to do. My work
speaks , not me.
I am a working machine. Nobody there matters. My boss, he is just a thing giving me work, to do, and I do it right.
Noone at work is important, justthe work itself. Any questions I have with reality I fix with working.
Can people be considered work? No!
Nobody exists for me at work besides the work I do, that is the place I lose myself, I stop thinking and do. I love to
do, only doing for a better world. I work for a better world. I work to make things right in the world.
If a coworker antagonizes me or I imagine her to be,
which maybe I may have started, I will just turn to work.
Clean up a mess and try to make it right immediately,
even at cost of my comfort.
There is no me, just work.
There is no such thing as a lowly job. Just lowly workers and I am excellent worker. The only thing I communicate with is work. That is my answer to everything.
I think I have solved something long standing.
I now know what I am going to do and what is going to happen! I am happy.
Sounds lonely what I said? Well, people are overrated. True. Most of them. The gems are the ones who work the hardest and found passion in life. Mine is doing. I love to do, and I think writing is great because one is figuring out things, learning, attemting to find meaning ..and reason and a cause and hopefully I will find the ends, I want to be the ideal woman.
28th
What Does Freedom Really Mean?
by Rep. Ron Paul M.D.
“Man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and
predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.” -Ronald Reagan
We’ve all heard the words democracy and freedom used countless times, especially in the context of our invasion of
Iraq. They are used interchangeably in modern political discourse, yet their true meanings are very different.
George Orwell wrote about “meaningless words” that are endlessly repeated in the political arena*. Words like
“freedom,” “democracy,” and “justice,” Orwell explained, have been abused so long that their original meanings have
been eviscerated. In Orwell’s view, political words were “Often used in a consciously dishonest way.” Without precise
meanings behind words, politicians and elites can obscure reality and condition people to reflexively associate
certain words with positive or negative perceptions. In other words, unpleasant facts can be hidden behind purposely
meaningless language. As a result, Americans have been conditioned to accept the word “democracy” as a synonym for
freedom, and thus to believe that democracy is unquestionably good.
The problem is that democracy is not freedom. Democracy is simply majoritarianism, which is inherently incompatible
with real freedom. Our founding fathers clearly understood this, as evidenced not only by our republican
constitutional system, but also by their writings in the Federalist Papers and elsewhere. James Madison cautioned
that under a democratic government, “There is nothing to check the inducement to sacrifice the weaker party or the
obnoxious individual.” John Adams argued that democracies merely grant revocable rights to citizens depending on the
whims of the masses, while a republic exists to secure and protect pre-existing rights. Yet how many Americans know
that the word “democracy” is found neither in the Constitution nor the Declaration of Independence, our very founding
documents?
A truly democratic election in Iraq, without U.S. interference and U.S. puppet candidates, almost certainly would
result in the creation of a Shiite theocracy. Shiite majority rule in Iraq might well mean the complete political,
economic, and social subjugation of the minority Kurd and Sunni Arab populations. Such an outcome would be
democratic, but would it be free? Would the Kurds and Sunnis consider themselves free? The administration talks about
democracy in Iraq, but is it prepared to accept a democratically-elected Iraqi government no matter what its attitude
toward the U.S. occupation? Hardly. For all our talk about freedom and democracy, the truth is we have no idea
whether Iraqis will be free in the future. They’re certainly not free while a foreign army occupies their country.
The real test is not whether Iraq adopts a democratic, pro-western government, but rather whether ordinary Iraqis can
lead their personal, religious, social, and business lives without interference from government.
Simply put, freedom is the absence of government coercion. Our Founding Fathers understood this, and created the
least coercive government in the history of the world. The Constitution established a very limited, decentralized
government to provide national defense and little else. States, not the federal government, were charged with
protecting individuals against criminal force and fraud. For the first time, a government was created solely to
protect the rights, liberties, and property of its citizens. Any government coercion beyond that necessary to secure
those rights was forbidden, both through the Bill of Rights and the doctrine of strictly enumerated powers. This
reflected the founders’ belief that democratic government could be as tyrannical as any King.
