Last night

Guarapo
watermelon juice

Today

WATERMELON JUICE
OJ
OJ
WALNUT MYLK/CACAO POD

WEIGHT 115lbs


I had to black out the negligee part with the burn tool, on photoshop, to post her publicly.
It was the $490 dollar negligee from La Perla. The panties were like $130 dollars.

I really want good things to happen, I want to make others happy.
Today was not a good day.

So bad I want what is right, what is good, what is fairy tale. I want a fairy tale Disney life. Princess one./


GUESS WHAT? I AM GOING TO THE VINEYARD NEXT LONG WEEKEND!!!!! EDGARSTOWN, I AM SO HAPPY! IT'S SET UP. I WILL BE STAYING WITH A FRIEND IN A FRIEND'S HOUSE. MARTHA'S VINEYARD IS SO AMAZING> I WILL TAKE SUCH GREAT PHOTOS WHILE I AM THERE. IT's kind of a trip into my past. I lived in New England for many years. I know the language. I want to get away from all this. Another vacation? From what? I live a vacation.





Friday

Coconut mylk
Bananas
Pint of blueberries

so far..
TURN OFF MY RADIO IN SIDEBAR FIRST
( He is singing about me BTW, the girl with the hat made of fruit- that is me!)

Tiny baby, so naive
I cant believe what you believe
You were once so happy here

It may not be eden or summer in greece
You may not even find the gold fleece
In the drag of this atmosphere

Now I dont want to bring up a delicate matter
No Id much rather bribe or flatter you
cause flattery gets me everywhere

But you punctured my tires, you crossed all my wires
I brand your acolytes as a pack of liars
And the fires singing everywhere

Buckle like a wreck on the cold green sea
Like you were a ripple in my memory

I lent you some collateral to buy new clothes
It went out the window and up your nose
And thats the end of the honeymoon

Yeah we walked down the aisle for another mile
Id walk a million miles for one of your smiles
And you can have all the money soon

Youre so deluxe, youre so divine
Youre so fifty light years ahead of your time

Youre a riddle, youre a ripple
Youre the human sacrifice to the goddess of ice
Your hairdo is filled with diamonds and lights
And youre hardly off the nipple

Another little glitch in continuity
Like you were a ripple in my memory

I love that song. I want to smear body paint all over me to it. MUD. Dirty rainy dirt.





I loved this article, I looked up INTRADE.com

Artcicle :http://www.theatlasphere.com/columns/080530-stossel-wisdom-crowds.php

Who will be our next president? If you want an accurate guess, don’t ask the pundits. Go where people put their money where their mouths are.

Intrade.com (www.intrade.com), for example.

It’s a prediction market, basically a futures market like those where people bet on the future price of oil, gold and pork bellies. But at Intrade, people bet mostly on politics.

The prices on Intrade have been highly accurate predictors of the future. On TV, political “experts” make pronouncements on what they think will happen, but crowds of bettors on sites like Intrade are right more often.

In 2004, TV experts like James Carville said John Kerry would win the presidency. In 2006, they said the Republicans would keep control of Congress.

But the crowds on Intrade bet against Kerry, and in 2006, “the bettors at Intrade collectively called every single race in the Senate right,” James Surowiecki, author of The Wisdom of Crowds, told me for last week’s “20/20.”

Wisdom of Crowds? When I think of crowds, I think of mobs. But, Surowiecki says, “[C]rowds of people can be incredibly intelligent. ... [I]f the crowd is big enough and diverse enough, you have access to so much more knowledge.”

The first computerized political market was created at the University of Iowa. “That market outperformed polls three-quarters of the time, and its election-eve forecasts were better than any pundit’s and better than any poll,” says Surowiecki.

Intrade takes bets on more than politics. You can bet on global warming — will this year be one of the five hottest on record? — or on whether Eliot Spitzer will be indicted or on whether there will be a massive earthquake before the end of this year.

But most bets concern presidential politics. People have made lots of money predicting unlikely events, such as John McCain’s comeback.

