Lovely Love lovely....LOVE..Tuesday ** I put my brother on YOUTUBE/ Coconutcream pie


I saw MBH. I really did.

He called me at 4 am and he called me MY BABY. I was not dreaming. I was so happy. 

I asked him to come and get me. He picked me up. I was at my mother's sleeping in her bed. Her condo is close to his law office. There he was 430 am down a deserted street waiting for me. His eyes dark, his pupils black and intense.

He picked me up in a grey Mercedes with a Mayfair hotel http://www.mayfairhotelandspa.com/
keychain attached. He looked beautiful. He excused himself and said don't mind the cigarette smoke. I think he was drinking too.

He called me "My Baby" over and over again... and we just did what came natural. I love him. I do. He looked devastated. He has circles under his eyes and looked pale and skinny. His skin a little blotched. He looked beautiful to me, even in this state. He looked great to me, as always. Beautiful handsome man. Best of the best.

I got in the car and I honestly did not know what to say. I stared at him, I don't remember driving. It was like a mortal coil. I smelled him, I remember, it's so close.

We got to my place. I had just bought eggshell crate foam, two of them for my bed, so my bed was so so soft.

We got naked and hugged each other. Kissed.
He is such a talented lover. Its magic between us. It's real. It's like an acid trip being in bed with him. IT FELT LIKE ONE. We are in our own world, nobody can touch. Its awesome. I love him. I love him. Red, eyes, hugs warmth. He has big strong muscles. He is Man. He smells like one. He has testosterone. He can't help it. He is the archetypical alpha male.

It was hard to sleep. I felt hot under the blankets. His skin was warm. My neck was strained. but I felt so comforted. and I felt alive!

He slept in until 11 am at my place. I have never seen him come to me like that. So giving emotionally.
I felt something hurt him. I could feel pain.
 
He slept in my arms. I hugged him all night. So good. So happy.

I am so glad to see him again. I love him. It's what I do. I am love.

I made him a mango smoothie before he left and gave him some E3 Live and Hunza Almonds and raw honey, to take home..

He dropped me off at the Merrick Park Mall so I could see my personal trainer, Waldo. 
To lift weights.
 
I was giddy and glowing .

All day I was beaming with this feeling of the best kind of love, the best kind of high. I did really well. Me and Waldo joked alot.

Waldo, the physical trainer, made me do horrible horrible things. I hate doing the Plank and I hate crunches and squats. I gave these machines names like, " the electric chair" and the "mad Doctor's operating table". I had to squeeze 40 lbs in agony while he sat there and told me he could do 300 lbs.

Once I walked in and saw all the trainers eating pizza, and Waldo had 6 slices!! I was so disgusted. He said it was ORGANIC WHEAT pizza so that makes it mysteriously no longer pizza or something.

 I thought about MBH all day. In a good way. I was turned on to life.

XXX picked me up later. He wears sunglasses when he shows up at my door, he looks tan and his blonde hair is combed back. His blue eyes look intense. He looks glad to see me.
 
I had dinner with XXXX...I told XXXX that I saw MBH.


XXX brought me raw vegan stuff from the farmer's market. We drove while he stared at me in his preppy tennis clothes and black pupil blue eyes. He dresses like a tennis guy.

We walked around a golf course and sat in a raquetball course outside. We talked and held hands. He talked on and on and on about himself. About celebrities, about his screen plays.
Raquetball court Biltmore hotel coral gables by you.



XXXX later took me to the Biltmore Hotel . He showed me that his aunt is a "doyenne" of Coral Gables and has given money to the Biltmore Hotel. I do not know what a doyenne is.


Anyways we had drinks at the Palme D'or and he had Mimosas while I had fresh squeezed OJ and grapefruit. We sat on a couch. The Chef sat opposite us talking to this drunk couple who were trying to invite us to their table. A lady who lived really close to me.
Biltmore hotel coral gables Palme d'or by you.

He picked at olives. He told stories of business and travels. He has to go to Italy soon.