Few Americans understand that all government action is inherently coercive. If nothing else, government action
requires taxes. If taxes were freely paid, they wouldn’t be called taxes, they’d be called donations. If we intend to
use the word freedom in an honest way, we should have the simple integrity to give it real meaning: Freedom is living
without government coercion. So when a politician talks about freedom for this group or that, ask yourself whether he
is advocating more government action or less.
The political left equates freedom with liberation from material wants, always via a large and benevolent government
that exists to create equality on earth. To modern liberals, men are free only when the laws of economics and
scarcity are suspended, the landlord is rebuffed, the doctor presents no bill, and groceries are given away. But
philosopher Ayn Rand (and many others before her) demolished this argument by explaining how such “freedom” for some
is possible only when government takes freedoms away from others. In other words, government claims on the lives and
property of those who are expected to provide housing, medical care, food, etc. for others are coercive– and thus
incompatible with freedom. “Liberalism,” which once stood for civil, political, and economic liberties, has become a
synonym for omnipotent coercive government.
The political right equates freedom with national greatness brought about through military strength. Like the left,
modern conservatives favor an all-powerful central state– but for militarism, corporatism, and faith-based welfarism.
Unlike the Taft-Goldwater conservatives of yesteryear, today’s Republicans are eager to expand government spending,
increase the federal police apparatus, and intervene militarily around the world. The last tenuous links between
conservatives and support for smaller government have been severed. “Conservatism,” which once meant respect for
tradition and distrust of active government, has transformed into big-government utopian grandiosity.
Orwell certainly was right about the use of meaningless words in politics. If we hope to remain free, we must cut
through the fog and attach concrete meanings to the words politicians use to deceive us. We must reassert that
America is a republic, not a democracy, and remind ourselves that the Constitution places limits on government that
no majority can overrule. We must resist any use of the word “freedom” to describe state action. We must reject the
current meaningless designations of “liberals” and “conservatives,” in favor of an accurate term for both: statists.
Every politician on earth claims to support freedom. The problem is so few of them understand the simple meaning of
the word.
Forget About Jesus, What About Me?
Why Christmas Should Be More Commercial
——————————————
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
By Dr. Leonard Peikoff
Christmas in America is an exuberant display of human ingenuity, capitalist productivity, and the enjoyment of life. Yet all of these are castigated as "materialistic"; the real meaning of the holiday, we are told, is assorted Nativity tales and altruist injunctions (e.g., love thy neighbor) that no one takes seriously.
In fact, Christmas as we celebrate it today is a 19th century American invention. The freedom and prosperity of post Civil War America created the happiest nation in history. The result was the desire to celebrate, to revel in the goods and pleasures of life on earth. Christmas (which was not a federal holiday until 1870) became the leading American outlet for this feeling.
Historically, people have always celebrated the winter solstice as the time when the days begin to lengthen, indicating the earth's return to life. Ancient Romans feasted and reveled during the festival of Saturnalia. Early Christians condemned these Roman celebrations—they were waiting for the end of the world and had only scorn for earthly pleasures. By the fourth century the pagans were worshipping the god of the sun on December 25, and the Christians came to a decision: if you can't stop 'em, join 'em. They claimed (contrary to known fact) that the date was Jesus' birthday, and usurped the solstice holiday for their Church.
Even after the Christians stole Christmas, they were ambivalent about it. The holiday was inherently a pro-life festival of earthly renewal, but the Christians preached renunciation, sacrifice, and concern for the next world, not this one. As Cotton Mather, an 18th-century clergyman, put it: "Can you in your consciences think that our Holy Savior is honored by mirth? . . . Shall it be said that at the birth of our Savior . . . we take time . . . to do actions that have much more of hell than of heaven in them?"
Credit: google
Cotton Mather wouldn't like this guy too much.
Then came the major developments of 19th-century capitalism: industrialization, urbanization, the triumph of science—all of it leading to easy transportation, efficient mail delivery, the widespread publishing of books and magazines, new inventions making life comfortable and exciting, and the rise of entrepreneurs who understood that the way to make a profit was to produce something good and sell it to a mass market.