So isn’t this a form of gambling, and isn’t gambling illegal in America? Intrade is located in Ireland, and CEO John Delaney told me he’s afraid to come to America because, “I don’t look good in an orange jumpsuit.”

He has reason to worry. Congressional Republicans added a provision cracking down on online gambling to a port-security bill in 2006.

Most banks stopped dealing with sites like Intrade after that, but some continued, including one called Neteller. Its Canadian cofounders were arrested on a trip to the United States in 2007. Now they face up to five years in prison. That seems like an odd way to treat people who make financial activities between consenting adults possible — while providing useful information about the future.

Horse racing, fantasy sports and online lotteries were given exemptions in the 2006 bill. It’s OK to bet if you have influence in Washington. Ironically, the U.S. Navy and Federal Reserve use Intrade’s data.

That Iowa prediction market begged for special permission from the government and got a waiver that limits bets to $500. “That makes them less accurate,” says Surowiecki. “Real money is what makes it work.”

America’s anti-gambling laws are thoroughly hypocritical. States run lotteries — one of the worst forms of gambling since no skill is involved and the odds are so bad — while prediction markets, a powerful forecasting tool, are stifled.

The Department of Defense once considered setting up a market to predict where the next terrorist attack might occur. The idea died when some politicians shouted it down. Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., sneered at “this betting parlor on the Internet.” Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., said a terrorism futures market “is ridiculous ... grotesque.”

Surowiecki says, “These are potentially tremendously useful tools for improving our national security. It’s much more egregious not to use them than to use them.”

What does Intrade predict now? As I write this, Hillary Clinton’s shot at winning the Democratic nomination has fallen to 8 cents, indicating an 8 percent chance of winning, while Obama is selling for 90 cents. And Obama is favored to win the presidency. You can buy McCain for about 37 cents, but Obama is valued at 55 cents.



My friend sent me an email commenting on the above:
Excellent, I LOVE markets. But Sen. Wyden is right about a "futures" market
for terrorist attacks. If anything, terrorists themselves would bet and then
conduct an attack just to get the payoff. There were a LOT of allegations about
pre-9/11 stock market manipulation, for example. Apparently, loads of "savy"
insider investors sold airline stocks "short" just prior to the attack. These
allegations are very easy to make and almost impossible to prove.





Saturday

Watermleon
Cantaloupe
Papaya chunks with lime
a romaine leaf

Berries and bananas
for later

Valerie LOVES ME!!
JIM ELLISON COMMITTED SUICIDE
SUCH A GEEK BUT I LOVED HIM AND I LOVED THIS SONG:

Americans are not getting enough action.

The United States is one of the world's most undersexed countries, according to a new study released Monday. Just 53% of Americans having regular, weekly sex according to results from the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey of 26,000 people in 26 countries, tying the USA with Nigeria for the second worst spot on the list.

( I cut out the rest)



/

Love and Selfishness
By Gary Hull (Australia's Herald Sun, February 2, 2004; Louisville Courier-Journal, February 13, 2005)

Every Valentine's Day a certain philosophic crime is perpetrated. Actually, it is committed year-round, but its destructiveness is magnified on this holiday. The crime is the propagation of a widely accepted falsehood: the idea that love is selfless.

Love, we are repeatedly taught, consists of self-sacrifice. Love based on self-interest, we are admonished, is cheap and sordid. True love, we are told, is altruistic. But is it?

Imagine a Valentine's Day card which takes this premise seriously. Imagine receiving a card with the following message: "I get no pleasure from your existence. I obtain no personal enjoyment from the way you look, dress, move, act or think. Our relationship profits me not. You satisfy no sexual, emotional or intellectual needs of mine. You're a charity case, and I'm with you only out of pity. Love, XXX."

Needless to say, you would be indignant to learn that you are being "loved," not for anything positive you offer your lover, but—like any recipient of alms—for what you lack. Yet that is the perverse view of love entailed in the belief that it is self-sacrificial.