I watched him eat and listened to him talk. He had just put down $78,000 a bid on a domain name in Las vegas and he was nervous all night. Its his gambling hobby. He did not want to get outbid.

He looked at me over dinner, over at the 1200 club, we were here:

Biltmore hotel coral gables by you.

I could see the moon from my table
Biltmore hotel coral gables by you.

His cousins called him to tell him his mother tried to commit suicide again and he talked a long time on the phone. He just laughed about it. Maybe he was nervous.

Biltmore hotel coral gables urn by you.

I have my dysfunctional family issues too.

Biltmore hotel coral gables 1200 club by you.


I had a melon salad while he had seafood risotto. He enjoyed himself. He talked alot.
Biltmore hotel coral gables melon salad by you.

Artwork on the walls
Biltmore hotel coral gables art on wall by you.



I could see the moon from our table.

Anyways, while we were having dinner, he asked me if I wanted any kids. I said YES.

He said, " We should have a child then, well, obviously not now, because you are on your period, but.." Then he looked right at me and said, " Let's do it".  He just sat there smiling. I just smiled back. Its hard to take him seriously.

He then told me he would have a 20 year old kid, if this girl did not get an abortion. We talked about immortality, through children. Meaning, we, our gene pool, is dead if we die without children meaning we are not immortal then.

I had my melon salad and Oj and listened to him. He told me we are really compatible.

Before we drove to his place we went sitting in the pool water. I did that just to make sure he was safe enough to drive.
safe by you.
That yellow shirt cost $279.00- at Barney's New York and the necklace was on sale for $190.00-!

My giant pink bra I bought at V's Secret on sale for $27.00

My hair was done at La Bella Salon , it's an Aveda Organics salon. I pin-curled it the night before.

We also crashed IGNACIO'S 50th birthday party
 at the Biltmore.
/

He took me home to his house and he got out for me Thai coconut waters, and  he lit candles. I was happy.  He has oriental paintings in his room. Outside his house there are tons of cats wandering. He feeds them deli meat.

We made love, that is what he calls it, carelessly, like teenagers. I felt safe. It's hard to say what I was feeling. Its a weird thing.

In the morning he woke me up, watching me. " I know you saw MBH yesterday, tell me did you two make love?" he asked, unusually to the point, like he had been thinking about it all night. ..and I said "Yes",  and then I told him how wonderful it was. It was beautiful telling him about it, too I love the story .  I love honesty. I lay in his arms. We lay there. He nodded and just blanked out. I think it may have hurt him, but he hurts himself with his own beliefs. It has nothing to do with me or reality.

I told him how last night MBH asked me if I had a boyfriend and how I told him no. Then XXX said, "If you had said you had a boyfriend, he would have backed off" and just hmmmed. Well, yes, I would have.

He offered me money before I left , I  turned him down. I will be on his salary supposedly at the end of the month. He said if I needed any, to contact him, and if I ever need anything to please let him know.

He wants me to make gazpacho for him next week, and mushroom risotto. That is his favorite dish. It was a little weird after I told him about MBH. I wish I told him earlier, but I think it would have upset him. I am glad we had such a great night.

He drove me to Latin America cafe and got me guarapos, which is sugarcane juice.

/

I then went to my mother's. I had to eat tomato/enoki salad
tomato enoki salad by you.
I went shopping for things my mom needs.

I am also growing
92 mineral wheatgrass with ocean grown solution
92 mineral wheatgrass by you.

I also dehydrated under 100 degrees corn and ground it up, its sweet to make my mom raw vegan tortilla chips
dehydrated and ground corn by you.

I also made and fermented for three days SauerKrAut wih APPLES, GREEN CABBAGE,DULSE SEAWEED AND CARROT, for those days I need emergency probiotics. I may go to the dentist next week.
sauerkraut with apples, dulse and carrot raw vegan by you.


There is a lot more that happened.

BUT MBH, that is something really special.

There is reality and there is fantasy. I prefer reality that is why I tell the truth. Inside reality, I love MBH, he is me. He is the best of me. I have no idea what to do and I like it.

I won't do anything. I love, that is what I do and I am good.

