I used the burn tool to darken my eyebrows and lashes and blurred out
 my skin to make it look smooth. I love photoshop.



Men are men and women are women. We are not the same.


The weather was nice today, very very hot at noon.

I downloaded the Jordan workout and she shakes her boobs alot
and leans forward when stretching. Her voice soothes me. At the
end of her workout a guy shows us how to make green smoothies
 and even  green energy soup and juice and she is blabbing away
with her fake curly hair half wig. She is so great, with her blue eyes,
 long eyelashes and that british accent. She talks about how this
workout got her in shape after her last baby and she looks so
good and skinny. I want to curl up next to her.




I found this photo of me in London. I miss it so much.



Those on the table are oranges with the leaves still on them and all these raw nuts
with nutcracker they put out for me at hotel.

I dont wear enough makeup. I can tell in my photos.
The natural looks good but not in photos.

My friend came over and put on my nightgown and played on my computer all
night.
She wore this army suit. With a little hat and little tie tie. I lay on the
 couch and tried to sleep. I stole her a muffin and a bagel from work.
 She ate it all. Asked me if I want some. She should know by now but really doesnt.




from St Pattys



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10th

This morning I woke up in my beautiful apartment on the couch with lilies
 on my table and classical music playing. My place is so clean and I have
such great things to look at, things made of wood and glass. I didnt want
to get out of bed so I snoozed twice. I showered and blew dry and curled my hair.

Days go by so fast, like that. just so fast. Same day, then I wait all day to
 lie back in bed. I want more.

I have so much power. I do. I can crush anything with ideas.

Breakfast was watermelon juice and now at my desk I am drinking alittle
cacao drink. Hard to stop. It makes me work so good and fast. I type out things.


I may get another job preparing briefs. Definite pay raise. Nothing set ,
 I need to come up with a good resume. I have a lot of work to do soon,
maybe tonight I will sit down and plan out my new life.

Last night I watched stupid news. Child molesters are running loose. WHy
DO parents send their kids away to school? I could never. They are way too
young and undeveloped to deal. They need mothers and fathers who care
 about their minds. We do not belong to the state. Or to society. And the
schools do NOT care about the students, they just have a job to do and
 children to use to feel better about themselves.

What is it you want from me? I will win it I will give it I will own it, what you
want I will own.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lvEfSWrSSo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtUBXaQDaKo&feature=related

YOu tube makeup nice music


/


WHAT A MORNING, BACK TO MY CUBICLE HUH

MY LIFE IS SO STRANGE.I FEEL LIKE NOONE KNOWS THE TRUE ME BUT ME.
ALL THESE PEOPLE SEE WHAT THEY SEE IN ME FROM THEIR OWN LIFE. THEY
SEE ME AS SOMETHING , SOMETHING DIVINE. IF ONLY THEY KNEW I HURT VERY
 MUCH SOMETIMES. AND FEEL LESS THAN NOTHING.







FORBIDDEN BROADWAY
watch


it was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a play that made fun of all broadway plays and
all the famous songs redone to make you laugh. They had
Annie as an out of work adult actress smoking, they had
 Mary Poppins making fun of herself, and all those Abba musical
plays, Spamalot, West Side Story, made fun of Q street with perverted
puppets, my fave was they made fun of Les "MORE" MISERABLES
and the poor
 french girl's cell phone went off on stage while she was singing and it wa
s funny... and on and on. Wicked, Carol Channing, etc, all were
spoofed..It was so fun.
Beauty is not easy, its hard work, its starvation, nails, hair, clothes,
 clothes that actually look good, a body that looks good, being
photogenic, working out, people not taking you seriously, diet as
daily discipline and ballet/dance, classes, teeth, abs, lonliness,
faking confidence and glamour even when down. Its hard work.
I wish I had my phd in beauty. The world will come together.

Those " it " girls we all love that we say are talentless like Paris
Hilton, seem to discredit her beauty. That is a talent most people
do not have, or can't..beauty. They age grow old get fat and judge
others. Beauty is the talent. Paris is talented, she is beautiful, don't
 people understand how hard that actually is, its a fulltime job, just
 so we can look at her. And she is very talented at it. Same with all
 sex symbols, it does not  come naturally. Its work, its a job.
It's what everybody wants and only few want it bad enough to have it.
I dont mean inner beauty, I mean outer beauty. Anybody can have inner beauty,
 that has no value.

To be paid  $100,000 just to show up at parties sounds profitable to me.
Sounds like a business that is worth it.

It's like that study in Harvard University in the 90's about beauty, beauty is
more valuable it proved according to people's surveys all across the globe,
 Marilyn Monroe being the universal perfect face. It's all about sex appeal, that is gold.
 The study also proved beautiful people got hired over ugly but way
 more qualified people universally contstantly. There you go, he picked
 me over a doctor.