Genuine love is the exact opposite. It is the most selfish experience possible, in the true sense of the term: it benefits your life in a way that involves no sacrifice of others to yourself or of yourself to others.

To love a person is selfish because it means that you value that particular person, that he or she makes your life better, that he or she is an intense source of joy—to you. A "disinterested" love is a contradiction in terms. One cannot be neutral to that which one values. The time, effort and money you spend on behalf of someone you love are not sacrifices, but actions taken because his or her happiness is crucially important to your own. Such actions would constitute sacrifices only if they were done for a stranger—or for an enemy. Those who argue that love demands self-denial must hold the bizarre belief that it makes no personal difference whether your loved one is healthy or sick, feels pleasure or pain, is alive or dead.

It is regularly asserted that love should be unconditional, and that we should "love everyone as a brother." We see this view advocated by the "non-judgmental" grade-school teacher who tells his class that whoever brings a Valentine's Day card for one student must bring cards for everyone. We see it in the appalling dictum of "Hate the sin, but love the sinner"—which would have us condemn death camps but send Hitler a box of Godiva chocolates. Most people would agree that having sex with a person one despises is debased. Yet somehow, when the same underlying idea is applied to love, people consider it noble.

Love is far too precious to be offered indiscriminately. It is above all in the area of love that egalitarianism ought to be repudiated. Love represents an exalted exchange—a spiritual exchange—between two people, for the purpose of mutual benefit.

You love someone because he or she is a value—a selfish value to you, as determined by your standards—just as you are a value to him or her.

It is the view that you ought to be given love unconditionally—the view that you do not deserve it any more than some random bum, the view that it is not a response to anything particular in you, the view that it is causeless—which exemplifies the most ignoble conception of this sublime experience.

The nature of love places certain demands on those who wish to enjoy it. You must regard yourself as worthy of being loved. Those who expect to be loved, not because they offer some positive value, but because they don't—i.e., those who demand love as altruistic duty—are parasites. Someone who says "Love me just because I need it" seeks an unearned spiritual value—in the same way that a thief seeks unearned wealth. To quote a famous line from The Fountainhead: "To say 'I love you,' one must know first how to say the 'I.'"

 //



If one wants to measure the intensity of a particular instance of love, one does so by reference to the hierarchy of values of the person experiencing it. A man may love a woman, yet may rate the neurotic satisfactions of sexual promiscuity higher than her value to him. Another man may love a woman, but may give her up, rating his fear of the disapproval of others (of his family, his friends or any random strangers) higher than her value. Still another man may risk his life to save the woman he loves, because all his other values would lose meaning without her. The emotions in these examples are not emotions of the same intensity or dimension. Do not let a James Taggart type of mystic tell you that love is immeasurable.

_ AynRand_

/


I love but I love my values. Not people. I love myself. I wish I was stunted so I could not see outside myself. The world is scary, Its dominate everyone or lose. Dominate myself.


I have a radio station on Yahoo, its so tailored to me because I rate all songs I like
http://ca.music.yahoo.com/launchcast/station.asp?u=1439943869





/


Ayn Rand wrote this about Marilyn Monroe.
 
Did you know Hugh Hefner, he didn't even know her, is getting buried next to her vault?

Marilyn Monroe: Through Your Most Grievous Fault


This commentary by Ayn Rand, excerpted from The Voice of Reason, was originally published two weeks after Marilyn Monroe's death on August 5, 1962.

The death of Marilyn Monroe shocked people with an impact different from their reaction to the death of any other movie star or public figure. All over the world, people felt a peculiar sense of personal involvement and of protest, like a universal cry of "Oh, no!"

They felt that her death had some special significance, almost like a warning which they could not decipher—and they felt a nameless apprehension, the sense that something terribly wrong was involved.

They were right to feel it.

Marilyn Monroe on the screen was an image of pure, innocent, childlike joy in living. She projected the sense of a person born and reared in some radiant utopia untouched by suffering, unable to conceive of ugliness or evil, facing life with the confidence, the benevolence, and the joyous self-flaunting of a child or a kitten who is happy to display its own attractiveness as the best gift it can offer the world, and who expects to be admired for it, not hurt.

