I also went to a farmer's market by my place in front of

City Hall in Coral Gables. Nice. I like being raw vegan

 although I am mostly fruitarian

again. So much to do and look at.

Lots of flowers

I met the owners of Paradise Farms



in Homestead, raw

vegan friendly. I mentioned I met one of their workers at

the Thanksgiving Earthsave potluck and I started talking

to them.

They had canistel, mameys, sapodillas, and football

papayas.





I got 12 oz Microgreens

and Papaya flowers,

large Florida avocado, two heirloom tomatoes and some

bok choy,

all for 20 bucks. That is cheap to me, but to normal people that would be expensive. I forget people can live on $5 dollars a day, $1 dollar burgers etc..



Orange tomatoes


Real food

all these are FRUIT, anything with seeds

I saw lots of babies and children.




Edible papaya flowers, they also sold rose petals.
Doesn't' t it look great?

At the bookstore later, I ate my micro greens with the

tomatoes and a dressing made from blended: half

avocado, lemon juiced, ginger, water and a date.
 

My

friend ordered a vegetarian "chicken" sandwich because

of my influence and says that she lost 7 lbs so far.

/

Yesterday I went to a raw foodist's place, Who emailed me

out of the blue, a month ago. I had a moment of weakness.

Lives in SAIL, this condo tower in Brickell, a block away

from my old office. I talked politics til 2 am, getting so

passionate over it.I like the right ideas in everything. I

cannot help it. It's me. It's not up to me to change minds.

Just keep mine right.

 I admitted, came clean that lately, I drank frapuccinos

and ate restaurant salad dressing on my salads, a few

times ( never again)  and my friend admitted to eating a

raw ostrich egg, and raw farm eggs more than once. EEw


Look Noni fruit, it was stinky


I love the view, I used to work around the corner. Downtown Miami is all white and light green, mirrors and pastels.

 Anyways I got served Raw Pepper Boats


while I lay on the

couch with a blanket watching TV.

And I ate mamey
 
and I watched Mean Girls movie. It was

nice to be there and I had fun.

Why do people glorify atrocities and prostitution? I was

looking at photography books and just disgusted.

I like this quote by Rich Dawkins: "...because nobody, as

far as I know, worships teapots. But if pressed, we would

not hesitate to declare our strong belief that there is

positively no orbiting teapot. Yet strictly we should all be

teapot agnostics. We cannot prove for sure, there is no

celestial teapot. In practice, we move away from teapot

agnosticism towards a- teapotism."

What is a supreme human? Perfect man, he is possible

and somewhere. Definitely a business man.

What is a perfectly right person?

If perfection is possible, which it is, what would that look

like?

I should always do what I want to do when I know it is for

the best.

What is it that I want to do,?

How does that benefit me?

What is the effect?

What does it fix?

Am I going to be mediocre and make some good choices

sometimes and bad ones other times? Always nowhere?

I read a book, or paged through it, about how alot of

Americans are eating non foods. I think it was called IN

DEFENSE OF FOOD, by the same guy who wrote an

OMNIVORE'S DILEMMA. We are not omnivores, by the

way, we not not have fangs like bears and dogs, thank you,

we are frugivores, like monkeys. Any animal can become what is was not designed for, that doesn't mean a cow that eats fish in sea voyages is now biologically a carnivore.

The fast food non-foods have things in them that say they

are FDA approved food and also that they have labels

warning for your health risks. Microwaves, and packaged

meals, just add water and no longer eating meals, and

eating when and wherever while watching tv. Not me.




I finished last night by watching one of the first French Talkies, it was so nice, I felt like the 30's are no different than now. It sure was dirty in France and people slept on metal spring beds and they dressed like this


I was dressed like this


I am everything so why do I choose shitty, when I learn

and know what I want, what is good, what is evil? Why

does the evil later on when I want it, look good? I make it

look good, when I know it isn't;t. I tell myself it is, and I

always know while making mistakes, this is wrong, this is

not me, and then I choose not to see. Then later I wonder

why life is so mysterious when it isn't Cause and effect!

I hide lots of mistake, especially from my public diary, I do

not want to look at what I did or who I hung out with, or

my weaknesses and moments of weaknesses. I used to

write down all my mistakes and I was disgusted with

myself and I am sure my readers were too. I want to be

honest. Being honest with others magnifies what I try so

hard to blank out to myself. I can bullshit myself, but not

others.