For the first time, the giving of gifts became a major feature of Christmas. Early Christians denounced gift-giving as a Roman practice, and Puritans called it diabolical. But Americans were not to be deterred. Thanks to capitalism, there was enough wealth to make gifts possible, a great productive apparatus to advertise them and make them available cheaply, and a country so content that men wanted to reach out to their friends and express their enjoyment of life. The whole country took with glee to giving gifts on an unprecedented scale.
Santa Claus is a thoroughly American invention. There was a St. Nicholas long ago and a feeble holiday connected with him (on December 5). In 1822, an American named Clement Clarke Moore wrote a poem about a visit from St. Nick. It was Moore (and a few other New Yorkers) who invented St. Nick's physical appearance and personality, came up with the idea that Santa travels on Christmas Eve in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, comes down the chimney, stuffs toys in the kids' stockings, then goes back to the North Pole.
Of course, the Puritans denounced Santa as the Anti-Christ, because he pushed Jesus to the background. Furthermore, Santa implicitly rejected the whole Christian ethics. He did not denounce the rich and demand that they give everything to the poor; on the contrary, he gave gifts to rich and poor children alike. Nor is Santa a champion of Christian mercy or unconditional love. On the contrary, he is for justice—Santa gives only to good children, not to bad ones.
Credit: google
A traditional, but non-Christian decoration.
All the best customs of Christmas, from carols to trees to spectacular decorations, have their root in pagan ideas and practices. These customs were greatly amplified by American culture, as the product of reason, science, business, worldliness, and egoism, i.e., the pursuit of happiness.
America's tragedy is that its intellectual leaders have typically tried to replace happiness with guilt by insisting that the spiritual meaning of Christmas is religion and self-sacrifice for Tiny Tim or his equivalent. But the spiritual must start with recognizing reality. Life requires reason, selfishness, capitalism; that is what Christmas should celebrate—underneath all the pretense, that is what it does celebrate. It is time to take the Christ out of Christmas, and turn the holiday into a guiltlessly egoistic, pro-reason, this-worldly, commercial celebration.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I AM GOING OUT TONIGHT, THE ENTIRE WEEKEND WITH ROARK
LAWYER. YAY.
SURPISES FOR ME.
MY COWORKER, ORDERED A PIZZA HALF CHEESE, HALF GROUND
BEEF. WOW. ALL FOR HER. WE DID NOT SPEAK A WORD TO EACH
OTHER. I KIND OF LIKE IT. I WROTE MY BOSS IN LONDON, HE
TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING AND THANKS FOR
TELLING HIM, (HOW CRAZY SHE IS.)
I SAT THERE LISTENING TO HER OLD FAT LADY SPANISH, DRAWLS
AND LONG CONSONANTS. I DID MY WORK, MOSTLY LEAVING
EVERYTIME SHE WAS IN THE ROOM. I SPENT SOME TIME STARING
AT MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR WITH HANDS OVER MY FACE.
WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE DONE TO DESERVE THIS KIND OF
TREATMENT FROM HER? I NOTICED SHE LISTENED TO ME,
BECAUSE TODAY SHE TRAINED ANOTHER GIRL, IN THE CONFERENCE
ROOM, AND SHE WAS EXTRA NICE TO HER AND EXPLAINED
EVERYTHING CALMLY. Rl SAYS ITS CAUSE I AM HOT AND SHE
IS NOT. REALLY? I WOULD LOVE A HOT COWORKER, I THINK
BEAUTY IS A VALUE AND THOSE WHO HAVE IT ARE HEROINES.