In real life, Marilyn Monroe's probable suicide—or worse: a death that might have been an accident, suggesting that, to her, the difference did not matter—was a declaration that we live in a world which made it impossible for her kind of spirit, and for the things she represented, to survive.

If there ever was a victim of society, Marilyn Monroe was that victim—of a society that professes dedication to the relief of the suffering, but kills the joyous.

None of the objects of the humanitarians' tender solicitude, the juvenile delinquents, could have had so sordid and horrifying a childhood as did Marilyn Monroe.

To survive it and to preserve the kind of spirit she projected on the screen—the radiantly benevolent sense of life, which cannot be faked—was an almost inconceivable psychological achievement that required a heroism of the highest order. Whatever scars her past had left were insignificant by comparison.

She preserved her vision of life through a nightmare struggle, fighting her way to the top. What broke her was the discovery, at the top, of as sordid an evil as the one she had left behind—worse, perhaps, because incomprehensible. She had expected to reach the sunlight; she found, instead, a limitless swamp of malice.

It was a malice of a very special kind. If you want to see her groping struggle to understand it, read the magnificent article in the August 17, 1962, issue of Life magazine. It is not actually an article, it is a verbatim transcript of her own words—and the most tragically revealing document published in many years. It is a cry for help, which came too late to be answered.

"When you're famous, you kind of run into human nature in a raw kind of way," she said. "It stirs up envy, fame does. People you run into feel that, well, who is she—who does she think she is, Marilyn Monroe? They feel fame gives them some kind of privilege to walk up to you and say anything to you, you know, of any kind of nature—and it won't hurt your feelings—like it's happening to your clothing. . . . I don't understand why people aren't a little more generous with each other. I don't like to say this, but I'm afraid there is a lot of envy in this business."

"Envy" is the only name she could find for the monstrous thing she faced, but it was much worse than envy: it was the profound hatred of life, of success and of all human values, felt by a certain kind of mediocrity—the kind who feels pleasure on hearing about a stranger's misfortune. It was hatred of the good for being the good—hatred of ability, of beauty, of honesty, of earnestness, of achievement and, above all, of human joy.

Read the Life article to see how it worked and what it did to her:

An eager child, who was rebuked for her eagerness—"Sometimes the [foster] families used to worry because I used to laugh so loud and so gay; I guess they felt it was hysterical."

A spectacularly successful star, whose employers kept repeating: "Remember you're not a star," in a determined effort, apparently, not to let her discover her own importance.

A brilliantly talented actress, who was told by the alleged authorities, by Hollywood, by the press, that she could not act.

An actress, dedicated to her art with passionate earnestness—"When I was 5—I think that's when I started wanting to be an actress—I loved to play. I didn't like the world around me because it was kind of grim—but I loved to play house and it was like you could make your own boundaries"—who went through hell to make her own boundaries, to offer people the sunlit universe of her own vision—"It's almost having certain kinds of secrets for yourself that you'll let the whole world in on only for a moment, when you're acting"—but who was ridiculed for her desire to play serious parts.

A woman, the only one, who was able to project the glowingly innocent sexuality of a being from some planet uncorrupted by guilt—who found herself regarded and ballyhooed as a vulgar symbol of obscenity—and who still had the courage to declare: "We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift."

A happy child who was offering her achievement to the world, with the pride of an authentic greatness and of a kitten depositing a hunting trophy at your feet—who found herself answered by concerted efforts to negate, to degrade, to ridicule, to insult, to destroy her achievement—who was unable to conceive that it was her best she was punished for, not her worst—who could only sense, in helpless terror, that she was facing some unspeakable kind of evil.

How long do you think a human being could stand it?

That hatred of values has always existed in some people, in any age or culture. But a hundred years ago, they would have been expected to hide it. Today, it is all around us; it is the style and fashion of our century.

Where would a sinking spirit find relief from it?