The thing is, when choosing right all the time, there is

nothing to hide and everything to be proud of and
honest about. Like Muhammad Ali I can scream and

know that I am the greatest because I made myself. And I

know.

That is this purpose of this blog, to better me, to the best

to be the best. And not to be the best because I ain't, but

because I want to be a hero to myself. Because I ain't.

So what happens when I am the hero to myself, is it short

lived glory? Am I all of a sudden invincible, and every bad

decision looks good, because I FEEL good? So it feels ok

to make the wrong ones again? No, decisions need to be

maintained consistently, regardless of how good I feel, if I

KNOW something is wrong it is wrong. Not feel.

The purpose of this blog is not to hide and lie, and fool

everyone.
It is for me, to be the best I can be, to be perfect based on

what is right and wrong. I decide this, in details, but there

is always for sure right and wrong, and I know living for

me is right, and serving others in any way, no matter how

small is destructive. Also who benefits me versus who

doesn't, but leech and steal. And catching myself if I am

leeching or stealing. But for others to steal from me, I

have to be giving away also.. I need to remind myself of

my purpose and just BE clean in all my decision making,

to hold true to my central idea which is beauty, what for?

It makes me happy to be beautiful.. and also work, my

blog and my writings. Work, at work I need to do it and no

emails or surfing all day..a perfect relationship, I want

too, handled the perfect way. I came close to one, very

close but made mistakes and knew them along the way as

I made them, is that funny or what? I actually chose to

fail.

People are walking ideas, I like that idea, what idea would

I be ? Guilt and hiding info? No, wrong, that is not who

the best me is,  I want to be confident and know for sure

who I am, and who I will be is this amazing force nothing

can touch. I can only do this by not straying from me. I

can accomplish things the right way and get money the

right way and have love the right way and have success at

work, without politics.

To eat
Watermelon juice and spooned out
papaya, date, hemp butter smoothies, 2
I sprouted some sprouts, for 2 days and made a salad 

along with baby bok choy and some chopped kiwi. All

organic. The dressing : other half of avocado, lemon half

juiced, date, garlic and a little water blended.

I am going to make smoothies and soups at work, we have

a blender in the kitchen.  People at work had a birthday party

the other day and they ordered these black dried out rice,

I think it is cooked in black beans, yuk!!! And when it gets

cold it is hard. EWWW.. They had a big cake supermarket

trash cake. Not even real food but it comes with eat at

your own risk labels. EEW>

This guy I made friends with, works in the other law firm

asked me out to lunch twice, paid for it one time. My

mistake was that I said yes. Why would I and why did I?

He is almost married to a lawyer and loves his fiancee.

Why would he want to eat with me? Why would I want to

eat with him? These are mistakes I need to admit or either

hide. I make them. All we did was talk about his coming

marriage, and I felt so bored.  I felt like a real hardcore

prude.

Then I realized why, I am thirsty for human sexual

connection! Well, not physically but I mean, man to

woman, but not just any man, an alpha male. I work and

its lonely and then I go home alone. But it doesn't have to

be that way, I can have a connection with anyone, like I

did last night at the bookstore. I opened myself up and

was so different, I glowed. When people came up to me

last night I spoke with them, rather then hide and be

rude. I can seduce people and I can feel popular.
its fun for both of us. Girls hit on me and I can be

responsive, doesn't mean I am tying myself to them. I

want to be open , honest and liberated.

Its a big NO, to me, to eat lunch with that guy, I mean,

both times I could tell he was nervous about leaving and

going from the building with me. That is a definite sign

that he feels it is wrong. I felt that way too. I guess I do

care abut my reputation.

All we did was talk about his marriage and he is trying to

hook me up with his friend, a club guy on south beach.

Biggest screaming NOO. EVER. lol. He invite me ( and

friends) to Versace mansion and Delano on sold out

nights any time I want. To do what? Not to hang out with

him I hope..

We ate lunch at Sushi Maki and then at Salad works. His

friend and him , both beautiful men staring at me asking

me questions, and me Cold and icy. Friend gave me his

number. Next lunch it was me and work guy alone. Totally

wrong for me. I look at them and know I am better than

them, based on my value codes. I see ignorance and

stupidity so blatantly, in things they say and believe, but

feel it is not their fault.