Mbh is a really beautiful thing to me. He is. I love him unconditionally.

/

My mom told me that I have no self esteem issues, when I told her my love life is like " Gone with the Wind".



I spoke to my sister, V, who I love so much. I love her, my little pumpkin.
She had an issue I talked to her about. There is this girl at work, she is in love with, but she feels like she is nothing in front of her, and she says this girl is winning over all her friends. My sister says she feels ugly and I laughed, my sister is prettier than me. Anyways I worked her through it, what suffering.

My brother and his fiancee broke up, with scratches on his neck and police involvement. My mom called me crying.
Yes IT WAS A STRANGE DAY!!!!

/

Mbh had dark circles under his eyes. The pupils were like beads. His breath smelled like liquor hidden by something. His mouth tasted warm and wet. His hair was dark brown. He wore a black shirt I think. Short sleeved. He told me he was out with his friend— and that he missed me. What was he thinking? He kissed me really well. He hugged me and slept on my chest. He sounded sad. He talked really low and he came to me with arms that were open. His heart was open to me, I saw inside of it. I saw him.

You know I ended our friendship a few months back. Because, " He didn't do anything for me"

I would like to question that.

"He didn't do anything for me"

Is it true?

No, he did many things for me

 How do you react when you think that thought? (When you believe that thought, " He didn;t do anything for me?)

I feel jipped, I feel lied to, or like something of mine is stolen, or I was ripped off, cheated. I feel like I was taken advantage of. My heart hurts I feel judgemental, I feel like a victim. I treat him terribly when I think that. I treat myself awful too because I suffer. I usually eat food/binge to give me a break from that thought. I have lived my life in shame and misery because of that thought. I am in his business when I think that he does not do anything for me. 
I feel hurt and bewildered when I think that thought.

 Who would you be without the thought, " He didn't do anything for me?"

My life, if I never thought that, would be happy. I would feel free. I would just be a normal girl and I would treat him like a friend. I would love him completely. I would see a gorgeous man. With no story I would treat him with love and attraction. Right now sitting here without that thought, I am happy and grateful- I love him. If I never thought that we would be really close. I would just be me, and I am love.


Turn the thought around.

HE DID do things for me
God , where do I begin? He has done so much for me, my entire life is the way it is because of him, he used to call me every night and give me advice on everything. He helped me make a lot of money and he did so much. The list is endless. Even when he couldnt stand me he took me out. He was my friend and he was always himself and he just made himself really loveable to me.

I don't do anything for him
I really don't do much but complain and demand things. I drive him crazy wanting him to do all these things for me that he does not want to do. I feel I really pressured him and just was a bitch. I was mean and nasty and terrible friend at times. I really didn't do or give him much of anything of value. I did not respect him at all. I treated him like a slave.

I don't do anything for myself
When I was seeing him I really did not do anything for myself, I expected him to do everything, when all that I wanted him to do for me is MY JOB. I really fell for something outside of myself when the love of my life is in the mirror. I ran away frommyself, I trashed myself when I fell in love with him, I threw myself in the gabage.




/

Anyways, making love to him is like breathing. It is so natural for me. There is no story there. We are just two people attracted to each other. I am so glad I did it. I am still thinking about it, trying to find something, a clue to myself, what is it mean, inside me?

I love him, why is that such a mystery to me? It's something I feel I need to break a code, I need to figure out, an enigma. It's so strange. I don't know what to do but nothing.

/
I am drinking a tahini, agave and cacao shake. I have rotting papaya I have to eat tomorrow. I have cantaloupe.
I have lots of stuff for green smoothies.

/

My friend from DC called me, He just told me tonight Britney Spears's kid may have autism. From Vaccines. The lawsuit he is working on, the group is going to interview her or something.

//


When I am focused on someone, everyone else blurs out. I just want one man. I do, I want one man, and I want his child. That is all I want before I die.
The thought just turns me on so much. I get so turned on. I feel my own death. I feel my own mortalness. I feel blood. I taste blood.
I taste my human blood.

/


I think I like being obsessed with MBH. I think I like it, I just want to close my eyes and be with him again like I was two nights ago. What did it mean?