The evil of a cultural atmosphere is made by all those who share it. Anyone who has ever felt resentment against the good for being the good and has given voice to it, is the murderer of Marilyn Monroe.



/


I know what is good and right, we all do. there is a difference. There are consequences. I know what good is. When I see it. I know it. The good. I love the good. To me the good is a man of power, a bombshell, money, popularity, good looks, family, real family that one is proud of, expensive cars, scientific discoveries that are mind boggling, not to help the poor but to advance the greatest of men.


/

Someone called me greedy, I said greed is the incentive to greatness to work, he said NO PRODUCTIVENESS is. I said well, then would you do a goodjob if you were paid nothing? He stumbled. Does one work just to be productive? No, the incentive for money, and if one is paid shit one does not work and resents his boss. If one works hard and earns more, he is paid more. That is why public jobs is the lowest rung of the bunch. They deter greatness and incentives are frowned upon and voted off. Greed is noble. The dictionary says excessive desire to earn more than is needed. More than is needed? Are we supposed to just get by on our share peddled out to everyone equally?

/

I have papaya with lime. Its a good combo.

Turn off radio in the sidebar.











I am looking for new great ideas. I need to make new great I deas myself. I know I am great. I know life has many great things. Things people want the most. Things that one is willing to work hard for. How does one get all these great things? I know its money.





Look I saw this in Whole Foods. Dried Watermelon, who would have thought it could be dried, I bet you it is a whole one, it looks like cow meat doesn't it?



Like beef jerky




Then I saw this, its Probitic Unpasteurized Raw Salsa. I dipped bell pepper slices in it, JUST TO TRY. It is very very tangy!! And the tang is the germies!!







The whole foods in DC is sooooooo raw friendly, everything is raw vegan. Everything almost. In Miami its maybe a few things not counting the produce. Its very big movement here, they even have a ton of RAW UNPASTEURIZED CHEESES> Can you believe? I don't eat cheese, but I know unpasteurized is soooo hard to find. Almost impossible.


/


Enough. I saw some cool things at that WHOLE FOODS> awesome pretty stuff.
Its amazing how an organic supermarket replaces sex for me sometimes. Its just so cool the stuff in there. All very very expensive, rich people only get good health. Another incentive to be rich, to survive.
I see RAW everywhere and I think, wow, the future isn't what those crazy liberals say it will be, that we will all have to eat GMO and frankenfood. No, the raw vegan movement is everywhere. I am way ahead of my time. I am the future now.

/I gave up making others raw food. They just smile and say wow and behind my back throw it out. Noone gets it. It's amazing.


/


I was googling raw food retreats, I want to go on one, the one I went with my mom to Georgie, the David Wolfe one was so unbelievable. It was sooo unbelievable. Ut was like first class raw vegan world. I like elite and I like fancy. This was too awesome. Dancing, moonlight bands, nature hikes to forage for wild food, nude waterfall bathing, the best designer raw vegan food and thai coconuts all opened and with straws ready to go at each meal..yoga, healing, meditation, classes on really bizarre things. My mom was in love with Dw. The cabins, the roomates, it was such a great time, I was so sad to go. Everyone talked to everyone we had circles where we told everyone about ourselves etc..

Anyways, I was looking for one to do, I saw a few but while I was looking I saw Juliano's site, did you know you can work for him 6 hours straight for 3 days for $3500-  Wow, that is ALOT of money, he must be good right? Well, he is pretty good at what he does but very high. He is saying I AM VERY EXPENSIVE. I like it. But I don;t know if I want to do that. 3 months you can work for Gabriel Cousens for that amount.

I also saw a pretty cool retreat in Maine. But I know all about raw food. It would be cool to take someone who is cooked so they can learn and I can have fun too. There is moose watching here too:




/

I saw this place in WEST PALM BEACH, very close to home

http://www.rawfoodunderground.com/menu.html


 interesting.



/



Monday June 2

To eat Kombucha tea
and some melon so far it is 10 am.