I know now that it is only human connection I lack and I

can have that with anyone, I can be sexual with anyone

anywhere without ever having sex.
If that is what I feel I need.

Wow, I must be a second hander, I do not want to be. But

I want to be beautiful, to myself, with others as a

backdrop. Oh that sounds terrible. I want an outlet for my

beauty and sexuality. How is that? Selfish enough? good!
The only consequences I want is mutual clean beautiful

fun. With everyone. Well, losers excluded of course. But to

be a loser you have to know it, you know these things

inside. You may try to blank out an pretend, evade and

erase, but you know if you are a winner and when.

I am so excited about making the right choices. I have

huge obstacles to overcome. Fear, fear fear, fear of

ugliness fear of death, fear fear fear. I never want to be

scared of anything. I should embrace my own inner

ugliness, actually, no, bad idea!!!!

I no longer want to be a second hander person, I want to

depend on my mind, to survive, to totally depend on my

thoughts, on my mind, and myself.

Nate Branden wrote about it here,
"A man of self esteem ( what I want to be) and sovereign

consciousness deals with reality, with nature, with an

objective universe of facts, he holds his mind as his tool of

survival and develops his ability to think.

But the man who has abandoned his mind, not in a

universe of facts ( I do not understand this part, universe

of facts? What is that?)  but in a UNIVERSE OF PEOPLE.

People, not facts, are his reality.
People, not reason, ARE his tool of survival. It is with

THEM that he has to deal ( this sounds so much how I

used to be, I am so horrified)  It is with THEM that his

consciousness must focus, it is they whom he must

understand or please or placate or deceive or manipulate

or obey...
..people occupy the place, which to the mind of a rational

man, is occupied by reality.."

What is the underlying source of this behavior? I wonder.
I do no want to be a cancer of the spirit or a parasite on

others!!!

/

The REASON I want so bad to be feel good, has to be

because, " I don't". I look pretty far for ways to make me

happy without thinking it is backwards. Happiness is an

effect, not a cause. There is no cure, unhappiness is WELL

DESERVED.

Meaning, the reason I am unhappy, is because I made a

bad choice previously. I blank these things out, so I have

to think. Yes, I can always link a bad feeling to a bad

choice or a mistake in thinking. I either betrayed myself,

went back on a resolution, went against a principle, sold

out for something I reason is only normal, when it isn't, it

was wrong. Also choosing things that are "beneath me"

volitionally. Dumbing down, fitting in, hiding and

slacking off, cheating, gossiping, promiscuity- spiritual

and physically, eating bad foods, being lazy, choosing lazy

and being a second hander.

The cure for unhappiness is to make no mistakes , choose

right always and stick to principles when hard and noone

is looking. Morals are necessary to follow to be happy.

Heroism , that is why it is so desired and so special,

sought after, loved, worshiped , because it is nearly

impossible for the average man to be. I want to be heroic.

I do not think I like Hemp butter. Leaves a bitter taste in

my throat.

What is right to me, in this lifetime, is me, I am not born

right, but I want to feel it, deserve it, and feel it. I know it

is possible. How can I spend a lifetime in dead state? That

is not living. Living with guilt is worshiping death.

 I have to earn this feeling of

being RIGHT. I know in my mind what is right, I just need

to do it, all the time, always. There can be no excuses
I want to really live, to be the greatest force.

I want it to be natural to do the right thing. I think too

many of my decisions, to do the wrong thing are

influenced by other people. Things like diet, being fake

when I don't like people, etc, cheating on things I have set

out for myself as far as money and what to spend it on, or

what to buy or what not.

I know I say I am going to stop eating salt alot, thing is, I

have to DO that. Doing is putting into action what I know

will benefit me, and make me taste the flavor of food and

turn off my hunger dial which salt makes go crazy.



Monday January 21

Last night I was so hungry, I had no food in my house, except boxes of cold medjool dates and some sesame seeds in the cupboard and just stuff, supermarkets closed and then I decided I was going to make sesame seed milk.  I used the vitamix and where it said 1/3 cup on the side, I put the unhulled sesame seeds, and then I put water until it read 1 1/3 c and then added two medjool dates and a drop of vanilla and blended real good. I squeezed it in a nut mylk bag and it made about a cup. It was so sweet and creamy,

it was so good, and guess what? It made me full! I was starving and had no food. Two hours later I was craving it, made it again, yummy. Went to bed full.