IT IS TRUE, WHETHER IT IS LOOKS OR TALENT, THE WORLD WILL
TRY TO DESTROY YOU. I LEARNED THE REAL REALITY OF THAT
FROM THE FOUNTAINHEAD, BY AYN RAND. I NEVER BELIEVED IT,
I ALWAYS THOUGHT UGLY GIRLS DID NOT LIKE ME, BECAUSE OF
SOME FAULT OF MINE, SOMETHING I WAS LACKING, POPULARITY
ABILITY OR SOMETHING. NOW I KNOW ANYTHING WORTH
WORKING AT, AND BEAUTY IS VERY HARD TO WORK AT...BEAUTY
IS NOT NATURAL AT ALL, IT TAKES FOCUS AND DRIVE, IS WORTH
SOMETHING AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE ANYTHING EXTRAORDINARY,
PEOPLE WANT TO TAKE OR STEAL, OR DESTROY..
ROARK LAWYER TOLD ME HE COULD GET ME AN OFFICE MANAGER IN
A LAW FIRM POSITION, LIKE "THAT", AND HE SNAPPED HIS FINGERS AND SAID PROBABLY BY THE END OF JANUARY. BUT I TOLD HIM I PROMISED MY BOSS I TOLD HIM I WOULD NEVER WORK FOR ANYONE ELSE. AHAHAH
ANYWAYS, CRAZY COWORKER IS LEAVING MIDDLE OF JANUARY, POSSIBLY MONDAY EVEN, I OVERHEARD HER PHONE CONVERSATION WITH HER HUSBAND TODAY. HER KIDS ARE ALWAYS VOMITING AT SCHOOL.
I IGNORED HER ALL DAY. WHEN SHE LEFT I HEARD HER TUEN TO ME AND TAKE IN A BREATH, THEN I HEARD HER STOP AND WALK OUT. NOT A SINGLE WORD, ACCOMPLISHED. I PREPARED MYSELF FOR WHAT I WAS
GOING TO SAY IF SHE DID SAY GOODBYE, AND I WAS GOING
TO IGNORE HER. I CAN EASILY MESS WITH HER NOW THAT SHE
IS LEAVING SOON. IN FACT, IF SHE EVER ASKS ME TO HELP HER
I CAN DO THE UNTHINKABLE AND SAY NO. WHAT IS SHE GOING
TO DO? Repeat herself til she is blue?CALL MY BOSS
IN LONDON? HE WON'T CARE. I ALREADY WROTE HIM SHE IS
CRAZY. HE'LL
UNDERSTAND.
MYSPACE GIRL CALLED IN SICK TWICE IN A ROW, SHE HAS NEVER
HAD A SOLID WEEK SINCE WORKING HERE. IN THE KITCHEN THERE
WERE
DUNKIN DONUTS MIDGETS FOR EVERYONE TO EAT. THE OTHER
LAWYER IS ON A CRUISE. ON THE WALL I SAW A LAW MAGAZINE
WITH "TOP LAWYERS" EDITION, FRAMED AND I GUESS TWO OF
THE LAWYERS THAT WORK
HERE ARE IN THERE.
TODAY I HAD AN APRICOT, 8 OJ'S AND APPLE JUICE. THIS MORNING I WEIGHED IN AT 114LBS. I AM GOING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.
I HAVE NOT FELT THAT PRETTY WHEN I AM SO ANGRY AT WORK
ALOT. NO MORE ANGER. NO MORE. I WANT TO BE IN A BIKINI,
NOT MY OLD
LADY BATHING SUIT YOU SAW ME IN COSTA RICA. I WANT A BIKINI
TONIGHT.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SPECIAL LAST NIGHT. I READ AND THEN
WHEN
TIRED FELL ASLEEP, AROUND 8-9 PM. I WOKE UP AUTMOTICALLY
AT 5 AND SNOOZED , not really sleeping but staring at wall,
UNTIL 6 AM, THEN I GOT UP AND JUICED A BAG OF ORGANIC APPLES
WITH GINGER. CLEANED UP MY MESS, WENT ONLINE.