This is across the street from me, pretty building:

About eating disorders. Turn off radio in my side barI want to see that movie. So what if its someone's job to be skinny? It's not your job. You might wish. Stop slinging mud at these skinny girls, let them be skinny. Skinnier girls are prettier girls. Period. It's super hard work not eating, and they get paid for it. Paid very well.

I would starve too if I got $30,000 a catwalk walk, to be photographed, made into an icon and loved. So would you. There is a market for it, it is their job.

It's not the girls, its that industry, hands down all fashion magazines only put the skinniest models in them. Why? Cause its WHAT WE BUY!!!

 It is what we want to look at. It is what is Beautiful. Tell me you have never seen a model and thought wow, how beautiful and you know she is underweight. Photos add ten pounds to someone so actually she is 10 lbs lighter than she looks. The ones that are paid the highest usually are the ones who still look like children.

People get paid to be stuff as many hot dogs into their mouths too. I seen that, one  reigning competetive food eater champion is actually underweight. I don't know how she does it, I think they call her the Black Widow. She drinks alot of water. I wonder if they throw up? Probably they practice like that. Eat, throw up , eat throw up and then when the competetion comes they have stretched their stomachs and can do it, but I bet you they get really really sick two days later. Maybe not, maybe they are trained, who knows. I don't.

Today there was a ton of police escorting all these buses in D.C. All these preppy girls in pearls running around looking for the convention center.

 I am in Embassy Row


You don't see those roofs in Miami. You don't even see 2 stories. I see lots of flowers and trees with flowering shrubs.


/


Carol Alt from the show "Celebrity Apprentice" is posing for Playboy, here is the release:

"The photo layout will be entitled “Carol Alt In The Raw – The Body That Raw Built”. Carol is very excited about the underlying theme of the shoot, which is to show how healthy eating – and in particular, raw, natural foods – can benefit any woman (and of course any man, for that matter), at any age."

She says, “What was interesting to me at this moment in my life is not just my age…very few women my age do this…but I am a raw foodist and the only reason I look the way I do right now is because I changed my diet and started eating healthy, living foods, which are unprepared and unprocessed foods, the closest they can go from God to me”, she laughed. “That’s what I eat and my body shows it.”








I saw this flower tonight
Made me think of me, Me the only one. the one that all this is for, my love is for me




I love the comments on this entry my computer is so slow I cant answer them

I saw that flower on my way to Whole Foods tonight



Look lavender in a yard, I squeezed it and smelled it delish




Washington is so happening, beautiful very white looking people everywhere hanging in coffee shops or coming out of yoga, guys with blazers and girls with cashmere sweaters.



Beautiful buildings and colleges on every block or embassies. I ran into ambassadors waiting for the light to turn green, every light has a countdown of when it is turning red.

Beautiful old buildings




I bought berries, watermelon, honeydew, pineapple, tomatoes, bell pepper,  tomato salsa and all sleepy tea

Goodnight you are beautiful do not let anyone ever tell you you don't rule.





Tuesday Guess what I am leaving DC tomorrow and coming home.

Dean and Deluca, Georgetown a nice store to buy healthy food in


They had fresh squeezed juices


I had two

Gtown was sooo happening. beautiful people, so well dressed, not this guy no:


I love you so much, you are so great, life with you is amazing. I am so happy.
Everything is really really nice.


/

You are so beautiful, everything you want, you are turned on, when you are TURNED ON, you really are turned on to life. That is the magic of life, the secret elixir, the drug, being turned on.

/


Wednesday Morning




Love is not about others its about me. Noone is better than me.

I am drinking three juices I got from Dean and Deluca. Eating Chinese pears, oranges, chew celery ( I  can no longer swallow its like hay) and some fruit salad from deli.

 



I will be in Martha's Vineyard.


I told him to practice his speech on me.


I want to be in Edgarstown

This weekend. Hope that plans fall through. I want to be on Gay Head cliffs sunbathing watching people eat clam bakes and their quahogs. Guess what there are horses there!!! I can go riding yay!!!

/

I love you so much and everything you are is perfect. You have the perfect body/