But I do not need any guy to feel complete. As long as I complete myself first I am complete. I am my own boyfriend and lover. I am the lover I want. I am the man I want. I am what I have always wanted. I have everything. I need nothing. I need only me to marry myself. I cannot divorce my thoughts ever. I have to be committed to this vision of me now, perfect  beauty.

/

Love is no longer a game. I am love, its what I do. I have my own love. The voice inside my head, that s who I am married to. I like my own thoughts. I am in heaven here with my own thoughts. I love to be alone. I am happy. How do I know I don't need a boyfriend? Because I do not have one!

Sex won't give me love, sex won't give me intimacy or marriage. Sex gives nothing, sex is like sneezing, its empty and meaningless. The only meaning are stories we create about it.


/

Nothing will give me what I can give myself. What I want from others is actually my job to give to myself.
I don't NEED anyone else. I need myself.

/



TUESDAY

Today all I had was cacao drinks and I sat around listening to Arcade Fire, songs like " Rebellion". I lay in bed and read books, went to my trainer at 3 pm, to lift weights.

I ate the papaya with some collards in a green smoothie. I had a bag of longans.

I feel like a girl in love. Happy.

I love my bed today. I just want to get underneath the covers. That is all I want to do today. Is just hug the blankets. I am so happy. I make myself happy. I do , I love msyelf. I am turned on, to life. To reality!!!

 

I went to the gym, I got a bottle of Extreme MACA so I had some in my OJ. I was hyper working out but my trainer says I am weaker than usual. I did do better in cycling, I got up to 100 mph for 5 minutes straight.
I did things where I lay on my back and held one foot in the air and then got up off my butt and back down 12 times. I did the electric chair. I wore my brother's fiancee's gym clothes because my mom threw out all her stuff so I grabbed what I liked.

 I went to Elemis Spa to get a massage but the guy was gone.

I got a new bra in the mail today, its soo beautiful. Its a 32 F Plunge bra.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51-T05DX8HL._AA280_.jpg

I took a trolley all over town and walked around Miracle Mile. Past  Miracle Mile there is not much going on. I want a massage. Maybe I will make appt tonight!! for a full body one!!
 

I ate longans and read my Byron Katie book. She is so cool.

I made thai coconut, flax and agave cookies.

I also got Cafe Gratitude's  raw vegan cookbook in the mail. It's very cool.

I am about to go to sleep. Yes, go to sleep in my bed alone!! Naked!! No clothes and no brain, and just voices to myself. That voice I am married to. Yes, you are awesome.




WEDNESDAY

The mushroom risotto I have to make  XXXX tomorrow, ( his favorite dish)  I practiced with my brother. I actually watched him make it and put it on youtube. You can hear me talking in some of it. I tried hard not to laugh.  I don;t know if I should show anyone this, its really funny.


Turn off radio in my sidebar


Isn't he a blast?


I also am making raw Gazpacho and raw Corn chips, raw chocolate cream coconut pie. YUMMMYYY Maybe I will get him a shrimp cocktail, I know he dies without eating fish meat. 

I don't know why I am making him all this raw stuff cause I can't eat most of it. I have a very sensitive stomach. Well, he loves gazpacho.
 
Maybe I will film me too, making stuff. LOL


I thought I saw MBH in Dadeland today wearing an orange tshirt in the middle of an office day. I wasn't sure.  My mom emailed him for advice without asking me first. I found out through my brother. My brother is so funny. I am glad we hung out. It's so rare we do.

To eat today, just berries, chopped tomatoes with salt and a green smoothie with collard leaves and frozen banana and blueberries. I bought alot of thai coconuts. That is it.

I bought a camcorder too. That youtube video is my first one I did. If you are going to comment on it please say very nice things for my brother. Its his account. Don't mention me, please!

/




THURSDAY

I have lots of photos to post. I made my pie and my gazpacho. I made  a mamey smoothie.

Guess what the Cure's new video is out.

THE CURE NEW VIDEO

I just can't let go of Robert.