I FEEL I NEED TO CLEAN MY APARTMENT, NO MORE MESSES FORME,
I JUST NEED TO MAKE TIME AND FIX THINGS BECAUSE THEN I FELL
BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. HAVING A MAID WAS DESTRUCTIVE FOR ME,
MAKES ME DEPENDANT AND STUCK IN A WORLD WHERE I PRETTY
MUCH AM
HELPLESS. I
WANT TO BE A CLEAN PERSON, MYSELF. I DO NOT MIND MESSES
BUT I HATE DIRT.
I DRANK SOME CHAMOMILE TEA PLAIN. MY CONTACTS WERE DRYING
OUT SO I NEEDED TO HYDRATE MYSELF, IT WORKS! BUT THE ONLY
DRINKING WATER IS THE HOT BOILING WATER. I DRANK TAP WATER
THE OTHER DAY, NOT GOOD, AT ALL. bad.
What is my goal for this weekend, well, if any personal questions come up, I will answer them in a way that is like ignoring it. I am always moody when I talk about things. I just want to be happy, like Marilyn Monroe, forever happy and joyous and innocent. There are large birds flyingout my window at work, it was so cool. They circle the building.
I am going to stop being superstitious about food. I am a little orthorexic, at times.
I feel if I was in a bad mood, it was what I ate, almost always, actually
always, when something bad happens I can link it to a little cooked food or caffeine, salty food, or vinegar in a dish.
It is like the outside world changes based on what is inside me.
How silly is that? But it is very real. I think I may be a little superstitious. I am going sto stop. I have a fear of growing old and I think that is food related as well. I am mortal, I need to chill. Its to a point I need to think about other things.
I started a new novel. I like this one. what is an ideal world? Not this one where everyone wants any good one has, because they can't do it themselves, but an ideal world where souls are free and (unpejoratively)selfish? Many mutlifarious skills, imagine what is possible? We are bigger than
we think and in a second it could all be gone. What a trip.
From Internet
Religion undermines every essential precondition of self-esteem: metaphysically, it declares that man is evil by nature; epistemologically, it regards faith as superior to reason; ethically, it advocates the "virtues" of obedience, altruistic duty and humility; and politically and economically, it declares money-making to be sinful and demands some form of statism.
Indeed, religion attacks the quest for self-esteem by denouncing its primary cause: pride. Pride is not a sin but a virtue, the virtue of moral ambitiousness, and it is attained by constant adherence to reason in the pursuit of moral perfection—a state which religion makes impossible.
/
I am so happy to go out tonight. I a really grateful that I can. I am so happy, I am . There is this world out there for me. I am going to play pool on south beach and then he is teaching me to play poker so we can go to Hard Rock and play.
RL is taking me out, so I made him spicy scallops and whole wheat pasta. My place smells like garlic. I love making him stuff and he loves eating. It's an exchange, also I got tickets to sneak preview a movie he likes called "There will be blood..."
My goal for life is to livelife heroically. I am a superhero. I overcome many monsters and I always pick right. always, because what I get out of that is perfection. HAPPINESS>JOY. Real joy, knowing nothing is in my way or can stop me.
I am eating watermelon. I packed some asian pears. I wil probably eat guacamole made to order tonight.
Another goal, is I do not wnt him to find this diary ever, and I have to watch my step. I have to be extra careful, you see, I feel it is wrong to have this journal, but I love writing so much. I do. I want to be myserious, and I do not want him to know all my thoughts, I want to be, very ..I don;t know plus I want integrity. Alot of times I am back and forth but I m working on it. I want him to just see the best me I can be, not the me in here sometimes. I need to alway write for the best side of meto be shown.
Thank you so much for everything, I am so happy I am so wonderful. I just look in the mirror and I see a young happy world. Everything fits like a puzzle. My life is so exciting. There is so much work to be done, I want to write more of my new novel, its great. I really want my lfe to be one where it would be, if everything was done perfectly. How would it look if I always did eveything perfectly.
29th
29th/ 
I had so much fun with Roark Lawyer. His new office is in the MACLEE building on South Beach. It is a very visible building, everyone knows where that is because when you get off to get to Sobe it's one of the first buildings. He is getting $10,000 check Monday and taking out $250,000 loan. I want to do things like that.