Some of my sprouts, that is a blue metal frog with pennies in it.

This morning I had Orange juice, I told them at Jamba Juice, how stupid it was they only have two juices not including grass juice. And they are called jamba JUICE. They should have alot more juices like cucumber, apple, etc..some lady said beets..so I am planning to go on line and tell them. I think you all should. Don't get me wrong, they are a great business, it's just I WANT them to have this stuff so I can BUY it.  WWW.Jamba.com.

I got my Peta membership card in the mail. For all the money I gave them, and crazy things I have done for them, I should get a real card, not a paper cut out card thing. It's so flimsy. The Humane Society they send me tote bags, stickers and calendars. I am not going to give any more money to them period. All their mail is junk mail, asking for more money. I am not a slave. To them, animals
 (who don't even know what Peta is) are more valuable
 than me.
 
Animals are higher up than man, why? I don't know,
maybe because they hate being human.

But animals are too cute. As pets and to look at. Is eating meat.. the same thing as slaughtering a cow yourself by shooting it, cutting it throat, and watching it's babies cry?
  You are an accomplice, kind of. So Yes. Meat is murder and if you like that stuff fine, but don't say you love animals and eat meat. It's wrong to ME.

but do what you like...if we were living in a cave or in a poor country meat would keep us alive, but not here not now. I can be higher and more refined. I have choices, to me meat is just the dark ages. It is famine food only. Just like you would be to me if we were stuck in the alps and you died. But does that mean that killing people for food is beneficial just cause we can? It's just a choice. Not a demand. Meat makes you fat, it is not cheap it's like 99 dollars a pound, the government actually pays for it in subsidies..so it's a few dollars for us in the store, but we really do pay for the whole thing, in our taxes they take out, at our jobs, we pay for atrocities, all of us..we are all accomplices and we do not even know it, killing for survival. Killing for an early death by heart attack. How about a meat ice cream? MMM salty heart..now they will clone cows and thank your imaginary god for that, right? Is that more humane, no, they are still individuals. But at least we are able to that. Why not clone Pharaohs from their mummies, that would be WAY better!!!

I really do not want to complain, because them I am like everybody else, no better than the greenies. I am going to make a decision and effort to inspire,. inspire myself, who wants to disgust themselves and why do I do it?

Someone said we are like Bacteria infesting Earth. Well..I like to think we are capable of being beautiful moral angels.

I should go jogging tonight, I SHOULD=..Is should the same as is,or AM and why not?



January 22

I went jogging and I thought alot.
About being true to myself and working and working for me, etc..

Last night I had a ton of these ants on a log but with dates,

hemp butter and celery. Organic celery, it was so good, the

first time in 2 years I had celery. It was so juicy and watery

and just good. I had about the entire celery.

I also had sesame mylks. That makes me full for a long

time, just a half cup or so. I tried it with hulled unorganic

seeds and it was not as tasty. Still good, but not as good as the first, other

kind. But that ran out.

I saw photos of Amy Winehouse smoking crack on

Perezhilton.com. Snorting ecstasy and coke too. Wow. Look where she is and look where I am. Two windows.
Crack is really dangerous. It makes you a walking ghost.

I have a sprout salad I made too with sprouted lentils and

a sauce, the same kind I had Saturday.

The secret is in the sauce, cuz its bitter. Avos, lemon, hot stuff, dates, garlic, lemon juice whatever.. 

I say 1 day old lentil sprouts are better than 2, I was snacking on them while in sprouter. Not my favorite thing, but I had seeds so I sprouted them to see what would happen.



I mostly had OJ all day. I did not take a lunch break. My boss was teaching me all this stuff. I want to love work and just do everything and never complain. Ever. When I complain its a sure sign I am slacking off and feel overwhelmed cause I am lazy and sleepy.

I am making raw Butternut squash soup for later. It had 2

cups of squash vitamixed with 2 dates, lemon juice, 1/2 or

whole, and spices.


I miss all fruit already. Too late. Butternut squash is a fruit.

I know everything, I do. I know it. I want to now say I

KNOW rather than I FEEL. From now on. I do not want

to lank out what I know or evade and reject what my mind

tells me in any endeavor. Especially love.