I have to get dressed, I am naked wearing nothing but food stains. I have to go to my trainer at 3 pm, Waldo, I am so excited. I have to leave now. I just have to put on makeup and catch a trolley and get off. Maybe I will go with my yukky sweatpants. I love dressing down so much. I don't care dirty shirts and stains. This city is my living room.

I went to the hairdressers this morning and this African American lady took such nice care of my head, she massaged it and taught me how to do a poof.
I tipped her more than the lady who dyed my roots.


I had some maca and cacao in a mamey smoothie. It turns me on to life. It sure does, gives me that zing in my legs. Makes me want to rub on stuff. So glad I have a date tonight.

K keeps calling me and I keep blowing her off.
I am just so busy. My little virgin .
lol



/

I got picked up byXXXX who ad a meeting in Brickell. He is picking me up later. I stood there in short shorts and my Izod pink sweater with my raincoat and umbrella. He told me I looked great when I got in the car. The Maca buzzing in me. My workout with waldo was painful. It felt like he was giving me shots of pain, this drug that makes me feel oh so good.
Every exercise he stretched me to the limit. He told me I will learn to love this pain. I lifted weights and did things like sit on my stomach while my calves lifted 40 lbs. Excruciating. I moaned. I sweated and felt like I wanted to cry.

XXX He looked so preppy with his black pupils, black eyelashes, blonde hair and his glasses. He always looks like he is playing tennis. Like Richie Tenenbaum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obycGT3Wg-U
almost.
 
His convertible, blue..looked shiny. He spoke. His voice has this "gravitas". He was offered a job to do voice for commercials, once, once and he turned it down, he said it paid $120,000. He found that out later, after he said no. For what company I forgot but he had that connection.. It was for car commercial I think. MBH has that gravitas too. Its like a deep deep voice, sure of itself. Very masculine. For that much money they should do commercials. It's like movie preview voice, but sexier. Not old man sounding.

Anyways wanna see what I made so far?

 He dropped me off in the rain at home and went to his Brickell meeting and is coming back at 7:30pm to pick me up.

Meanwhile I got nothing to do but look cute and be happy, and maybe type here in my very private diary.

I made this today



That is my raw vegan coconut cream pie wih cacao in it. Mint, thai coconuts and vanilla bean.

The crust is made with macadamia nuts and dehydrated pineapple. Very expensive!!

and MY LOVELY raw vegan tomato GAZPACHO recipe




Yes and in the dehydrator is Corn Chips. Ok I dehydrated corn, GROUND it up and then blended it with real corn and then dehydrated it again. 4 day just to have the freshest rawest yummiest corn chips for my guest.
Whew. FRESH corn chips. a little sweet too.
 Those are still drying.

God I can't wait until I make my mushrrom risotto recipe for him too, that my brother tested, see above.

None of the stuff I made I can eat. I just will have a raw vegan mamey smoothie I made


I do too much work, I know. But I ike it. I LIKE cooking or uncooking or showing off that I can do things right.

Yipee. Hmm I think I will listen to music now.


Look this goth girl named Sadistica on youtube posted her gothic photography. Cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLfbsqBOU_s
the ones of her fat mom don't look that great. POLAND looks pretty, pretty dark. It's hard to believe once a longtime ago people were alot more barbaric.

In France everyday they hung people or tore them into four pieces in public. Way back when. Now people just eat really really really bad things that people have never really eaten before in human history. It's ok. I welcome everything with open arms. I am on the good side. I know it.

My nerdiness comes out.

It's raining outside, thundering. I sit here. I knocked on my neighbor's door to borrow an umbrella. I always see him swimming in the pool with headphones and his ipod kicking away in the sun. I wonder what he is thinking so hard. Today he was there in the morning, staring into the pool.

What AM I supposed to do and what am I doing? Am I doing things right? Am I? I like me. That is all. I just want to know if I am doing things right.

Am I doing the right thing?

How am I supposed to live??


?

I really have no idea what I am doing, I am just spending my days in a sort of blisfful  heaven.
What happened? I never had it this good!