He is so nice. He asked me, seriously if my lips are real. 
''
Is that funny? He said they are so nice, people want lips like yours. I used to hate my lips, people in grade school, used to tell me they stick out.
He took me around and showed me lots of cool stuff. I am happy, he is awesome and great to me.
We were outside the Flamingo, 
behind us the Waverly,
when I rembered this guy.
Remember him, Jewish lawyer, GWU, Politics major, convertible? we dated, few times, Biltmore Hotel bar, Nexxt Cafe, he took me to see LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA movie, we had our moments, of course, though, platonic and very respectful...unfortunately he was emotionally unavailable and looking for something casual on his terms. He never said it, but I deducted it from my own mind. Not what I was looking for, but running away from. too bad, nothing you can do, men can't be changed, they are good or evil for me and I must decide. He not good. I blew him off last date he asked me out on. Terribly cute, but I have dreams for everything.
I thought of him, and said, this is where he lives, to myself. A little painful subject, RL is talking on the phone to a client, and guess who walks by with a dog! He does, and his mouth moved, so softly, he said, Hi and my name. I saw it clearly, him with his blonde hair, beautiful eyes, and big dog. I remember it still. His eyes glued to mine in fear. Passing by so quick. He then looked back at me. That pic I have of him is nothing, he looks so much better. I sensed fear and pain. I saw him as a cold man. His eyes were cold, hurt. Terribly self confident and proud.. I felt bad, but he really missed out. I looked so beautiful, like a vision. I turned and grabbed RL's hand. He saw us together and BOOM, it happened, I felt peace. I felt on top of the world. I deserve it too. I am so glad it ended like that. Perfect. Why, because he was a string hanging, and I am glad he got to see me happy with a good man I deserve. I thought of him often, and I am glad it is a closed deal. Done, and I was with another Jewish lawyer younger and hotter! I really, really like Jewish Lawyers. I do not know what it is, they are just so talented and driven to the best. I learn so much. that is what I want, the best, in me.
We hung out in the Flamingo, 
Where all the famous partying of South Beach is.
RL was so awesome to me, he is so great. He showed me many famous buildings.
This is the Fontana
Uber cool ones. Look at this thing in the backyad, next to a pool that defies gravity. We saw hot guys playing frisbee.
We stared at boats
We walked in all the shops, tried on bikinis, none my size, only fat women have breasts as large as me.
He talked about his new business, and I learn so much. We talked, he is all for Barack Obama. Yeah, the guy who wants to make thought crime a reality! I tried to talk him out of it and we talked politics for a good hour. He believes in free health care , what that devil Hillary wants. Like everyother socialist country. I told him Paris was the center of the Universe before the revolution, before the people took over and look what happened since, France is nobody now. Just the past.
Look Religious stuff next to black baby art.
I love this, nice huh? Architecture here is way cool.
I signed up to vote for Ron Paul as Republican. 
This guy and I talked so long about Ron Paul. I love Ron Paul. Sincerely think he is one of the best guys for the job. In the world.
I told RL my fave president was Ronald Reagan. His is Thomas Jefferson, I think he said.
This is out his bedroom porch this view 
That is downtown, where I work. I work in the Mellon building.
I watched him eat two slices of pizza, yuk! 
To eat so far, nothing but watermelon. I had a little iced frappuccino with raspberry. I had to , I really did.. I need to look normal. I did not drink much. I just did, and I felt weak after I crashed. I stilll have to tell him I am fruitarian. I am so scared. He wants me to make him Jambalaya. I said I would.
/
Like any other value, love is not a static quantity to be divided, but an unlimited response to be earned. The love for one friend is not a threat to the love for another, and neither is the love for the various members of one's family, assuming they have earned it. The most exclusive form —romantic love—is not an issue of competition. If two men are in love with the same woman, what she feels for either of them is not determined by what she feels for the other and is not taken away from him. If she chooses one of them, the "loser" could not have had what the "winner"
has earned.