I like being alone, I am independent. I just want to be true

and loyal to my values (number one is ME).

Today at work my boss ( I know Quick books) showed me

how to process his checks, there is a trust account and an

operating account. I have to painstakingly rite out, make

out tapes, record and print the checks. Each deposit is like

50-80 thousand dollars to us I have to make sure the right

stamp is on the back of checks and I have to write deposit

slips and go by a book with the clients names and make

sure it is perfect and all recorded properly neatly, with

pencil. I did this today for first time.Piece of cake..

Plus I am doing complaints and demands, about 10 a day and just little things that take up so much time. I had to write all my bosses contacts in his new email. 3 pages. To entertain myself, I looked up all the websites where the mails came from, and saw where all his friends, family and important clients, other lawyers all worked. I tried to read his email but he deletes regularly.

I realized something very important, today. Let's say I

want to get ahead, succeed and get a raise. I have always

done that by getting a new job, easiest way to get a pay

raise, is to quit and find another job.

But no, that is not good, I mean HOW DO I GET RAISES

BY MY WORK ALONE, AND NOT PULL? Can I imagine

that, it would have to be me being a certain way.
I thought that it would have to be because I love work,

meaning, I do not ever ever ever feel overwhelmed or

show it, anything the boss gives me to work on, even on

his crappy mood days, I say OK, happily, no matter what

my mood is. Never saying it is too much. Usually when its

too much I feel, its cause I am not working hard enough

and when that happens I fall asleep. Accepting all work

and doing all work and just being happy. Loving my job,

and getting along with everyone. I do get along with

everyone. Now.

My two enemies are vanquished, long gone, I am not new

girl anymore.

I want to narrow my life down to what benefits me and

what I look up to. I know what I know I need to PAY for it.

Meaning if I want greatness I have to pay for it by being

loyal to my values. Everything is bought. God says take

whatever you want... and pay for it, ever hear that? (No I

do not believe in god or celestial teapots.)

I like myself when I know I can do something really hard

to me.
I am writing this journal to me, and at the same time I am

reading it, I want to be in spired by me. I want to give me,

things. ALL that I thought was impossible.

Yet is that what I really want, what is it that I yearn for,

that would reward me, that would be a reward for the

hardest thing I could ever do?

A nice place to live, a good relationship with someone  I

earn who is the highest value inside me. New boobs. I just

want them. But not by doing bad but by doing good.

Maybe they are aleady too big, I can't see it.

I do notice I hide my beauty alot. I dress down.I want to earn dressing nice and feeling my best, knowing I have chosen to do the right thing and my body will be an extension of how I treat it.

 I want to pay the price of happiness. I have to pay my way. a place where

I have felt skinnier today. I weighed in at 114. Hardly skinny for me. I was never too skinny except when I fasted and then when I look back of photos of me, it looked like my ideal weight, in those photos I look the best I ever did. Killer body. Who doesn't want to be skinny? Too skinny for me would be 100lbs. My ideal is 110.

Sometimes my boss gets in cranky moods where he follows me around and lectures me and gets so worked up. He looks at a pile at his desk and tells me, " You are going to learn how to do all of this, all of this, I can't be bothered with it" and I never can let myself be overwhelmed, I have to , I have to let it go and just be cool with whatever avalanche hits me. DO NOT FIGHT AGAINST THE AVALANCHES AT WORK. The only times I feel really rotten , is when I do, I do not want any stress transferred to me.



from

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog
/2008/01/14/review-of-the-fount
ainhead-and-atlas-shrugged/

Money is Good

All other things being equal, the person who makes
more money contributes more value. If you accept
 the basic
idea that money is a medium of exchanging value,
 then the person who earns $400,000 in a year
should create about ten times the value that a
 person earning $40,000 per year. This is Economics
 101, but so often you hear about
greedy rich people hurting the world instead of being
 the
maximum contributors.

Life is Solitary

I don’t mean solitude in the traditional sense. Simply
that your life can’t be lived by another person. Your thoughts, your values and your principles need to
 be the central
force. You can’t pass over responsibility for living
to your family, friends or the latest guru telling
you what to do.


Look I  ordered this, at Oliver's. Look how pretty they put the squash pieces on the bottom of the plate, I think it was zucchini too.