I lay in bed, I stare at walls. I cuddle with myself. I love my life. Who am I? I am my lover.

A part of me is afraid it won't last, but maybe this is life. I never ever had so much good self esteem. I have a really really amazing relationship to Nature. To my nature.
/


Someone told me once if I ever heard of Satanism, and that is what I sound like. lol.  No, I think Satanism is worship of the anti christ. I worship what is good for me. What benefits me. That is right and that is good. I like the ego. The ego: all it is is a story I have about myself.
/

I knew the hottest girl ever, her name was Danae, and she would spend thousands of dollars on stuff just for herself. It was amazing. I never would do that, I always tried to spend it on things like..I don't know, meaningful stuff. But what if the only meaning in life is I and My happiness?
Maybe to HERSELF, she was "worth it"

I know when I buy something really nie and costly for myself, I kind of FEEL unearthly, like amazing.

Sounds really vain I know its a thin line.
 
I think "I" is the greatest and highest of human things, besides money. "I", can be anyone everywhere. Anyone can say "I" and relate it to themelves. "I " as god. What about that. "I' as a religion. Marriage to the self, God as the self.



Is the only relationship that matters in life the one we have with ourselves? Answer that.

I love this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYjgh-znxB4

and this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e4JXwd7XMo


Q: How do I know I don't need a boyfriend?
A: Cause I don't have one!

I had a roommate a long time ago, in college, who used to sit in my room and say, " I just WANT to have sex!" over and over again, and sigh.. I always thought she was a little nuts and I ignored her.. every time I caught her with another guy she was pantyless with a big hairy bush visible singing away to some song, dancing in this fairy way..for some reason I was scared of her. Maybe a little envious  of her freedom. All my friends used to laugh about her and make fun of her, call her stupid. She had this one song she would listen to over and over again, it was this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-RdAzkKlXY
I thought it was such a stupid song too

I was so mean to her. I feel bad now. Its been forever since I met anyone like that I kind of miss it. Everyone is so normal these days. So prim and proper and dysfunction is the accepted norm. Its so boring to listen to.

/

I went to dinner with a girl, once, a double date at Nobu, when I was a cooked foodist. I ordered everything. She was a bartender at some club. She was so beautiful.I felt like such an idiot trying to look interested in the guy I was with. It's like if we girls didn't like these idiot boys we would be so much cooler. Anyways, she reminded me of this hot Jewish bartender in Boston I knew.

I was not gay at all, but I was so entrenched in her life. Her dog, Maddie was awesome, and she was the first girl who I knew who had fake breasts and she used to tell me to feel them. She told me stories about her boyfriend, this guy with long blonde hair who had a west african accent and how she made love to him. I remember she used to tell people lies when we went out. That she was in law school or her parents owned this magazine, or what ever. I never said anything.

/

Now my only friend is a 19 year old virgin who bothers me to no end.
Maybe if I ignore her she will go away. I hope she does not read this.

There is now a power outtage in Coconut Grove. I have to wait until power gets back on so I can make dinner. Thunder storms and rain. Here in Miami. Lots of wet weather.


I am watching Marilyn videos to pass the time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuZgkVvyV-o
so talented. On call, anytime.

I wish I could go run in the rain. I wish it was warm and I could just go and lie down on the golf course and close my eyes and when I open them, there is you there. I reach and grab you and you kiss me. I die from happiness.

Posted by Suvine at Monday, August 11. 2008
Categories: Photos
 

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  • Tuesday, August 12. 2008 Reddy wrote:
    "Sex won't give me love, sex won't give me intimacy or marriage. Sex gives nothing, sex is like sneezing, its empty and meaningless. The only meaning are stories we create about it."

    That's an amazing fact. Isn't it?
    Reply to this
    1. Tuesday, August 12. 2008 suvine wrote:
      Yes its kind of weird but I like it.
      Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 13. 2008 Aasyah wrote:
    Hi Suvine,

    Wow! you have been on some intrepid adventures I have been reading your blog from your first post through until yesterday. You are an amazing and beautiful soul with so much to give and recieve in life. We have so much in common with life and love, i was so shocked to know that i have met someone so close to my own heart & soul

    Love is a complicated and amazing emotion that never cease to bewilder us as humans. do not be afraid to express yourself and free you mind for life will bring us many tests that we must face in order to move on and grasps the next experience. You are full of life and love always express yourself.