It is only among the irrational, emotion-motivated persons, whose love is divorced from any standards of value, that chance rivalries, accidental conflicts and blind choices prevail. But then, whoever wins does not win much. Among the emotion-driven, neither love nor any other emotion has any meaning.
"The 'Conflicts' of Men's Interests,"
The Virtue of Selfishness, 55.
To love is to value. The man who tells you that it is
possible to value without values, to love those whom you appraise as worthless, is the man who tells you that it is possible to grow rich by consuming without producing and that paper money is as valuable as gold … When it
comes to love, the highest of emotions, you permit
them to shriek at you accusingly that you are a moral delinquent if you're incapable of feeling causeless love. When a man feels fear without reason, you call him to the attention of a psychiatrist; you are not so careful to
protect the meaning, the nature and the dignity of love.
Love is the expression of one's values, the greatest
reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another. Your morality demands that you divorce your love from values and hand it down to any vagrant, not as response to his worth, but as response to his need, not as reward, but as alms, not as a payment for virtues, but as a blank check on vices. Your morality tells you that the purpose of love is to set you free of the bonds of morality, that love is superior to moral judgment, that true love transcends, forgives and survives every manner of
evil in its object, and the greater the love the greater the depravity it permits to the loved. To love a man for his virtues is paltry and human, it tells you; to love him for his flaws is divine. To love those who are worthy of it is self-interest; to love the unworthy is sacrifice. You owe your love to those who don't deserve it, and the less they deserve it, the more love you owe them—the more loathsome the object, the nobler your love—the more unfastidious your love, the greater your virtue—and if you can bring your soul to the state of a dump heap that welcomes anything on equal terms, if you can cease to value moral values, you have achieved the state of moral perfection.
Galt's Speech, For the New Intellectual, 147.
One gains a profoundly personal, selfish joy from
the mere existence of the person one loves. It is
one's own
personal, selfish happiness that one seeks, earns and derives from love.
A "selfless," "disinterested" love is a contradiction in terms: it means that one is indifferent to that which one values.
Concern for the welfare of those one loves is a
rational part of one's selfish interests. If a man who is passionately in love with his wife spends a fortune to cure her of a dangerous illness, it would be absurd to claim that
he does it as a "sacrifice" for her sake, not his own, and that it makes no difference to him, personally and
selfishly, whether she lives or dies.
"The Ethics of Emergencies," The Virtue of Selfishness
Sex is a physical capacity, but its exercise is determined by man's mind—by his choice of values, held consciously or subconsciously. To a rational man, sex is an expression of self-esteem—a celebration of himself and of existence. To the man who lacks self-esteem, sex is an attempt to fake it, to acquire its momentary illusion.
Romantic love, in the full sense of the term, is an emotion possible only to the man (or woman) of unbreached self-esteem: it is his response to his own highest values in the person of another—an integrated response of mind and body, of love and sexual desire. Such a man (or woman) is incapable of experiencing a sexual desire divorced from spiritual values.
"Of Living Death," The Objectivist, Oct. 1968, 2.
Just as an idea unexpressed in physical action is contemptible hypocrisy, so is platonic love—and just as physical action unguided by an idea is a fool's self-fraud, so is sex when cut off from one's code of values … Only the man who extols the purity of a love devoid of desire, is capable of the depravity of a desire devoid of love.
"The Meaning of Sex," For the New Intellectual, 100.
The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can't be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man's sense of his own value …
The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one's mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he's taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem … Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.
"The Meaning of Sex," For the New Intellectual, 99.
The doctrine that man's sexual capacity belongs to a lower or animal part of his nature … is the necessary consequence of the doctrine that man is not an integrated entity, but a being torn apart by two opposite, antagonistic, irreconcilable elements: his body, which is of this earth, and his soul, which is of another, supernatural realm. According to that doctrine, man's sexual capacity—regardless of how it is exercised or motivated, not merely its abuses, not unfastidious indulgence or promiscuity, but the capacity as such—is sinful or depraved.
"Of Living Death," The Objectivist, Oct. 1968, 1.