Anyways we went to his place. He showed me his roof, two long pools, a jacuzzi
 overlooking the ocean and hibiscus trees everywhere in pots. There were vines
and beautiful decorations. I saw South Beach everywhere and islands. It was so
 nice. He said I could come anytime.
 I have fair things to trade for, I have brains, I have beauty.





I watched HIP HOP WIVES on VH1. Coco,

Check her out
http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r129/spicypants/CSmack/coco516r.jpg

and Puff daddy's
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/pretty-porter.jpg

and the funniest was Snoop's wife  laughing at all his groupies
 telling them to find another rapper to group one
because you may have him once, but I got him all the time!
And she laughed saying YOU GROUPIE!

I liked

Thats just part one but its cool

Everything about me is right here, here in my face, the expression says it
all. I am here and here I am real.
I may have glass over myself and exaggerate and brag, but inside I am
 real, and real as real means nothing, nobody likes real, people like actresses.
 People like drama, glitz and some men go for flash and trash.

But the real, is the dead pan, is the apathy, only you see this side of me.


If you were to meet me, you would see someone who has eyes glazed over
and in a pose. I act all the time.

I could never be myself in front of people, anybody. Its just too risky.
People, men, they have turned into plans, into projects, games to win. or Lose.
Nothing is for free , I need something of value to trade everybody for.
I need to work at life. 

I need to market myself. Brand myself as an idea. And live it.


I know what I am, I know what I am. I do. I can fight it or be it. I know who I am.
I am a vamp.

vamp: Definition,A woman who uses her sex appeal to entrap and exploit men



My god, did I just admit this? It doesnt sound nice but maybe
 as soon as I admit it I can fix it.

I do not want to be bad. My upbringing,  my idols,
my life, has just formed me into this monster. Its almost like to prove I
am a woman I have to do this,
or else I feel I am useless.

If I cant get a guy to do what I want, I feel like a failure.
I had no idea what the game was, or how to play.

I did this blindly. Now I seem to have an idea what I want.
And the reality is , it isnt anything I want from men, but it is something
I want from myself. I want escape. I want fantasy.
I want to be a sex goddess. I have to be the center of attention
I have to have girls copying me.  I have to have girls as well as men,
 attracted to me.
Or else, I feel, like nothing.
 Or else, I am this empty space, nothing inside.
 I crave beauty. I want more than anything to be wonderful.



monster.

That is what I am.

/

I have these fantasies of my death as well. A jealous lover will kill me,
 sometimes I think its MBH. If anybody kills me I would like it to be him.

/

I am so dramatic! I know. If I wasnt dramatic, what would I think about?

/

Anyways read this part of this article my friend JOHN sent me.
 
From the WALL STREET JOURNAL :

"""""Should Rand be part of the American canon? If you’ve read “Atlas Shrugged” or
“The Fountainhead,” you’re already familiar with Rand’s belief that selfishness is
the highest good. It’s also a play on the American qualities of independence and
individuality, best expressed by Walt Whitman in his book of poetry, “Leaves of Grass.”

There’s no question that Rand’s influence is already pervasive. By now, you know that Alan
Greenspan was a disciple
 of Rand’s.
 
The famous Gordon Gekko speech in Wall
Street — though it was not written by Rand at all — was Randian in its philosophy:

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good… Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures
 the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms — greed for life, for
money, for love, knowledge — has marked the upward surge of mankind.”"""

 YOU HAVE TO TURN OFF MY RADIO IN THE SIDEBAR

You have to fast forward it to 2:47 to hear the speech


Here is one of the comments to the article that reflects how I feel:

Great Idea to promote Ayn Rand. Anything that promotes capitalism
 & individualism is a great idea. Ever since the 1930s we have been
 going down the opposite road. As Milton Freedman put it we went
 from galloping socialism (30s until the 1980s) to creeping socialism
 (80s to now). It would be nice, if more people understood Ayn Rand so
that we could undo socialism in this country, not just slow its advancement.


/

Ayn Rand is MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here are some quotes of hers in her books:

ahahaha  I found this its funny, making fun of Atlas Shruggers!
Its funny!!!!! Yeah, I can laugh at myself!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA-15pE5soA




/





MILTON FRIEDMAN ON GREED: ( My opinion as well!!)




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/



This is Great and Funny!






I watched this too, I agree, how do people believe what is told to them without
 thinking ? Aids as contagious? Religion meaning someone
 is supervising us? Global warming as our fault?
 Vaccines as safe?  Comes to mind for me..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUL41BbIOek

/



Hello people!!!!


I just checked my blog statistics,

I had no idea how many readers I have wow.

I had no idea how many of my entries daily are printed out as well. Its nice.

Thank you. I like the fact that all over the earth people read me.

Internet is free mind. I am so addicted to this blog.


I want to go to the Masters, is it over yet?