    Keep in touch,i am here for you.
    Your Friend,

    Aasyah

    P.S Love your post of your adventures in Paris. Paris is my dream place to live, i have always wanted to live there. Paris has sparked my spirit in ways that are hard to describe in words.
    Reply to this
    1. Wednesday, August 13. 2008 suvine wrote:
      That is so nice. I love Paris, I wish I was there. French people are ok too.

      So what do you see in me that you see in yourself?
      Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 13. 2008 Cherie wrote:
    I LOVE that picture of you! It's probably the most beautiful I have seen, as your face is bright and you look happy. Good for you.

    It's amazing that you can find thes 32F - are they special order? I know when I look at stores, it's hard to find 32 anything, as they usually start at 34, at least for most of the bras. It's kind of annoying! (I'm not F, though, of course, and I imagine that's even harder/more rare)
    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 13. 2008 SI wrote:
    You look like a pin-up/Vargas girl in your picture by the pool

    http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/av0341.jpg

    http://www.thepinupfiles.com/vargas1.html
    Reply to this
    1. Wednesday, August 13. 2008 suvine wrote:
      Thank you, I will be your Vargas girl anytime
      Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 20. 2008 Alex wrote:
    I know you probably don't care about criticism or anything from anyone else - but sometimes reflection can help.

    I share a lot in common with you which is how I found your blog (atheist, libertarian, ayn rand, raw vegan enthusiast, etc)...so I decided to read some of your writing. I haven't read all of your works, because I can't stand it.

    I agree that the most important person in your life should be you - no exceptions. I agree that we are in ourselves our own God's...creators of most everything that happens to us by our thoughts and actions (and inaction) - despite being subject to our environment.

    However, I disagree with your lack of moral values pertaining to other human relationships. If you love your life so much, you'd wake up and realize that you're not the only one living. This realization should cause you to love everything in the world that is alive like you. You're supposed to love yourself more that way you work for your survival. If you love the animals so much you'd realize that humans are animals too - and that relationships with human beings (other males) - need a healthy foundation.

    Where am I going with all of this? From what I've read - despite your lack of a formal boyfriend - (which is nothing more than a title) - you seem to have two boyfriends which are unofficial. This can cause you much subconscious entanglement as well as emotion distress for both of the other parties (especially since you mention that you slept with one the night before right after you fucked the one you claim to love). Not only does it cause emotional stress for you (which can lead to physical stress) - you're playing with the hearts of two men who seem to love.

    So you're telling me - you have the right to love yourself so much that this self-obsession overpowers any morals that pertain to respecting others. Capitalism destroys equity and love for fellow life. You're like every capitalist in business, but you destroy you're own goodwill. Your business has two suppliers who can only survive with your full business, yet you run them both down by lack of loyalty.

    No one can make you comprimise your values - only you can - we can only share our opinions and beliefs - and if you actually asked XXX and this other MBH dude how they felt about it for real you'd find out that they don't want to mess up their relationships with you because your values are so narcissitic that you can't take that sort of commentary to heart.

    You love sex and yourself so much that you don't care what emotional and mental paths you destroy in those you engage with because you know in the end you will be fine with yourself if you keep telling yourself that you will be.

    Go to your neighbor and join him in the pool of reflection. Two men are fighting for you with everything they've got and you're trampling them like a horny goat. You're too concerned with your pleasure and emotional being to give half a damn about what you're doing to others.
    Reply to this
    1. Wednesday, August 20. 2008 suvine wrote:
      "You're too concerned with your pleasure and emotional being to give half a damn about what you're doing to others."

      That is what you wrote me, how can you know this as truth? you really can't and you are not in your business but mine.

      All MBH has to say is be with me and I will. All XXX has to say is the same thing. They both admitted they have other girlfriends.

      what are you talking about?