Sex is one of the most important aspects of man's life and, therefore, must never be approached lightly or casually. A sexual relationship is proper only on the ground of the highest values one can find in a human being. Sex must not be anything other than a response to values. And that is why I consider promiscuity immoral. Not because sex is evil, but because sex is too good and too important …
[Sex should] involve … a very serious relationship. Whether that relationship should or should not become a marriage is a question which depends on the circumstances and the context of the two persons' lives. I consider marriage a very important institution, but it is important when and if two people have found the person with whom they wish to spend the rest of their lives—a question of which no man or woman can be automatically certain. When one is certain that one's choice is final, then marriage is, of course, a desirable state. But this does not mean that any relationship based on less than total certainty is improper. I think the question of an affair or a marriage depends on the knowledge and the position of the two persons involved and should be left up to them. Either is moral, provided only that both parties take the relationship seriously and that it is based on values.
"Playboy's Interview with Ayn Rand," March 1964.
//
I am getting picked up again tonight by RL's friends, other lawyers, he knows a ton. The one whose girlfriend got out of the car to shake my hand, the one who told him if he doesn't treat me nice, he is fired. Anyways, Its strange for me to be social. Its been so long, for me. I think it is nice, I do deserve it, I have been very good and make all the right choices
12/30
I tried new makeup where I shadowed with eyeshadow brush, my eye socket creases, looks 60's ish
He likes this photo so much he is getting it blown up for his room. I told you he likes me. I like him too and as long as I do the right thing, I am ok and happy. It's up to me, and a choice. I need to choose it, never just go along, with the flow but plan everyday and evening. Make goals and make plans, how is tonight going to work? What do I do, if this comes up, plan what I want for sure to happen or not.
Look I played with a cat all night. He loves his cat to pieces and it is touching. I like how he stands up for his cat. Long story. I told him this morning, his relationship with his cat is imaginary and all in his head, created by him, the cat has no idea who he is. He said, he knows who I am, I said, PROVE IT, and he couldn't The cat did not respond to voice nor touch. In fact the cat spent the night staring at its own shadow on the wall. Cat's have no brains.
He said cat whiskers are for balance, I laughed, since when do people use their mustaches for balance, or to gauge whether they can fit in holes? That is all man made up. We will never know the unknowable. Things just are.
and a neighbors puppy. This columbian girl who was really pretty and blonde, her doggy. She carried her in a little designer dog bag. 
I hung out with RL's bibulous friends, they watched sports and had a good time. Girls taking photos, puppies and cats. It was ok. I do not drink beer.
We saw the movie, at midnight,
"THERE WILL BE BLOOD",
a capitalist masterpiece, except for the murder, the main character is my hero, he is like Hank Reardon of Atlas Shrugged, but rough. It's about a guy who stops at nothing to be successful at oil drilling. Everybody wants a piece of him, including this religious, False Prophet. Best film I ever saw. True industrialist, true hero. Qualities I hold myself, except for killing.
Best movie I ever saw in my entire life. All the qualities I hold sacred in the ideal man is in the main character. Real man, reality oriented and brilliant. Except for the murder. Murder is a crime, and wrong. The people who got murdered deserved it, but murder is a crime. I disagree that he lied so much to fit in, but I admired his integrity that he held on and lived by his idea of success no matter what, even manipulation. Even his family wanted a piece of him, even *spoiler*. It's true, if you got something good, you have to protect it.
110lbs this morning. Watermelon and grapes in my house, alot of bananas.
I repeat THERE WILL BE BLOOD, IS the best movie I have seen since the first time I saw Pulp Fiction in the theatres. It is BETTER. recommend, no I command my readers to see and learn what a real man is. Except for killing, everything else is awesome.
By the way, in this scene they cut up his speech, it is so out of context, it makes no sense, It's about drive, will
and capitalism. The reviews says it is about greed , but I don't agree. This trailer is the least giving away, please don't ruin it by reading reviews, be surprised! He is not an evil man, like this speech here gives, its all cut up from different conversations, and you agree with him when you know the context.. I promise he is a REAL HERO.