      Are you angry at me for an imagined infidelity against you?

      Who is cruel now?
      Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 20. 2008 Alex wrote:
    I guess it doesn't get posted - but if you feel like discussing what I said let me know. When a guy stares off into nothing - like the time you had sex with XXX and said you had sex with MBH the night before - it doesn't mean that hes fine with it. He's obviously trying to separate himself from his emotions or trying to rationalize something.
    Reply to this
    1. Wednesday, August 20. 2008 Suvine wrote:
      Your last post did not get posted because you did not verify your email


      Ok,  you write
      When a guy stares off into nothing - like the time you had sex with XXX and said you had sex with MBH the night before - it doesn't mean that hes fine with it.

      How do you know what anyone is thinking>? You say its obvious. But you really do not know. You can agree with that?

      HE IS NOT FINE WITH IT
      Is that true Alex? can you absolutely know that?

      I mean, its not my business or yours, its only his business.

      Let's say you know for sure that he is not fine with it, well, whose business is it still?

      If it bothered him, its his responsibility to say it bothers him, or to hide it, however he sees fit to deal with it

      I can't think for him, make decisions or even read his mind..


      I tell him all the time, " If it ever bothers you that i see other men, tell me, because I want to please you" and he assures me no this is not the case.

      he hints and flirts with the idea of us getting together, but i want this to be his decision, not mine. I actually am happy the way things are.


      He separates himself from his emotions/ Is this true Alex?
      What proof do you have?

      I think you are talking about you. If it bothered you Alex, that I was seeing someone else, you would tell me, right? And if you didn't that meant you would be separating yourself from yourself. Is this truer?

      Love Suvine
      Reply to this
  • Wednesday, August 20. 2008 Alex wrote:
    lol. No I'm not angry at you for anything against me haha why would you even conceive that idea. I was just trying to evoke more conversation on your blog about the true connection you have because it seems from your posts that you just sleep with a few different guys who seem to care about that issue - you dont address it well enough so I tried to provoke a response that clarifies it more. I mean you're telling the world or those who find it all about it. If its that much of your business then don't share it if you don't want input or other opinions.

    I'm not in your business any more than you share.

    Guess I was just venting at the whole fact that my friends are doing similar things with girls and its really causing them emotional distress - so I assumed a parallel case when I shouldn't have.

    In my opinion - a guy wouldn't flirt or hint to more attachment unless he meant it and he was looking to present you with an opportunity to match his commitment through flirting. I'm not saying everyone does it, but its just my opinion from studying human relationships.

    I really just wanted to get in your business about the fact that you insulted your best friend - no matter what the outlet - and hoped she would not find it. This comment perplexes me.

    This statement alone provokes the question:
    Do you care for your friend enough that you only want to put up with her when you need her but not when she needs you.

    I'm not saying I know anything about who XXX and MBH are - or who you are for that matter - but from the basis of your stories and how you write them it had seemed like there was a deep connection without commitment and in my moral book I believe that relationships shouldn't be tossed around so lightly, because then emotions get a little more hectic.

    I've experienced insane emotions in my life and most of them were tied to love and although not everyone experiences emotions like me I am sure that emotions do share some parallels based on instinctual brain activity. I have a tendency to overanalyze I suppose and jump to conclusions. Apologies for the cruel words. Hope things work out for the best.
    Reply to this
  • Wednesday, September 10. 2008 Aasyah wrote:
    Hi Suvine,
    First,glad to know you are doing well and not affected by the hurricane.

    secondly,I am sorry for the long pause in replying back to your question "how we are similar in love and life"

    I see some similarities in life such as being able to define the world in my own terms, by knowing where I stand and refusing to abide by the judgments of others. Viewing love as a canvas, and i am the artist who will create the love (masterpiece) i want to give and recieve with no apologies or regrets.

    I hope you can relate?

    Take care and be safe.

    Peace & Love

    Aasyah
    Reply to this
    1. Wednesday, September 10. 2008 Suvine wrote:
      yes I can relate pretty well..thank you see you around
      Reply to this
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